I was startled out of my nap by the harsh ringing of the telephone. "Hello," I croaked, my voice feeling rusty.
"Alex, it's Reggie. Where have you been hiding? I haven't seen hide nor hair of you in days. Why not join me at Rick's this evening for dinner. Tell you what, laddie, you can pay. That should make you feel better," he chuckled.
I cleared my throat and laughed. "That sounds fine, Reg. By the way, what time is it. I must have fallen asleep reading."
"It's 3 p.m., Alex. I'll meet you there at 7. That gives you plenty of time. Don't be late," he cautioned and hung up.
I roused myself and went and looked into the mirror in the foyer. Shit. That's right, I looked like shit. I hadn't shaved in 3 days and I had forgotten if I had even showered. What the hell is wrong with me? It's not as if I had second thoughts about what I had done. It wasn't as if I was all that heart broken about the end of my marriage. It wasn't as if I was that devastated by Casey's betrayal. So why the hell was I moping about?
I thought that it could be just laziness. I hadn't had a real opportunity to be lazy in decades. College required study and part-time work. After graduation it was right into the work force. Marriage, kids, keeping up the facade of married life, all of that tended to keep one busy. I realized that this was the first time since I was a kid that I had no responsibilities, no place I had to be, no need to even look at my watch. I looked at my bare wrist - I didn't even wear one now. You know something, it's not at all difficult doing nothing.
"Well," commented Reg as I walked onto the patio at Rick's. "You look turned out. Are you seeing someone after we dine, Alex?" and he chuckled at his humor.
In fact I did look fairly decent. I had showered, shaved and even managed to get a haircut. I had dressed fittingly with a clean and pressed pair of khakis and black polo. I smiled at his jibe. "No date later for me, Reg. I'm all decked out just for you. It looks like you're my date, damn it."
Reggie smiled and we ordered drinks and dinner. The drinks were outstanding, the food a bit less so, but that wasn't a surprise. We chatted about nothing in particular. Reggie was in a nostalgic mood and he was able to keep the conversation going with tales of growing up in the southwest of England and the years he spent in Scotland. Dinner was soon over and we sat back, again pleased that we were the only ones on the patio. Well, it was the off season and most of the locals were home and the few tourists preferred the air conditioned interior of the place.
Reggie pulled out a slim panatella and offered one to me, nodding as I shook my head in refusal. He lit up, sipped a bit of his drink and turned to me. "Well, Alex. Now where were we in your narrative? I believe you ended by telling me about the conversation you had with your wife, when she invited you to return to the household, but with conditions, correct?"
I sat still for a moment, gazing at him. I was puzzled. Why was Reggie so interested in my life? Did he have ulterior motives? Nah, I truly believed Reg to be a decent guy, but I had to ask.
"What's going on, Reg. Why this interest in my past? I know that you're not the type to get vicarious pleasure from the misery of others. Come clean, Reg. I know that you must have a reason for this fascination."
Reggie smiled softly. "I knew that eventually you would ask that question, laddie. You're quite correct, I do have a reason. How about I give you just a broad outline and will fill you in on the details at a later date when the time presents itself. Will that do, Alex?"
I shrugged and nodded. Reg looked pensive for a moment and then continued. "You see, my boy, I had a similar event in my early years. Oh, I was much worse than you had been. To be brief, I was a bit of a womanizer, even after I had married my love. A few years into my marriage Margaret discovered that I was having an affair. It truly devastated her and we separated. Well, that separation shocked me to the core. It changed me. I didn't want to lose Margaret so I changed. I vowed to never again betray my marriage and finally convinced my love that I was sincere. That is my long story cut very short, but you can understand why I find your situation so interesting, especially since the outcome of your...ah, incident turned out so differently for you. There's more to my story, but I'll get to that later, okay?"
I nodded. I guess I understood Reg's motives a bit better now, but I still wasn't totally convinced. Well, I was not all that interested in the long version of his tale, so I accepted what he told me and told him of the years after I had moved back in. My tale was fairly mundane. Some events seemed to create more interest for Reggie, especially Casey's so called bedroom invitation and I noticed his raised eyebrows as I told him of my refusal. He again perked up when I mentioned the conversation I had with Sunny. The one where I had promised to call her and didn't get around to for quite awhile. I finally ran out of steam after telling Reg about my promotion and the busy years at my job.
"And throughout these years, you really had only a shell of a marriage, Alex? There was never any physical contact? None?" queried Reg.
"Yep, no physical contact. Oh, we related fairly well to each other. There wasn't a load of tension in the house. It was almost as if we were brother and sister...no, no, not quite that homey. It was as if we were acquaintances. That's really the appropriate term. We got along, but we were never intimate, physically or emotionally."
