The Complete Marriage

Marcus and Roxanne Larson were that couple that other couples envied. Marcus was tall, but not too tall, and he wasn't the most attractive man, but he had an attractive personality. He was the kind of guy that would give his shirt off his back if someone else needed it. Every shirt Marcus owned was plaid. He liked plaid. And he was monogamous with Levi Strause when it came to the pants he wore.

Marcus was that kid that made other parents ask their kids, "Why can't you be more like Marcus?"

Marcus's father was a cab driver and his mother worked at the local diner. Marcus grew up an only child. He had bright red hair that could be seen from a distance. And he'd won contests at school for having the most freckles.

Marcus's mother and father both taught him that fighting with someone only brought you down to their level. Marcus's mother was the disciplinarian, and she was adept at using a belt for spanking. Although Marcus was the kid that other parents wished they had, Marcus's mother found fault in Marcus, often, and Marcus came to be very familiar with welts and the inability to sit.

Marcus knew better than to cuss or use foul language, and he never did. Because Marcus was what other kids perceived as a goody-goody, he was picked on by other boys in school. His earliest memory was from kindergarten when he was on the jungle gym. He was playing with the other children and one boy challenged him as if they were playing king of the mountain.

Marcus explained to the other boy that there was enough room for everyone, but the other boy disagreed and punched Marcus in the face. When Marcus didn't punch back, the other boy punched him again. The other boy asked Marcus if he liked being hit in the face. Marcus told the boy that if hitting him made him feel better, then he wasn't going to stop him.

In Marcus's mind, he was standing firm. He didn't back down from the other boy, and he didn't get off of the jungle gym. This, to Marcus, was a show of strength. Yet, to others, it showed that Marcus was a wimp and easy to beat up.

By third grade, other boys were having one boy get on his knees behind Marcus and another would push Marcus backward. Other boys thought it okay to just punch Marcus because he'd let them. Marcus asked his mother to get him into boxing, but his mother said no, because she didn't want him to get hurt.

Marcus couldn't keep count of the times he was chased home by groups of boys that wanted to beat him up. Marcus grew up across the street from the Church of Christ. And since his mother and father both worked during the day, the church was where Marcus spent the most time.

By age nine, Marcus sat in with the adults in the church men's meetings. And he'd given his first sermon at the age of ten. The church that Marcus grew up in had children memorize entire chapters of the Bible, not just selective verses. And by the age of thirteen, Marcus could practically quote the entire Bible.

Marcus was the "perfect" child and the "perfect" Christian. This didn't make Marcus popular with kids in school or other kids in the church. Yet, the pastors and other adults in the church saw Marcus as the type of child that other children should aspire to be more like.

In seventh grade, Marcus showed his true colors in dance class. Because of his religious beliefs, he didn't dance with anyone because he didn't want to tempt a girl and cause her to lust after him. This specific belief came from a time, in church, when he was eleven years old and was wearing a V-neck, bandage medieval shirt. The kind with the shoelace type lacing.

Marcus had worn this shirt to church, and in the middle of the sermon, an older woman used a safety pin to close the neck of his shirt, telling him that wearing something like that could cause women in the church to lust after him. This was in 1974. It was 1976 when Marcus was in the dance class.

Before junior high, Marcus's favorite music was fiddle music, yet his favorite songs were Penny Lane by the Beatles and White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane. When Marcus heard the band Kiss for the first time, he was shocked. He'd never heard music like theirs before. The first concert Marcus ever attended was the Kiss Alive II tour in 1977. He was at all three nights of taping for the album at the Los Angeles Forum.

Those three nights helped Marcus to understand that life outside of school and church was astounding and blustering. Marcus felt new energy that he'd never felt before. And he was around people that he never knew existed. The guys were raucous and the girls were all wearing spandex pants and either tank tops or cut-off t-shirts.

After the three nights of Kiss concerts, Marcus had changed. Instead of listening to Scotty Stoneman, he was listening to bands like Scorpians, Judas Preist, And even Oingo Boingo. This led to Marcus listening to The Tubes, Sweet, and Manfred Mann's Earth Band. Marcus found out that where he belonged wasn't in church or under his mother's thumb, it was with the weirdos.

