I was sure married life shouldn't be this hard, but being married to Joanna (Jo) was proving to be more difficult than I ever anticipated. The nagging and complaining just seemed endless, nothing I did was right.
I had a lot of hobbies before we got together, mostly outdoor and sports stuff, as well as cycling and playing football. They whittled away over the years, Jo said we couldn't afford the fees, we didn't have the time or she'd booked something else for the same day. I lost touch with more and more friends, not making trips or events.
I was so besotted with Jo, it took me years to realise what was happening, it wasn't until I looked back with the insight of several beers that I realised how much I had given up. I mean why marry someone because they are "so perfect" and then seek to change them. Even my friends and family became 'a problem': not educated enough, drink too much or too loud and crass for Jo's sensibilities.
She seemed to take pride in her ability to control our lives and everything in it. There was no end to it: earn more, work more, lists of jobs; it had all become a habit for her.
***
It wasn't always like this; she was caring, attentive and pretty easy going when we first started dating. There were a few hints of high maintenance, but nothing that set off any alarm bells and I was infatuated by her.
Joanna Farrington Hall (nee Farrington), there was no way she could give up her maiden name; was a stunning woman from a wealthy family. Me: Phil Hall, certainly not stunning and not so much money, but I did ok for myself. Decent job and income, lots of friends and hobbies, life was good; then I met Jo and things got even better.
Tall at 5ft 9 with long straight blonde hair, pale skin and a willowy English look, Jo attracted attention. Her blue eyes seemed as alive as her personality, always darting about but with an intense stare. She was intelligent, determined and acutely aware of her impact on most of the male species, but was adept at deflecting unwanted attention.
No one was as shocked as me when she asked me out. I just couldn't figure it... she was clearly out of my league and I told her so.
"I'm sick of all the rich arrogant arseholes that mess me about. You seem different, kinder maybe, and I see you smiling and joking with your friends a lot... I like that."
"You'll be telling me I'm a nice guy next, that isn't a great reason to go on a date."
She laughed and she had me, that smile and eye contact! There was no way I could resist her and she knew it. She literally took my breath away: I had to focus on my breathing and it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest.
Despite my reservations and it being very early days, I started thinking it might work out after all. Jo was really good company as well as being very attractive. She worked hard on her looks, dressed in designer outfits, used a personal trainer, had spa and beauty treatments... no expense was spared. And it worked; she continued to look even better as she matured.
***
Our engagement went smoothly until an incident with an old family friend and her ex Richard Askew. I caught Jo meeting up with him for a drink; they looked pretty close and he was holding her hands over the table. I was going to leave but then thought 'fuck that' and walked over, plonking myself in the chair next to them.
"Well this is nice!"
Jo's eyes widened and she pulled her hands from the table, "It's not what you're thinking, I was explaining to Richard that we are engaged now and I couldn't go back out with him."
"Really, it's just the hand holding and lovey eyes confusing me then, maybe it is just bad timing and you haven't had the chance to dump me first?"
"No, I swear Richard is just a friend now, I needed to explain in person, do it the right way. I love you and want to marry you."
I looked at Richard, "And what do you have to say for yourself?"
He didn't seem in any rush to answer, cocky bastard, "Joanna is quite correct, I asked her out not realising she was engaged, I am pleased she thought enough of me to explain in person. I don't want to come between you two."
The words made sense, but I just didn't like something about him, he went on, "I think I had better leave you two to sort out your differences, honestly I wish you both the best. Oh and Phil, you have one in a million, you are a very lucky guy."
joe looked at me, "I am sorry; I should have told you I was meeting him."
"Are you telling me the truth Jo? If it isn't me you want, it would be better to sort things out now."
"You're all I want, please you have nothing to worry about, I am all yours."
Jo seemed determined to make it up to me in the bedroom and I wasn't about to complain, if anything I played up my worries a little because I liked how she was making it up to me.
***
It was a week before our wedding and I was getting a bit tired of being told I was indeed a lucky man. Only my mum seemed to think Jo was getting a good deal as well. It wasn't the comments that bothered me so much, but the fact Jo seemed to delight in them. I was hoping for at least some defence or support, maybe suggesting she was equally lucky or I was a great guy, but little was forth coming.
Our conversations became more one sided with lots of focus on her. At first I put it down to stresses of the wedding. However a lot of that was self-inflicted, my original suggestion of a small celebration with close friends was dismissed out of hand. The wedding escalated way beyond our original plans and budget. But she had to have the perfect dress, the perfect venue... and cake... and ring... and her second cousins had to be added to the invite list which was nearing 270 people at that stage.
I seemed to be lost in the mix: often instructed, usually ignored. I wondered if they would notice if I just didn't turn up, and was pondering again why she was marrying me.
Despite the concerns, I did turn up and the wedding went fantastically well until the speeches. Her dad's was more of a lecture directed at me about keeping his Princess in the manner to which she was accustomed.
Her mum was smiling at that; I wasn't! So much for expecting a 'welcome to the family' speech. Jo saw the look on my face and stood up next to me.
"And I'd like to toast the joining of our two wonderful families through the love me and Phil share."
She shot her father a withering look as she sat back down, at least I wasn't the only one feeling the disapproval. The rest of the day passed without incident.
***
After a whirlwind honey moon we settled down to married life and our first and turns out only child Jade followed 18 months later, she was an absolute wonder to me.
Jo struggled with some post natal depression and was adamant that she would never go through the trauma of childbirth again. As a result she proclaimed Jade would be our one and only off spring. Jo knew I had always wanted more children, but I decided not to have that conversation as she wasn't coping too well with motherhood. I did as much as I could, picking up most of the caring.
Once Jade was 8 years old, Jo wanted to return to work; her dad was well connected and landed her a job fund raising for a charity. It wasn't until later I found out the Chief Executive of the charity was one Richard Askew.
She had been working there for over a year when I along with all the other partners and families was invited to their summer social day. This year it was medieval themed re-enactment with games and events to raise money for the charity. Most people wore fancy dress, 'knights' and 'ladies in waiting' being most popular. I ducked out of that much to Jo's frustration, she had bought a 'lady of the manor outfit' complete with embroidered tunic, velvet headdress, caul and silk veil.
There were all sorts of games; mock melees with fake weapons and electronic sensors, knocking each other off logs above water and an archery competition. It was Richard who won the mock jousting tournament, there were only four people who could ride well enough to compete. They used foam spears that were still pretty weighty and managed a couple of hits on the electronic shield sensors. They even managed to dismount one guy, although he looked to be falling off anyway. To be fair it was all entertaining and good fun.
Then in front of everyone Richard rode up to Jo and asked for her favour. She took off her veil and tied it to his lance receiving a round of applause. After that it was full on flirting in front of me. I wasn't happy at how much time Jo was spending with her boss and pulled her on it.
"What the hell are you up to?"
