The Hotel

As always, I have to include a huge debt of gratitude to Randi for her incredible editing, and assistance.

I also have to add thanks to George for his help. It's nice to have good people in your corner.

This chapter picks up after Reece laid down his ultimatum that he wanted the polyamorous element of their relationship to end, and for Sierra to choose between Leif and himself.

*****

Sierra, staggered back as if she had tripped. Grabbing the door frame for support, she muttered distractedly, "Reece, that's not fair; you promised to try it for a year. You are asking me which arm I would prefer to cut off"

"Sorry, that's it for me. It's either him or me. Personally, I would prefer we moved, but I knew you'd never do that."

"How can you be so cool and calm, so insensitive? It borders on cruel. How could you be so bloody heartless?"

"You and I see things differently, Sierra. I've swallowed a bitter pill in trying to accept this insanity. I've just reached the end of my tether. I'm telling you here and now, you need to decide on what you want to do."

"Jesus, Reece. You can't drop a bomb like that and expect me to make a life altering decision."'

"No, I didn't mean you had to decide here and now. I'll give you a couple of days to make your choice."

She stood open mouthed, her hands running furiously through her hair as she tried to formulate a response. Her mouth moved, but there was only silence.

"I never wanted this, Sierra. I told you that when you suggested it to me. Let me know what your decision is."

"And what if I say, I'm not going to."

"Then I'll assume you've decided on taking Leif as your partner."

"Reece, this is insane. We don't have to do this. What's to be gained from this madness?"

"My freedom, that's what. Once that decision is made, I will be free to move on with my life."

"Oh my god, this is all about Julia, isn't it?"

"No, Julia and I are nothing more than friends, but she has shown me that there is life after divorce. I'm sure there are other women who would be interested."

"Bloody hell." She sighed as she walked away.

She stayed out of my way for the rest of the day. The kids offered some reprieve, but the moment Leif walked in. Sierra grabbed him as he struggled to slow her down.

The kids were all hungry, so we had a bit of fun as they told me about their day and I made them a sandwich. Afterwards they all zoomed off to play.

I went for a stroll to clear my head and prepare for a bitter battle. Sierra was probably giving Leif my ultimatum right at that moment.

When I got back, the kids were setting out the table. Leif was in the kitchen helping Sierra and talking in hushed tones.

The kids dominated dinner as they always did, but as the meal came to an end, they started to pick up on the tension. There were lots of nervous glances exchanged.

Leif was itching to say something. I could see it; every time our eyes met, his brow furrowed and he gave me the evil eye.

With inner barely finished, Leif said, "Perhaps you kids should go up to your room for a bit. Mummy and I have some things we need to discuss with Reece."

Sierra gathered them together and shooed them up the stairs.

"Okay bro, what the fuck is this about laying down a fucking ultimatum?"

"Leif, I said I'd try to make this thing work. I made it pretty clear that I wasn't into it. Now it's over. I've asked Sierra to make a decision. She's either going to be mine or yours."

"Fuck me, bro. Why... Jesus you're destroying everything."

"All I'm trying to do is get my family back. Either that, or I'm going to get my freedom. I'm sick of sleeping alone. I'm sick of watching you and her all lovey-dovey while I'm left alone. One way or the other, it's over."

"Mate, you're fucking this up. We offered you a pathway that could take away all this fucking animosity."

"I told you then I'm not into that shit. I don't want to spend the rest of my life watching you fuck my wife."

"Reece," sierra screamed in anguish. "You don't have to be crude. We get it, you said it enough times. Why do you have to make it sound so grotesque?"

"Maybe it sounds that way because it is."

"Reece, lots of people live in relationships like this. It's not like we're the only ones."

"I'm not knocking it, Sierra. For the people who want to live that way, fine. It's just not for me, okay? I hate the idea everybody knows. It pisses me off."

"Bro," Leif blustered. "You're getting your tits in a tangle for nothing. Nobody cares about that shit these days."

"I fucking care, don't you understand? It's important to me. God knows what they say about me."

"It's always about you isn't it, Reece, that's what bugs me most. You don't care about us, it's just you."

"Sierra, I'm serious. I want out of this mess. I'm sick of all the continuous drama, sick of sleeping alone. I want my wife back. You need to choose. If you don't, I'm leaving. I'm sick of all this bullshit."

