The Pragmatist

In almost all Loving Wives stories the term "love" is liberally used. It is rarely, if ever, defined. It is a simple word with a complicated definition, meaning different things to different people.

For most of the commenters in stories in the Loving Wives category where there is a cheating wife the main association of the word "love" is with "fidelity." For the "willing cuck" stories in the LW category the word "love" seems to have some sort of perverse meaning, though not precisely defined, loosely related to self-humiliation, personality defect, or brain chemistry.

In popular culture, according to Tina Turner "love" is just a second hand emotion.

Countering Tina is the modern myth of "true love." "True love is passionate love that never fades; if you are in true love, you should marry that person; if love ends, you should leave that person because it was not true love; and if you can find the right person, you will have true love forever." [Jonathan Haidt, "The Happiness Hypothesis"]. Bing Crosby and Grace Kelly sang about true love in 1963; Pink, and separately Dave Cameron, more recently; who knows if they believed in true love any more than Tina thought that love is a second hand emotion, but many listeners did.

Other more realistic modern philosophers find two states of love, passionate and companionate.

"Passionate" love is the kind often depicted in the movies; it is a wildly emotional state in which tender and sexual feelings, elation and pain, anxiety and relief, altruism and jealousy, coexist in a muddle of feelings. Scientists say that passionate love alters the activity of several parts of the brain, including parts that are involved in the release of dopamine, the pleasure chemical. It cannot continue continuously for decades.

"Companionate" love is less exciting, but more lasting: "the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined."[Myers "Social Psychology" Chapter 11] Most couples married for decades have this love, perhaps interspersed with periods of passion.

The Ancient Greeks maintained that there are six types of love (four relevant to LW stories), which they gave different names to.

The first kind of love is "eros," named after the Greek god of fertility. It represents the idea of sexual passion and desire. However, the Greeks didn't always think of it as something positive, as we tend to do today. In fact, "eros" was viewed as a dangerous, fiery, and irrational form of love that could take hold of you and possess you—an attitude shared by many later spiritual thinkers.

Another type of love according to the Greeks is the mature love known as "pragma." This is the deep understanding that develops between long-married couples. "Pragma" is about making compromises to help the relationship work over time, and showing patience and tolerance. The psychoanalyst Erich Fromm said that we expend too much energy in "falling in love" and need to learn more how to "stand in love," i. e. more pragma.

Another Grecian love is "ludus." This is the Greeks' idea of playful love, which often refers to the affection between young lovers. We've all had a taste of it in the flirting and teasing in the early stages of a relationship; but we also live out our "ludus" when we sit around in a bar bantering and laughing with friends, or when we go out dancing with members of the opposite sex. Dancing with strangers may be the ultimate ludic activity, almost a playful substitute for sex itself. Social norms may frown on this kind of adult frivolity, but according to some a little more "ludus" might be just what is needed to spice up love lives.

The last variety of Grecian love relevant here is "philautia" or self-love. The insightful Greeks realized there were two types. One was an unhealthy variety associated with narcissism, like some not-to-be-named-here heads of state, movie stars, doctors, lawyers, and business executives, where one becames self-obsessed and focused on personal fame and fortune. A healthier version of philautia enhances one's capacity to love.

So who's right? The fidelity = love absolutists? Tina Turner? The idealists who believe in "true love?" Modern rational thinkers waxing about passionate versus companionate love? The Greeks with four different loves relevant to LW stories, eros, pragma, ludus, and philautia?

Ultimately – just like beauty – "love" is in the eye of the beholder.

Sorry for the too long mind-numbing philosophizing, but one more thing. If you're an absolutist, you probably won't like this story, but at least you can't complain that you weren't warned.

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I knew from the time that I first met her that my wife Arukas was pragmatic, at least as far as the "practical" connotation of that word is concerned, rather than some other less pleasant synonyms like "hardheaded." She seemed to always approach everything in a rational manner. For example

-When she got what I assume was unwanted attention about the deliciously large size of her tits she wouldn't rage, but rather sluff it off as "The price I pay for having a large chest," and usually follow it up with a chuckle as she said "Perhaps that guy didn't nurse as a baby and has psychological problems as a result."

