Volume 1 the corruption of the muse
Part 1: the chocolate girl
He rolls off, spent, satisfied while she just smiles politely, she hopes it offers enough assurance that he doesn't question too much at least, she needn't have worried he is oblivious to what has just transpired as he makes his way to the bathroom.
The problem isn't that James doesn't love her anymore, he does love her, it's just he now takes her for granted, he no longer sees her fully.
She is turning 32, it's no age really and her sensuality and beauty is still as radiant and still burns brighter than ever, it's just when you have been looking at the flame for so long it just gets taken for granted, the beauty is there you just no longer see it.
Belle still feels it however, the passion, the yearning, the need for danger, excitement the rush that comes from being taken, she also still deeply loves James, that's what makes it so darned cruel, she wants him but she wants him to want her fully, to be desired is a wonderful, wonderful thing, to be taken for granted just feels so empty, she feels used, not appreciated, not valued. The words of the song go around in her mind 'he calls her the chocolate girl, cos he thinks she melts when he touches her, she knows she's the chocolate girl, cos she is broken up and swallowed, and wrapped in bits of silver.'
He sweetly kisses her forehead as he puts on his shirt and prepares to head out to the office. She knows his job is stressful, you wants to be dutiful, perhaps the stale lovemaking is just part of that duty but why does she feel so lost. She puts on her own make up as she watches him from the bedroom window walk down the drive, waving cheerfully too Helen and Troy the neighbours and pop his briefcase into the car for the journey ahead.
She thinks about her day, Steph will be unlocking the cafe right now, she loves Steph and her confidence, her quirky 50's fashion sense and soft calming spirit, God knows working in a cafe was never on her list of life goals when she left college but it provides a safely net of sorts, that's it, the light bulb went on, her thoughts clarified as she spoke to herself inwardly 'everything I do these days is so safe, so mundane, so stilted.'
The shift went slow today, still those thoughts invaded her mind, wounding the very fragile spirt that lay within, she managed to escape into a world of fantasy for a while, an art student at college with a knack for photography she yearned to be immersed in a Helmut Newton world of noir desire and ambiguity, of sensual tension and playful eroticism where desire and danger walked a cliff edge together, these moments were snapped back into reality with customer requests or Steph's warm conversation.
Mia was waiting in the bar for her, she smiled warmly as she saw her friend enter, as always Belle was smart, sophisticated yet everyday practical, she wore her beauty with ease oblivious to the style and grace she possessed, she was dressed in a white shirt and slightly baggy pinstripe trousers, it was practical yet she managed to make it look classic and timeless, her dark brown hair worn in a pony tale with little make up only served as a palette to her natural beauty, little tuned up nose gave her a cuteness yet a demure elegance.
Not that Mia was in anyway overshadowed by Bella's beauty, her jet black skin shone brightly, no matter what Mia always appeared happy, jaunty even, her youthful fun persona only just managing to hide her slender well toned body. Mia was the closest thing that Bella had to a confidant, her best friend for over a decade, they had met in college, she had studied fine art which had led to a great job in a boutique art gallery.
They greeted each other warmly, it was Mia's turn to talk first, she was excited about a new photographic exhibition coming up from the esteemed photographers Louis Noir, excited about a sailing holiday her and Mark had planned for the weekend. Bella tried to listen intently but found the words Mia was speaking drifting away into the maelstrom of her own thoughts, she thought about what a perfect partner Mark was, they always seemed to live life to its fullness, He doted on her, always looking out for her happiness, she was sure that's what James wanted for her as well it's just it didn't seem like it anymore.
Mia noticed her sadness, she was quite perceptive, Bella mused that she probably knew her better than James, she waited for the question and it soon came "What's wrong?"