The Billy Goat Hill Pundits

There isn't that much sex in this chapter, and none involving fantasy characters under age 18.

When the first chapter ended,

Will, hard cock in hand, stood and watched...until Lila passed out and began lightly snoring. Lina had continued lightly kissing and caressing her through the overwhelming orgasm, and her ass remained in the air. She raised her head from Lila's essence, smiled at her sleeping countenance, and crawled up to lie beside her.

Will backed out the door and slipped back to his room, intent on taking his problem in hand.

****

Woody, Will, Gary, and Danny were drinking coffee on the deck outside the kitchen when Lina and Lila appeared. Will was situated so he could see them get coffee, make faces at each other, make the sign of the cross, steel themselves, and walk outside with sheepish smiles.

"Well, well, well!" Woody began, "Lina and Lila do deign to join us, and it's only nine thirty!

"What in the world did you girls do last night that made you so tired? Oh, we all know when you went to sleep, because the house suddenly went silent, but were the preceding theatrics really that exhausting?"

Lina grinned from ear to ear, but Lila studied the floor and turned purple. Will took her arm and pulled her to him. "Sit on my lap and I'll protect you from mean Woody."

She looked alarmed at the prospect, but he pulled her onto his lap and she buried her head in his chest, refusing to look at anyone, which only caused more laughter and ribbing. She maintained her hiding place, but a small grin appeared on her lips. Lina petted her head and giggled.

"Okay, enough harassment; sometimes girls just wanna have fun!" Will cautioned with a grin. "Y'all leave the girls alone now! Let's eat and get to work; I have one I want to finish this morning."

Breakfast was fun and games; Lila finally climbed off Will's lap and took a seat when he started trying to feed her, and by the end of breakfast, they had begun to see a new, more animated and vivacious Lila.

That carried over into the work session, but as Will debuted the song he wanted to finish, the atmosphere grew heavy. It began:

I'll never lie to you, swore the liar

I'll never cheat on you, vowed the cheater

He doesn't love you like I do

He honestly promised,

knowing his love was nothing more than lust

It only got more melancholy from there, but they were engrossing lyrics telling a captivating tale of a seducer without principles, and they worked it over until the song was ready for a final review.

It was only 2 pm when they finished, and Will suggested they look at another from Will's notebook.

"Old buddy, this next one needs to be just a wee lighter. Gotta intersperse something to dance to among the

agonia

." Woody got nods from around the rooms.

"Exactly, my friends! This one is for our pretty lassies; I think they can sell it - maybe make the top lists! It's called

'I Wanta!"

Baby, I wanta new SUV

with a big screen TV

for me... and the kids.

Baby, I wanta bigger home,

with a garden and a gnome

for me... and the kids

Baby I wanta, Baby I wanta

Baby I wanta, Baby I wanta

BABY! You need to buy me what I wanta!

Baby, I wanta swimming pool

To lie around during school,

for me... and the kids

and a hot tub in a gazebo

For me... and the kids

Baby, I wanta pair of thigh-high boots...

After the girls got excited, added verses, and turned it into a Taylor Swift pop/country song, with them hoping all over the stage and playing the fool, it ran a good four minutes. They were busily adding more verses, but Woody assured them that, while it could run ten minutes during live shows, it couldn't be longer than four for the album, and it would be more airplay if it was three.

At six, Woody called it quits. He told them to take showers, get dressed appropriately for stargazing and guitar playing, and be in the van in one hour. The lads loaded lawn chairs while they waited for the lassies, and whistled and made a fuss when they appeared with their hair braided down their backs, wearing white short shorts with halter top and sandals.

"

Estas chicas estan muy caliente

!" exclaimed Woody, and Will led the clapping. Lina smirked and confidently strutted her stuff; Lila tried to follow suit, but looked more embarrassed than confident. That didn't make her curvy little body any less

caliente,

though.

Before they crossed the county line, Woody asked Will, "What did your attorney say? Are we good? If not, we can do this another way."

Will assured him there were no warrants, so they kept rolling until they reached a little Mexican food joint on the edge of town. A few beers, nachos, enchiladas, tacos and a lot of chips and salsa later, they loaded back up, rode quietly through Cowtown, population 4446, and on out to Billy Goat Hill.

