The War Effort

Sharing has never been something I was particularly good at or even interested in. I was an only child and it wasn't until I started school that I even needed to start thinking about it. I'm not self centered or materialistic and certainly not a Princes. But I just never took any pleasure in sharing things.

On the other hand, my husband Ray knows all about sharing. He has an older brother and they learned to share clothes, friends and most everything as they grew up together. The one thing they didn't share was career paths. Ray became a civil engineer for the city while Billy joined the Army to become a career soldier.

Having a mixed marriage, in regards to sharing, has seldom caused any problems in our brief time together. We were married almost six months before the issue even came up.

Billy was being shipped off to the Middle East because of the Afghan war. He came home on leave to say good-bye to his friends and family and take advantage of one last chance to party. I was the designated driver that night and we stopped at a few places where Billy and his old buddies would hang out. Ray wanted to take Billy to the airport in the morning so we ended up at our apartment so that Billy could sleep off the beers on our couch and be ready to go in the morning.

We found a few last beers in the fridge and when they ran out, I made some coffee and we sat around the kitchen table and relived some of the night's events. The thought of someone you loved going to war wasn't pleasant so none of us, especially Billy, wanted the night to end. But the night was ending and what started as good times with friends and funny stories slowly turned into a counting of precious hours before we needed to take him to the airport. Ray started lecturing his brother about being careful over there in Afghanistan. Billy, no longer smiling and laughing, told us that he was really afraid to be going off to war. He just sat there and looked at us.

Finally, Billy looked over at Ray and asked, "Do you know that I am still a virgin?"

Ray was really surprised and acted like Billy confessed to some crime of the century.

He kept saying, "Oh man, I can't believe it!"

"I never would've known!"

"You're kidding me, right?"

He kept on like that for several minutes and I was getting embarrassed for Billy. Ray's comments were doing little to make him feel better.

I thought that I needed to say something, if only to shut Ray up.

"So what! I don't see what the big deal is. Actually Billy, I sort of admire you for it. You just haven't found the right girl yet. I'm sure you will and when you do, this will all seem pretty unimportant."

He thought about what I said for a second.

"Thanks Beth but I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I might get shot or even killed over there without ever getting a piece of ass."

My mind started spinning as I tried to think of an appropriate reply. While I was thinking, Billy's blue eyes became darker and he had a shocked look on his face.

"Oh Beth, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say it like that. What I meant was that I've never been with a woman where we went, you know, like all the way."

I still wasn't quite sure how best to react so I just smiled at him and looked over at Ray, hoping that he would change the subject. But diplomacy was never one of Ray's strong points so he started telling Billy how shocked he was again.

"Oh man, I can't believe it!"

"I never would've known!"

"You're kidding me, right?"

We were married long enough at the time that Ray was pretty good at reading my body language and it was telling him to either shut up or change the subject.

The three of us sat there and looked into our coffee cups.

But Ray is a good brother and he loves his brother. He needed to say something to help him out.

"What you need to do now is just quit thinking about this."

Billy was still staring at his coffee after Ray's words of wisdom. So he kept talking.

"Sex is overrated. It isn't like what you see in the movies. You gotta get your mind off this and think about something else."

I was a little taken aback to hear my husband announce that our erotic moments together were overrated. Ray looked at me and I looked at him and although I didn't say anything, his eyes told me that he wished he could take back his little speech. He knew that he was in a danger zone. He has experience in such zones and I am sure he was starting to worry about what I was thinking. To his credit, I think he also decided that he shouldn't try to BS a brother, especially one who was going off to war.

"Maybe we should talk about something else," Ray said.

We did but not much was changing the mood in the room and you could see that Billy was still preoccupied with his fears about going off to war.

"Let's listen to some music. Hey soldier, wanna dance with me? "

I put on a CD but Billy really wasn't much of a dancer. His style was high school prom night and having your brother-in-law's hands on your ass was not what I had in mind. I wasn't sure if Ray was noticing what was happening because he seemed preoccupied in reading the fine print on the bear bottle label.

