The Fuc Her Guide

Hey Fuckers!

I have been working my ass off and writing some. I'm using this series to push me to finish Chapter 9 What Kind of Man I Am.

This story has taken over my head for the past few months and will be 3 chapters. Just doing my part to provide essential entertainment during this time.

Big thanks to JD for the editing help.

Update on other stories:

Chapter 9, What Kind of Man I Am should be ready in 2 to 3 weeks.

Fine! I have played out the rest of the story in my head and have written a good outline on it.

Constructive feedback, thoughts, suggested edits and your results of trying out a Chip antic can be sent to my email.

Redo1984🤘

Copyright © 2020 - This is an original work by Redo1984 and is protected under copyright by U.S. copyright law. It is only submitted at Literotica and any submission to any other site has not been authorized by the author..

Note - Brad is the same Brad from What Kind of Man I Am.

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Monday Noon

There's Brad. God I hope he has some ideas. This has been one of the worst weekends fucking ever.

"Hey bud. How are you holding up?" he asked.

"Not good. The shock... I really don't know what to do." I said

"Divorce?" he asked.

"Absolutely." I said.

"Good. Then you do know what you want to do. You said she moved out Friday? So your problem is what's next? But that's easy as well. Lawyer up and protect your finances is your first priority." he said.

"I suppose." I said.

"Listen. Unfortunately, I can't stay too long. You need to move on the finances to fucking day. Move the money and control access. Change your direct deposit. You're going to do it right?" he asked.

"Or do you want to take a chance her new boyfriend or girlfriend talks her into taking everything? Maybe they can take a vacation and laugh about it. Then they can invite you to the wedding and thank you for the down payment for the house and send videos of them making babies, I fucking suppose!" he said with a fire.

"Fuck that! Yes. I'll get it done today." I said pissed off.

"Okay. Do it. After that, you need a plan that will give you some satisfaction, feel better, and maybe some light revenge. Am I right?" he said.

"That sounds good! Hell yeah!" I said perking up.

"Okay. The good news is she's employed, you're renting and no pets."

"Here is something I wrote up during my divorce. Same kind of deal. I had some free time, as you may remember. This is a guide to make your plan. Disclaimer. I was a mega huge asshole. But this is one time in your life you can be a huge asshole." he said and slid over the papers.

"Don't do anything that will get you in legal trouble. Bounce the idea off me first okay?" he said.

"Okay. Thanks." I said glossing over it.

"I only gave you the section in regards to what to do after she moved out. But you need to take action to prevent her from coming back. Believe me, she will try. She will fuck around for a month or two and realize this new guy is a total douche. Blow the fucking bridge up. Got it!" he said.

"Got it. I think?" I said.

What bridge? Oh. I get it.

"Get the finances done and blow the bridge by this coming Sunday. I'll come over to your place Sunday and go over the next section." he said.

Neither of us was saying anything. Brad was looking at me. Analyzing me?

"You ditched the ring. That's good. I can help you sell it. Maybe next week? Let's touch base daily. Call me or text me after nine each night." he said.

"Barry, you look rough. You may feel like you're on an island, but you're not. You were there for me." he said.

"Thanks Brad." I said.

"I need to roll man. I have to pick up a table and chairs during my lunch. Let's do dinner Friday night okay." he said as he got up.

"Get to the Bank! Get fucking on it now!" he said pointing at me and slapped my back as he left.

He is always busting his ass to make a little more money since his split last year.

Let's see what we got here.

The Fuck Her Guide

She's a cheater and she's gone. Now what?

Indeed.

Time to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of your ex!

Step 1 Finances

1. Move at least 75% of the money into your own accounts. Make sure to set up your automatic payments. Look for checks that haven't been cashed yet.

2. Change your direct deposit to the new account.

3. Close the credit card you share and get a new one if possible. If not, lower the limit to $1000.

4. Change the beneficiary on your retirement accounts and life insurance. Just do this at work when you time.

Seeing a lawyer and dealing with phones/car insurance and other shit comes in the next section. Don't worry!

Step 2 Blow the Bridge Now!

1. Change the locks if you are able to.

Give the landlord notice and tell them she moved out. Show the landlord any evidence like a note or text from her stating she is gone. Be honest and the landlord may help you out in a critical time later. Remember, she still owes half the rent since she's on the lease!

2. Put cameras on your entry doors. make sure they are the ones that you can use with your phone. Go online and buy some legal pepper spray. Carry this around with you. When you're an asshole you will draw out the nasty cunt in her!

3. Put a sticker on the front door and your car that you support the front line responders'. Those guys put their lives on the line every fucking day. Make a donation. This may come in to play if you need them.

4. Clear out and sell it! Clean slate baby!

Get rid of everything except basic needs or stuff that is yours. You may want to keep something to eat on and a television.

Sell most of the furniture and decor. Use Marketplace, Gregs, etc. After you sell it, change the price in the ad to free and take a picture of it. Set the prices at twenty five percent of what it cost new. You can later show you tried to sell it but gave it away. In reality, the money will help cover the stuff you need to buy. Make sure you block her on Facebook and limit who can see your posts.

5. The new look.

Buy an air bed.

Buy a bench and weights and workout equipment. You can grab free stuff all the time off of Marketplace. Eliptical machines and boxing bags are great. Right now you're not up to going to the gym anyway.

If you want to bike, get a real bike and do it outside. It's important to work out every day for your head! Watching TV all night is not good.

Pick up weird stuff and crappy art for free from online. Dogs playing poker. Classic! You get the idea.