The chairs arranged in a semi-circle facing toward town, with three guitars, a hand drum, a tambourine, and a mouth harp, they listened as Woody held court.

"That's our hometown, me and Will. Not much to look at, and neither one of us are welcome there anymore, but it's where we grew up. Down there where you see the wandering line of trees is the river we learned to swim in. Just like George Strait learned to swim in the Frio, we learned to swim in the Nueces.

See that spot where the dirt road intersects the trees? The river runs through there, and that's where ol Will had his Strawberry Wine moment. Lina, why don't you sing that song for us, honey?"

Will was sitting beside her, and they harmonized when the lyrics told Will's story:

One restless summer we found love growin' wild

On the banks of the river on a well beaten path

It's funny how those memories they last

Like strawberry wine and seventeen

The hot July moon saw everything

My first taste of love, so bittersweet

Green on the vine

Like strawberry wine

As soon as they finished, Woody began recounting their childhood, when they were free to play games and ride bikes all day until dark, as long as they were home for meals. He spoke of their youth, when all the fields were covered in crops, and how they picked and hauled watermelons, then harvested other crops like black eyed peas, onion, and finally, maize.

"At one time, we had fields of gold all around us," Woody said, and began strumming; Will joined in. "This is a song we used to sing sittin' right here. Our fields weren't barley, they were maize, but our experiences were pretty much the same as Sting's."

Woody started it, but soon Lina and Lila joined in, giving the song the sound of a Sting / Eva Cassidy duet.

You'll remember me when the west wind moves

Upon the fields of barley

You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky

As we walk in fields of gold

So she took her love

For to gaze a while

Upon the fields of barley

In his arms she fell as her hair came down

Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me?

Will you be my love?

Upon the fields of barley

We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky

As we lie in fields of gold...

I never made promises lightly

And there have been some that I've broken

But I swear in the days still left

We'll walk in fields of gold

We'll walk in fields of gold

"We need to add that to our show, if not the album!" Gary stated with conviction. "Just beautiful! What's the story behind you and this song?" he asked Will. Will just nodded to Woody, who picked up the story.

"May be hard to believe, since Will and I were honor roll students and star athletes... well, Will was a star athlete and I was a letterman, but still... Anyway, in spite of coming from good families, being good students and athletes, and generally well liked, there was a family in town that didn't think we met their standard for dating their precious daughters, and the scion of an even wealthier family who hated us.

"In spite of not measuring up, we did date those precious daughters, and we made promises to them. We believed that our love transcended time, space, and socio-economic status, and that someday we would walk in fields of gold.

"Will ended up running off to Mexico and marrying the oldest daughter, right out of high school, which caused quite a stir. Her parents, as well as the scion, were certain she would pick him and amalgamate the two families. That in spite of the fact they all knew he spent his entire college career screwing everything he could lay his hands on, while telling her from afar how much he loved her and wanted to marry her.

"Will's status was restored when he fathered the most beautiful and gifted grandchild ever born, and when he gave them a second just as perfect, he was her parents' favorite person.

"Interestingly, when she suddenly got a restraining order to keep him 500 feet away from her and the kids, because he had physically harmed them in the past, they backed Will!

"Honestly, it was fuckin' outrageous! No one in the county believed it, except, apparently, the judge and the social worker, both of whom are kin to the scion.

"Her family, which originally felt Will was beneath them, stayed in his corner. Right up to the point that they, and Will's parents, were told they would never have access to their grandkids if they didn't come around and support their daughter! Her parents folded, and working conditions for Will got pretty damn strained and uncomfortable.

"He tried to ride it out, but sometime you have to retreat and regroup. So, Will and I sat right her just about six weeks ago and rehashed that entire farce, concluded he was screwed, blued, and tattooed, loaded up in his pickup, and headed northeast to Tennessee. You see, right ain't always might; the truth don't always matter; and money - not love - conquers all."

"What the fuck, Will? You gonna let them get away with that? With stealing your children from you? With stealing your good name?" Lila asked in a pissed-off voice.