"No!" came the scream from the stairs. "Please, Dad, we don't want you to leave."

The thundering sound of a herd of angry kids reverberated as they ran down and into their mother's arms. "Please, Dad, we want you to stay." Zane sniffled.

Sierra pulled them into a circle around herself. "Nobody's leaving." She glared at me for support. "Tell them, Reece."

I knelt down and the girls slipped their arms around my neck and we hugged. "Kids, there's lots of things happening at the moment. You guys are old enough to know that your Mum and I have been having issues. It's not your fault, it's just us. We are trying to work things out, but I don't know what the future holds."

The girls saturated my shoulder with their tears, which started my own waterworks. Even the boys came over and joined our group hug. Sierra and Leif stood watching, concern etched deep into their faces.

Seeing the pain on their faces made it hard. They were a family; they didn't understand what was going on, all they saw was their family splitting... and they didn't like it.

Sierra rallied them together and led them off to bed. Leif walked over to me and wrapped his big hairy arms around me. "Why didn't you say you were feeling like this bro?"

"I bloody have. Christ, I've hardly been keeping my feelings to myself."

"Yeah, I knew you weren't happy, but this. Fuck man, leaving. Come on, you don't want to do that."

"Leif, I can't talk to you about this. All you want is Sierra; you don't care about me. I can't trust anything you say any more. I will always be left questioning your motives."

"I've never lied to you, Reece. We love the same woman; we have a shared family. You're my best mate, my brother, I would never willingly hurt you."

"I don't believe you, Leif... See, that's the problem. I can't talk to you anymore. I've lost my best mate, as well."

We separated and he sighed. "I'm sorry you feel that way, bro. I still love you, still want to have you around. I'll do anything to keep us all together. If it's the sex thing, then I'll step out of the loop."

"Leif, that all sounds very noble, except it doesn't. Stuck under the same roof, the three of us living like this, it can never work. If Sierra chooses me, you're gonna be all bitter and twisted. You'll hate me, maybe not today, but after a while the resentment will come back and we will be at each others throats again. It's no way to live, and it's not right that the kids see it every day either."

"Fuck," he barked loudly. "You're fucking this up severely, dude. You're letting your petty jealousy get in the way. That's what this is all about. You must have been a shit of a kid. Bet you hated sharing your toys, as well. You've never really committed to giving this a fair go. You already had your mind made up before we even tried."

"That's rich coming from you. You selfish fucking arsehole. All you fucking care about is yourself. If you cared about me, then you wouldn't be banging my fucking wife. You're just a fucking scum bag cock sucking arsehole."

Suddenly, we were swinging punches, a whirlwind of punches thrown. I felt his huge fist slam into my jaw. He was a hell of a lot stronger than me. All I had was anger, and I had a lot of that. I landed a couple of hits as well, but the fight was taken out of me when he landed a huge blow to my stomach.

I dropped like a stone, unable to breathe, my mouth full of bile. On my hands and knees, I managed to get some breath back. When I opened my eyes, we were surrounded by the kids, none knowing what to say. Leif had a broken nose, split lip, a black eye, and there was blood everywhere.

I could only imagine I looked a lot worse; he landed the heavier shots.

Sierra stood staring from Leif to me, her shocked expression strangling any words. Harmony fell down beside me. "Are you okay, Dad?"

"I'm fine." The words were a struggle to get out. My tongue seemed huge. "You kids need to get back to bed."

Sierra chased them back to bed, Harmony giving me a blood stained kiss on the cheek. "I love you, Dad. Please don't fight." She rushed over and hugged Leif, before she rushed off to be with the others."

Leif stumbled over to where I was and muttered, "Jesus Christ, Reece. I'm sorry, bro. Fuck, I don't know what happened."

"I guess this was coming," I mumbled through swollen lips. "Maybe it had to happen."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, I said I was sorry," he snarled as he flopped back in one of the chairs.

Sierra arrived just as I was standing up. She walked up, slipped her arm around my waist, and said, "Let's get you cleaned up."

In the bathroom she wiped away all the blood, cleaned up my face. "God, you're gonna have a huge black eye, and you mouth is swollen." She dabbed on the salve and found me some pain killers. "Go and change, there's blood all over your shirt. I'll go and see if Leif needs a hand."