Marcus let his hair grow, he started wearing concert t-shirts, bell bottoms, and wallabies. Marcus would appear to most today as stuck between the 60s and 70s. For the first time in his life, Marcus had friends. They were like him and didn't fit into society.

Around his new friends, Marcus wasn't seen as that kid that other people needed to be like. He was just as out of touch as everyone else was. The first girl that Marcus ever fell for was Cindy Moore. She had long blonde hair, wore bell bottoms, and was into Black Sabbath.

Marcus and Cindy dated for six months, but because Marcus was such a goody-goody, things didn't work out between them.

Cindy's sister, Leena, was the one to introduce Marcus to Wendy O. Williams in 1978. They'd been friends, and Marcus and Wendy hit it off. It was through Wendy that Marcus met Rachel Wicks, who would become his first real girlfriend.

Rachel's mother was on the set of The Erotic Adventures of Candy in 1978 as a production assistant. Rachel was never on the sets, but her mother didn't keep sexual things secret from Rachel. Rachel opened Marcus's eyes to a whole new world.

Rachel had long, dark brown hair, golden brown eyes, and she was just as weird as Marcus was, she just had never been religious. It wasn't long before Marcus lost interest in the church and began hanging out with Rachel as often as he could.

Because of Rachel's friends, as well as her mother's friends, Rachel and Marcus got to spend the night on Tom Sawyer's Island at Disneyland at times. Rachel also showed Marcus where you could get off and walk around in the Haunted Mansion and the Pirates of the Caribbean.

First, it was music that changed Marcus, then it was Rachel. Marcus and Rachel never were intimate, but they were the best of friends.

Marcus's family moved from Lennox to Hermosa Beach when he was sixteen, and Marcus and Rachel didn't see each other again until they met by chance at Monsters of Rock in 1988. Kingdom Come didn't play that night, but Zebra did, and both Rachel and Marcus liked Zebra, especially their songs, 'Tell Me What You Want' and 'Who's Behind The Door.'

Rachel had a limo waiting for her after the concert, and she invited Marcus to stay the night at her house so that they could catch up.

Rachel had gotten into photography and had made most of her money doing still shots for adult film companies. Where she made most of her money was when she started her own adult film company. Rachel's mother had helped her get into the business, and Rachel took it from there.

By now, Marcus was living in Hawthorne, just off of Hawthorne Blvd. and 120th, and Rachel lived in Ranch Palos Verdes. Rachel was doing well for herself. Marcus was working as a delivery guy for a furniture store.

After finding out that Marcus was making an average of one hundred ten dollars a week, for forty hours, she offered him a job with her company. Because Marcus didn't have many skills, Rachel gave Marcus a job as a set coordinator, which meant that he changed bedding, adjusted lighting, and kept Gatoraid available for the actors.

What Rachel noticed was peculiar about Marcus was that he never seemed to notice if the actors were dressed or not. And when the actors were performing, he never seemed to get aroused. He never even seemed interested. This was normal for people that had been in the industry for a long time, but rarely for newbies.

When Rachel asked Marcus why he never seemed to notice the actors, female or male, Marcus told Rachel that it had to be because of his upbringing and the church.

Marcus explained to Rachel that his mother was the disciplinarian when he was growing up, and the one thing that stayed with him most from his upbringing was his mother saying, "It might be okay for other people, but not for you. You were raised better."

Marcus was most likely the only twenty-five-year-old virgin working in the adult industry.

When Marcus wasn't hanging out with Rachel at her house or on set, Marcus liked to go to The Landing Strip, a stripper bar near LAX. He went there because they had the best chicken fried steak in town. And because he wasn't like most men, Marcus got to know almost all of the dancers by name, and many sat with him between their sets.

Although Marcus had many opportunities to meet and even hook up with women, he never tried to date any of them. Mostly because of his mother's 'teaching', Marcus was waiting for just the right women.

Marcus was at Knott's Berry Farm, mostly because he had nothing to do, and he liked Knott's Berry Farm. It was outside the Bird Cage theater where Marcus met Roxanne.

Roxanne and her family lived in Lawndale, not far from where Marcus lived. When Marcus met Roxanne, many people thought that she was one of the actors because she was wearing a bohemian prairie dress with a high neck and long sleeves.