"Look," Will began defensively, "I have a plan, but..."

Their solitude is broken by the lights of a jacked up pickup pulling straight up the hill from the highway and parking beside the van. A giant of a man with long brown hair and a beard jumps out and exclaims, "Goddammit - he was right! Paco swore he saw a circle of chairs and heard guitar music when he came past. Sierra, call and tell them to come on!"

He turned his attention to the group. "Ladies, gentlemen, I'm Tim, or Timbo to these turds. We'll properly introduce ourselves in a moment, but first, where the fuck have you jackasses been? One minute we're drinkin' beer, bullshittin', and plannin' a murder or two, the next minute you're ghosts! What the fuck happened?"

"Shit happened, Timbo! Wet Willie finally realized he was gonna get put in jail if he stayed, so Rob got his signed power of attorney, and we skedaddled right off to Tennessee."

Paco pulled up in his monster truck, followed by a suburban that people just kept getting out of. The reunion lasted a good fifteen minutes, the introductions going on fluidly at the same time. The beer and whiskey drinking commenced at a much greater pace, and another hour passed.

No telling how much whiskey big Timbo had imbibed, but he was finally drunk and disorderly. So were Lila, Lina, Woody, Danny, Gary, and most of the rest of the crowd that had grown to twenty-two.

"So, Tenney-fuckin-see? Wet, did you go back there to help ol pussy-boy here write some new hit songs for the bubble gum pop crowd?"

"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!" Woody countered with a slur. "They made me do that shit, and I up and quit their sorry asses! Our lead songwriter over there tells me we're gonna do something 'unique', whatever that means, but it sure as hell won't be pop!"

"What the fuck does 'unique' sound like?" Paco asked.

Instead of answering, Will began strumming and singing the lyrics of another song he's written, called '

Screwed, Blued, and Tattooed'

, about a wife who wants more of everything, regardless of how much she has. She insists her husband take a job that he and her father, his boss, both warn will result in him being gone more, and then bitches, whines, and starts having an affair with his worst enemy because he's gone too much.

He catches her with him, beats him to hell when his nemesis taunts and threatens, gets arrested, gets put in jail, gets served divorce papers, loses everything including his kids, and disappears into Mexico.

It remained quiet for several seconds after Will quit singing and strumming, then Paco pronounced, "Well, shit! That right there's enough to make ol Bubba shoot the jukebox again!"

They stayed and played for another hour, and the hometown crowd alternately cried and howled in laughter, depending.

"Looks like the new stuff is a hit back home, at least!" Woody slurred drunkenly after they got back in the van.

"Lots of work to do, but I think we're on to something," Lina opined, before moving to a back seat in the van and falling asleep.

None of the rest made it more than ten minutes before they passed out, so Will drove back in silence, considering Lila's earlier challenge. Did he give in too easily?

"Fuck losing the property and the bitch, but his kids?

'Hold to the course, play the long game,' he cautioned himself. 'You can lose every battle, as long as you win the war!"

***

They slept until nine, took all the Alka Seltzer they brought, put on the beans, and worked from ten until two on the music.

"The crew from last night and a bunch of other friends are gonna start arriving in an hour," Woody advised. "They'll help cook and set up, but we need to get the fires going, get out everything to make the salad, season the meats, and do all the other things that need doin', so go wash your privates, put on some smell good, and get dressed."

The sixteen from last night doubled to thirty-two happy souls, and the newcomers were enveloped and turned into more 'old friends' as the night rolled along. It was inevitable that someone would want Woody to sing 'something from the old days, when we used to sit around on pickups at Billy Goat'.

He accommodated the request while Will made sure everyone had a cold beer, but someone in each vehicle hadn't had too many. After a couple of songs followed by appropriate clapping and cheers, Woody strummed a bit and spoke in a normal voice. "While I've been singing to you, the author of those songs has been walking around making sure you are properly taken care of, just like always. Mr. Conscientious, why don't you come up here and join me, so we can show these people another side to your personality?"

Will laughed, picked up his guitar, took a seat, and asked, "The Billy Goat Hill Drunk Anthem?" Woody launched into the opening with a grin, and Will joined in singing "I Love You so Fuckin' Much I Could Shit!"