I thought that a second dance wouldn't be a good idea so I suggested that we turn on the TV and see if we couldn't find something to watch. We couldn't afford cable on our budget so we went through the local channels and the only things available were infomercials or religious shows.

"I got an idea!" said Ray and he pulled out the only movie we owned, a gift he received from his bachelor party.

"Are you nuts? That's a sex movie! I don't think he needs to watch that with the way he is feeling tonight. How's that going to make him feel better?"

"Thanks Beth but I remember it from the party and it wasn't all that bad. Besides, it beats watching some commercial for car wax. I don't think I'll be waxing my car for a couple of years."

So Ray put the DVD in the machine and the movie was even worse than I remembered. The actors didn't say much other than grunts and moans and the women all looked to have ten pounds of silicon in each breast. I was sitting between Ray and Billy and watching a movie that was so bad that I was probably at risk of becoming a lesbian.

Billy spoke first. "This film really does suck, doesn't it?"

"It sure does! Turn it off Ray. It really is bad. There has to be something better to do. Why don't I make some sandwiches?" I got up, walked to the kitchen and started some grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches. I wasn't very accomplished in the kitchen back then but my darling Ray never complained about the lack of variety at the dinner table.

I set the plates up at the table and called the guys but they never answered me. I went into our living room and Ray and Billy were still talking on the couch while the movie was playing. They both looked up at me when I said, "Guys! The sandwiches are ready."

Both had sort of a strange look on their faces as if they were surprised to see me or something but I thought it was probably just the late hour. I had a fresh pot of coffee so I poured each of us a cup and we sat down to eat.

The conversation got back to Billy and his predicament of going off to war as a virgin. I felt for him and told him that there were lots of girls at work who would be thrilled to have a boy friend just like him. I promised him that I would introduce him to one of them when he came back home on his first leave. I kicked Ray when he mentioned that a blind date sometime in the future wouldn't do much for Billy this evening.

It seemed that with every positive thing that I said, Ray would answer with a negative. He was starting to irritate me because I was trying to make his brother feel better and he kept ruining it. Finally, after Billy left the table to use the bathroom, I asked Ray if we couldn't talk for a minute in private. He nodded and we went into our bedroom and closed the door.

Before I had a chance to say anything, Ray looked at me and asked, "Do you know what would really make him feel better? After all, the poor guy is going off to get shot at and I really think we need to do something for him. Don't you agree? We need to do something tonight to get his mind off of his problem?"

"I hope you are not thinking that I should start calling up my friends to see if we can't find someone to get him laid tonight!" I exclaimed.

"Nah, nothing like that."

I was getting a little exasperated at the conversation.

"Well, what then? Its two o'clock in the morning!"

"Well, I hope you don't freak out or anything; but when you were in the kitchen, He told me that he would rather watch you and me instead of those people in that movie."

"What?"

"Well...you know...he's staying here tonight...maybe we could leave the bedroom door open and he could watch us...you know...get it on. He told me that he thinks you are really hot. He thinks that you look far better than any of those women in the movie."

Ray said all this while looking a little sheepish.

"It would be just like if he was watching the movie. It is sort of a guy thing I suppose. You might not understand."

"And this is okay with you?"

"Well ...he is my brother. I suppose that if there is anything that I could do to make him feel better, I...we should try to do it for him on his last night before he gets shipped out."

There were a thousand thoughts running through my head and there were at least several of them that Ray needed to hear. But we heard Billy moving about in the apartment so Ray went back in the living room.

It's was nice to hear that you are "hot" but with everything that was discussed, Billy was the last person I wanted to hear that from. Besides, it was too late in the evening for that to be a compliment. I remembered that old joke about how women in bars start to look better as the clock speeds towards closing time and the number of drinks increases. I might be flattering myself, but I always thought that my appearance was probably somewhere between 8 and 9 PM and no more than two drinks. Stiff drinks perhaps, but certainly not more than two.