6. Staging the rest of the house.

The goal is to make it look like you are living in a way that your ex will not want to come back. This is temporary, so don't stress it. The key is using your familiarity with her to select the right stuff. Put out items that she hates.

Hunting and fishing gear. (no guns)

Hard liquor and beer.

Cigars and a weird ashtray.

Bowl of condoms.

Buy a big 50 gallon Rubbermaid trash can and have it by the table where you eat.

6. Don't talk to her, don't meet her.

Radio fucking silence. But do save all communication from her. This could help you later.

Tips on how to avoid her:

Leave work with other people

At your house, don't answer or engage. Call the police if need be and record.

If your car is blocked in. Call the police and record. Show the police any threats made via video or text. This could help get a restraining order and in the divorce.

If you get into a jam, call me.

Here are some role pays to help you.

Role play 1

She. "I just came for my mail."

You. Do not answer. Trash the mail.

She. "You're being childish!"

You. Do not answer. You got under her skin.

Mission accomplished.

Role play 2

She. "There are a few things I want you to talk with you about."

You. "Fuck off!"

She. "What?"

You. "Cunt!"

She. "Did you just call me a cunt?!"

You. "Fuck off cunt!" and walk away from the door.

She. "Asshole!"

You. Yep. You win again! Feels good. Crank some music and hit the weights.

You have your castle ready, now it's time for payback!

I grabbed my iced tea and headed for the car. First stop the bank and then back to work to change my direct deposit. Fuck her, that fucking cunt!

Tuesday

"Hey. How are you doing?" Brad said.

"Work sucks. But keeping busy at the apartment helps a lot. Listening to music." I said.

"Good. What about exercise?" he asked.

"I did 40 push ups and almost 40 sit ups total. I'm so out of shape." I said.

"Don't worry about that. In 30 days, you'll be much better. What else?" he asked.

"Last night I ordered a weight bench and weights. Today I bought the cameras and an air bed." I said.

"Excellent. What about the apartment stuff?" he asked.

"I listed all the living room furniture and art crap." I said.

"Good. Yeah, you must be worn out. What did you eat?" he asked.

"I just ate a couple of turkey sandwiches." I said.

"Okay. You need to get to the store. I'll send you a list tomorrow of some stuff you can try. Make you a bad ass. Once you start getting cardio of course." He said chuckling.

"Anything else?" He questioned.

"Oh. I called the landlord and told him what went down. He was really nice about it and said he had no issues with what I was going to do." I said.

"Great. I forgot about that. Oh! You need to get the door locks changed. Just hire someone and save some time." he said.

"I was going to do that tomorrow and put up the cameras." I said.

"Great. I know it's a lot, but get the bedroom stuff listed tomorrow as well." he stated.

"I don't mind at all actually." I said.

"I hear you. So. Groceries, locks, cameras, and bedroom stuff listed." he said.

"On it." I said.

"Let me think about some way to help you at work. Not a bad idea to take a sick day or something. That's your call.

Mentally you okay?" he asked.

"I'm okay. Pissed. Sad. Motivated. All at the same time." I said.

Yeah, 35 years old and divorcing. I'm okay... Fuck!

"Hey! Snap out of it! Lock that shit up for now. Revenge is around the corner. Eye on the prize. Listen... To be honest, everything your feeling is normal and I know it fucking sucks. But it will get a little better every day. You got to hang tough. You got sucker punched man. But you're going to jam a bomb up her cunt and push her away. Metaphorically." he said.

"That's for damn sure. Thanks for checking on me. I do appreciate it." I said somberly.

"No problem. Make sure you get enough sleep. Get some valerian root or some shit if need be okay? No booze. Trust me. I'll talk to you later." he said.

"Sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow." I said.

Wednesday

"Hey man. How are you?" he asked.

"I left work early to meet the locksmith. While the smith was doing his thing, I put up the cameras." I said.

"Awesome. Right into it huh? How are your thoughts on smashing faces and stuff?" he asked.

"I still have those. Oh. I sold the coffee and end tables for $150!" I said.

"Shit! You have magical skills my friend. Maybe you can help me out with my side biz. What else?" he asked.

"I listed the bedroom furniture and spare bedroom stuff." I said.

"How much did you list the couch for?" he asked.

"$300." I said.

"Would you pay $300 for it?" he asked.

"No. Maybe $200." I said.

"Go to $200. Those are hard to sell. Send me a copy of the ad and I can give you some advice on how to improve it. Include all the measurements. Saves time later. Oh, don't negotiate price over text. Most of the time those are just wankers and they never come." he said.

"Okay." I said.

"I'm sending you the grocery list. It's only 830. Go now and stock up." he said.

"I..." I started.

"Trust me. Just do it. You can still be in bed by 10." he said.

"Got the list. I am hungry." I said.

"I know. You didn't say anything about food or exercise. Send me the sofa ad and get your ass going." he said.

"Alright. See ya." I said.

"Wait! How often does she call your parents?" Brad asked.

"Uh. Once a month, maybe?" I said.

"Alright. This weekend will be your first counterattack. Telling her parents. Don't worry, I'll have it prepped and we can change it if need be. Think about any time she lied to her parents. Okay? That will be useful." he said.

"Will do." I said.

"Later." he said.

Thursday

"Shit!" I texted Brad.

"She texted me. She is coming over Sunday at noon for some more belongings." I replied.

"Great. Change of plans then. I'll need you for Saturday morning and we will go decor hunting and you can also message her parents." he replied.

"Really? Decor?" I asked.

"Yep, you're going to love it and make some money. Don't worry, I'll be there Sunday and we will choreograph the whole thing. Thus begins the Barry Freedom Festival. The BFF." he replied.

Shit!

To be continued.