The Letter 51

A story with no sex, nobody burns, nobody dies. Not your thing? Move on.

I'd hoped to finish this earlier to provide a somewhat cheery tale for the festive season, but as Rabbie Burns observed; "the best laid plans of mice and men aft gang aglay." For me, my plans we interuppted by some lady rear-ending our car on Christmas Eve.

Like a James Bond Martini we were shaken, not stirred. No broken bones, just a load of aches and pains. Anyway here we are in a new year and finally it's finished.

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My name is Brian, Brian Jacks, I have a strange tale to tell, it is complicated and is difficult to relate without rancour, sometimes bordering on despair, moments of bafflement, and then....... well read it if you want to find an ending.

I promise you, there will be no limbo ending to this tale, the story has several parts but I will finish the damned story.

I love a good story, I hate wading through the parts about how people met, their schooldays, their parents yadda yadda yadda. So, let's get to it.

I had a wife called Gisele, Christ she was so beautiful - just what I felt I deserved, for in truth I've always been a pretty decent guy, why the hell shouldn't I end up with a stunning beauty who loved me to death, a happy family life, a fulfilling job? The whole 9 yards. A long and happy life going from good to bloody marvellous. I always planned to be a good guy, no matter how lucky I got, no reason not to be. I'd always believed that good things came to good people.

Well, that's how it started, Gisele and I were a seemingly blessed happy couple, definitely blessed with 2 lovely children, James our 4-year-old son, Ruth our 3-year-old daughter. We hadn't made a definite halt to the family but we were still young, just under 30 and still time for a later one or two kids if the notion took us, but for now, we decided it was time to enjoy what we had, nice kids, good jobs and no real pressures on us, monetary or otherwise.

The only black spot was that for a couple of months, Gisele had seemingly been a little off colour, looked a little tired much of the time and whilst she was not behaving in any way differently, she was clearly just not quite on her usual top form, just a little of the bloom had gone of the rose for whatever reason.

I'd briefly spoken to her mother to see if she knew if anything was amiss. I was certain that there was nothing badly amiss in our marriage, no suspicions about her fidelity, no hint that anything was 'off' in our marriage, she was just as loving as always and let me know how much I was loved. She just seemed tired, nothing more.

And then....

I came home one afternoon after work and there was a written message on an A4 page on the kitchen worktop where I could not miss it. Before I could read it, I saw Gisele's wedding and engagement rings on top of it and was shaken to the core. I snatched it up and read:

"My dearest Brian

I am doing the hardest thing I have ever done; I'm leaving you, James & Ruth and I will not be back. I'm so sorry, although this will seem so cold to you, I swear I will always love you three more than my own life.

There are things you don't know about me and will never know, I have left instructions with my lawyer, Fritz Katz of Sue, Grabbit & Runne, you know where to find him.

As I am abandoning you three, I have had him prepared divorce papers which I have signed, the reason for that being I want to make it as easy as possible for you in particular to move on. I hope you will find a woman who is both worthy of your love and willing to become a mother to our children. The wife and mother that I wish with all my heart that I could have been.

Our children are young enough that in time they will only have vague memories of me, ultimately, if you replace me before too long, your new wife will to all intents and purposes be the only mother they will ever know.

I understand that this is abrupt and will deeply hurt you. I have made provisions that will ensure you will all be catered for financially and can hopefully to some extent understand that I have done my best in the circumstances that I find myself in. I know you will be distressed but I am sorry I cannot expand on the circumstances, not with Mr Katz nor my mother, though she found out today that I'm leaving, but she does not know where to or why I'm leaving, she fought with me for a long time to change my mind, unsuccessfully of course as you now know, but don't blame her, she gave it her best efforts.

Please do not squander time or money trying to find me. I have the means and the will to never be found, please forget me, care for yourself and our children. Sadly, I'm now in your past.

I promise you that I love you all and my heart breaks to leave but leave I must and have done. If you love me as I love you, let me go, don't waste time and money trying to find me, that will not happen. Don't torture yourself, instead love our children with everything in your wonderful heart and make wise decisions for them and yourself.

With all my love, trust that I will never love another, my heart will always be yours, I'm so sorry.

Gisele."

Any just like that my marriage, if not quite my world, ended, no explanation worth a damn, seemingly final and I did not rate a proper explanation. My anger and frustration knew no bounds. Two days later I met with Fritz Katz and he told me that he had lots to tell me but that he had no information on where Gisele had gone, or indeed, whether she had gone alone. He would tell me nothing of any consequence about her departure.

What he did say stunned me. Gisele came from a family who were clearly way more than comfortably off, I knew that they were not poor and a family who did not in any way flaunt what they actually had, or how they accumulated their wealth, nor indeed did I know exactly what her father had done for a living, only that he had died a few years before I'd met Gisele and it was never a subject that was encouraged for discussion.

So imagine my surprise to find that Gisele had opened an account in my name for ten million, had created trust funds for our children with five million each, to be used only for their education until they reached 25 years of age and then to be used only on my co-signature until the age of 30, or should I become deceased prior to that age, on Mr Katz's co-signature, or upon his death or retirement, another trustee, to be appointed by him in readiness, from within his law firm.