I went to join the guys and found both of them sitting on the couch talking. I didn't want to sit down next to them so I sat on the chair on the other side of the room while Ray and Billy continued talking about the Chicago Bears. I was just sitting there and not saying much when Billy looked over at me and said, "Hey Beth, I hope I didn't insult you or anything. I guess my idea of watching was kind of stupid. I'm probably not thinking too clearly right now with everything that I'm facing."

I was still a little numb from Ray's suggestion and although I didn't feel angry, I must have been furious at both of them because why else would I have said?

"Well, maybe it really is a guy thing and I just don't understand. But why would you be satisfied with just watching? It seems to me that the real problem is that you are obsessed with this thought of your virginity. Since I'm the only woman here, I guess it's my job to help you out. If it is okay with Ray, you and I could spend the night together in our bedroom. This is all sort of weird, but considering what you will be going through in the weeks ahead, I'll do my part to help you with this. Oh course, it's up to Ray. I don't know if he would want to spend the night sleeping on the couch."

Talk about breaking the ice. Ray tried to appear calm and cool but something must have been stuck in his throat because I could see his Adam's apple going up and down. Billy had better control of his Adam's apple but his eyes got real large and he glanced over at Ray. Both guys were looking at each other with their mouths open. I was sitting there trying not to smirk although I did feel that I was totally in control of the whole messy situation.

Ray turned his head to avoid Billy's stare and looked at me while he asked, "Why would anyone have to sleep on the couch? Our bed is big enough for three."

"Oh Ray, I'm still a blushing bride. You don't expect me to do something as kinky as having a threesome do you? I couldn't do that."

I then looked at Billy and told him, "I hope you are not getting the wrong idea about this. Ray told me how this is bothering you. He said that we have to make you feel better before you go fight over there in Afghanistan. This would be a one time only thing and hopefully we would all keep this as our little secret."

The room got pretty quiet and the three of us just sat there without wanting to look at each other. Billy sat on one end of the couch looking at the rug, Ray was sitting at the other end looking at everything except the rug and I was on the chair with my legs pressed tightly together so that the guys couldn't see them shaking. Regardless of what I said, spending the night with Billy wasn't really something that I wanted to go through with. If Ray would have just stood up and told his brother to forget the whole thing, I would have jumped up and gave him a high five to celebrate our return to normalcy.

But Ray just sat there; looking dazed.

Finally, I stood up and announced that it was a long day and I was going to take a shower to wash some of the day's grime off. "Why don't you guys make a decision and let me know what you want to do. And don't go getting any weird ideas like orgies or watching me put on a live sex show. This is only about helping Billy and his problem and it is only about tonight. Nothing more!"

I went in the bedroom, closed the door and sat on the bed thinking about what just happened. I was really mad at Ray for putting me in that position and since I couldn't think of one plausible explanation he could use to get me to forgive him, I thought that I should probably sit there for a while and try to pull together my emotions.

After a while, I went to the closet to find something to wear. There wasn't a lot of privacy in our small apartment so I found a pair of flannel pajamas and my terry cloth robe and I walked to the bathroom to take my shower. When I finished, I went back into the living room and found Billy and Ray still sitting in the same spot that I left them in.

"Well guys, what did you decide to do? It's getting pretty late and we can't sit up all night. Billy has a flight to catch in the morning."

Billy first looked at Ray and then at me and asked," Did you really mean what you said? You know, about going to bed with me."

"Well yeah, I did. Look Billy, personally I think it is all kind of stupid. You are a young guy and I am sure that you will have plenty of opportunities in the future to get a piece of ass as you so delicately put it. I know that Ray loves you and would do anything for you. If going to bed with you is what it will take to make you feel better, then that is what we'll do. Don't read anything more into it because it's not there."

