The Letters

Preface: My wife and I separated after 15 years of marriage. I initiated the separation for reasons that are less clear now then they must have seemed then. Jennifer wanted to preserve the marriage and we entered into counseling. To overcome our communication issues the therapist had us each write letters to each other throughout the duration of our counseling. The therapist emphasized that the letters must be honest; that we had to try to include the thoughts that accompanied our actions.

This is the first of her letters to me.

Dear Rich,

Cindy called and asked me if I wanted to go out with Mike, her, and Mike's friend Kelly Finley. I knew you were out with Debra and I was hurt so I said 'sure'.

I asked Cindy what I should wear and she said something sexy so I wore my black dress from Nordstrom. We went downtown to Chandler's for dinner and then went to the bar at the Edgewater Hotel.

We had a couple of drinks and then Kelly and I danced. It was all harmless at first but after a while he started to pull me close, kiss my neck, and feel my ass. I could feel he had an erection. At first I was embarrassed but after a while I was turned on. It made me feel good that I could turn him on. You hadn't been interested in me in a while.

After a while we got kind of warm dancing so he asked if I wanted to go out on the deck to cool off. We took our drinks with us and headed out there. Mike and Cindy stayed inside.

Kelly took my hand and led me to the end of the deck where it was dark. There was no one else out there and it was a nice night. I leaned against the rail and we talked a while.

Then he came up and pushed against me. I could feel his cock through his pants. I should have left, but I was mad at you.

He started to kiss me and I kind of pulled away and told him no. Then he grabbed my hips and started to push forward. I know I should have gone back inside, but I didn't.

After about 30 seconds he lifted up my dress, pulled my panties down and started to feel my vagina. He said, "Jen, if you're not wet, I'll go back in the bar and won't touch you the rest of the night."

I was wet. He started to finger fuck me, and didn't stop until I came.

I kind of collapsed on the rail and then he grabbed my hair with one hand, and put his cock in me with the other. I didn't want him to fuck me, but I didn't want him to stop.

I tried to be still, thinking I wouldn't be a slut if I didn't act like I was enjoying it – but I couldn't help it, and I started to fuck him back. When he pulled my hair hard like you do, I lost it, and told him to fuck me harder.

He let go of my hair and started to feel my breasts. He pulled down my straps and grabbed both my breasts. He started to pinch my nipples like you do and I closed my eyes and wanted it to be you, but I knew it wasn't. I knew I was fucking a guy I barely knew in public on the darkened deck of the Edgewater Hotel lounge. It was like an out of body experience.

I told him I didn't want him to cum in me but he didn't care, he didn't listen. He just kept fucking me until I could feel his cum inside me.

When we got back in the bar I needed to go to the ladies room and cleanup. Kelly's cum was dripping down the inside of my legs. Of course Cindy went with me but I don't think she had any idea what happened on the deck, and I didn't tell her. She didn't say anything or ask anything.

We got back to the table and Kelly was gone. I was a little relieved, but a little disappointed. He came back in a few minutes with a room key. He hadn't asked me if I wanted him to get a room, and part of me wanted to go home, but part of me that knew you were out with Debra, and I wanted to get even.

I got my purse and we started to go upstairs. He tried to kiss me in the elevator but I was feeling really conflicted and wouldn't kiss him back.

When we got to the room it was awkward. He tried to make small talk but it was clear we didn't have much in common or much to talk about.

He asked me where you were and I told him you were probably fucking your new girlfriend. I think he asked that because he knew it would make me mad. The room had two beds; he was sitting on one and I was sitting on the other.

He came over and kind of kneeled between my legs, started to push my dress up, and pull my pantyhose down again. He asked me if I was going to help, and I said no. He said fine, and pushed me back on the bed and pulled my pantyhose off me.

He grabbed my legs and spread them apart and put his mouth on my pussy. He started to suck on my cunt. Though my mind was racing and I was feeling guilt being with him, at the same time it turned me on.

He stopped and stood up to take off his shirt and pants. When he pulled down his shorts I could see that he was not hard. He moved towards me and took my hand and put it on his cock. I started to stroke it and then got up and knelt down.

It was really awkward, and the few moments seemed like an hour, but I took his dick in my mouth and began to suck it. I felt good when it started to get hard, it made me feel desirable. It made me feel like I had some worth as a partner.

I stood and turned around, he began to unzip my dress, and I let it drop to the floor. He took my bra off me and threw it on the chair. I don't want to tell you what happened the rest of the night.

He lay down on his back on the bed and stroked his cock. I got on the bed, straddled him and lowered myself onto him. I didn't want to look him in the eyes, so I didn't. I just fucked him and he fucked me back. I tried not to cum but I couldn't help it. I came twice. We didn't talk.

As he got more excited he pulled me onto my side, and then rolled me onto my stomach. He got behind me and started to put his dick into my ass. I rolled over and pushed him off. I told him that wasn't for him. That made him mad and he spread my legs and started to try to fuck me again.

I started to fight him but that only made him more determined and he shoved his cock in me hard and just started slamming me. He asked me if I liked it and I said no. He said, "I don't believe you." He pulled out, got off the bed and went to get a drink of water from the bathroom as I just laid there.

He said, "Jennifer, I know you want it. It's just you and me here you have nothing to prove. Right now your husband is somewhere with the teller from his bank under him. Show me you want it. Open your legs for me."

He stood at the end of the bed and waited, while he stroked his hard cock. Even as I tried to fight it, my legs began to spread. He said that's not enough, spread them wider. I could feel my face getting red.

I felt so vulnerable so isolated, I wanted just to get up and go home, but I spread my legs wider for him. He said that's not wide enough, spread them wide like the whore that you are.

At that point I'd had enough, I was humiliated, I was flush -- started to get up off the bed and reached for my dress but he grabbed my throat and pushed me down and instructed me again to spread my legs. I spread them wider, but even that was not wide enough for him.

He took a hold of both my ankles and spread my legs until he was satisfied. Then he stepped back and told me to open my pussy for him.

I did. Then he told me to ask him to, "Please fuck me." I did as he said. Rich, I spread my legs and asked another man to fuck me.

Kelly fucked me some more and when he was ready to cum again he asked where I wanted it. I told him in my mouth. He never made it my mouth; it kind of got all over me.

I got a text from Cindy at 3:20 a.m., she was asking me if I was okay. I'd been being fucked since 10:30.

Seeing her text brought me out of the fog I was in and I felt like I wanted to cry. I missed you and was angry at you. I felt dirty and was mad at myself for letting Kelly use me like a whore.

Kelly drove me home and dropped me off. We didn't say two words on the ride home. I'm so sorry.

-Jen