"Alex, I hope that this isn't, ...ah, indelicate, but how did you manage with normal, male sexual urges? From what I understand, you never again attempted an extramarital affair. How on earth did you manage."
I laughed, albeit a bit bitterly. "I ran, Reg. Almost everyday. I found that my so called sexual urges were strongest in the mornings, so I would rise early, go out and run. If the weather was good, I would run outside, if not, at the gym. Even when I was away on business, I always took my jogging stuff with me. You know, clothes, sneaks, etc. Running helped suppress those urges."
I looked at him steadily, thinking to shock him perhaps? "Then, of course, there is always Madam Thumb and her four sisters. That helped quite a bit also." I sat for a moment, thinking. "I guess...that is I suspect...oh, shit. What I'm trying to say is that it could be that the results of my little extra-marital foray may have kind of prevented me from pursuing that route, Reg. I'm not trying to be an amateur psychologist, but every time I thought of "looking around" I seemed to shut down. Perhaps the price I was paying for my adultery prevented me from trying it again? I don't know, but I did keep my pecker in my pants."
Reggie sat there, shaking his head sadly. "So for over 12 years you lived a lie of a marriage. How dreadful that must have been for both of you."
For both of us? Both of us??? Hmmm, interesting. I never really gave much thought to how Casey felt about the situation she had created. Oh, yes, I was at fault at first, but she had blown it totally out of proportion. I screwed up, but she had let it destroy us. Was it all that dreadful for her? Interesting. I thought about that for a few seconds. Nah, not so dreadful, I speculated. She probably luxuriated in her martyrdom, casting herself in the role of the betrayed victim.
Fuck it, I was getting a headache.
Reggie commiserated with me for a bit and then we moved on to other, less sensitive, topics. You know, like why we Americans loved violent sports like football. I had my reply ready. Like rugby is less violent? Yeah, sure.
********************
I got up the next morning and made sure that I showered and shaved. I put on a pair of swimming trunks, got a large beach towel out and prepared a thermos of lemonade. Yeah, yeah, lemonade. I took some sun block with me, despite the deep tan I had already developed. Better safe than sorry.
Less than 10 minutes later I was lying on a pristine, white sand beach, under the fronds of a queen palm, sipping lemonade. The sun was still low on the horizon, but it had already become hot. I had dark sunglasses on, a necessity considering the glare from the water and the shimmering sand. It was relatively early and there were few bathers, which suited me fine. I thought back to my evening with Reggie and smiled. He was a good sort and I was lucky to have found a friend. It made my exile easier to take.
WHOA...whoa. What exile? Where did that come from? Shit, no exile. This is what I had chosen. This was MY decision. This is what I had planned. This is where I wanted to be. Forget exile. No exile. This is my place in the sun. Shit, the sun is scrambling my brains. Gotta move further back in the shade. Shaking my head in disgust at myself, I did just that - I moved further back into the shade.
I was leaning back against the trunk of the palm, sipping my lemonade - okay, so it had a splash of vodka in it. Big deal, it was only a splash. I had gotten comfortable and my thoughts drifted back to my years as a regional manager. Jeez, I really enjoyed those years. I had fun, truly, I did. I enjoyed the people I dealt with, I was really successful and I was making a ton of money. Damn, I was making a ton of money doing something that I really loved. If my home life had been half as rewarding as my work, I would have thought I had died and gone to heaven.
My relationship with Casey hadn't really changed all that much. As had been mentioned, we were civil and relatively friendly. Ha, friendly. That's with a small, not a capital f. No intimacy, no physical or emotional contact. Did it bother me? Nah, this is how it was for some years now, I had gotten used to it. I had...really. You know, sometimes life deals you four aces in one hand, and shit in another. That's me - great job, and a marriage that sucked, figuratively speaking, of course.
The kids were now young adults, preparing for college. Damn, they grew up so fast. When did that happen? Anyway, Casey decided that she wanted to return to the work place. The kids really didn't need her around all of the time now and she was getting bored.
I was in my study when she knocked on the door. I told her to come in and she sat in the chair in front of my desk. She didn't say anything at first, just glanced around the room. It was almost as if she had never seen it before. I suddenly realized that may not have been too far from the truth. We had a cleaning service come in every week and they took care of the dusting, vacuuming, and the rest of what they do. Casey probably had no reason to come into my study.
"Alex," she began. "I need to do something. The children don't really need me around constantly and I feel useless. I'm thinking of getting a part-time job."
I blinked. That was a surprise. I shrugged. If she wanted to work, let her. It really didn't make any difference to me.
