Jim Dunkerly's daughter-in-law was what most of the community agreed was one of the prettiest brides the town had ever seen. She had looked, as one of the congregation at St Mary's had put it, 'like a million dollars', or, as one of the drunken rabble at the reception later had put it, with a leer, 'Good enough to screw a million ways!' In truth, Tracy Dunkerly was both. At twenty-one she had the glow and pretty innocence of youth -- angelic and pure as driven snow-- but her shape, and how she moved her shapely parts, made men think of other things. Earthier things. Dirtier things, I suppose.
There were few men in town who didn't fuck her in their dreams. Strip off whichever pretty dress she happened to be wearing at the time and release the animal within her -- the animal all men in the town BELIEVED lived inside someone as voluptuous-looking as she. (Me included, truth be told.) She was certainly too good for the Dunkerlys. Fucking waste, excuse the pun.
Jim Dunkerly, whose daughter-in-law Tracy Dunkerly was, was big as a barn and a bully to boot. His son, Dicky-boy as he'd always been called and who now had the honour and privilege of Tracy as his wife, wasn't so big, nor was he such a bully, but he had a murderous temper. Some said that's why Tracy married him. It was either that or get a fat lip! But they had money, the Dunkerlys. Which helped. It came from Dunkerly's roofings. Five offices throughout the county. Turnover in the millions. Jim and Dicky-boy were roofers made good. I was their accountant. Call me Fred.
"It's true, Fred, without a word of a lie," said Jim, voice low, heavy arm thrown across my shoulder. He had a snooker cue in his hand, a half chewed cigar still smouldering bleakly between thick-lips. His face was one of those rugged faces. Like the Himalayas when the sun sets. Big man. Fiftieth birthday last year.
"Getaway," I replied, looking at the table, working out my shot. We were in the Dunkerly's Games Room. Ground floor of the Dunkerly Mansion. Plum in the middle of the Dunkerly estate -- half grouse moor, half deer forest. Dicky-boy (the younger) was passed out in one of the button leather couches that bordered the room. A bottle of claret, empty, on its side, lay at his feet. It was Latour, though not a great year. He had one shoe off, one on. We had dined in town. Celebrating a victory for one of Jim's horses. It had gone on longer than planned. The dinner. Then we'd come back here to The Grange, as Jim called it, for a night-cap. I'd have to stay the night, he'd insisted. Too far to drive back. Too late. Much too much to drink, in any case. It sometimes happened.
"Loves it," Jim chuckled, casting a glance at his son. It was difficult to say how the two of them got on. I still had to make up my mind on that. Secretly I think he despised the little runt. I certainly did. Dicky-boy might have pulled himself a honey of a wife, but he was one lazy sonofabitch.
"Loves it?" I repeated vaguely, wondering if Jim had the inclination, or even the strength, to continue the game. Jim was an heroic drinker. I didn't even try to keep up. I told him I needed my wits about me to do his company accounts, so merely drank one drink for every three of his. He didn't seem to mind. Not any more. Dicky-boy, on the other hand, tried to keep up with his Dad. Which is why he was unconscious now.
"Sure," said Jim, and winked.
I looked at him closely. His eyes were red and bleary, but the customary cunning remained. "How do you know?" I asked.
"What?" He frowned.
I took a deep breath. "Jim. You have just spent the last ten minutes listing for me the various parts of Tracy," and here I glanced at the snoring form of Dicky-boy, "your son's wife, your daughter-in-law," I looked back at Dad, "which she most likes having caressed." I stopped. Then, "How do you know this?"
I was serious here. I'd known Jim a long time and the guy didn't normally lie about stuff. Too stupid to lie was the way he put it himself. So how did he know? Did Dicky-boy share with his father the intimate secrets of his sexual excitement strategies with his newly-wed bride? They'd been married less than a year.
"Ah jist knows," said Jim, looking smug.
