The Beginning
"Kevin! Come look, I think the new neighbor is moving in!"
To this day, I still consider that statement, that invitation as the starting point for me, and the turning point in my relationship with my husband of 22 years Kevin. Please I urge you, if you think that this is going to be some steamy recollection of my infidelity, or a stoic memoir of my straying from my marital vows, then please stop right here. It is nothing of the sort. My husband and I got married pretty early in our 20s. It has been a journey full of ups and downs, but mostly with a lot of stagnancy over the years all things considered. Not that I wish to complain; he and I fell into a preset routine after our first child. That routine continued after the second; and let's be honest, we simply welcomed it. Well up until now that is...
Kevin and I met when I was 18 and just starting college, he was about a year older than I and in his third year. Soon after, we announced that we were engaged to our families who instantly took a liking to the both of us. He is my life companion, we both knew it and that eased our acceptance of those stagnant routines I mentioned earlier--what a trap that was. Yet today, now that both our kids are out of the nest and that the routines no longer apply, we are finding ourselves in a predicament that we should have seen coming all those years ago--boredom, and a loss of self.
Perhaps it was that boredom that led me to do what I did, perhaps it was a discovery and acceptance of the self that led him to encourage it.
Indeed, this isn't a story about a lovely attractive woman such as myself--who said that aging equates to "aesthetic stagnancy/regression"--destroying everything she has built or helped build over the years over a cheap affair. Nor is it a tale of a helpless woman in need of physical attention; my Kevin and I still enjoy our sex life. No, it is instead a tale of experiences; yes mostly sexual in nature, but also one of discovery and self embrace in substance.
Oh how much I wish to tell all the titillating details to my friends. How much I wish to see the expression on their face at the perceived depravity of it all. I yearn to do so but I can't, not yet; so this will do for now!
When the previous occupant moved out Kevin and I only wished for one thing, a new neighbor as cordial as them. Considering the housing market, it was no surprise to see a line of hopeful buyers form quickly during those days of open house. A few of them interacted with us when they saw us on the street either positioning our trash bins for the next day pick-up or simply coming back from a walk. One such hopeful was Andre; a moderately tall man of african heritage. He was friendly and quite good looking in my opinion; although he likes to deny it, I believe he knows it too. We struck up a conversation and within a matter of minutes I already knew that this would be his first house, that he worked as a biochemical engineer--a point of interest for me since I am a nurse at the local hospital. Just like Kevin and I, he enjoys hiking and camping along with other physical activities that keep him in good shape. He and I kept at it even after my husband excused himself and left to put away the groceries we had just bought. It was a lovely conversation that quite obviously left a good impression on me. Shortly after, I said my goodbyes and wished him good luck with the sale.
That was a month ago. And here I am by the window of the small foyer that offered a panoramic view of the street across and of my neighbors on both sides of the house. The U-haul truck had just parked and the driver was obviously busy at the rear. I feigned a small wish to catch a glimpse of them, and further still, deeply and quietly I desired them to be one of the prospective buyers we had interacted with--okay fine, perhaps one in particular!
Kevin approached me from behind and joined me to take a peep out of the new tenant(s).
"Let's go say hi! Not a good first impression if they catch us being creepy peepers!" I barely had time to react before Kevin kissed me on the cheeks and started heading toward the entrance.
"No it's fine, they are busy moving-in anyway, let them settle in and we can go introduce ourselves after!" I told him as I quickly caught his arm in my hands.
"What are you doing? Just go!"
a thought that came to mind which i quickly ignored.
Instead, I led him back to the living room and there I invited him to snuggle with me. I know, this may come as a surprise. If our marriage has come to a stagnant point, why are we still so intimate with each other? The answer to that is simple really. As I alluded to before, Kevin and I still love each other, he still looks at me and gets excited about me as he used to when we first met. This is equally true for myself! Yet, he and I have come to the realization that something is amiss, not worryingly so, but it's a nagging feeling we get from time to time.
Over time, we've decided to ignore it and let things run their course. After All, we are happy together!
And so our day went on like this, selectively oblivious to what was happening next door.
Ding... ding... ding
The chime reverberated throughout the foyer. It was one of my days off and despite my night robe still on at 11:30 am, I didn't care about the state in which the person at the door would find me.
"Oh hey, Mary right? Hi! We met about a month ago on the front lawn..." he paused, and looked at me as if waiting for my response.
"Why didn't I look through the Eye-piece first!?"
I ask myself rhetorically. "
Come on, say something!"
"Well, I got the house, I'm your new neighbor!" he says enthusiastically.
I feign and try to act stoically, I pretend that I don't remember his name.
"Coward...!"