I slept soundly and alone until around midnight. I wasn't sure if the thunderstorm woke me or if it was a gradual intensifying of my subconscious thoughts that provoked me from slumber.
I slipped into my secret corridor, stopping halfway along to watch lightning strikes hitting enormous rods projecting upward from New York's tallest buildings.
Rain lashed my window, beading quickly and running down the glass like rivulets of icy cold, but although I shivered, wearing only a pink with gold lace silk negligee, I knew it was warm outside.
In my study room, I pulled a few books from the shelf and began reading case law about surrogacy. I needed to brush up and understand where my life was headed regarding potential pitfalls.
A heavy knock at my study room door startled me, and I lifted my head from a book, seeing drool that had dribbled onto the wooden desk surface while I slept.
It was 7 a.m., and I'd fallen asleep.
I shuffled to the door, still half asleep, opened it, and was surprised by the beaming woman on the other side, wearing her gym attire.
"Hi, Amy. I worried you didn't show up at the gym this morning. Is everything okay?"
"Hannah... yeah, sorry, hi. I feel drowsy. Can you give me an hour, please?"
"Make it two because I need to finish my session. Maybe I'll see you in the kitchen later for coffee."
"Yeah, maybe."
Fuck, why did I agree to meet?
I had University lectures starting mid-morning and needed time to revise beforehand, so I quickly showered and groomed, availing myself of the beautiful study gift and getting up to speed on a lecture about indigenous people's rights.
Wearing my signature jeans with a pink t-shirt and sneakers, I got to the kitchen a few minutes after Hannah had, considering the wisdom of that choice, as soon as I saw her looking a little sad.
"Late studying last night, Amy?"
"Yeah, and I have to revise again now, so I have about half an hour before I leave for lectures."
"I missed you this morning at the gym."
"After one meeting?"
"Sorry, yeah... it's kinda lonely here, and I felt we connected."
I can't connect with you.
"Do you have any friends, Hannah?"
"Only athletes, so the conversation usually revolves around cadence, calorific intake, and which coaches hit on you the most."
"Sounds awful. Do coaches hit on you a lot?"
"Yep. They see the body, like the face, enjoy the engagement in personal matters like my menstrual cycle and hormone levels, and then dive right in feeling that I must need comforting and support."
"I'm sure yoga pants have prompted many pregnancies."
"Yeah. Maybe you should wear them all day."
She giggled nervously, and I followed suit politely, but I strictly applied my prime directive, steering clear of any discussion that probed deep into her business or mine.
Don't become friends, Amy.
"Could we become friends, Amy?"
Oh fuck!
"Umm, Hannah... it's not that I wouldn't like to. You're an iconic sportswoman I greatly admire, but surely you must see a conflict of interest."
"In what way?"
"Okay, let's try honesty. You want to become my friend because you're lonely but also to bring you closer to Victor."
"That's true in the first part, not so much in the second."
I admired her honesty and that Hannah's body language and expression showed no defensiveness or hostility. I wasn't calling her out, but being forthright was the only way to survive in this eclectic, almost bizarre household.
"It doesn't mean we can't be friends, although I know Victor would prefer me to leave."
"And there you have it, Hannah... it's none of my business, and what you just said is completely innocent girl talk, but it's kryptonite for me."
"Isn't that a tad dramatic?"
"I don't think so."
"Can you spell it out for me, Amy, because it just feels hurtful."
I sipped my coffee, thinking of the best analogy to make my point. Hannah was a lovely person I didn't want to hurt, but it increasingly occurred that I was the only one in the household fully considering my child's needs.
"When I leave here, Victor and I will stay in touch. If my child ever has a medical emergency and doctors need to understand my history or, god forbid, an organ donor is required, I can step up."
"What does that have to do with befriending me?"
"That's the only contact I want to have with my child."
"I still don't see the connection with my problem that you won't become a friend."
"If my child wants to know me when they reach adulthood, there are provisions in Victor's contract with me to provide for that. It will be their choice."
"Okay, and you're worried a friendship between you and me might prompt that?"
"Exactly. You and I become friends for the next year, and then twenty years after that, you're sitting here with my child, spinning yarns about my pregnancy, telling them how wonderful I am."
"Prompting her to track you down?"
"Her?"
"You'll have a daughter, Amy. I'm certain of it."
"I doubt I'm even pregnant yet."
"You're ovulating, though. Through my sport, I'm an expert in women's menstrual cycles, so I can tell. When is your next period?"
"Thirteen days from now."
"You're at the height of fertility."
Exactly the conversation I didn't want to have.
"Forgive me; I must leave now, Hannah."
"I want you to know I'm weaning myself off Victor."
"Okay, but It's none of my business sweetie."
I almost sprinted away from Hannah, careful neither to befriend or offend. When Greg pulled the car out front, and I slipped in, the early morning rush hour gave me time to think.
I need to manage sex with Victor and my cycle a lot better.
This month is probably a washout, but I should try harder and fuck him more frequently.
That's why he wants me to control our sexual contact.
How could I be so obtuse? He made the point over and over.
I cursed my lack of preparedness, resolving to figure out a copulation calendar to discuss with Victor. At school, I went directly to the empty lecture hall assigned, took up residence in the middle, and began revising a few final points of law.
The class discussed First Nation rights using Australia, rather than our own country, as a case example. Professor Henderson was a favorite scholar of mine and pointed at me, always keen to drag his students into the debate.
"Why am I using Australia for this study example, Amy?"
"We are mostly Americans and have formed opinions around our specific cultural challenges regarding indigenous rights."
"Absolutely correct. Anything else?"
"The situation in Australia is very different, which adds complexities, frictions, and possible litigious aspects we don't have here."
"Profoundly correct, my dear. Well done."
Our lecture went well, and his cheerleading squad surrounded Professor Henderson at the end as I gathered my things to leave. He raised a hand, waving at me, shouting across the hall.