I shook my head. Disengaged myself from his arm. Played my shot. Potted red. Blue. Red. Purple. Red ... missed the black.
"Furghuguck," or something, said Dicky boy, nodding awake with a start, staggering to his feet, pushing himself towards the door, belching, staggering on towards the thick wooden door, then somehow getting out of the room.
"Bloody hell," whispered Jim as the door closed behind his departing next of kin like a closing animal trap. Then he added, with contempt it seemed, "Little tosser."
I glanced at my employer, then said lightly, "You are just jealous because he has someone as delicious as little Tracy warming his bed"' I left it there.
"Pfaw!" he snorted. "Little Tracy. Little Tracy. You wouldn't call her little with her titties in your hand. Like melons they are! Great big powerful ..." Both his hands were out in front of him as if a canon ball nestled in each.
"Your shot," I said, thinking balls.
"You have no idea," he whispered, hands coming down to his side, cue in one hand, cigar in the other, awe in his eyes. "She has the plumpest, warmest, softest ..." he shook his head, "... most exciting fucking tits I have ever had my hands on."
"Set your eyes on, you mean," I corrected him. Jim was apt to exaggerate.
"Had my HANDS on," he insisted, making for the table.
I left it at that, but 'eyes on' is what I reckoned. As I say, Jim was apt to exaggerate. And Tracy was kin, after all. He potted the red, missed the blue. Badly out of position. He straightened. "Have I mentioned her legs?" he asked.
"How long they are, you mean," I said, studying the table. "And how if you scratch them in the soft part just behind the knee they straighten, and she sighs?" I said. He nodded. "Yes," I said. For he had. Twice already this evening. It was becoming a bore. He caught my arm as I eyed up a choice of two reds.
"You don't believe me, do you?" he challenged.
I played the politician. "Of course I believe you, Jim. If you didn't do these things with Tracy, who is probably the target of more male fantasy than any other lady in the county, you wouldn't be human. Or you'd be gay." And everyone knew he wasn't gay! Rutted like a stallion so they said. Had done since his teens.
"This isn't fantasy, Jim," he whispered, suddenly earnest, his grip on my elbow strong ... and bugger me stupid, if I didn't just start to believe him.
Had he been touching up his son's wife? More to the point, had she allowed it?
I tilted my head to one side.
"Now you're beginning to get it, eh?" he nodded, suddenly looking superior and crafty. The sort of look he got when he'd figured out how to solve a knotty problem, or transfer money offshore, or outgun an opponent, or win a tender, wangle a contract, cut vital costs ... What was he up to? "I'll show you," he said, suddenly leaning behind him and stubbing out his cigar in an ash tray. "We'll both do it." He turned and grinned, poking his finger in my chest. "You and me. My good mate, my confidante, Fred Barlow!"
That's what he called me, his confidante, because he could tell me things that wouldn't go further than me. Because I knew things about him that only one other person on earth knew, and that was him. But he also knew his secrets were safe with me. It's what I did well. Honour confidences. And he knew it. He took my cue from my hand, turned and replaced it with his own in the rack against the wall. I watched. What was he up to? What is it we would do together he and me? "I'll show you," he said, as if reading my thoughts, setting off towards the door.
When Jim's like this, you follow. I did. We grabbed a soda water each passing through the kitchen. Jim only drank soda water alone, without Scotch, when he wanted to sober up, or sharpen his mind. But with the amount of alcohol he'd drunk tonight it would take a lot more than one can of soda water to sober him up. Sharpen his mind ... for what?
I followed him up the stairs: grand broad baronial things. We got to the top. Jim and his wife, Agnes (who had gone to bed long ago, sensible lass!) lived in the East wing, down a long corridor off to the left. The guest rooms, where I would spend the night once Jim had let me go, were over the porch looking out to the front. The West Wing, where Dicky-boy lived with his ultra desirable young wife, Tracy, was off to the right, along another long corridor. Which is why, when Jim turned right and started off along that particular corridor, I started to wonder.