Everyone cheered and laughed, until Will commanded. "Olsen Twins, get up here and sing the ode to my ex-wife." Lina and Lila stood, moved into the circle with a giggle, and posed, hands on hips. Every band member grabbed something to play I Wanta. The girls wiggled, sang in privileged bitch voices, wheedled and pleaded, and fluttered eyelashes at whichever man they were singing to at the time. Lina even sat in Timbo's lap and sang for a few seconds, before dancing away to uproarious laughter at Tim's red face and Sierra's mock anger.

The guys just kept playing, because the girls kept making up new verses about diverse things like Victoria's Secret lingerie, new rain boots, nicer mats for my new car, an expensive brandy for my lover... oops, friends. It was hysterically funny, and when Woody brought it to a close with "Dammit, Woman, you can't have every damn thing you want!" Lina countered with a flop in his lap, a kiss on the ear, and "Please Baby, don't disappoint your Princessl!"

Will's ex-wife's ex-best friend let it quieten down and then said, "She's going to die when she hears that song! Her parents, her siblings, and every one of her ex-friends like me will know it's about her as soon as they hear it! When can we buy a copy? I want to loop it on the Country Fair parade float we're putting together!

"We can get all dressed up like you-know-who, pose, and strut around like Lina and Lila! It will be epic!"

***

Back in Austin, fun and games turned into hard work. They worked the songs for six hours each day, but they also exercised, lifted weights, ran, swam at Barton Springs and Deep Eddy, and Kayaked on Lady Bird Lake. They took turns cooking breakfast, ate at the taco trucks at noon if they weren't creatively engaged, and either cooked at night or went out to one of Austin's cool restaurants.

The breeze off the waters of Lake Austin made Hula Hut and Abel's on the Lake favorites, but who could resist the history of places like Threadgill's, El Rancho, El Patio, Scholtz Garden, Cisco, Hill's, or Hoffbrau? Or the lure of burgers at Dirty Martins and ice cream at Sandy's, located near their apartments? They became immersed in the culture of Austin, and it was at the historic Broken Spoke that they met the man who would become their manager.

Barry Donaldson was twenty-six and a big fan of Woody's first album. He was managing three locally successful Austin bands already, and he won them over by saying he thought the record company had lost their minds when he heard Woody's second album.

They invited him to come hear the raw versions of Woody's third, after which he begged them to let him become their manager. "Man, this can be a monster album! I have no idea where you found the songwriters, or these musicians, but I've never been associated with a group that had a brighter future! Please let me become a part of it!

"My team and I are as good as anybody in the music scene at marshalling tech, social media, and electronic platforms to benefit our clients, but we are also proficient at working with radio, TV, and live music venues to showcase our clients. Only one has gone national so far, but I'm absolutely certain you guys will, so that will be a new challenge for us."

After his vow to advise but not interfere, they signed, and The Billy Goat Hill Pundits had a manager - one who liked their music! He took over the business side that had been a grind for Woody, and they focused on making music.

From time to time, Woody, Gary, and Danny would entertain ladies in their apartments, but Will didn't, and the girls also remained celibate, at least as related to men. Will could hear little whimpers and cries coming from the other bedroom from time to time, but it seemed to be tension relief rather than a developing relationship.

After a particularly grueling week, and with their first album almost ready to record, they decided to hit the town to relax and to celebrate. They started at the eclectic clubs in the Fourth Street district, then crossed Congress and moved on to the thriving blocks of East Sixth that are so famous. They were Ubering home, so no one held back, and before midnight, they got another dose of Will on tequila.

After he had made a few hundred new friends and had dirty danced with a few dozen college girls, they decided they should head back before some of the boyfriends took offense. On the way back, he proposed dirty things to Lina and Lila, but they laughed him off, reminding him that the last time he made such promises he puked and passed out.

They had no clue that he was high and happy, but far from drunk tonight; he just wanted to know whether they would go for it. They didn't seem to, but then again, he was sitting between them with one hand under each dress, rubbing the top of the near thigh, with no complaints.