The Joint

The Joint

Before you get too excited, let me say, "No, you can't smoke this joint. However, it can be enjoyed if I did it right." I hope you like it.

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"I've always liked this place. The view is my favorite part." I was gazing into my wife's eyes as I said it, and she had that smile on her face that said, "You're embarrassing me! Don't stop."

Danielle and I were suited for each other and nobody who knew us would deny it. It wasn't just that we liked the same things, listened to the same music, enjoyed the same food, and danced very well together, although all of that is true. It was our temperament and our values. We saw things the same way and went through life at the same pace. We didn't see eye-to-eye on all things all the time, but we were never pulling in opposite directions, either. We each just learned that if we worked together, we could get the things in life that we both valued, and life would be good. I suppose that's just a long way of saying that we were there for each other.

Danielle was such a departure from my first wife. Megan and I met in college when life was all about having fun and our only responsibilities were term papers. We got married straight out of school and I thought we had it all. We were making real money for the first time in our lives, we were saving up to buy a house, and there was talk of starting a family before much longer. Then it all turned to shit.

I got a call from a buddy after work at around 7:00 and he said, "Craig, do you know where Meg is tonight?" It didn't even strike me as an odd question at the time. I just figured he had a reason for asking.

"She's working late -- said something about a report being due. Why do you ask?"

"I'm at The Joint with a client and she just walked in."

I thought, "That's strange. She said she was working."

Before I could say anything, he dropped the bomb. "Craig, she isn't acting very wifely."

I think I was silent for a bit as I tried to process that information. "What do you mean 'wifely'?"

"I mean she's all over the guy. She's been here about five minutes, and she's kissed him for about three of them. When she's not kissing him, she's giggling at whatever trash he's talking. And I have to tell you, Craig, he's got his hands all over her."

It takes a long time to process that kind of information.

"Craig? Craig? Are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here. I'm coming there."

It takes about twenty minutes to get to The Joint and I was going to make it in ten.

I should probably stop right here and tell you that The Joint is really Jimmy's Joint and it's named that because they have the best bar within fifty miles, but they just happen to have the best steaks within seventy-five. It's on the other side of town, which in hindsight is probably why they chose it.

I got there and one look inside told me what my wife was up to, and it wasn't writing no damn report! The Joint isn't one of those snooty coat and tie places, but what they were doing under the table would get you kicked out of the place real fast. I think I got to their table one step ahead of Jimmy himself.

I reached the table just as she looked up. It was a Kodak moment. She jumped so hard that she nearly knocked over the table. "Working hard, Meg? Care to introduce me to your 'report'?"

The look on her face bore a strong resemblance to a fish out of water. It was not a good look for her.

"Craig, what are you doing here?" Her eyes darted back and forth between me and the asshole she was with. "Uh, Craig, this is Bill. We work together. We finished early and decided to grab a bite to eat."

"Huh! Is that what he's grabbing under the table -- a bite to eat?"

She jumped again and slapped his arm away. Good effort, but she was a day late and a dollar short.

"Bill, you're going to want to wash that hand before you eat. This is a steak house, not seafood." I crack me up sometimes.

There she goes with that fish look again.

I'd said my peace, so I just turned and walked out. I'd see the lawyer on Monday. There was no point in trying to save this marriage. It wasn't one drunken mistake at a New Year's Eve party. This was a deliberate lie with intent to cheat. Hell, it was blatant and public no less! It didn't matter to me if they'd consummated their affair at that point. They'd done enough and that wasn't the kind of wife that I was wanting.

I was driving home when my cell phone gave a ding telling me that I had mail. I figured it was the soon to be ex-wife, but when I got back to the apartment the email turned out to be from my buddy. In all the excitement I'd forgotten he was there. His message included a cell phone video showing some of what happened before I'd arrived. So much for any lingering doubts.

I put the security bar on the front door and went to the back room. The bar kept her out when she got home, and I didn't care where she spent the night. She started by knocking, and then my phone rang for about an hour until it finally stopped. The next day I was packed and gone before she showed up. I let my lawyer do the rest.

Which brings me back to Danielle. We were sitting in, of all places, The Joint. I had long ago exorcised any bad memories I had with the place, although I will admit that I would never sit at one particular table, and we were enjoying our dinner when my wife perks up and froze. I think there must be a bit of bird dog in her. Her eyes got big, and she was staring, all the while saying, "Don't turn around! Do not turn around!"

Well you know the first thing you want to do when someone says, "Don't turn around!" is you want to turn around!

"I said don't turn around!" She was as excited as a schoolgirl at prom.

"Care to enlighten me?"

"Your ex-wife just walked in."

Well, that was about as exciting as dermatitis.

"And the man she's with is not her husband."

Dermatitis just got a little more interesting.

I should explain that she never married Bill. I learned later he was just the flavor of the month. I also learned that I knew some people who knew some things who... and none of them ever told me when I could have used the information. I didn't lose any good friends over that bit of betrayal, but there are some schmucks I don't bother inviting to the house anymore. She actually married a decent fellow and I liked him. He deserved better, but maybe that was her type -- trusting.

No sooner had Danielle told me what she was seeing, but she had her cell phone out and was recording it for posterity. There wasn't much for me to do but sit quietly, smirk, and enjoy my steak which was tasting better by the minute.

My wife was quietly gathering her evidence, keeping one eye on the screen and using one hand to aim her phone while she used the other to eat. I never could do that. I had to cut her meat for her, but I figured it was all for a good cause. Despite that, we were not the ones getting stares from the other patrons. You might think I got a running commentary, but my wife is a rather proper woman, and she doesn't use words like that in a public place. Suffice it to say that fish was once again on the menu and my wife could see the catch of the day.

We were quietly recording and pretending to mind our own business when Jimmy stopped by our table. "Do you two have enough, or do you need a few more minutes?" I knew he wasn't talking about our dinner and glanced at my wife who nodded with a grin. He then walked over to the happy couple and quietly asked them to leave. Meg never knew I was there and that was just about perfect.

I have an email account that I use to send letters to politicians and other criminals when I don't want it going through my office server, so that night we sent a copy of the movie to Meg's husband. It seemed like the considerate thing to do, and it felt good doing it. I'm told by her neighbors that Meg did not bounce when he kicked her ass to the curb.

That night, having given me one gift that I would cherish for years to come, my lovely wife gave me a second gift that I will cherish until the day I die. She is convinced that was the night we conceived our first born, a daughter who looks just like her mother.

Yes, life is good.

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I know, this is a silly little thing. I just had this idea of a man's wife helping him get the payback he never got, and the story wrote itself. I was smiling the whole time I wrote it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.