To cap it off there was a medical insurance policy on each of myself, James, and Ruth for 25 million and a further discretionary fund for any medical expenses not covered by insurance, with the fund administered by Mr Katz and Sue Grabbit & Runne.

I had no idea that Gisele had access to funds of that magnitude, I needed to chat to my mother-in-law, as she legally remained for however long that took to change with the divorce. She would stay that way in my mind for I was very fond of Anna and had always felt she returned that affection, I knew I would always give her access to her grandchildren, no matter how devastated I became with Gisele's wish to divorce.

Katz explained that as in her letter, Gisele wanted the divorce asap so that I could move on. He assured me, indeed was at pains to emphasise until I understood fully, that she had told him that divorce would make no difference to her life, only to mine, but he said she had not even started to explain the whys and wherefores of that to him, simply saying he had his instructions and she was paying him to carry them out to the letter. She required him to explain the provisions she had put in place but nothing more.

As part of the trusts, he and I were to meet annually to discuss the investment performance of them and any adjustments either of us deemed necessary to ensure the successful investment return to sustain their value.

The whole thing was staggering, I was moving from a happy marriage to single parenthood, albeit extremely well-funded by the woman abandoning me. I was none the wiser as to why she was doing this, I was clearly going to get no more meaningful answers from Katz.

I was left with bigger questions than any answers, if she is abandoning her family, why go to such extravagant lengths to provide for us? It certainly seemed to indicate that at the very least she was riddled with guilt and wanting to provide financially to ease any suffering. It didn't look like someone falling out of love and simply walking away, it couldn't be that. Could it? I had no idea whatsoever; my confusion just grew and grew.

That left only my mother-in-law as the only person who might have the answers my brain was screaming to understand.

+A WEEK LATER+

My mother-in-law, Anna, had been studiously avoiding me and her grandchildren for most of that week and in truth, that was really unlike her. Sure, we had a hurried phone call or two but she always seemed to be in a hurry. Clearly she was putting distance between her daughter's departure and meeting me but that had to stop.

Eventually I told her that I would camp out in her garden if she did not agree to meet me within the next 24 hours. She asked that I not bring the children as she felt our conversation should not be held in front of them, I had a neighbour who offered her help over this last difficult week and told her I would return later in the day and thanked her yet again for her assistance.

As I entered her large home, my mother-in-law wore a look of extreme discomfort but outwardly she was the same woman who welcomed me hundreds of times into her home and I believed until her daughter's flight from our marriage that she truly felt nothing but warmth to me and had treated me like her own son. I'd always felt love from her towards our entire family and very much so towards me.

She started:

"Oh Brian, it's not just you, we are all in a world of hurt, I don't really know where to start, I can tell you a little but you are still going to be left unsatisfied and confused as to why she left so abruptly. I'd tell you more but there are parts that I do not know and then there is the sacred vow she extracted from me, I understand why she made me promise it and I will not betray it, so I beg you not to press me, even as I understand that will be the hardest thing you've ever done. Just know that I believe she has a very good reason for it.

Firstly, none of us will ever see Gisele alive again, by now she is not even in this country, she will not return ever. She is as hurt as any of us, she loves you and her children above and beyond all other things. She has made me vow not to tell you everything, but she could not stay, for your sake and for the sakes of her darling children, she couldn't bring the misery into your lives that her staying would have done.

She knew whilst she was giving you instant hurt, she hopes she was saving you from long term misery and a life of regret. She told me that it's better you hate her now and move on. She wants you to get over her and move on with your life, to find someone who is truly worthy of your love and someone who will be the best mother for your children that you can find, maybe you can both give them some siblings. She knows the children are young enough that if you "replace" Gisele, they will quickly accept your new wife as the only mother they will ever remember.

She has made every financial provision she can to ensure your future and the children's future and education. I know you probably had no idea that she had that sort of financial resources, she had wanted your family to be as normal as possible, not simply privileged and with that, not challenging yourselves to succeed in your own right, but with events as they presented themselves, she could no longer hide her wealth.

She hopes that when you have reconciled the initial hurt that you will eventually accept that what she has done has been done through her love for all three of you. I know how hard it will be, I too feel as if I've had half of my heart cut from my chest, knowing I'll never see my daughter again in this life. Just be assured that she has done this through what she considers the best reasons for the future for you and the children. Very hard to believe maybe but it is done purely from love.

She has asked me to beg you not to try to find her, you will only waste time and money. You will be unsuccessful, she will not be found, she has things in place that will render any search fruitless, please, please trust me, don't try it will delay you coming to terms with reality and any attempt will fail.

Brian, please trust me that I have told you all that I can. I beg you not to cut me out of your life and the children's lives. I know you face a hard road ahead as you adjust, I offer you all the help I can give you, I love you and the children, that will never change."

I looked at my mother-in-law and saw her distress was similar to my own, I also saw that she was serious about the vow that she had made to the woman we both loved and I resolved to honour her wishes. Hard as it was, I also accepted what she had said about how fruitless a search for Gisele would be. I would have months to ponder my new circumstances but whatever the reasons for Gisele leaving, it was clear that she was not wanting to be found, could I leave it at that, do as she asked and what was best for our children? Had I any real alternative?

