I, Connor Hager, had been married to Valera Hager, nee Martinelli, for only six months when as 23 years-old we moved into a garden apartment complex in Northern Virginia. The complex included seven two story buildings having substantially the same layout, a swimming pool, a recreation center, and a small maintenance building. Some of the buildings were new, but the apartment that we moved into, #205 in building A, was among the oldest. Valera had come from a wealthy family and me from a middle class one. We met in college where I was on a lacrosse scholarship.
In some ways Valera and I were mismatched. In addition to the wealth of our parents there were physical and personality differences. I am big (six feet four inches, 225 pounds) and had only dated large women before Valera; she is small (five feet three inches, 115 pounds) and had never date a guy taller than six feet before me. I got a degree in business administration; she got a degree in graphic arts. I loved sports; she tolerated them. She loved opera, I hated it. However, we were of equal intelligence, loved kayaking and other outdoor activities (as long as we weren't camping), and we both loved stage plays and the same types of books and movies.
I did think that Valera had some drawbacks -- just like she probably thought that I did.
The first drawback was that her family was in my view overprotective and she either didn't recognize that or didn't care. After I proposed and she accepted I had to make it crystal clear to her parents -- primarily her father Vito -- that we would NOT be accepting money from them aside from normal gifts at appropriate gift giving times. Valera didn't understand that, but since it was really important to me she went along with it, and her mother Gina eventually seemed to admire me for it.
The second drawback was that she was the jealous type, and not particularly trusting. If I had known how "radical" these personality traits were before we got married there would have been a pre-nuptial confrontation and who knows how that would have come out. I only learned a month to six weeks after the wedding about the two instances that occurred after we got engaged but before we got married. The first I was told about by an ex-girlfriend of mine when I by chance ran into her before we moved to Northern Virginia, and the second her mother Gina let slip when I was talking with her one-on-one.
Kate, my ex-girlfriend, had dumped me a year before I met Valera. She wasn't brutal about it, and I understood her reasoning, especially since she was two years older than I was. Valera knew about her -- obviously after doing some investigation because I rarely mentioned her -- and approached her to get her to "test" me. I don't know all of the reasons why Kate agreed to help Valera, but based upon the information I got I do know that it involved the exchange of some money and other consideration, probably a job interview that Valera's father Vito setup for her. Anyway, regardless of how it came about Kate visited me when I was at home on a break from school after Valera and I gotten engaged and begged me to take her back. She even tried what had previously been a sure-fired seduction technique. I never even seriously considered it even though I still had feelings for Kate, and shot her down.
In the event inadvertently revealed by Gina I found out that at Valera's urging Vito hired a "relationship testing" firm to test me with their top female operative. I found it strange that when I was alone at a minor league baseball game (because Valera cancelled at the last minute) that a woman any hetero male would consider a 10 hit on me. She was subtle but really provocative at the same time. While I was very pleasant to her I made it clear that I wasn't interested -- which seemed to somewhat shock her.
Oh -- I almost forgot -- despite her drawbacks Valera had one other thing going for her.
Gina had Valera when she was twenty one. The saying is so overused that it is trite, but in this case true -- Gina looked like Valera's older sister, not her mother. I'm a believer in "Look at your wife's mother because that's what she'll look like in twenty years." If, as I believe, it's true, I would be one happy guy twenty years from now if still married to Valera because Gina is as hot as a Roman Candle. Also, after a few rough patches at the start I really got along well with Gina, although I never got along with Vito.
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In our apartment building there were eight units on the second floor, #s 201-208. In #206, immediately across the hall from us, lived Ron and Eva Miller, a couple that we commonly exchanged greeting with but weren't actually friends with.
Eva Miller could easily be mistaken for Valera from the back especially since her hair was the same color brown as Valera's (even with auburn highlights) and they both wore their hair shoulder length, and her bubble butt was almost identical to Valera's. I subsequently found out that Eva was exactly Valera's height with an almost identical shape except that she was five pounds heavier, and it seemed that all of that extra weight was in her tits. They were probably the largest I had ever seen live on a 5 foot 3 inch tall otherwise slim woman. Her face was much different than Valera's however; even though she was decent looking Valera's face is significantly more beautiful (Valera's face looks just like that of the famous Italian model Monica Bellucci when she was Valera's age). Also Eva is about five years older than Valera and I are.
Ron is a five foot eight or nine thin good looking guy about the same age as Eva.
The party that resulted in the title of this story occurred at the end of April about two weeks after we had moved into our apartment. There was a real hot spell, and the old HVAC equipment in Building A had not been switched over to air conditioning, or otherwise was not working, because our apartment was stifling as we got ready to go to a party in Building G, the newest in the complex, where the air conditioning was working. The party was hosted by a couple that we knew in college and had moved to our complex a year before we had (in fact it was on their recommendation that we looked here). The party was at 7:00 p. m. on a Friday, so I assumed that there would be significant food there; I was wrong.
I kept waiting for food to be served, but only snacks were: pretzels, potato chips, and a few nuts that were quickly snarfed up. What were served were rum swizzles, which was likely the tastiest drink that I had ever had.
I normally rarely drink alcohol. In fact if I have two beers or one rum and coke I universally cut myself off. Because of that, before that Friday night at the end of April I had never been drunk in my life.
It was a really lively and fun party, without a single asshole, everyone was in a good mood, and the swizzles didn't taste like they had any alcohol at all in them. That meant that I got totally wasted for the first time in my life. Valera was feeling no pain either. We were both so drunk that the host and hostess had to help us back to our apartment, fortunately a short walk.
Valera and I were even too bombed to shower. As hot as it was, we did apparently take off all of our clothes and lay on top of the bed.
I woke up sometime in the early morning hours, most likely about 3 a. m., with the urgent need to pee. I got up, exited the bedroom, and turned left -- the direction the bathroom door was in the apartment we were in for a few months before we moved to Northern Virginia. Unfortunately in Apartment #205 the bathroom door was to the right. In my drunken stupor I opened the first door that I came to on the left, and it wasn't until I heard it "click" behind me that I realized that I was standing in the hallway of our apartment building, stark naked and locked out of my apartment.
I tried knocking on the door to wake Valera, but being drunk herself she wasn't responding. I did have the wherewithal not to literally pound the door -- not that it would have helped anyway -- since that could wake the rest of the tenants and expose my naked ass to them.
