The Preacher's Wife

I remember the first time I cheated on my husband. I remember it like it was yesterday. It, of course, has been many years since that first time and in the intervening years there have been many affairs, many hookups and many random cocks. There has been an endless parade of men, one after another and many times more than one at a time.

It seems like I should stop. It seems like I should have stopped a long time ago, and the truth is, I thought about it. But every time I thought about it I realized, quite simply, that I don't want to. Sure, he could leave me, but if he did the knowledge of his own history would come out and he cannot afford that.

The same reason he can't afford to divorce me is the same reason most of the men I have slept with cannot afford to expose me. It would expose them as well.

That first time we had just moved to a small town in the northeastern corner of Maryland. We had moved there from New Jersey where we had been very happy for the first ten years of our marriage. We had gotten married when I was 21 and he was 30.

He was loving and sweet, a good provider, stable, true, faithful made a decent income working as a rep for a pharmaceutical company. He also coached in a youth basketball league for our church. He was a youth pastor and was waiting for an opportunity to become a pastor of a church. His father was a pastor, as had been his grandfather.

Our marriage had been happy and we had everything we had hoped for, including three children. We were respected and busy.

Then, he was invited to be a guest speaker in a small church in Maryland that was looking for an assistant pastor to eventually replace the aging pastor when he retired.

Things were great. It was a small church; everyone was friendly and we got along with everyone. We had the added benefit of being away from his family but close enough to see them whenever we wanted to. It was only about two and a half hours away but it was just enough to keep them from interfering in our lives too much.

For the first year, everything was perfect, but I soon started to feel lonely. Between Sunday morning and evening services, Wednesday evening service, Tuesday night bible study and all the preparation and me taking care of our kids and keeping up the house and my new responsibilities as the pastors wife, we had no time for each other.

One of the responsibilities of the pastor's wife at out church was to schedule the fellowship hall. Somebody has to be the person who kept a centralized schedule of everything it was being used for. We didn't charge anything for its use. We accepted donations but primarily the hall was to be used only for activities that our church approved of.

We had an upcoming ladies conference and the conference had donated a large amount for the use of the hall and I just randomly stopped by to make sure it was cleaned and in respectable condition to be used.

While I was there, one of the deacons of the church stopped by.

"Hey there, you lady" he said in an upbeat friendly manner as he walked in the door.

"Oh, Hi Calvin" I replied. "Just making sure the hall is OK for the conference."

"I saw your car as I was driving by and thought I would check to see if you needed anything." he replied.

"No, I'm good" I replied. "But thanks"

I couldn't help but notice his gaze was not directed to my eyes, but lower. I quickly glanced down and saw that my top had slipped a couple of buttons as I had worked in the hall. I couldn't button them without drawing even more attention, so I self-consciously let it go.

He continued to glance at my slightly exposed cleavage, but tried to be discreet. I was embarrassed but flattered as well. I stopped trying so hard to get away but kept conversation casual. We talked about what the adjustment had been like, how I liked the area, if I had gotten comfortable with the area yet....All civilized conversation and the longer we talked, the more I forgot my cleavage was showing more than I was comfortable with.

But Calvin didn't forget. Every time I glanced, I saw he was leering at my cleavage. I was, at first, just wanting a chance to discreetly button a button or two but the longer I didn't the more I liked the attention.

I left feeling guilty. Mostly because I had not left or fixed my button but more than anything because I realized I had enjoyed it and had actually kept talking to him longer just so I could keep letting him look at me.

At church, Calvin worked in the security room. It was right off the main entrance and he had a few monitors trained on the various entrances and various spots in the parking lot. I went in and took the kids up to their seats and told my husband I would be back in a minute.

I went straight for the security office. I was much more presentable today wearing a jacket and a skirt with a white buttoned up blouse underneath the jacket. As I opened the door, I deftly opened two buttons on my top and went in to thank Calvin for helping me in the fellowship hall.

He, of course, never looked me in the face. As we talked, I looked out the window to see if anyone was coming in and quickly unbuttoned one more. He would be able to see my low-cut bra if I turned around.