-If she continued to get less than satisfactory grades in a course of study rather than constantly being anxious or berating herself she'd move into a different course of study. "Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses, I would be foolish not to recognize mine and adjust my goals and ambitions accordingly," was her mantra. That explains why in college she jumped from majoring in economics to world history to American literature, and finally to philosophy in which she got her BA.

-It was obvious that a professor in one class that she had was hitting on her; he even made some subtle comments that could be interpreted to be a suggestion of trading grades for intimacy. Arukas didn't submit, get outraged, drop the course, get a gun, or see the school president. Instead, she copied a paper on sexual harassment in an academic setting off the Internet and made a few changes to it to fit her situation; made an appointment to see the professor (who was probably salivating at the thought of being alone with her); and in the sweetest manner possible said "Professor Ryan. I really respect your intellect. I have a paper that I've written for another course and would be so grateful if you could read it and give me comments about it – I know it's a lot to ask but I really want a good grade in that course." As prearranged when she sent me a one letter text message (so it wouldn't appear that she was actually texting) from Ryan's office I called her cell phone. When she answered it she pretended like it was an emergency and begged the Professor's forgiveness and immediately exited his office calling out "I'd so appreciate it if you'd give me your comments" as she left. He gave her his comments the next week, she thanked him profusely and bought him a pastry for his trouble, he never hit on her again, and she got a B in the course – the grade that she thought that she deserved.

The examples could go on and on, but you get the idea – always practical and rational, almost never harried or distraught, accepting what life offered and adjusting accordingly. Even her first name, Arukas, means "sensible" in Estonian, although why parents of Estonian heritage would name their daughter that is not rational as far as I'm concerned. However her name – just like her truly bodacious body and kind face with full sensuous lips – made her stand out in everyone's mind.

As I earlier indicated, in college after several false starts Arukas ended up studying philosophy – hardly a practical course of study in most people's mind, but the ultimate in practicality as far as she was concerned. She was far from stellar academically, however she had – pardon the play on words – an uncommon amount of "common sense." Despite low grades in her first three majors she ended up graduating with her BA in philosophy with decent grades, though no marketable intellectual skills.

Outside of intellectual courses of study, as part of her pragmatic nature, Arukas studied what features of a woman most men found attractive. Before we dated we were just friends when she revealed to me a number of her understandings about this subject – not commonly known but discerned by her practical study of the subject.

Arukas often mentioned – while we were friends and not lovers – a study by Manchester University in 2010. Dr. Geoff Beattie, who led the research, she quoted as concluding: "This study proves that lips represent one of the most sensual aspects of a woman's body and play a critical role in human sexual attraction. Full and red lips combined deliver ultimate attractiveness to the average male." She even liked to say – not bragging, again being pragmatic – that she was proud that her lips were virtually identical to Jessica Alba's the famous actress and entrepreneur commonly considered to have the 4th most desirable lips in the world (at least of famous women).

Although genetically gifted in the boob department, Arukas doesn't rely solely on nature; from the time that she was a teen she has done everything necessary to maximize the attractiveness of her equipment. This includes: primarily sleeping on her back; regularly massaging her own breasts including with moisturizer; applying hot and then cold water onto them when showering; purchasing custom made bras for use anytime she goes outside her abode or is entertaining; always walking with a straight back; since she has between a C and D cup always wearing a sports bra when by herself at home; and exercising daily including by doing wall pushups and rear lateral raises with light weights.

