The Hockey Dad Gets What He Deserves

I know, four posts in four days. My iPad's memory is full, so I'm cleaning house by finishing some good ideas that were stuck and linger. So linger no more Hockey Dad!

I don't know if I'll hit 5 days straight. This exercise has me outlining a story about events revolving around cleaning up a hard drive. Pictures found...emails decoded...hidden accounts...criminal minds and sex with pepperoni. I just put that last one in to see if you really read introductions. Now onto the tail. Oops, I meant tale...maybe.

@@@@@@@@@

Well, that was quite a little chat! I discovered that for the last 20 years, my wife has considered me beneath her, socially. Not sure exactly in social class, mind you, but in hot factor. In attractiveness quotient. On the fuck-ability scale. What the fuck is a hot factor, in what new math is attractiveness quotient a variable, and how did I weigh in so light on the fuck-ability scale!? Apparently she's a babe and I'm nothing special. Still I never felt beneath her, or like I didn't deserve my wife Lois, even when I was beneath her, which oddly enough was when her her moans and screams and scrunched up cum faces led me to believe she thought I was indeed hot, attractive and fuck-able. Maybe I was aging faster than I thought, but her little revelation played very painfully on my brain. We were partners. We fell in love with each other as beings, not for our looks or for the things we had. I put her on a pedestal, doing anything she wanted, giving her all that she needed and then some. Maybe that was my mistake! I spoiled her and brought this on myself. But I thought she felt the same way, and indeed over 17 years of marriage she had made me feel like a king. My love, my wife, my partner seemed to feel she was now out of my league.

How do you fight that? What response could I possibly have to being left behind by a clearly superior wife as she scampered off to a beach weekend with a crew of coworkers, the oldest of whom was 10 years her junior? It was a crowd famous for drunken orgies and parties that made Animal House look as tame as Mary Poppins? Easy answer. She was right. I didn't deserve her! If she wanted to go off the next night on an episode Girls Gone Wild what was I going to do! Whine and cry? Throw a foot stomping tantrum?

Simple fact was, she was a big girl now. A grown woman living in this enlightened age didn't have to answer to her husband, she could do as she pleased. She was hot, and she knew it. She deserved to take advantage of her hot factor before she got old and saggy. Monogamy was old fashioned, and she shouldn't feel tied down by the constraints of marriage. Men wanted her. Men lusted for her luscious tits and the sway of her hip made her ass dance in ways that drove younger men crazy. Her words, not mine! She wagged her finger at me defiantly and said I had no choice but accept what she wanted. If I fought it, she would divorce me, take my money and keep my kids from ever seeing me. Some independent woman huh? "You're not hot dear, but I'll take the house, your progeny and half your money." I really didn't deserve that. I really didn't deserve her. Was I listening? Yes indeed, I didn't deserve her.

Ok, right. No my friends, I'm not being sarcastic. She was right on all accounts. There was nothing at all I could do to prevent any of it. Divorce, poverty, helplessness, it was all there right in front of me. I had to be very careful of my reaction. So I gave her Switzerland. Total neutrality. She ranted and raved for hours. Of course, she had nothing new to say, so she just rehashed her script. Me too. The first time through I said...nothing. The second time...nothing. I even managed to record it, both on video and audio, on two separate takes, and I answered...nothing.

She ranted as she stumbled wrestling suitcases down from the attic. I giggled. She raved as she packed. I grilled a couple of burgers. She bellowed about my inadequacies as a husband. I wondered where that came from, since I had never heard complaints before. I cleaned up my meal, and went to pick up my daughters from the neighbors house where they had been hanging out after hockey practice. I got home and my wife had simmered down to the muttering stage. I got the girls settled, and went out to the garage to sand a table I was restoring. When I finished, I settled into my easy chair to watch a game. It was late when she came down.

"Lets not fight Bobby. I need you to be behind me. We can't make this work with you yelling at me about everything. I promise this won't last forever. It can't. I'll either get tired of other men, or the last of my youth will fade, and I'll settle back to being only yours. But you only live once. I have to have something else. You have to understand."

"Yessssss!"

I wasn't talking to her. I wasn't even listening to her. The Rangers had just scored and I was excited. But her face was bright and her spirit was bubbly when she went nose to nose with me.