I walked back down to the living area with fresh clothes. Leif had also changed.

"Are you two clowns happy now? Those children are scared bloody stiff. Seeing you two fighting was the last thing they needed to see."

"I already said I'm sorry, Reece." Leif muttered unconvincingly. Sierra glared at me. "Well, what have you got to say?"

"I'm sorry as well. The kids shouldn't have seen that." I glared at Sierra, "I'm gonna stay with Pete for a few days. When I get back, you need to have made your decision. It's either him or me."

Leif hissed, "You're a fool, Reece. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're a selfish self centred arsehole. You don't care about anybody but yourself. You couldn't stand to see Sierra and I having any enjoyment from life. You're a petty vindictive bastard."

He was gone, leaving Sierra and I glaring at each other. "What happened, Reece?"

"I don't know," I said with a casual shrug. "One minute we were yelling at each other and then the world exploded."

"Leif hit you?" she gasped in shock.

"I don't now who hit who. It just started."

She hugged me tight, and I winced. She gave me a worried look. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, maybe some bruising. Nothing to worry about."

"Bloody hell, you damn fools. The kids were horrified."

"Yeah, I'm sorry they had to see that, but I need to know Sierra, him or me."

"For heaven's sake, can't we take our time and talk about it. Jesus, we have so much of ourselves invested in this. I love you, Reece, and I will do whatever it takes. If you want me to stop sleeping with Leif, then that's fine. That's what I'll do."

That caught me off guard. "That's great, exactly what I wanted to hear you say. Now tell me you'll do it happily."

Guiltily, with a soft shake of her head, she rasped apologetically, "Reece, I can't do that and you know it. I will do whatever it takes to keep this family together, but I can't lie. It wouldn't be happily. Why are you being so difficult about this?"

"Because it's important to me. I want to know that the rest of our lives together would be happy ones. That could only happen if you were happy with your decision. If you're gonna be resentful, always wishing that Leif was still in your life, it wouldn't work."

"What you're suggesting is impossible. I can't just suddenly forget Leif; he is part of our story, and I do have legitimate feelings for him. You just can't turn that off."

"That's what I'm afraid of. History would just repeat: the resentment, the arguments. We would just end up hating each other. We want different things. If we are going to remain friends, work together for the sake of the kids, then we have to separate."

"I don't want that, Reece. I never did."

"Neither did I, but I can't accept things as they are."

"So what happens?" She sighed dejectedly. I think at that moment, we both knew it was over.

"We move on, you and Leif need to see if you can make a go of it. I'm going to try and put this behind us. It's important for the kid's sake that we remain at least cordial; we put their needs first. There must be no more fighting in front of them. If you have issues with me, then we do that fighting in private. The same goes for Leif."

"Will you stay?" she asked with sadness.

"Yeah, I want the kids to have some stability. I'll spend a couple of days at Pete's. I think we both need some space."

There was no hiding the cuts, black eye and swollen lip. The guys at work gave me shit. One cheeky bastard asked me if I did any damage to the other guys fist. When Julia saw me, I heard her loud gasp, but she said nothing. I took enough time staying at Pete's so that my injuries were all gone when I returned home.

We tried to keep it private, but kids are far more perceptive than we give them credit for. They picked up on the shift. They realised Sierra and I no longer slept together, there was no more cuddling or intimacy between us and they asked questions. Very insightful questions, and we had to answer them honestly.

Yeah, it meant another family meeting where we bared our souls and told them the truth. No hiding, no ego spared.

There were tears, lots of them. We had to reassure them that although Sierra and I were no longer together, the family was still strong and nothing would change in that regard.

"Are you moving away, Dad?" Zane asked.

"No, we just wanted you to know what's going on."

Harmony, who was Leif's real daughter, was quick into my arms, her tears saturating my shirt. "Please don't go. We will all do anything."

"He's not going anywhere," Leif stated loudly. "He and Sierra aren't getting along, but he's not going anywhere. This is his home, as well as ours. We are still a family."

Autumn joined Harmony on my lap, and we cuddled. That hug was soon joined by Zane and Hawk, who stood beside us, just embracing.

The kids didn't fully understand. They had always accepted that ours wasn't a normal household. They never judged or questioned it. Knowing it and dealing with it are different things. They didn't understand.

