The Hot List

Two weeks went by before I heard from Sam.

He called and said he had my results if I was interested. I told him to name the place and time.

His cronies had discussed this beforehand, and I was instructed to be at Hooters by one Saturday.

I was told not to be late, or I would be on the hook for the bar bill too.

I was there by 12:45 and was already behind by one round.

"Will, these are the boys. Let's eat before we get started."

I didn't know old guys could eat that many wings.

Finally they were gorged. After the waitress cleaned up the mess and brought yet another round Sam turned the meeting over to his buddy Joe.

"First, has Sam explained the whole thing to you?"

"No, not a thing."

"All right, Here's how it started. Jim and I took our wives to Wal-Mart about two years ago, and heck, you're married, you know what that means.

After about 45 minutes of intense discussion over whether mauve or puce towels would match the bathroom decor best, we retreated to the benches."

"We had been there about five minutes when a woman walked in and Jim made a comment about what a nice rack she had. I countered by pointing out that is was impressive, but her butt was a little flat so it detracted from the overall package.

I pointed out a young lady that had an almost perfect bottom, but was flatchested. From there it escalated."

"Suddenly we were on the one to ten scale. Yes, her breasts were around a 7, but her butt only rates a 5. Pretty face and hair, rank it about a 7

Over all a, a solid 6 and 2/3 out of 10."

"We went back home and happened to mention our comparisons to our regular group at the clubhouse that night. Well, the scientific minds went to work, factored in a bunch of variables we hadn't even considered, and over a period of time it evolved to this."

He lay a small notebook on the table. It held 3 X 5 index cards that had been printed with a form I couldn't decipher.

"We put in code form. After all, it wouldn't do for the store manager to look over our shoulders

and see us checking spaces marked 'ass', or 'boobs'. Let me explain it to you."

"See this column? It's 'bu' for butt. This one is 'br', for breasts. This 'f' is for face, the 'h' is for hair, 'l' is for legs, 'o' is for overall physical presence, 'pro' is for projection, 'pre' is presence. This column has 'a', 'b', and for 'c'. A is 18 to 30 years old, B is for 35 thru 45, and C is 45 to 60."

He paused for dramatic effect, then he put a card in front of me.

"This is your compilated list of your wifes' score. If you want we can explain it in detail."

I nodded my assent.

"First, let me get the one we all missed badly. We all put her in the 30 to 45 age group. one of us guessed 41, one 43, and the other at 39. Imagine our surprise to learn she's 52. She was a solid 8 overall, but after finding her age we moved her to the correct age section and it bumped her rating up to 8.5."

They grinned at me.

"To sum it up, you have a damn fine looking wife, probably the best we've ever seen in her age group. Her hair was nice, she's got a really pretty face, and her proportions were almost perfect. But the deciding factor that put her so high was her presence."

"Some women project. They act or dress to gather attention. Some women have presence, they gather attention by just being who they are. You're wife is among those. Treasure her, she's a rare gem."

I nodded, overcome by sudden emotion.

Gathering myself, I thanked them for their time, promised to keep the secret safe and left.