If you think that parties are more fun than what happens afterwards, then you don't know my husband.
A few weeks before the party I'm referring to, my husband Kevin had taken a new job within his company, and based on this first encounter, the socializing with the new gang was going to be a LOT more fun than with the old lot.
I'd just met Kevin's new boss, Gene (who was nice enough, if a tiny bit on the dull side) and his wife Paula (who was something else!), as well as most of Kevin's other new coworkers, at what proved to be a memorable party at Gene and Paula's house.
Memorable for me, anyway, since I'd found myself being fucked in the moonlight by a guy who turned out to be the vice president of Kevin's new group, Gene's boss, Paul. It was more than a slightly surreal experience, which only continued after our al fresco encounter as we sat on the deck at the party.
First, I should let you know that my husband and I are of the same mind when it comes to my sex life: we both enjoy the fact that I have a completely slutty nature and enjoy as much sex as I can get. Our attitude is that as long as it's safe, sane, and consensual β with no lies β it's all good. Or really freaking great, usually.
So as I sat at that party, on the deck with Paul, whose name I'd just learned, on one side of me with my husband on the other, Paula came out. She came over and gave Paul a kiss on the cheek and sat down heavily beside him. The party was in full swing and was being carried on its own momentum, cutting down on her hostess duties.
"How's it going, twin brother?" she said with a wink. She must have seen my surprise, because she quickly added that they were not at all related, and the joke was simply due to their similar names. "And," she added, "rather than sharing parents, we share Gene β though he spends more waking hours with my husband than I do."
She turned toward me. "Now that Kevin is part of Paul's empire, be prepared for him to spend a lot of time on the road. I'm not sure what they guys do at night when they're away, but I think I'm personally keeping the stock price in the battery companies up." She laughed and sipped her drink, while I tried not to choke on mine.
Paul squeezed Paula's knee. "Sweetie, you know I made sure he was home with you at least one week of the month."
"Sure, Paul β and it always seems to be 'that' week of the month when it happens!" she retorted. Everyone laughed, but my eyes just got very wide.
Oh my God, I thought. Is she drunk? And, more worrying, is Kevin really going to gone that much?
"Oh heavens," said Paula, "We're scaring the new girl. Sweetie," she leaned across Paul to pat my hand, "don't form a lasting impression of us based on tonight. We're really quite sane, but a huge project that involved a gazillion hours over the last several months just got wrapped up, and the spouses as well as the employees are just really fucking relieved it's over." I was pretty sure Kevin's prior boss, let alone his wife, never used the word "fuck" in my presence. This was definitely a more interesting group than the prior one.
"And I hope Gene takes you to Paris on that bonus," said Paul. "I know he worked his butt off over the last few months, but you paid part of the price."
"Paris?" she deadpanned, "He said it was only five hundred dollars. Are you implying there's something he's not telling me? Maybe he's hording the rest to take his mistress there instead?"
"Jesus, Paula, you're too much sometimes," said her husband, suddenly making an appearance. "You know darn well we're using that bonus to pay off your car. I'm not taking my mistress to Paris."
"And besides, she's left-handed," said Kevin, referring to the old joke. Paul cracked up, and then had to tell the joke to the people who'd never heard it β about the man whose dying wife asked if he would ever remarry, and the man said he thought he would, so she asked if he would let this future wife live in the house they had shared, and the man said he couldn't see why not, and so she asked if he'd let her use her custom-made golf clubs, and he looked surprised and said of course not, (pause) she was left-handed.
Once Paula heard the punch line, she laughed loudly and told Kevin that he'd fit right in. "But we might need to call 911 for your wife. She looks a bit faint. C'mon honey, loosen up. We're just joking here."