"Oh thank you for understanding Bobby! It won't really be bad honey. I won't leave you alone all the time. We can still have some husband and wife time. I really do enjoy your company you know. You're a great father and a sweet husband, and I really do love you. I just want to feel the pleasures only a young stud can give me. We can just go with this, and take whatever comes our way. And if you ever really need me for sex, I'll do anything you want."

"Yessssss!"

She kissed me deeply thinking I agreed. It was another goal. The Bruins were going down hard.

"Ok but nothing tonight. I need to be fresh for tomorrow. You can have your fill of me Sunday night when I get home!"

Oh goody. Keep fresh for them, and bring me sloppy seconds.

The next morning was Friday. I got the girls off to school, and decided it was a good day to leave early. I had things to do! My text pinged about 9:45. Wifey was pissed. Apparently, it is my job to wake her royal highness for her first day of extramarital orgy-ing. No thanks, I thought. She can go, but I'm not helping her out. The phone rang, the texts dinged, oh well. I truly didn't deserve her, so why should I chase her?

It was quiet when I came home. The girls were doing their homework and all a twitter about their game the next day. I hung my suit on my closet door, ordered pizza for my dears and took a shower. When I went downstairs, the girls were chowing down on a big Sicilian pie from Sal's, and as soon as they saw me, the wolf whistles began. I may not have deserved Lois, but I do clean up pretty well. Forty years of clean living have left me trim and in a fighting shape that my tux shows off quite well. Broad shoulders, strong chest and narrow waists don't get lost in a well tailored suit.

"We heard Mom last night Dad. Are you getting a divorce?"

My oldest daughter Terri was a very smart 15 years old. I could never bullshit her.

"No Baby. We're not."

"But you alway say there are consequences for your actions, and she is cheating on you. That means she is cheating on us too. We're a family."

"True, but divorce is too easy. It's going to be harder on her to live with what she did than she can possibly know. It's going to be hard to have to live with all the good things she used to love are just out of her reach."

"That makes no sense," piped up Cindy, my 13 year old.

"I know Sweety. There isn't much about what your mom is doing that does make sense. I guess I don't know much about what I'm doing, but let me tell you guys what I do know. Nothing your mom can do is worse than having to live without you."

"But Dad..."

"No more worrying. It's Winter Fest this weekend, and we're going to make the most of it. Big game tomorrow, right?"

I could always deflect my girls attention, especially with hockey. At their age their activities even outweighed family matters, and the Saturday girls hockey game would be a highlight of the weekend. For me, the events were going to be of a different world. I had attended this festival with my wife at my side for the past 20 years. This year I was going solo.

I wondered why she left on this particular weekend. Lois loved the winter festival. We always attended everything we could. Casino Night opened the affair on Friday night, with prizes donated by local businesses and a huge charity auction culminating in the bawdy fun of an auction of eligible bachelors. So the girls headed to the youth party, and I went to the ballroom to shoot some craps and play some cards.

I just arrived when my sister in law Kendra came running up, excited to see me. She asked about Lois, and I told her the entire story. Her jaw dropped at the beginning of my tale of woe, and by the end, when I quoted Lois' declaration of my being undeserving of her the drop of the jaw was so severe you could have driven a snowmobile down her gullet. It was kind of macabre. And just a bit sexy.

"Why the fuck are you here Bobby!? I'd be devastated! I can't believe she did that! First off, you're not deserving of her bullshit. You are more than in her league! In fact, you set the gold standard for leagues as far as husbands go. Do you know how she has bragged about you? She brags about your cooking, how wonderful you are helping around the house, what an amazing father you are, and dude, the way she has talked about you as a lover is over the top. No no no, she didn't do this. Oh...wait..."

She stopped to gather her thoughts for a minute.

"Bobby, I'm going to guarantee you have a great time this weekend, and when it is done the fucking gap in social standing my sister was concerned with is SO going to flip flop. She is my sister and I love her, but she is not going to get away with something this trashy. Not in MY family. KYLE!"

She ran over to her husband Kyle, and began talking excitedly. I decided some roulette would be fun. I played for about twenty minutes when my buddy Danny came up and slapped me on the shoulder.

"Bobby! Hey I just saw Kyle. I can't believe Lois! Listen, we've all got your back though. This weekend, were going to keep you too busy to get down."

