"Of course..." she smirked. I smiled.
"I'll be the only 'suitor' in this case," I reassured her. She smiled. We sat looking at each other for another few moments before she finally said, "This is silly, you know?" Oh, fuck, here it comes! "Why are you spending all this time and energy worrying about how to dress me up as your personal slut rather than figuring out how we are going to get enough money together to pay the first installment of your daughter's tuition that's due in two months?" She pulled her hand away from me. Her demeanor was serious. Gone from her eyes was that sexy twinkle, replaced by an accusatory glare. Kate was dictating now! I had foolishly forgotten about Kate, and now it was too late. She was on me like a cat. I was shocked by the quickness of the transformation. I froze. It had destroyed my train of thought, and I was dead in the water. I cringed, waiting for the coupe de grace, when Sarah quickly said, "Let's talk about this later, I have to get started on the laundry." She patted my hand patronizingly and went on about her business.
At this point I guess I need to explain just who the fuck Kate and Sarah are. Sarah is my wife of twenty years. Unfortunately, somewhere inside Sarah lives, or should I say lurks Kate. Kate is a bitch. You do not want to mess with Kate, no siree, Bob. Kate does not believe in fun or romance. Kate will always find the darkest side of any situation and dwell on it. Kate will cuss you out in a heart beat if she thinks you've wronged her, sort of a shoot first ask questions later approach to human relations. Kate is mean. Kate is vindictive. Kate is ruthless. Kate is selfish. Kate is ..., I could continue in this manner, but it doesn't get any better, and I think you're beginning to get the picture. Yet, I feel that I must clarify for you that the nature of Kate's existence is a distinct part of Sarah's personality. Let me explain with some examples. I am reminded of two separate characters, cultural icons if you will, that are like Kate. One is Tweetie Bird. I know, you're thinking, "Tweetie Bird?" But, remember that episode where Sylvester chases Tweetie bird into Dr. Jekyl's laboratory and he accidentally drinks some of Jekyl's formula? Remember the hideous creature that takes over Tweetie's body periodically (no pun intended, but maybe I should look into the connection)? Well, that hideous Tweetie is Kate!
Now, the other character that reminds me of Kate is Gollum, a.k.a. SmΓ©agol, especially Andy Serkis's rendition of him in the Lord of the Rings movies. His portrayal of the phenomenon of two distinct personalities inhabiting one body is as close to anything I've seen that describes the co-existence of Sarah and Kate, though in real life the transitions are neither as frequent nor quite so psychotic. So, if you combine those two examples, you get a better idea of Kate's personality. I have not yet been able to exorcise Kate from Sarah. Fortunately, I've discovered a treatment that at least keeps Kate at bay. Basically, I ply her with copious amounts of cannabis and multiple orgasms.
Make no mistake; Sarah Katherine Hill is a divine creature of the highest order. Sarah, as they say, is built up from the ground. She is extremely well proportioned. In today's urban vernacular she would be described as "thick". In her prime, her body could be said to resemble a combination of Serena Williams and Jennifer Lopez, with a little Vita Guerra thrown in. Yeah, if you morph those three together any way you want you get Sarah. Those of you familiar with the art work of Frank Frazetta no doubt know exactly the body type of which I speak. There is nothing small about a "Frazetta woman." Fucking a "Frazetta woman" is an athletic event. One should train for the occasion. In high school Sarah was a cheerleader in the fall and winter, and she played lacrosse in the spring. She even played lacrosse in college where I met her. At 5' 10", 155 lbs., 36DD β 26 β 40, she was truly a fine, athletic specimen. To "news-personality" beauty add brains, wit, compassion, perseverance, and moxy, and you have a pretty impressive human being, pretty impressive indeed, and terribly intimidating.
We met at a college bar on "Freshman Night", the first Thursday of the school year, when everybody on campus tried to squeeze into the on-campus disco to check out the new crop of freshman girls. The place was named "The Rathskeller" so it came to be known as "the Rat." It was my senior year and I'd only managed to fuck three girls in the past four years of school. The first was during my freshman year when this really hot sophomore pre-med named Christina decided I was cute. She was a tall (6 foot) light-skinned black woman with long, creamy brown legs. Her figure was lean but very shapely. She wasn't quite Frazetta material, but extremely desirable nonetheless. I kept thinking that I was dreaming. How could this fine lady be interested in me? And she was a sophomore! She invited me up to her apartment for a nightcap after we left the Rat one night. We fucked, or more accurately she fucked my brains out for three days straight, but that's another story. The second girl I had, I'd like to try to forget. The whole event lasted less than twenty minutes; and that's all I'm going to say about that. The third was a petite little hottie named Rachel that I really enjoyed, but she wanted someone with a little more pedigree than I had to offer, so that relationship didn't last very long. Thus, it was with this as my track record that I entered the Rat for my last "Freshman Night."
Exercising our seniority, my three friends and I butted into the front of the line, through the doorway, and into the catacomb-like space. The dance floor was illuminated by a twinkling mirror ball. The thumping bass of the DJ's music resonated in the chest and gave the crowd a common heart beat. We split up to hunt alone, planning to meet back at the door in an hour. This was a reconnaissance mission. No one expected to score tonight. And besides, there were bongs to be done back at the house.
I set out on my first sweep, talking to friends, grabbing a beer. There was lots of fresh pussy walking everywhere, and I made several laps admiring the crop. Finally, with only fifteen minutes left before I had to rendezvous with my boys I spotted my Frazetta-woman. She was poured into a pair of Sergio Valente jeans that hugged her curves like a second skin. The buttons on her shirt strained to stay closed around her large breasts. She leaned against a doorway looking over her shoulder into another large sitting area where booths and tables were packed with people. I approached down wind and was standing in front of her as she turned her head back to facing forward. This un-nerved her, startled her briefly so that she pulled her head back sharply with a blink. She opened her eyes and focused on mine. Now I was caught in the alluring stare of a most gorgeous set of eyes.
I opened with, "How ya doin'? I don't think I've ever seen you around campus before. Are you a freshman?" She looked me straight in the eye, cocked her head to the side and said, "No." She shook her head slowly in a coy and sexy manner as she said it. How a woman can shake her head in a coy and sexy manner I have no idea, but she did it anyway. "So you're a sophomore?" I offered, hopefully. She did it again, that sexy little wiggle in her hips as she shook her head, a blink of eyelash. I was embarrassed and enchanted at the same time. "A junior," I asked, nodding my head up and down with the hope that she would do the same. She countered with another head shake, this time looking at the floor, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Senior," we both said together, laughing awkwardly. (I found out later that that approach had been successful because it was genuine.) We talked. We found out that we shared mutual friends as her friend Jasmine dates my friend Charlie. Come to think of it, I had met Jasmine many times with Charlie. We'd done bongs together. This was totally cool! But time was running out. I told her that I had to run so I asked her for her number. She said, "You can get it from Jasmine." My god, she was going to make me work for it. I told her I'd call her and she gave me that smirk that said, "Yeah, right." We started dating the next day and were married two years later.
Chapter 2
In the time between the next date and marriage, Sarah and I had some memorable unions that are worthy of note. Our sex life had been slow in developing and never quite reached a roiling boil. I was, and continue to be, a highly sensual and sexual person. I'm also permanently horny. In all honesty, by the time I was a senior, I needed an absolute freak to satisfy my libido. Christina was a freak, but when I met her I had only had sex one time in my entire life, so she was a complete shock to my system. She was too much too soon. She scared me. Well, by my senior year I was looking for too much. I was looking for someone to scare the shit out of me.