I was awakened midday by loud incessant knocking finding an empty bottle of Heineken still in my grasp. I scratched my head planting the bottle on the bedside table, feeling it cranially as the rapping continued. Part of me wondered if I shouldn't get my pistol out of the closet. I was worried it might be my wife's boyfriend looking for a confrontation and there was no way I was gonna contribute to the brutish ego of a thug. Besides, I didn't feel like calling up my lawyer after the fact, so I resolved to gauge the situation as it unfurled. Marline had only been out of the house for a little under thirty hours after being discovered and outed having an affair with a gang banger. I pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms, half limping to the door.
"Ah shit." My wife's current BFF and running buddy Nichelle, was standing outside my door.
Nichelle Williams was this sister that my wife had become fast friends with six months ago when she took a new job at this shady call center. She was a dark skinned woman supposedly half Nigerian, but I didn't see any evidence of that heritage because she seemed rough hewn and tragically stereotypical. A loud mouthed, vulgarity spewing stereotype in the worst way with a few kids that she liked to leave with my wife on occasion to hook up with various "Pookie and Ray Ray" types.
Nichelle besides being an unrepentant, abrasive loud mouth was decidedly slim thick. I suppose this was her allure to the thuggish guys she occasionally hooked up with and I can't lie; there were times when I'd noticed her apple bottom, too. You just couldn't get past her stank attitude and excessive use of blue language. The rapping at my door got more excessive, worrying me that my neighbors would get a public minstrel show when I decided to open the door. Luckily, the screen door was still locked.
"Uhm, yeah good morning." I greeted her with a yawn at the end of the sentence.
"GHUUUDDD MOOO-NIN, GHUUD MOEEEE-NIN!!" It sounded like she was doing a bad imitation of my voice. Nichelle was getting off to an early start this fine Saturday morning.
"Ma'am, do you need medical attention; I think you're having a stroke with that slurred speech."
"EX-CUSE ME?!!"
"Is your hearing going too, Nichelle? I can call up the paramedics if you're having a thing?" I trolled her with an earnest tone.
"HA-HA-HA!!" She tried the screen door finding it locked.
"I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and personal savior, Nichelle." She stopped looking at me almost cross eyed through the screen door.
"HUH?!"
"You're a Jehovah Witness right; that's why you're here at my door this morning? I was just reiterating that I don't need any Watchtowers, or nothing."
"I came for my girl's stuff."
"She left drugs in here, too?"
I didn't see any reason not to stop trolling the angry woman standing at my front door with enough unwarranted entitlement to try my door handle like she lived in the place. Nichelle's face reminded me of a combination of the young version of actress N'Bushe Wright and retired porn actress Beauty Dior. The last six months of my failed marriage had really gotten me into some serious porn, if you really need an explanation for that description. She was wearing these braids, Ghana styled that added to her overall look.
"Open the door, nigga."
"Are you, alone?"
"What, you scared or something? You worried some brothers out here waiting to hem that ass up for being all foul with my girl?"
"No, I'd just like to know what type of weapon to use. Regular Glock or maybe, I could bust out the Lupara I got from my neighbor Sanchez, down the way." I unlocked the door walking over to my coffee table grabbing the remote.
"You ain't got no gun." Nichelle opened the screen door walking into my living room unfazed by the implied potential for gunplay.
"You ain't got no niggas, either." I turned on my flatscreen finding an episode of the Herculoids playing on one of my streaming services.
"So, I hope you ain't been going through her stuff all up in your feelings. I'm gonna pack her things and take them over to her mother's house."
"So." I shrugged turning up the television in an attempt to show Nichelle how little I cared.
She rolled her eyes stalking off to my bedroom to conduct her mission. I noticed she was wearing this juvenile halter top and some vintage gym shorts that left little to the imagination. Specifically, her cheeks were peeking out at me.
I walked into my kitchen area fishing out a box of cereal and a couple of beers. It had been a good forty eight hours since the situation with my wife blew up in my face. I'd smartly taken some vacation time to recoup and plan my divorce. I had an appointment with a lawyer in a few days, so I was observing the time honored tradition of a substantial drunk to dull lingering bruised feelings.
"YOU GOT SOME BOXES?!!"
"Look around, there's plenty of closets; I'm sure you know your way around here." I waved her off, opening a can of beer pouring it into my bowl.
Nichelle seemed to spend more time in my house than her own section 8 apartment. Of course I wasn't aware that she and my old lady were partners in crime trolling the hood for thugs until the shit hit the fan. One thing that never changed was the irate, antagonistic look on her face even when being supposedly cordial. The thirty three year old woman seemed to be perpetually bristling. I took the path of least resistance by speaking to her as little as possible and being functionally aloof. I didn't see the need to change things up at this point.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just look in the closets and stuff; there's a few boxes in the bedroom that we never used from moving in here. Those should be good, Nichelle." I was purposely dismissive, ignoring her demeanor.
Make no mistake about it, I knew before she left Nichelle was going to start some sort of argument to say all the things she'd been thinking since meeting me in person when my aforementioned spouse brought her into our home one Sunday afternoon. Perpetual blabbermouth that she was, my old lady had already given me a good idea who Nichelle was as a person leaving me with absolutely no desire to meet her whatsoever. Over the following weeks I was blessed with her presence so many times that I asked my wife if she were going to start paying rent. After pressing the issue further, Nichelle's visits became a little more infrequent.
"You ain't gonna get up and get no boxes for me?"
"No."
"Man, you trifling as fuck." Nichelle scoffed disappearing back into my bedroom inadvertently giving me another view of her bulging cheeks. It wasn't like I hadn't checked her out before, but I considered it harmless knowing I'd never cross the line. She kept her body up working out like a beast at the local gym, knowing her inherent worth.
"Whatever." She popped back out to address my comment.
"Oh, you supposed to be somebody or something? Think you got it like that; you got the smoke, nigga? Tell me where your girl at, then bruh?!!"
"She ain't here." I chuckled between spoonfuls of cereal sparking her ire further.
"Yeah she laying up with a real man, and what you got, huh?" I gotta admit, in the old days I would've exploded and tossed her out of my place on her butt. These were the later days, the older days of learned wisdom that brought with it, a controlled measured response.
"Freedom." I chuckled again, half giggling at her attempt to anger me.
"Freedom to use that right hand while your girl getting her bottom pounded out bruh! You into that self-gratification, nigga?" Nichelle forced out a condescending laugh.
"Hey, ain't you supposed to be doing something; or are you just gonna do open mic while I eat my breakfast?" She cartoonishly bucked her eyes embarrassing us both.
"You think you better than me because you married the white girl, but you ain't shit now. Thought you leveled up and left the sisters behind but found out you the flavor of last month. You mad Tyrone be riding your bitch while you making her money, huh? You mad, ain't you boy?!"
Nichelle drifted close to the other end of my dining room table figuring she was going to get some emotional content out of me, but several years of marital bondage had burned away the raw emotional within me. My poker face was absolute, but this out of pocket broad had no clue.
"I'm sorry."