Forward I wrote this story for fun. So no redeeming social value, any snide comments about people in this story, and I will remove them.
I got this idea from the Show "FRIENDS with one of the guys. He had a list of 10 girls he had a hall pass with if he ever got a chance to go to bed with them. He finally got set up and took Isabella Rossini off his list. She walked in and asked him to go to bed with her. His girlfriend explained his list, and he just removed her name. She kissed him on the cheek and said to bad.
The song that inspired this story was from the seventies. It was about the funeral of a man that everyone thought was a little wimp until all these beautiful women started showing up to his funeral and his wife was shocked.
I chose names randomly, except for the wives. The only name on the list I decided on purpose was Halle Berry. She is on my list. I admitted to my wife one day I was having an affair with her. My wife laughed and patted my head. Won't she be surprised?
Thanks to Saddletramp and an unknown editor that I cannot mention his name, but he would have to kill all the people that read this story
The List
A restless Mary rolled over to see the blue light emanating from the bedside alarm clock lighting the room. Mary sighed at 2:22 a.m., staring her in the face.
Her back was hurting from the soft mattress that her Mom and Dad still had from her teenage years. For some reason, her mother could never bring herself to change the four kid's rooms in the house where she had lived for over 70 years. She kept them that way even after Mary's youngest sibling had moved out over 40 years ago.
Mary rolled over, sat up, and fumbled around the top of the nightstand, looking for her glasses. Then, finally, she placed her robe on to check on her elderly 90-year mother. Her Dad died suddenly a week ago while traveling on business in Washington D.C.
Suddenly is a relative term for a man of 93. But his last physical showed no problems, and the doctor told him he would probably live to 100.
Mary walked across the hall and slowly opened her mother's door to see her mother's bed was empty. Then, shuffling down the hallway toward the kitchen, Mary noticed a light coming from beneath her father's office.
She moved to the door, placing her hand on the handle; she slowly turned to see her mother sitting in her father's torn leather chair as her mother looked through his folders. Then, not wanting to scare her mother into having a heart attack like her Dad's recent one, she slowly closed the door.
Mary started calling her mother's name. She got louder until she was sure her mother would hear and then likely tapped on the door. " Mom, are you in there?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm in here, Honey. Come on in," her mother replied in her gravly broken voice.
Mary asked, "Mom, It's late. What are you doing up?"
"Just going through your Dad's files. You have to hand it to him; he was a meticulous record keeper. I guess that's why he was such a good accountant. He paid attention to the details." she replied.
Mary looked around at the pictures on the walls. They included all the famous people her Dad had met over the years.
There were Presidents, Prime Ministers, and other essential world dignitaries. In addition, there were famous singers and actresses from the 1950s to the present day.
Mary walked over and stood beside her Mom. She looked down, staring at the stacks of file folders in front of her. She notices a thick folder titled, "The top 10 list.
She was placing her hand tenderly on her mother's shoulder. "Mom, What are all these folders for?" asked Mary.
"Ah, that old coot. He had OCD about his folders. I guess it made him a great accountant. Attention to details," replied her Mom.
She asked, Mom, I know Dad worked for An Agency of the Government. Which branch did her work for?"
With a puzzled look, her Mom replied. "Now that you mention it, I don't know. I know he was an accountant and traveled the world for his job. We got the benefit of the airline and hotel points. Huh, I never asked."
We have been receiving retirement checks for years. I just assumed it was from the Federal retirement system. I'll check on it Monday."
Mary was looking through the thickest folder. Then, in a curious voice, What is this? Do all these pages have a list of women's names? Fanning through the pages. There must be 10000 names on these pages.
Her mother chuckled your alright. When we married, he told me about the ten names he could have sex with without getting divorced. I was pissed until I heard the names of some women on it. Top of the list is Liz Taylor, Grace Kelly, and, believe it or not, Mamie Eisenhower. I don't remember the rest; I'd have to look at them.
"Mamie Eisenhower," repeated Mary. "What the heck! He has the list of all the First Ladies up to the present."
"Charlie said if they were going to fuck him with his taxes, her would fuck their wives." Kim laughed
"Mom, he checked off Jackie Kennedy 5 times and Melanie Trump 10 times. The rest just once."
"Look, this is all the Bond Girls. Ursula Andres, Honor Blackman. Who was that?" asked Mary.
"Pussy Galore," she smiled at her Mom.
Mom, there are 75 Bond girls' names here, and Dad check-marked every one of them. I recognize a few Jill St John and Halle Berry.
"That's your Dad, alright. For an accountant, he had a great imagination. And not to mention, always the optimist."
"Mom, did you have a list?"
"Yes, I did at first. Hell, the old perv helped me fill it out."
"Who was on it?"