As it happened, the table I was playing at was populated by some of the town's busiest gossips. Kendra had filled Danny in completely, and the pity that was forthcoming was over the top.

"Hold on everyone, I'm not as broken up about this as you seem to think. Yes It is sad to have to deal with my marriage not quite being the partnership I thought, but if Lois values her individuality above our marriage, there's nothing left for me to say. It just means I have to rebuild my life around that reality."

"Well listen," piped up Danny over the ensuing chorus of encouragements and condolences, "I know a great lawyer if you need..."

"No thanks buddy. I've got my girls to think of, and I intend to get them through college with their world intact. You know how guys get screwed in the courts, and she already threatened to 'take me to the cleaners and make sure I never saw my girls.' Nothing's gonna keep me away from my girls!"

There were a lot of people talking to me, and after a bit it was so overwhelming I had to step away. As I walked through the ballroom I discovered how quickly word spreads in a gossip rich environment. Everyone stopped me to talk. Drinks appeared in my hand. It was well known I liked bourbon neat, and the town seemed to empty it's entire inventory of Woodford's into my glass. I sipped politely, but decided keeping my wits about me was the way to go, so I sipped slowly. A crazy amount of the attention showered on me was feminine. I looked into so many deeply concerned eyes, was flashed so many down cleavage views, had so many hips swayed at me, had so many luscious lips kiss my cheek in sympathy, and so many breasts and groins rubbed up against me, I wished I was single. Then suddenly I realized, for all intents and purposes, I was. Single! Woo hoo! Exactly where I wanted to be at work his point in my life, right?

I finally broke away from the crowd and found a dark spot over by the dance floor. The band was awesome, playing pop, rock and salsa tunes. It wasn't long before I was spotted. Her name was Davina Crowley. She and Lois got along famously, that is to say they were famous rivals. They were both renowned in town for their gardens, and for their work with the PTA. Their unofficial game of "can you top this" ranged from best tomatoes and quilts at the county fair to best decorated house at Halloween. Davina however was tough for anyone to be around and had divorced her husband years ago. With her children long grown and out of the house, Davina was often on the prowl for a new man in her life. She flirted with me shamelessly, not because she really wanted me (married men were never her style). She wanted to bother Lois, and having her hands on anything of Lois' was cause enough to start World War 3.

"Standing here in the dark moping around is no way to cope. Come. We will dance your cares away."

"I don't know, Davina. Right now, I have no idea what's going on in Lois' mind, and you and she are like oil and water. I'm not so sure being seen dancing with you tonight will be a good idea down the road, especially if Lois' insanity proves temporary."

"Bobby, there is no doubt Lois and I have had our differences. But all I'm asking for is a dance. I'm not taking you home for the night. Well, unless you want to!! Just kidding!"

I wasn't so sure.

"It looks like you can use some company, and I've been where you are. Just dance with me once. If you have fun dance with me again. Or dance with someone else. I'm pretty sure you'll have your pick of partners tonight. Or any night, for that matter! You and Lois are kind of the talk of the festival right now."

I must have looked confused, because she laughed and explained that we were the talk of the town because the single female population had decided if Lois was indeed casting me off, I was not to be left alone. I guess someone thought I was good enough to deserve something. I danced.

Indeed I danced. Just as Davina had predicted, the female population of the town was on alert. I danced as long as the band played. When the DJ took over to cover the band's breaks I danced some more. I was held, kissed, swayed, swung and groped all night, and when the auction was announced I was grabbed by the elbow and pulled into the crowded area before the stage. Suddenly someone grabbed my hand, and when I looked up saw Kendra smiling back.

"So I guess you spread the news a little."

"No. I spread it a lot."

"She's your sister."

"You're my favorite brother in law. She made a choice. You are stuck with her choice, but that doesn't mean you have to suffer, at least not alone. Damn Bobby, that bit about her being out of your league really stuck in my craw. How dare she? How could she be so blinded by lust?"

The auction started. It was hysterical to watch. Hugh Donaldson, a rather heavy set butcher went for $500 to Martie Conroy, a skinny little dental hygienist who said she wanted someone she could hold hold onto. The mayor was bought by the governor's daughter. The chief of police was bought by a consortium of women from the league of women's voters. The highest bid went to the last bachelor of the evening, a young fireman who had appeared shirtless on a fundraiser calendar, and had become the heartthrob of the twenty something set.