I unbuttoned one more button. Immediately grabbing the buttons and saying "Oh no. Don't know how that happened." As I buttoned back up a couple of buttons. But I couldn't help the little grin as I looked into his eyes.

I went home and went about my life as usual the rest of that week. Wednesday, I got ready for church and I admit, I did spend a little extra time getting ready. I even wore a dress which came to my knee but scooped a little lower on the breast than most of my dresses. My husband thought it was maybe a little too low for a new pastor's wife, but I wore it anyway.

When we got to the church, I walked in first with my oldest two but he parked the van and got the baby. As I went in, I tugged down, without being noticed, on my dress to reveal just a little more of the swell of my breast.

Calvin was waiting. He opened the door for me and glanced down at my breasts as he said "Hello".

I simply smiled in return.

I walked in and took my seat in the second row on the right with the kids seated beside me. Shortly, my husband came in and said he was taking the baby to the nursery.

He gave an inspired message and as much as I tried, I couldn't pay attention. I kept glancing down and wondering if I had too much exposed cleavage and if Calvin had noticed. I knew he did. I had made sure of it and I liked the feeling of being naughty.

I couldn't pay attention anyway, and my husband was accounted for. Being in the pulpit, he would not follow me. So, I got up and headed back to the bathroom. On the way into the vestibule, as the doors swung shut behind me, I quickly undid two buttons.

The vestibule was empty because everyone was in the main sanctuary but I know the cameras were trained on the vestibule for the security office. I looked up at the camera and smiled as I unbuttoned one more button, revealing my bra all the way to the bottom.

Suddenly, the ladies bathroom door opened and one of the older ladies from the church came out and immediately noticed my top. Without a word, she nodded to me and grabbed the fabric of her top, pretending to fasten it. I feigned surprise and embarrassment and immediately buttoned a couple of buttons as I ducked into the bathroom.

Breathing hard with anxiety, I stood looking into the mirror wondering what I was doing. I knew I had to stop enjoying this. I was a pastor's wife. I had the best husband and I was playing with fire. I straightened myself up and walked out only to run directly into Calvin face to face.

"Get yourself together?" he asked with a leering smile.

I looked down, humiliated and blushing, and squeezed past him to go into the sanctuary. I couldn't, however, help looking back over my shoulder to see him watching me walk away.

I was lost during the rest of the service, racked with guilt but remembering that leer and the tingling as I knew he was watching me.

For the next couple of weeks, we had little reason to interact. We were never alone together and I had the kids and pastors wife duties. I even stopped thinking about all of it.

Then, on a Wednesday afternoon, I needed to stop by the church to print off some handouts for a bible study class for the ladies that night. And, as fate would have it, Calvin's truck was parked right by the front door

I parked at the back corner of the church and walked around. As I opened the door, I found myself subconsciously unbuttoning 3 buttons. There were only two left buttoned, so I was pretty much hanging out there. I walked with a bit of a strut, hoping that it wasn't apparent that I was trying to bounce them but making the bounce evident.

As I went in, Calvin appeared out of the security room.

"Hi, pretty lady" he said. "Looking good. It's good I have the cameras offline while I update the system."

I looked down, feigning surprise, and immediately started to button the buttons. He stopped me.

"Here, let me help" he said as he brushed my hands aside. His hands gently started to fasten my buttons but he was obviously pressing the back of his hands into my breast. I focused on his eyes as he did, loving the sensation but feeling guilt and shame. But, making no attempt to stop him.

"How far up do you want them buttoned?" he asked me with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Whatever looks most appropriate." I replied demurely.

"Oh, OK" he said as he reversed direction, unbuttoning the one he just fastened. He took a moment to straighten the fabric. He unbuttoned the next one and again straightened the fabric and moved to the next, looking into my eyes.

I almost imperceptibly nodded.

He unbuttoned the next, repeating the fabric ritual and then hesitantly the next and finally the last button. He pulled the two sides of the top wide apart and out of my jeans and spreading the two sides wide, completely revealing my bra and my chest.