"I don't know if you remember them. But my favorite was Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglass, William Holden, Robert Mitchem, and Tony Curtis. Of course, I also had Elvis on mine along with the Beetles."
"Was that all, Mom? Where's the rest of them?"
"Oh, don't be so silly; I'd never cheat on Dad. I didn't have time for that nonsense."
"But Mom, look at these under singer Dolly Parton Reba Macintyre, Whitney Houston, Shana Twain, June Carter, Patsy Kline. Dam! Blondie, Momma Cass wanted to screw all the greats. Hell, he even checked off all the Spice girls along with Rihanna, and the last one was Taylor Swift. Every one of these on all these papers names checked off.
"Oh my God, he has all the playmates of the month and the Penthouse girls written down."
"Yes, dear, your Dad was a true accountant. He used the double entry method. First, he put her on the extensive list. Then, as he got tired of her, he moved a woman off the list, and from the main list, he would add another to the list.
Mary went on, "He has a list of Oscar winners here, along with many other famous actresses, including Meryl Streep, Jane Fonda, Raquel Welch, Debbie Reynold, Sophia Loren, and Bridgett Bardot. Shit all the way up to the latest and youngest Stars in Hollywood.
"Here is one of all the dictator's wives. Putin, Xi Xi Ping Mao, Castro's wife, and the list goes on. Hell, he has a list of twenty wives of Ibn Suadi, King of Saudi Arabia. Got to admit he didn't play politics. What a horn dog, Mom."
"Oh, don't be hard on him; he loved me to death, and I absolutely trusted him implicitly. That man would have given his life for me. Do you remember when I turned 65 and underwent my cancer treatment? He stayed at my side for six months, holding my hair as I threw up. Clean me when I shit from all my chemo and radiation. He never left my side for a minute."
"I know he did, Mom. I looked into his eyes every time he talked about you, and they lit up." Then, sobbing, I can't believe he just dropped dead on his last trip for the Government. Why in the hell was he out at his age of 93? Are you kidding me?"
"You know your Dad. He promised this was his last trip to the White House. President personally asked for him."
"Mom when a loving tone. I have a confession to make to you. When I was 18, I came home early from an overnight stay with Vicki. Do you remember Vicki? The head cheerleader of our cheerleading squad.
She had gone to Paris for her 18 birthday over the Christmas holidays. It seems some French artists painted her in the nude and seduced her. So when she got back, her Mom threw her a Birthday party here. Unfortunately, she got sick during the party and was throwing up, and I found out later she was pregnant."
"Chucking, I remember her mother. She was a snob. What about it?"
"I came home late that night from her party because of her illness. As I walked past your bedroom door, I saw you mounted on Dad doing cowgirl."
"Her mother's eyes got big, and she smiled. Well, ask it."
Coyly, Mary asked, "How big was it?"
"14 inches long and two inches in diameter."
Mary stumbled back into the couch and sat down. "Mom, he was only 5-6 and weighed 141 soaking wet."
Her mother laughed, "Well, he had five pounds of cock."
"How in the hell did you take it?"
"Well, I didn't always. It took years of practice. There were certain positions we couldn't do. He had to put a donut hole on it so he wouldn't break my cervix. He could do things that men with shorter dicks couldn't do because of the length. But sometimes, I longed for a man with an average size dick. So I could get pounded without worrying about any damage to myself."
"Mom, something else I never told you. I refused to let a boy touch me because I was scared to death of them. I thought about becoming a lesbian. But I just couldn't do it.
"So when I finally met Paul, I thought he was the one. I made sure I got him good and aroused. And from what I could tell from outside of his pants, he was about half the size of Dad. I didn't want to take a chance of another girl getting him. Just in case he was a one-off. I thought most men had cocks like Dad's. So I made sure he knew I wanted to be exclusive.
"You have to remember back then, Mom. Most of us girls never saw a dick until we were married."
She snickered, "You know I love Paul like son. But I did fantasize about him pounding me with what I would say is an average dick."
"Ma'um," in a shocked tone. "How did you know his size?"
Smiling, "Mary, when we first met him, he was nothing but a walking hardon. Your Dad and I used to chuckle at him trying to hide it."
"And you know what the funniest part was? You were doing it to him on purpose. The boy didn't have a prayer, did he?
"No, Mom, he didn't. And he still doesn't at 68. Oh, by the way, he'll be here tomorrow with the rest of the kids and grandkids for the funeral. They are staying out at the Holiday Inn on Maple.
And that's where everyone else is staying because we didn't want to burden you with having to handle 70 people in your house. So to help take the load off you, Mom. We've arranged for a banquet room at the Holliday Inn after the funeral.
We will have the ceremony at the funeral home. Then we will move the body to the top of the hill to the mausoleum where Dad will be interned.