Arukas takes seriously other studies – besides the Manchester University one – linking physical features and mannerisms to female attractiveness. She regularly does exercises for her stomach since the average male finds non-pregnant women most attractive if they have a stomach to hip ratio of 7:10 and her ratio is naturally close to that as long as she continues with regular exercise. She also wears minimal makeup (except for the virtually ubiquitous red lipstick), treats her caramel colored hair like it is gold by never letting it get split ends or sun damage and using the most expensive conditioners and hair treatments that she can afford, and she almost always has a smile on her face. Plus, she has perfected the arts of the hair flip, eyelash batting, and seemingly unconscious hair curl twisting, and always wears clean and flattering – but definitely not slutty – clothing.

Arukas isn't actually "athletic" in the most common use of the word. However, she learned to dance at an early age, and is very accomplished in all forms of dance except for the most esoteric forms of ballet since they require a type of lithe body that five foot eight inch, 130 pound, Arukas simply does not have.

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Arukas was the most desirable woman that I had ever met when I was first introduced to her at the beginning of the school year when we were both sophomores at the same large state university. When I could avoid being entranced and distracted by her ethereal beauty and unsurpassable sultriness I found her the most pleasant person that I have ever come across. She is friendly, always smiles, never has a bad word to say about anyone, and is easier to talk to than any other hot woman than I have ever met in my life.

Although I wasn't hiding when looks and athletic ability (I played Division I lacrosse) were passed out, and did pretty well academically, I didn't for a minute consider that I had a chance for a romantic relationship with this goddess. However, I enjoyed being friends with her, and after a year considered her my best friend – a better friend than any male that I knew. We did many favors for each other, some just on the legal side of over-the-top, and never exchanged cross words.

As Arukas' friend I got to know many aspects of her personality. This included the fact that she would never lie (at least as far as I knew) if asked a direct question, but that she was not forthcoming in dishing out personal information except in response to direct questions. In response to indirect questions she would often parse words.

Since Arukas and I had simply been friends for about two years, imagine my shock when at the start of the last week of summer break before our senior years Arukas invited me to a beach house that she and three of her female friends were going to. The house belonged to June's parents, June being one of Arukas' best friends. The house was large, perfectly located, and fully stocked with food and beer. June's parents were giving June (and her friends) a week at the beach house as a reward for her stellar academic performance her junior year (I guess that you'd call a 4.0 in economics and a national contest winner "stellar").

Imagine my greater shock when I arrived there and found that the other three girls had their steady boyfriends with them, all three of the boyfriends whom I knew from college and two of the three that I really liked. [In keeping with Arukas' tradition I won't say what I thought of the third guy.]

It was clear to Arukas that I had an unremitting bemused look on my face as we went surfing, swimming, relaxing on the beach, and then had dinner, the first day there. As the other three couples were obviously getting ready to go up to their appointed bedrooms in the four bedroom house, Arukas said "Let's take a walk out to the pier," and grabbed my hand.

We just made small talk about how nice everything in the area, and the house, were until we got to the end of the pier.

"So, Brett," Arukas chuckled with a big grin on her face, "you're probably wondering why I invited you her for the week when my three girlfriends are with their long standing boyfriends."

"You think?" I laughed.

"Well, one thing that you may have noticed about me is that I'm pragmatic," she continued with a twinkle in her eye.

"Again – you think?" I laughed.

"We're good friends, and I respect that you never have made a pass at me, probably because you thought that it might adversely affect our friendship, although I also suspect that you also haven't because for whatever reason you thought that you didn't have a chance of a romantic relationship with me." Then she paused, got a diabolical grin on her face, and asked "Am I warm?"

She'd know that I was lying if I said "No," but for some reason – probably not believing that this situation could really go my way – since I was reluctant to say "Yes" I simply chuckled "Well I'm not gay."

She realized how cool I was playing it and got another big grin. "I like to be direct – it's more pragmatic than subtlety – so let me tell you what I'm thinking. I eventually want to get married and have a stable relationship. I know that we already have forms of both pragma and ludus in our present connection..."

I interrupted her. "I'm not familiar with the terms 'pragma' and 'ludus,'" I interjected.