Roxanne looked like she just walked off a cowboy movie set, and Marcus found her extremely attractive. Marcus liked most how Roxanne carried herself. She was very lady-like, poised, and well-mannered.

Marcus and Roxanne dated for five years before they got married. Roxanne's parents weren't well off, but they weren't scraping, either.

Roxanne never told her parents what Marcus did for a living, but she didn't object to it, either. As far as Roxanne's parents were concerned, Marcus worked in Hollywood doing something having to do with movies.

Roxanne's parents had brought her up in church as Marcus's parents had done with him. Yet, Roxanne wasn't as strict a Christian as her parents were or thought she was.

Marcus's parents were unaware of what Marcus did for a living, as well. Marcus's mother would never have approved. Marcus's mother saw anything sexual or having to do with nudity as nasty and sinful. Marcus's mother had once told him that she'd rather cut off his penis than find him masturbating.

Roxanne liked Marcus's mother. They talked often. And Marcus's mother told Roxanne many times that she raised Marcus to be a good boy, and good boys didn't think about or have sex. They understood that women weren't whores to be used for their gratification. Marcus's mother told Roxanne that she could assure her that Marcus would never ask her for sex. And she was right.

Marcus and Roxanne remained chaste the entire five years that they dated. Yet, Roxanne often spent time off-set when Marcus was working. Although Roxanne and Rachel were nothing alike, they became friends, mostly because they both cared about Marcus.

If Roxanne looked out of place anywhere, it was when she was on or near the set when Marcus was working. Much like Marcus, sex and nudity didn't seem to affect Roxanne. It was the actors that often felt weird around her.

While Marcus and Roxanne were dating, Roxanne often thanked Marcus for being a perfect gentleman and never attempting to soil her reputation as a lady. While dating, Marcus and Roxanne held hands, and Roxanne let Marcus kiss her on the cheek, but that was the extent of their intimacy.

Roxane liked that Marcus worked in the adult film industry. For both Marcus and Roxanne it helped to reinforce the notion that sex is a job, a performance. It was something done to make money and to fulfill other's fantasies. Neither the male nor the female performers received any real pleasure from having sex, which also reinforced the notion that sex did not bring about happiness or pleasure.

Marcus's mother told him when he was nine years old that real men didn't give into sexual urges, they're not savages. Real men respected women and fought off the urge to violently damage a woman's most sacred place. Marcus's mother told him, again, what might be okay for other people wasn't okay for him, because he was better than that.

What made Marcus and Roxanne the envy of other couples was the fact that they never fought. Never did they raise their voices at each other, Marcus was the perfect gentleman and Roxanne was the perfect example of what a lady was.

. . .

On Marcus's and Roxanne's wedding day, Chad, Roxanne's best friend since grade school, was Marcus's best man. When asked by Marcus if he'd be his best man, Chad answered, "Someone has to be."

At the reception, Chad danced the first dance and subsequent other dances with Roxanne because Marcus never learned to dance, and was uncomfortable with the thought of dancing. Roxanne's family and friends had known Chad for years and didn't see anything wrong with Chad stepping in for Marcus.

Marcus's mother sat with him while he watched Roxanne and Chad dance. His mother told him, "Now that you're married, love can be expected, but remember that sex has to be earned."

Marcus's mother told him, as she had throughout his childhood, that a man cannot expect his wife to freely offer her body to him unless he has earned that privilege. Marcus's mother reminded him that as a husband he is to be a sacrificial leader. And he was doing so by allowing Chad to dance with Roxanne on his wedding day.

By allowing Chad to dance with Roxanne, especially during the first dance, Marcus was showing that he understood "You are led by the Holy Spirit to make personal sacrifices to serve the true needs of others."

Marcus remembered his pastor saying, "Christian leadership in the home, the church, and elsewhere is not for those clawing for honor and recognition, or fulfillment of self-desire, but for those most ready to fall to their knees and be inconvenienced by the needs of others. Instead of pursuing their immediate benefit, they are willing to sacrifice for others' benefit."

