The Declaration

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the ravings of a lunatic. Copyright May 2006 by The H20wader.

As a social studies teacher, I have often wondered about a practical use for the Declaration of Independence. Other than being used as a oft misquoted document.

So I wrote this. Be damned if I did not like it.

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When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for a Husband to dissolve the martial bands which have connected Him to a Wife and to assume among the free Men, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle Him, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that He should declare the causes which impel Him to the separation

He holds these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, marriages are instituted among Men, deriving the just powers from the consent of the married partners, — That whenever marriage becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Husband to alter or to abolish the marriage, and to institute a new system of living, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing it in a form, as to Him shall seem most likely to effect His Safety, His Liberty and His Happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Marriages long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience has shown that Man is more disposed to suffer, while the evils are sufferable, than to free Himself by abolishing the marriage to which He is accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and misuses, pursuing invariably the same Object, showing clearly a design to reduce Him to absolute Despotism, it is His right, it is His duty, to throw off such a marriage, and to provide new methods for His future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of this Husband; and now it is a necessity for Him to alter this marriage.

The history of the Wife is a history of repeated injuries and humiliations, all having the direct object of the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over the Husband. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

She has refuted his Pleas for boundaries, the most wholesome and necessary for the good of the relationship.

She has forbidden his pleas for rules of conduct of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation untill her Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, she has utterly neglected to make any attention to them.

She has called together her friends at bars, backyards, and places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the Marital Home.

She has dissolved any discussion of the Rules of the House.

She has kept watchers to see that the Husband does not engage in any discourses with the opposite sex.

She has affected to render the financial matters dependent to herself only.

She has quartered male friends in the Marital Home, without the permission of the Husband.

For protecting these friends, by a mocking of the Husband from seeking any punishment for any damages which these friends should commit on the Contents and the Man of the House.

For suspending the vows of Marriage and declaring herself invested with power to dictate to said Husband in all cases whatsoever.

She has plundered the banking accounts, ravaged the credit cards, procured loans, bought expensive automobiles, and purchased only the most expensive clothing.

She has excited domestic insurrections against Him, and has endeavored to bring onto the Husband the merciless in-laws whose known rule of warfare is an undistinguished destruction of all things belonging to the Husband.

She has refused Him the right of sex while providing that right to others.

She has engaged in sexual acts forbidden by the Vows of Marriage.

She has required Him to witness acts of lesbian wantonness, of threesomes when He was not any of three so engaged.

She has on occasion shown Him pictures of her and several participants engaging in vile and horrendous sexual acts.

She has on numerous occasions referred to His Penis as a wee-wee while laughing.

She has demanded that He act as a server of beverages while She is entertaining Her friends with the body She denies Him.

In every stage of these Oppressions said Husband has Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: His repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury.

A wife, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the partner of a free man.

Nor has this Husband been wanting in attentions to his wife. He has warned her from time to time of attempts to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over him. He has reminded her of the wedding vows.

She has been deaf to the voice of justice and of cooperation.

He, therefore, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the Court for the righteousness of His intentions, does, solemnly publish and declare, That this long suffering Husband is, and of Right ought to be a Free and Independent Man, that He is Absolved from all Allegiances to the said Wife, and that all familial connections between Him and the woman referred to as Wife, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and Independent Man, He will have full Power to dress himself, have his own friends, drink beer rather than wine, buy the car of his choosing, vacation in the areas that He wishes, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Men may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, He pledges His Life, His Fortune and His sacred Honor

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i am The H20wader