My encounter with Eric got me to thinking about another old friend who I had lost touch with over the years. Not that I ever really stopped thinking about him ...
No matter how hard I tried ...
Jamie was a former co-worker who I almost instantly felt like I'd known for years. He became a dear friend and during a time when my marriage was on the rocks, a regular confidante. He was always ready to listen as I poured out my frustrations and since his girlfriend was just as jealous and controlling as my husband, we could talk about a lot of things from a "been there, done that" perspective that a lot of people simply wouldn't understand.
He always seemed to know just when to offer suggestions, and when I just needed someone to listen. When he did offer advice, it was from a genuine caring and simple logic that put things into perspective for me many times. If that didn't make me feel better, he also had a warped sense of humor that almost always made me laugh, even at times when I really didn't want to.
We became closer as time went on and we shared more and more of our deepest feelings. We were never actually intimate, but as the feelings grew between us, the jokes about running off to the Bahamas together started to sound more and more like a good idea and I found myself wondering if I should have married him, instead. We would have almost certainly gotten along better ...
People around us started to notice the bond growing between us; especially Jamie's girlfriend, who was almost insanely jealous and that made me feel more than a little guilty about the feelings I was keeping carefully hidden inside, convincing myself that this was a line I didn't want to cross and that maybe it was better if I didn't know for sure whether he was hiding the same feelings for me.
In the end, I let my own doubts and fears get the better of me and sent him out of my life, for the sake of my marriage, rather than admit what my true feelings for him were.
It was a decision I have regretted it ever since ....
The heart ache was tremendous, so I transferred to a different department so I wouldn't have to see him every day and did my best to avoid him on the occasions when our paths did cross over the years; but even years later, I was like a giddy school girl, my heart still pounding for a couple hours afterward when I did see him.
Here I was, fifteen years later. My marriage hasn't gotten any better, so I have really missed the long heart-to-heart talks we used to have when Mike got on one of his kicks. Despite my best efforts to bury my feelings for him and put the whole thing behind me, the ache of that one empty little corner of my heart just would not go away. Without ever having so much as held my hand, Jamie had touched my very soul in a way that no one ever had and that made him unforgettable.
One day I was on Face book and got to wondering if Jamie was on there. I searched under the name of the company we had both worked for all those years ago, and there he was ....
This, of course, created a new dilemma. Even as I laughed as he joked with a lady in Canada about how he was going to send them all our mosquitoes in the spring if they didn't keep "their" cold air on "their" side of the border, I couldn't help but wonder if I really wanted to open that Pandora's Box of feelings again. He was apparently still single, but I had no way to know whether he still wanted to talk to me, or even if he remembered me after all these years. Besides, even if I wanted to, I didn't dare add him to my friend list where Mike might see it.
I didn't know what to do and tried to put it out of my mind, but the wheels were turning. I struggled with it alone until one night when I was having coffee with an old friend. Penny knew something was bothering me, and no matter how much I kept telling her nothing was wrong, she knew me too well and wasn't about to let me slide by without giving her a real answer. After she gave me some gentle prodding and I gave her a lot of hemming and hawing, I finally broke down and laid it all out for her.
After listening patiently to the whole story, she regarded me for a long moment with those piercing blue eyes.
"Pat, I have to tell you that I'm only surprised it has taken this long to boil over," she said in a gentle mothering voice. "I've known both of you for a long time and I remember always being able to tell when the two of you had had a good laugh together because you would both have this glow about you for the rest of the day. I kept waiting for the two of you to admit what the rest of us already knew and ride off into the sunset on his Harley."
Pausing to take another drink of her coffee, she continued, "I also remember how heart breaking it was to see both of you so miserable after you sent him out of your life. Whether you wanted to admit it or not, you had both lost your best friend. Both of you were afraid to admit to the feelings between you, and each in your own way, ran away from it when you really should have been running away together. Was it really worth it in the end?"
"But I'm married."
"Yes, but you know as well as I do that playing by the rules isn't always the best answer. Remember, Mark and I were both married when we met, too." she said. "None of that really matters in the end. What really matters is the feeling between you, and the two of you were in love just as surely as Mark and I are. Remember telling me that, even from thirty miles away, he knew within a few minutes what time Mike came in from the fields? That kind of connection between people is rare. If there is such a thing as a soul mate, the two of you were it; and anybody who saw the two of you together knew that. Why do you think there were rumors about the two of you? No matter how much the two of you tried to deny it, we could all see the love between you."
"But I don't even know if he remembers me," I said, knowing in my heart that it was more an excuse than a fact.