I blushed, but looked into his eyes and as he maintained eye contact he touched my stomach sending jolts of electricity up my spine. I gasped as he began to explore my abdomen and then up to my bra.

He touched it and began to explore it tenderly, without a word. He cupped my breasts and squeezed them gently. And using them as handles to slowly spin me around so I was facing away from him. He pulled me in close to him and I felt electricity as our bodies touched.

Then I felt him press firmly into me as he began to button my top back up from the bottom up. When he had it buttoned up to the next to the top button, he began to kiss my neck.

"Always wear it buttoned up to here except around me." He said.

"Wha....?" I gasped. Who did he think he was telling me what to wear and how. I was the pastor's wife and he was the deacon. What was he doing? What was I doing?

I stormed out of the church, completely forgetting the paperwork I had come there to do.

I drove home, completely distracted. I was feeling angry and yet strangely excited. I reached up with one hand to unbutton a button on my top, but somehow felt this was an act of rebellion so I left it, realizing that this signified something but unsure of what it might be.

For the next week, I thought of Calvin constantly. I constantly imagined his hands touching my top, unbuttoning my blouse and the longer I dwelled on it, the more his hands ventured to my breasts in my mind until he had taken my bra off and was fondling me sensually as I leaned back into him, lying my head on his shoulder.

Several times, I put on a blouse and wanted to leave a couple of buttons undone. I always buttoned them back, feeling as if I was doing wrong somehow. I would put on a t-shirt, and change so I could leave one button undone.

On Friday evening I told my husband I needed to go to the mall. I needed some new underclothes. He said he would keep the kids. He was a great husband and he was always willing to give. I felt guilty again.

I went to a well-known clothing store that is known for trendy, sexy business attire. I tried on several outfits, each a little more avant guard than the last but eventually settled on one of the first I tried. It was a black jacket with one large button and a skirt just slightly above my knee. I paired it with a white, silky blouse that came up to my neck.. I tried it completely buttoned up and unbuttoned to various degrees. It looked good no matter where it opened.

I then went to a lingerie store and looked at bras. I tried white bras. Black bras. Purple bras. Plunge bras. Push up bras. Padded bras and eventually settled on a black push up bra and a white plunge bar with padded cups.

But, as I was putting the non-choices back, I noticed a white sheer push up bra with sheer lace cups. I snatched it and went to try it on. It was perfect and I got all three.

I put everything away in my closet, but couldn't wait until time to get ready for church on Sunday morning. I tried it on several times while my husband was away at work. I looked at myself in the mirror and was really happy with the way I looked.

And then it was Sunday morning. I got the kids ready and finally went to get myself ready. He took care of the kids as he always did on Sunday mornings after he got ready.

I got my clothes together and climbed in a nice hot shower. My hands lingered over my breasts as I thought about Calvin. His hands had felt strong yet gentle. I put on my panties and my sheer bra, black thigh highs, my new skirt and my new white top.

I buttoned it up to the second button from the top and then hesitated, unbuttoning two buttons. The bra and the shirt were each sheer enough that you could see the color of my areolas through the blouse. I pulled on the jacket and buttoned its large single button and you couldn't tell.

I was ready.

I was so anxious to get there that I felt like I was running to get in the church. I wasn't, of course, but I was definitely walking faster than normal.

I flung open the door and there was Calvin.

"Hi" he said, extending his hand to shake mine. I looked down at my chest, as did he, and he smiled.

"I think I left those papers I printed in the security office" I said as I started for the security door. He followed me in and shut the door behind us. As soon as it was shut, he pulled me close and unbuttoned my jacket.

My nipples were as plain as day and vitally erect. He looked and smiled, buttoning my jacket. Holding my jacket, he pulled me closer. I felt my breathing labored as our lips touched. My tongue met his and our lips locked.

"Meet me in your husband's office at 2" he said. "Nope, they aren't in here" he said as he opened the door, not giving me a chance to respond.