Then when they should have been wrapping it all up, my name was called, as Springdale's newest most eligible bachelor. There were cheers. I felt like they were cheering the demise of my marriage. I didn't want to go, but couldn't dig my heels in fast enough to avoid the tide of female arms and hands that grabbed me and swept me up to the podium. The MC chastised my hesitation good naturedly, but then said, "Oh come on Bobby, we know you're married, but you are alone this weekend, and it is for charity. We need that new wing on the hospital! Why don't you give it a whirl. You don't have to do anything that wouldn't pass the cheating husband test on your date, and we know Lois is...umm...away. I'm pretty sure you'll be our big winner tonight and bring in the high price, but no one is going to make you do anything you don't want to, no one can force you into anything."

Eerily, Lois had said those very words about going on her weekend.

"Ok."

And off they went. Screams erupted and women jockeyed for position. Ok ladies, high bid tonight was twelve grand. Remember, you'll get to spend a fine evening with this distinguished gent, but like we said no hanky panky. At least not officially. What you do after the officially sanctioned date is...well, I can't control that. So what do you say we start at...

"Fifteen grand!"

Margie Sheppard was a rich kid. She was in law at Harvard, and was dynamite on heels. She also had deep pockets, and shan't afraid to use them. Although, you certainly couldn't see then on the skintight red dress she wore. The woman was a walking erection cause. She was not however alone. Six bids came in fast and sent the total up in increments of a thousand each, until Margie Sheppard stopped the process with a thirty thousand dollar bid. There was a hush, and then cheers. When things quieted down Margie's mother out bid her by a thousand. Her pockets were even deeper than her daughters'. Davina entered the fray with fifty thousand. The eyes of the auctioneer bulged. The hospital board members were stunned at the quick response they were getting from this seemingly quick and easy fundraising project.

"Tell you what," I said into the mic. I will donate a whole Saturday, from bringing you breakfast to saying good night, to every bidder over that fifteen K mark, and I will take the high bidder to the ball tomorrow night.

Hell I was going to donate a million to the new wing myself. I might as well get a Winter Ball date out of it. Well, a million might be out of my league. More like a thousand. Maybe fifty. But if the richy Rich-ettes of our fair city were going to open their purses, I could "suffer" their company for the sake of the town!

Kendra, was beside me in the role of the woman who had put me up to bid, squeezed my hand and smiled. "This could not have gone better." She giggled. "Thank you Davina. This weekend just got very interesting."

@@@@@@@

I've been bored and restless. My girls are at the age where they need their mother less and less. My husband Bobby works hard, but he doesn't seem to reap much in the way of rewards. I admit, I don't understand his business. I'm not sure he does either. All of his colleagues drive fancy cars and live in huge houses. Ours is comfortable but small compared to their palaces. Ok, maybe I'm stuck up, but I've had enough of playing keeping up with the Jonses when their jobs are in another league from Bobby's. They wear suits, he wears Dockers. I know I deserve better.

Shit, that was harsh. I still can't believe I said it to him. It's true of course, but it shouldn't be said. Men have to have their egos stroked and propped up, and I suppose I trashed his. I know I'll end up making that up to him, but he just has gotten so old. His idea of fun is cooking a meal, but then he has to spend the hour or so after eating it cleaning it up. Like I said old. Stodgy. Stuffy. And cheap. He's been a good husband and a great father to my girls though, so I need to keep him around for them...yeah, and for me. Lord knows, I couldn't deal with their drama like he does! Probably because I'm too much like them.

So when the crazy young kids from work decided to have an 'Epic Weekend' in Daytona Beach just ahead of the Spring Break crowd and invited me, I decided to go. This group of young go getters is one of the best sales teams we've had, just through their sheer energy. Oh they are smart. They get leads from the most unusual places. They scour back sales reports and find existing customers whose business has fallen off a bit, and coax them back into the fold. It's true, this has drawn accusations of poaching from other sales teams, but they don't care. They have offered low term, low interest financing by shaving off a bit of their commission on the sales. I think that's quite smart! But they are wild.