What happened next was a blur, for I knew I couldn't stay there. Mumbling something about needing some time to think, I bolted for the door. I had no idea where I was heading; I was just lost in an inner turmoil of hate and despair. Everything I ever knew to be true, had turned out to be false.
I was a broken man.
Wise words:
It was dark before I even knew it.
I had walked aimlessly around for hours trying to comprehend just what I had been told! I said trying, for I was failing miserably. Just how could my happy little world turn to shit, so quickly?
The pub emerged through the gloom and I realized that I was starving. What little food I had tried to consume had been thrown back up by Beth's revelations. Gallows' humor stared me in the face as I entered the pub. It was called The Hanging man and was depicted by a bedraggled creature hanging from the end of a rope. I had a similar feeling.
The warmth of a fire and friendly hospitality was my reward.
My merry server turned out to be the owner. A large homely woman, probably I thought unkindly a lot younger than she looked. Worn down by life disappointments, but at least the burger and fries and a couple of hearty pints washed my troubles away.
At what point I couldn't be sure, however she quickly sensed in that magical way that only a bartender can tell when a patron is in trouble or in dire need to unburden his soul. Without even realizing it, she had me talking, warts and all. She had a willing ear for the next couple of hours I exposed all my inner demons to her.
She barely spoke but every time she did, she gave me pause for thought.
Alex had been Beth's first love, only she had chosen to be with me, to have a family with me. She could have left me any time and gone back to him! Why had she stayed with me, why, because she loved me!!
What do I owe you?
She had just given me her final part of wisdom and brought everything over the last couple of days to one crashing conclusion. The taxi appeared as if by magic to spirit me back to the real world, but not before I gave this amazing woman a heartfelt embrace. I didn't even know her name and yet in those short few hours, she had refocused my world. Tomorrow, as I left the building, was the first day of the rest of my life.
Beth had been eager to receive my call and although I'm always early, she had beaten me to the restaurant. She looked good. It was an act, partly for my part but she was determined to put up a good front. She wore light blue jeans and a simple white blouse. It was her smile that captivated me, just like when we first met. Without even realizing it, deep emotions began to stir.
I started with an apology for running out on her yesterday.
This time I had a plan, I had run through it half of last night. In truth though I knew it meant nothing and I was right. All the roleplay in my head went out of the window when I was sat in front of her. So, to cover up my embarrassment, I simply blurted out.
Where do we go from here?
I could see that I had surprised her, for it took her a couple of seconds to recover and understand what I was asking her.
I want my husband back. The girls want their daddy back...
I want the opportunity to show you how much I love you. I want the opportunity to make up for all the hurt and pain that has been caused.
I could see she was closed to tears as she spoke.
Years ago, I made the best and worst decision I have ever made. However, it brought you and the girls into my life. I know that I will have to work hard to regain your love and ultimately your trust. But, I am willing to work hard every day. She was holding my good hand and staring at me, almost pleading with me as she said this.
I sensed the hope surged through her as she made her statement for I was here listening to her.
For my part, it was the answer I was hoping for. I wanted her in my life, I wanted the girls in my life. My fear was whether I could ever trust her again? Could we ever return to how we were?
So, I slowly nodded holding her gaze before hitting her with my next question.
What are you prepared to do?
Anything! It escaped her mouth before I had even finished asking her. I want, NO, I need you to know. I love you, only you...
I was a little taken aback by the speed and veracity of her response. I had expected her to be a little taken aback. However, without any thought about what I might suggest, she'd just readily accepted.