Part Two of Two.
On the flight home, I had plenty of time to think about Tyler, about Rob, and about my marriage. Tyler was right about me going back to my life with my husband, what else could I do? Would it make any sense for me to leave Rob just so I can sit around for six months waiting for Tyler to grace me with his presence once more?
And what about Rob?
I do still love him even though my actions over the last two months might say otherwise. It's just that the excitement, the passion and romance aren't there in our relationship as much as they used to be a few years ago. Tyler offered me the excitement that's been lacking between me and Rob lately, but can I put all that behind me and go back to the comfortable yet less exciting relationship with my husband?
The answer is yes, or at least I have to try. The thought of hurting Rob by telling him the truth is something I don't think I can ever do. My biggest concern is that I might find it difficult to be intimate with him now, that I may even pull back when he wants to kiss me or initiate something between us. Now I have to convince myself that I again want my husband, not just that I still love him.
I arrived back in London on Sunday evening, waiting for my suitcases to arrive in luggage collection at the airport when I felt a familiar touch.
"Hi Sweety, I've missed you so much." Rob tells me as he leans in to hug and kiss me.
"Same here, it's been such a long tour. I think I'm going to sleep for the next week, I swear." I reply.
As Rob picks up my suitcases, we both turn and head towards our car for the trip home. I'm not sure how I feel at the moment, a part of me is happy to be back home with my husband, the other part is terrified that I won't be able to hide what happened between myself and Tyler.
After getting home and showering, I started to unpack my clothes when Rob came into our bedroom, hugging and kissing me once again. It's clear what he's after, it's been two months for him after all.
"Honey, I'd love to but I'm so tired from the long flight. I can barely keep my eyes open at the moment; can we try this tomorrow after I get a good night's rest?"
"Yeah, sure. I just figured you might've been up for it after going eight weeks without." Rob answers but gives me a warm smile anyway.
"Have you eaten though? Are you hungry or do you just want to crash?" Rob asks further.
"Just sleep. I had a meal on the flight over, so I'm okay."
With his advances spurned, at least I'll have a bit more time to get used to the idea of having sex with him again, because right now I'm still missing Tyler way too much.
I slept in on Monday morning, I've got this week off as promised by my boss, Jane.
After getting up and dressed, I walked out into the kitchen to make myself a coffee wondering where Rob is. That's when I see a hand-written note on the fridge door telling me that he's had to go into the office for work, but he'll see me this evening.
I'm thankful that he didn't have the day off, and hopefully isn't going to take the rest of the week off either. There's no way I can keep avoiding having sex with him if he's home with me this entire week. But I will have to placate him when he gets home later tonight probably. I'll just have to drill it into my head that it's okay, that I'll be okay with this.
I mean, sex with Rob has never been terrible or anything, not even close. I find him attractive and still do, he's in shape and has always been a considerate lover, always trying to please me in bed. So why am I feeling anxious about having sex with him now? Because he's not Tyler, that's why.
I gave myself so fully over to Tyler that I'm afraid I have nothing left to give back to my own husband. That Rob will be able to tell that I've been unfaithful to him, that my body will betray me. No, I still love my husband, even though it's Tyler that I now desire. I just need to bury my feelings for Tyler and reconnect again with Rob. To once again be his wife that he deserves.
During the day I got texts from Tyler telling me how much he misses me already. He's not helping me to move on, to be with my husband again. So, I thought about it for a moment before I called his number.
"You missing me too, you gorgeous little thing?" Tyler asks me as he answers my call.
"I am, are you on set yet for your new movie?"
"Nah, I'm flying out there this afternoon, filming starts tomorrow."
"That's good. Look, I don't think we should do this anymore, Tyler. Texting and calling I mean. I'm back here with Rob and you're only going to make it harder for me than it already is, to be with him again." I offer, getting my concerns off my chest.
"Yeah, I know. It's just that after spending every day with you over the last two months, and all the fun we had, it's just a little hard to let that go." Tyler answers in response.
"You're telling me. I can't stop thinking about you still, but I have to, Rob will know otherwise."
"So, you're going to stay with him then?"
"What else am I supposed to do? You made it clear you didn't want me with you while you're working. I'm not going to leave my husband if I don't have you to go to."
"Yeah, you're right, of course. And it's for the best too. I am going to be counting down the days until my next promotional tour starts though, when we can be together again. Just promise me you'll be ready to join me when the time comes."
"Yes Tyler. I'll be ready. I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"That's my girl. Alright, I'll talk to you again closer to when the time comes, just don't delete my number, okay?"
"Never, I promise. I love you Tyler John, and I'll see you in six months' time."
"Love you too, Mandy. I'm counting the days already." Tyler replies before we end the call.
I do miss him so much already; my body misses him especially. But I just need to adapt back into being a happily married wife, devoted to her loving husband.
I made myself busy for the rest of the day, because as soon as I stopped doing something my thoughts would inevitably return to me worrying about being able to be intimate with Rob when he gets home tonight. It's like a doomsday clock is ticking, counting down the hours, the minutes, the seconds until I have to give myself to him, and pretend that it's something that I want too.
When I hear the front door open and close, I know it's time. I've decided to cook him a good meal tonight, as my way of being home with him again after two months away, but also as a way to delay the inevitable. As we sit across from each other eating, I get him to tell me about all the stuff at his work that's happened over the last eight weeks, trying to be attentive and interested in what he's telling me.
"So, that's about it for me. What about you? How was Tyler John on your trip? Did he get up to any mischief or were you able to keep a close eye on him?"
"No, he was fine. He's very professional when it comes to his career, even while doing the promotional tour. I rarely had to keep him in line."
"Well, you look like you're in better shape than when you left. Did you hit the gym a lot while you were on the road?"
"Yeah, we did. Tyler's a bit of a gym-junkie, he has to be for his movies. There wasn't much else to do at night apart from eating and sleeping, so we worked out together a lot. I even had to book the gym out at night so he could do his workouts in private. People kept interrupting him otherwise."
"You sound like you spent a lot of private time with him. The rumors weren't true then were they?"
"What rumors? You mean those tabloids?"
"Yeah, they said on more than a few occasions that you two were together, and they didn't mean that you were only working with one another."