I should have been feeling sorry for Ray because he was obviously not very comfortable with the conversation. But he was the one who started this and I was still irritated that he put me in the situation we were in. I decided that he was the one who was going to have to get us out of it and I wasn't going to be the naysayer and give him an easy out.

Billy looked over at Ray and said, "This is going to have to be up to you, she is your wife."

Three cheers for Billy! I thought. Poor Ray wanted a naysayer in the worst way and now that the second potential naysayer bowed out, my poor husband had no one left to make a decision for him. I, of course, was feeling no sympathy for him.

"I can't believe this is happening!" Ray looked at me while running his fingers through his hair before asking, "You actually want to fuck my brother?"

"Don't twist things around Ray. This has absolutely nothing to do with what I want. You and him started this whole thing and put me in the middle. What were your exact words? Oh yes, I think they were, 'We really need to do something to help the guy.' This is all about Billy and you, this isn't about me."

I was surprised at how calm my words were because my emotions were just churning inside. And there were all kinds of emotions. There were the scary ones thinking about what all this might do to Ray and me and our relationship together. And then there was Billy. I felt close to him and I really liked him. But being intimate with him was something entirely different. It would change the way we acted around each other for ever. There was also the sex. Up until that point, any experiences I had with sex have always been spontaneous but this was different. There we were sitting in our living room and negotiating about it as if it was some type of business deal.

Sitting there, I also had to admit that I was incredibly turned on. Sitting in a room with two men and not knowing who I'd be sharing our bed with was an erotic thought. Even more erotic was knowing that one of the men was a virgin. I'm still not sure exactly what that had to do with it, but the way my body was reacting left little doubt that I was responding to all of it. My nipples were so hard, they almost hurt. I tightened the robe around me because I was sure that they would be poking out through my PJ's and I didn't want to advertise my hussyness to the two guys.

"Guys, it is really getting late and I'm going to bed. It's your decision who follows me in there. Whoever it is, show me a little respect and make sure you close the door. Don't take too long to decide because I might fall asleep."

I got up, wiggled my fingers "bye-bye" at them and I was going to smile, but the muscles in my face were too tight and I gave them something between a frown and a smirk. I walked in the bedroom and closed the door.

Closing the door to our bedroom made me suddenly feel all alone. No more than just a couple of hours ago, the three of us were sitting in our apartment having a wonderful time. We were laughing at each other's funny stories, reminiscing about past events and gossiping about mutual friends. I'm not much of a beer drinker. Maybe I'll have one during some social event or during a baseball game. But even then, one beer will last me pretty much through an entire evening. But that night, I had several and kept up with the guys. Maybe it was just the beer or maybe it was just the general mood of the evening. But there was some type of bonding going on with us that night and it was almost as if I became one of the guys. I liked that feeling. It was like we were three buddies.

But then something changed. It might have been watching that dumb movie that made their testosterone levels start to increase. I don't have any testosterone and it became pretty clear that although I might have felt like one of the guys, like one of the buddies, they certainly didn't think of me that way. This was only about Ray and Billy. I was only involved because of what I could give them, how they could use me. The "three buddies" idea dissolved pretty quickly once they decided on what they wanted. Billy didn't want to watch his brother making love to me. He wanted to watch me get fucked. Real buddies don't want to watch each other get fucked.

Standing there in the bedroom, I could hear and feel my heart beating. I also felt a pressure in my stomach as if something in my gut was pressing down on my womb. I don't think the idea of having sex with Billy was causing this. I wasn't a virgin when I married Ray. I wasn't even a virgin when I met Ray. Having sex with a man other than Ray wouldn't be something new to me and cause me to feel this way. This was something new, something different from anything that I ever experienced before.

I started wondering about what I should do next. Should I just wait there for one of them to come in the bedroom or should I get in bed? If I got in bed, I thought that I should probably take my robe off but I wasn't sure about my pajamas. I never wear my bra at night but I did have my panties on. Should I take those off also?