I sat through church, barely able to concentrate on watching the kids, much less keeping up conversation with the ladies of the church who kept remarking how much they like my outfit and how great my husband was as pastor and how wonderfully my kids and I sang, but my mind was always on what I was going to do in the afternoon. I told myself I wasn't sure what to do but in my heart, I knew what I was going to do. I would only go so far. I liked the attention but that was as far as I would let it go.

I don't know if I actually believed that or not, but I do know that I felt as guilty as if I already had crossed some imaginary line.

After my husband and I had gone home I told myself that I didn't know what to do, but in truth I had my mind made up. I took everyone in the house and as my husband went in, I blew past him heading back out the door.

"Can you guys get pizza? I have to find those papers. I thought I left them in the security office, but they weren't there. I couldn't find them anywhere and I forgot to look after church." I said, offering more information than was required. I felt guilty.

I went to the car and got in, driving fast back to the church. I don't remember doing it, but when I got to the church, my jacket was open. Completely. As I walked in, my breasts were visible to anyone who may have been there, although nobody but Calvin was.

About halfway to the door, once I was sure nobody would intercept me before I got to the door, I took off my jacket and smiled as I opened the door.

"I like that move" Calvin said as the door shut behind me. "You know, the security cameras are working again. Good thing I am the only one who sees them."

"So, what did you want to see me about?" I asked demurely.

"I want to see the rest of you." He said dryly.

I stood there.

"Well," he said, "that wasn't a request."

"What should I do?" I asked.

"Lock the door behind you." He said, as I did what he said without question, "and follow me."

Calvin took my hand and gently led me, offering no resistance, into the vestibule and up the main aisle of the church. He led me directly to the altar; the altar where we had prayed to bless this church and our move to a new place and all the ministries we were to become a part of. We had not even done anything yet, but we had defiled this place. And ourselves

"Sit" he commanded.

I turned and sat down on the step leading up to the platform where my husband stood to deliver uplifting messages of devotion or powerful warnings against etting sin into your life; Calvin got to his knees directly in front of me. His eyes kept constant contact with mine as his hands pulled my jacket from my shoulders, lying it gently beside me.

Maintaining perfect eye contact, he spoke softly, gently and hypnotically as he began to unbutton my top. Slowly, gently as he said "I noticed these the first time we interviewed your husband and you were sitting in the room. I have dreamed of this all day." He said as his hands continued to unbutton my top until it was completely open and my stomack and bra were visible.

He gently reached out and stroked my abdomen while looking seemingly deeper into my eyes, looking for something buried inside.

I didn't know how badly I wanted this. I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to. My will for resistance was gone. My thoughts of my husband, my marriage, my church were all gone. My mind was here, and locked in Calvin's eyes

At the moment, he had no idea how low my resistance had sunk. He could have told me to do anything, which he would figure out later, but for that time, he remained gentle as he pulled me closer and reached around to unclasp my bra. He moved his hands back around, supporting my breasts and my bra, keeping my bra in contact with them so he could control their separation as he watched.

As more and more of my breasts became visible, he slowly let my bra drop, leaving me exposed with my nipples as large and erect as they had ever been.

"You are a beautiful lady" he said reverently.

I flushed. I could feel the warmth spreading from my shoulders to my face. I knew this was wrong. Not only did I have the best husband in the world, the best father, but the best man. I didn't know what was about to happen, but I did know that I was defiling my marriage, my church and my relationship with God. But just as I thought these things, Calvin spoke again.

"Paul said we are not be slaves to the law. To legalism. We have liberty in all things. You want me to touch you, don't you?" he asked.

I couldn't speak. I just nodded yes, as I inhaled in anticipation. His touch was gently. He touched the outside of each breast simultaneously and caressed them gently, working his way to the nipples. But he stopped short.

"God put these here for nourishment in that stage of life and men form a bond to them then. That cements our bond to our mothers and women in general. May I kiss them?"

"Please!" was all I could say and when his lips met my nipples, it was like fire shot from my head to my toes. I moaned slightly.