+SIX MONTHS LATER+

I was living for my children, most of the joy had been sucked out of my life and I was no closer to understanding the big question? WHY? Why had she torn our lives apart?

Initially I assumed the worst things a husband can imagine, she has gone to a lover, she never loved me in the first place, I was someone convenient until she could be with the love of her life.

But did that make any sense? No. If it did, why would she leave the children she so obviously loved when she would have got custody with a divorce? Why would she make such enormous financial provisions for people she was happily leaving behind? None of it added up, but I was no closer to understanding what possible reason there could be.

Could she have been involved in some horrendous crime? Were the children and I living on the proceeds of that? That at least I could discount, her mother was able to show me documentary proof that Gisele's father had left enormous amounts of wealth separately in both their names, heavily tilted to Anna but leaving Gisele independently wealthy to the extent that any crime would be for nothing more than a devious hobby. No that was not the answer.

Over the months, the children's upset and crying for their mum was slowly abating and that was partly down to me, but also to the love that Anna continued to provide them and for which I was most grateful. She had stepped right up, just as she promised, actually much more than she had promised, she devoted her life to helping me and her adored grandchildren.

My life continued to be a conundrum; do I simply give up? Certainly, I had followed advice that searching for Gisele would be pointless, I believed Anna when she told me Gisele had left the country and she had no idea of her ultimate destination, I believed her when she insisted that Gisele had gone on her own, no lover, male or female was involved. I still had no idea why. I had begun to accept the reality that my life had irrevocably changed and was changed forever.

I'd already accepted the inevitable, signed the divorce papers and our divorce was now final, I had sole custody of my children and financial security thanks to Gisele. That was my sole comfort, that apart my life was not happy, I was surviving and doing my best as a father.

Dating? It never entered my head, I was not even close to being ready for any relationship... and then one day, around 10 months after Gisele left, I met her, a woman whose beauty stopped me in my tracks. For the first time in almost a year, I was looking at a woman with some interest, she was magnificent.

+THE NEW WOMAN IN MY LIFE+

Anna had taken great care of my small family but she told me one day that she needed a break, she was missing Gisele, felt the beginning of a depression that she'd last experienced after the death of her husband. She told me that she was making arrangements for a woman to move into her home for 6 weeks whilst she took a long winter break in Florida.

The lady in question, Claire, was a teacher who had given birth to her first child, Lucy, and was undecided on whether to return to work teaching or to seek some other employment, perhaps coaching students from her home or acting as a governess on short term contracts for families such as mine who were in temporary need of help and had the money to afford to pay someone with her qualifications to care for their offspring.

She was unmarried and moved into Anna's home with her baby for the duration of the arrangement and was there for my children when I couldn't be. They quickly became fond of her and spoke often about her and how wonderful she was.

God but she was so beautiful, dark shoulder length hair, slightly curly with soft ringlets, and the most captivating green eyes were the most obviously attractive features but she instantly grabbed my attention, something I had no idea that I might be close to ready for.

We kept a fairly professional relationship during the early weeks of Anna's absence but after 4 or 5 weeks I was starting to becoming very attracted to her and was dreading the thoughts that when Anna returned soon, that might be the last a saw of Claire.

I'm not sure how but I summoned the courage to ask if we might continue to meet after Anna returned. Claire asked, "What, like a date?" and when I supposed, yes a date, she accepted.

Over the next 9 months with Claire and I dating and our children becoming used to the situation, I slowly realised that I was starting to look forward in life, I started to see a future. In reality if unknowingly at first, I was doing what Gisele had asked me to do in that final letter to me. Trying to make a life for me and by extension, my kids.

I found the whole dating thing enjoyable as individual events but a strange concept overall as I still felt like a married man and father, despite my now completed divorce from Gisele saying otherwise. I had never in a million years expected ever to be divorced. In my mind Gisele was still the woman I loved, could I find a place in my heart for someone else? For Claire?

Claire knew my sad story; I'd told her more or less on my first date when she asked how come I had two children but no wife. Despite my shock at being left as a single father, I had no wish to paint Gisele as a villain so I'd told Claire of the very generous sums that Gisele had left us. I suppose in retrospect that perhaps made me rather an attractive proposition for a young single mother, struggling with how to earn a living to support her daughter.

About 15 months after first meeting her and just over 2 years after Gisele left me, I asked Claire to marry me and was thrilled when she accepted. I also proposed to adopt Lucy not long after we married but to my surprise, Claire was not immediately accepting of that idea and although I was a little shocked, I thought I'd leave that argument for another day. It did however give me pause for thought so I decided to consult the solicitor I now knew through my divorce and the provisions made by my ex-wife, Gisele.

The result was that the children's trust funds were untouchable in any divorce that I might have with Claire, however matters were neither clearcut in relation to my own millions and administration of the children's trust funds, should I predecease Claire. All funds had grown, even mine, rather than diminished with the assistance and expertise of the investment managers that Katz had introduced me to. The long and the short of it was that Katz strongly recommended that I protect the funds with a prenuptial agreement.