Marcus and Chad had talked on many occasions. Chad often told Marcus that he'd always hoped that he and Roxanne would someday marry. Chad told Marcus that he wasn't resentful of Marcus because Roxanne had chosen to date him, but he was envious.

Chad told Marcus that when he and Roxanne were in grade school his first kiss was from Roxanne. Of course, they were both young and the kiss was non-sexual, but it spurred something within him, and he always desired more from Roxanne.

Chad also said that when they were both in high school he often masturbated thinking about Roxanne. Even then Roxanne wore long dresses with long sleeves and high necks, but by her figure, you could tell that Roxanne had a great body.

Chad knew that Marcus worked in the adult film industry, and he told him that he was envious of that, too. He even asked Marcus if he ever thought about Roxanne being with any of the male performers, because he had.

Marcus understood Chad's desire for Roxanne. Although Marcus never sexually thought of Roxanne, he knew, from his upbringing, that what other people did was their thing, but it wasn't something that he could or should do himself.

What consoled Chad was knowing that Marcus had never seen Roxanne naked and had never been sensual or sexual with her. To Chad, the worst thing that could happen would be for Marcus to have what he never could. Chad had always hoped that he would be Roxanne's first. And he had said this to Marcus.

Chad thought it odd that although Marcus worked in the adult industry that he never got turned on by watching the performers, and he had never had sexual thoughts about Roxanne. When Chad asked Marcus about this, Marcus told him that his family and church upbringing was strong and had stayed with him.

Chad had always wanted Roxanne sexually because she always seemed unattainable. Marcus was attracted to Roxanne because she was feminine, pure, knew how to be a lady, and was a Godly woman.

. . .

Marcus and Chad had few similarities other than a desire for Roxanne and her best interests. Roxanne and Marcus attended pre-marital counseling, and their counselor felt it best for Chad to be involved as well, considering that he had been Roxanne's best friend for years and she felt that Chad should understand what Roxanne's and Marcus's marriage would and should mean.

Chad had never been interested in religion, but he respected Roxanne's desire to be a Godly woman. Yet, he wished she wasn't. Attending counseling with Roxanne and Marcus gave Chad a better understanding of marriage, what it meant, the role of a wife and a husband. And he agreed with both.

What Chad learned and liked most from the counseling was the one commandment that God had for husbands, "Love your wives," and what wives are told, "Respect your husband." Chad remembered the counselor saying, "A husband is commanded to love his wife with an Agape, self-sacrificial love."

What surprised Chad was what he learned about love, it isn't a feeling, but it has emotions within it. And a husband is commanded to choose to love his wife. It is a choice he agrees to when he marries. Chad learned that a husband isn't commanded to feel love, but, rather, to walk in love.

Chad remembered most a story that the counselor told about a husband that had gone to a counselor. The husband said that the love was gone from his marriage. The counselor told the husband that he was commanded to love his wife. The husband said that he and his wife were more like neighbors than husband and wife. The counselor told the husband that the Bible says to love our neighbors.

The husband told the counselor that he didn't even know his wife anymore, she was like a stranger to him. The counselor told the husband that the Bible says that we are to love strangers. The husband told the counselor that he didn't understand, his wife was like his enemy. She did things just to hurt him and wound him. The counselor leaned in and asked the husband if he knew what the Bible said about a person's enemies.

What Chad understood from the counselor's story was that there is never a time when a husband cannot love his wife. He is commanded to love his wife at all times in all situations.

What Chad learned was that the difference between a man's love for others and a man's love for his wife is that although love means putting others before yourself, in a marriage the husband puts the needs of his wife before his own.

The counselor that Roxanne and Marcus went to see told Marcus that God may call on him to take on his wife's actions and possible wrong-doings and suffer for it so that he can forgive her.

The counselor told Marcus that he is to be the leader in the home and that he is to make the decisions for the family. The counselor stated that it is best when a husband decides to do what blesses his wife. The counselor also said that more important than a husband's feelings of love are his actions of love. It is more important to prove your love to your wife than to feel love for her.

Chad asked the counselor what a husband is supposed to do if his wife fails him or disrespects him, disregards him, or rebels against his authority. The counselor told Chad that a husband is never to force his wife to submit to him, that would be abusive behavior. The wife is called to submit, but she submits herself. That is still in her power.