"I haven't seen him for a few years, so I don't know where he is or what he's doing these days; but you were very good for each other and I think it safe to say he hasn't forgotten that. Send him an e-mail and see what happens. At worst, he won't respond, but I think he will be happy to hear from you."
After a couple days of debate, I finally broke down and sent him a quick e-mail to test the waters.
Two days passed. Then three, with no response ....
Finally, on the fourth day, I got a response. I was so nervous I could barely bring myself to open the message, but was greeted with a cheery, "Hey stranger!! It's been a long time. How are you?"
Over the next few weeks, the e-mails progressed to cell phone conversations (working nights helped keep those long conversations under Mike's radar) until we finally agreed to meet at a truck stop about sixty miles away.
It was a bright sunny morning the day of the meeting, and I was trembling with anticipation. Trying to relax with a hot bath, I kept thinking about the pleasures yet to come, getting hornier as time went on. Seeking some much needed relief, I began running my hands down my body and up again to my breasts, savoring the feeling as my grasping fingers found the hard nubs of my nipples.
Imagining Jamie standing in the doorway stroking his cock while he watched, I brought one nipple up to my mouth, flicking my tongue across it, then repeated with the other one. As the passion rose, I continued the imaginary show, one hand holding a nipple to my lips, while the other slowly slid down my body until it found its destination between my widely spread legs. Once there, I slid a couple fingers between my lips, imagining that it was his tongue exploring my soft folds before moving up to tease my swollen clit.
Imagining him moving into the sixty-nine position, I sucked hard on the phantom cock in my mouth while my roaming fingers stood in for his probing tongue as I imagined him licking and sucking my clit until the tingling sensation signaled the beginning of my impending orgasm. Slipping a couple fingers deep inside, I imagined his cock pumping in and out of me as my orgasm continued to intensify until we exploded together in a blinding flash of light. My whole body shuddered over and over as a tidal wave of sensation washed over, leaving me limp and breathless
Finishing my bath, I stood nude in front of the mirror and took a good look at myself. After forty years and three children, my curves were a little softer and fuller than they used to be, and my breasts were a little saggy but still fairly firm and full, with long nipples that stood out proudly, begging to be sucked and fondled. It wasn't a model's body I saw in the mirror by any means, but Eric certainly seemed to think I still had plenty to offer a potential lover and I hoped Jamie would agree.
I had a lot of time to think about things on the way to the truck stop; time to think about how different it felt from my previous adventures. Before, the plan was simple and clear cut: We would get together for an afternoon of raw, uninhibited passion and then we both walk away, no strings attached, and go about our everyday lives. This time, I was going to meet the only man I have seriously thought about leaving my husband for, and that put a whole different spin on where this might be going. This encounter might change my life dramatically and I still wasn't sure that was what I wanted.
As the raw excitement of what I was planning struggled against the guilt, the little niggling doubts started setting in .... What if, after all the build-up, he doesn't show up? What if the spark we had isn't still there after being apart for fifteen years? I just couldn't help but wonder if I hadn't missed the chance at true love for the sake of a crumbling marriage.
Just as I was about to talk myself out of this meeting, a dedication came on the radio, "From Jamie to Pat", like he knew just when the pivotal moment would come. Loverboy came on with a song that described my situation almost perfectly, putting words to the feelings I hadn't dared admit, even to myself. As the song came to an end, the refrain repeated in my head over and over:
"I hope you're with me
I hope you're with me when it's over ....."
As I walked into the truck stop, I was so nervous I could barely stand and walk, or talk at all. All I could think about was the fact that, after so many years apart, the time had finally come for us to meet face to face.
All my doubts melted away as he met me at the door with a big hug. When he released me from his arms, I took a step back for a better look at him. He had grown a goatee since I had last seen him, and his hair was a littler grayer and a lot longer than I remembered, making him look more like an old biker than an ex-Marine, but the chemistry between us was still just as strong as it had ever been.
We sat down in a booth, and when the waitress came over, he ordered steaks for the two of us. "... and ..." He continued, as the waitress stood there waiting, a little too expectantly. "The special."
The almost giddy reaction of the waitress as she bounded off told me something was up; and seeing my questioning look, he just smiled, "You'll see...."
After a few minutes, the sound of Willie Nelson was replaced with that of Jefferson Airplane and Jamie started singing along, "Do you want somebody to love? D-o-o-o-o you need somebody to love?"
"You're always full of surprises!! Don't tempt me, Jamie. You just might get it." At this point, there was no question in my mind that he was still the man I had fallen in love with all those years ago.