"Well, they're forms of love according to the Ancient Greeks; 'ludus' is indicative of the good time that we have when we go out dancing, bike riding, or to concerts. 'Pragma' is indicative of the fact that we compromise and understand each other in dealing with situations that arise, how you help me when I need it, and how I assist you when you need help. Also we have the good form of another type of love, philautia. While I'm not sure that the Greeks had everything right, what I do know is that in view of the ludus and pragma that we've already experienced over the two years that we've known each other, as well as our philautia, we may be a great long term match if there is also some passion," she continued – now no longer smiling.

Then she pulled my head to hers and pressed those luscious red lips of hers into contact with mine, for the first time in our relationship for more than a second. Then she stared straight into my eyes and asked probably the most rhetorical question that I have ever been asked – although she didn't seem to be posing it as a rhetorical question: "Would you like to use this week to determine whether or not we also have passion for each other?"

I wanted to say "Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?" and probably would have – if I could have said anything at all (I couldn't).

After Arukas planted another scorching kiss on my lips and my cock almost destroyed my pants zipper it inflated so quickly I finally regained the ability to speak. Returning Arukas' stare I stammered "I'd...uh...I'd...really...uh...like..." before I got frustrated with my poor communication skills and was emboldened by her dancing emerald green eyes and blurted out "Fuck yeah," then laid the most zealous kiss that I could muster on her plump lips while at the same time feeling one of her heavenly boobs.

As we walked back to the beach house, between lewd comments, giggles, and squeezes, Arukas snickered "If at the end of this week you can't walk or see straight we'll know the answer to the question of whether we have just pragma and ludus, or also passion."

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I learned several things that week at the beach:

-Arukas gives new meaning to the word "multi-orgasmic."

-Arukas' pussy lips are as lush and delicious as those on her face.

-My cock fits Arukas' pussy perfectly.

-I had a bad case of eros for Arukas.

-Arukas' tits and pussy are flawless.

-She has a playfulness that goes along with her sexcapades that is original, stimulating, and energizing.

-For me, quality sex is much more important than quantity.

-While Arukas is definitely passionate, she doesn't have eros.

Arukas and I averaged two sex sessions a day during the week at the beach. While I had many more orgasms per session in sex with other partners before her, with Arukas the sex was so intense, lasting, and fulfilling that it was on a different level than anything else that I had experienced and the quantity wasn't important. Just lying next to her with my hands on her body parts was more satiating than an orgasm was with any other woman that I had been with.

The second to last day at the beach house after a sex session that may have been the best ever (all sessions with her were way beyond any others in my experience, but this time she even outdid herself) where she rode me cowgirl as I manipulated her bouncing boobies and occasionally sucked a nipple, as we lay in post-orgasmic bliss, periodically experiencing orgasmic aftershocks, I peered into her emerald eyes as I ran my hand over the thin coating of sweat on her right breast, and said "I love you!"

Arukas smiled. "What type of love, Brett?"

"All types – any way that a man can love a woman!"

"If so, we'll have to tone down your eros a little bit, big boy; but your words truly make me happy because now I don't just have pragma and ludus for you, but passion too – can you tell?" she chuckled.

"If I couldn't tell, I'd be dead," I mumbled, as I started sucking her left nipple while lightly pinching the right one as she emitted sounds between sighs, giggles, and "ummms."

At the end of the week Arukas asked to ride with me to her house to pick up her things for school – I already had mine packed in my car. I was happy to oblige. On the trip to her house she impishly asked "So are we boyfriend and girlfriend now – can I in introduce you to my parents as my boyfriend?"

I thought that I would burst inside I was so happy. "Arukas – after this week you can do anything that you want as far as I'm concerned. Being known as your boyfriend to the entire world would make me the happiest I've ever been in my life – girlfriend!"

Her parents were cool with me being her boyfriend, were pleasant in conversation, and had no objection to us sleeping together in her teenage bed – fortunate since I would have had to sleep on an old lumpy couch otherwise because her parents lived in a plain small house and the master bedroom had her parents in it, and a third bedroom was shared by her pre-teen twin brothers.