That brought about a lot of changes. Sierra moved into Leif's room. I cancelled our joint credit cards, closed our savings account, splitting it down the middle and opening my own private account.

That hurt Sierra; not financially, but the fact I had separated myself from her. She saw it as unnecessary, and she was probably right. I did it out of spite. Just to prove we were over.

It also meant she had to start paying her half of our mortgage. That hurt, as well.

It certainly made living together under the same roof very difficult.

Separation wasn't what she wanted; even after the acrimony she still wanted her big nuclear family.. Her wonderful fantasy world had dissolved, and she blamed me for it. In front of the children we were warm and loving. We were careful not to let them see the pain. It wasn't just Sierra. I felt it as well, watching them together openly showing love, that hurt. I thought I could take it, but in reality, no, it hurt, it hurt badly.

It would have been nice if my friendship with Julia had remained intact. Unfortunately, she had ghosted me. I tried on several occasions to talk to her, but she brushed me aside.

I lost my confidante, the only other person I had been able to confide in.

That door was about to be prised open in a very painful way. It came in the form of a phone call from Amy's school. She had an accident and needed to be taken to the doctor. The school had been unable to get in touch with Julia. It was Harmony who suggested they call me.

I checked around the office and discovered Julia had taken annual leave to visit family in Christchurch. With no alternatives, I drove to the school and picked up Amy.

I found her in the infirmary, her eyes full of tears, her head swathed in a bloodied bandage. "What happened?" I asked.

Through her sniffling tears, she replied, "We were playing chasings, and I ran around the corner and banged into Billy. That's all I remember."

"Don't worry, sweetie. We'll get you to the doctor."

Understanding little about concussion, I kept her talking. We talked about netball, school and what Mummy was doing.

The doctor had to put in several stitches, and reapplied a fresh bandage. We sat in the recovery room for a couple of hours. The doctor finally gave her the all clear. It was getting late, and I was trying to figure out what to do. My phone rang. "Oh my god, where are you?" Julia screeched.

"At the medical centre in town. Don't panic, she's all right. Concussion and a few stitches."

"Thank god." She sighed. "Are you still there? I can come and get her."

"No, you go home. I don't think you sound in any condition to be driving. I'll bring her home."

With a deep thankful sigh, she said, "Thank you, Reece. I appreciate that."

"It's all good. We'll be at your place in about half an hour."

As we pulled up outside Julia's place, she came rushing out. She threw open the passenger side door and whisked Amy into her arms. "Oh my love, are you all right?"

As she held her tightly, Amy recounted the events of the day. When Julia was satisfied, she looked across at me. "Thank you, Reece. I will be forever grateful."

"Hey, no worries. I'm just glad I could help. The doc said she'll be fine, just watch out for unusual signs."

"No, I need to say thank you."

Julia walked hand in hand, escorting Amy inside.

I drove off, feeling a little deflated. It was just nice to hear her voice, with warmth, rather than politeness.

The netball season was drawing to a close, but the weather had been unrelenting. Canterbury can be like that sometimes. I got the kids out of the car, the boys scurrying off to kick the ball around. I was on the sidelines when I felt an arm slide through mine. I turned to find Julia. She nestled under my umbrella, with Amy tucked in close.

"How have you been?" she asked.

"Could be better." Kneeling down by Amy, I asked, "And how are you, sweetie?"

She smiled, replying, "I'm okay, but I'm not allowed to play today."

I gave her a kiss on the cheek, "I'm sorry, sweetie. Maybe next week."

"She's fine," Julia said as I stood up beside her. "Although the doctor said no contact sports. She's disappointed to miss out today."

"Yeah, the team will miss her. I know Autumn and Harmony miss her."

She winced a little. "Reece, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"It's okay. I get it. I would just like to know what I did wrong."

She grimaced as she mumbled apologetically, "Nothing, okay. It wasn't you. I just got nervous. I'm sorry, I panicked and pulled my head back into my shell like I always do. I was scared."

"Of what?" I replied, confusion overwhelming me.

She looked down at Amy, who had nestled between us, her arm around my waist, then back at me. "Can we talk about this later?"

I nodded, and we turned to focus on the game. I was surprised when she asked, "Can we come and watch the boys play? Amy has really missed the girls during the weekends."