I know, I know. Seventy year olds don't do it. In my neighborhood for example, many lost interest in their late fifties and sixties. But some do stay active and interested.
There is a retirement community in north Florida, however, and every few years there's a scandalous report about how after catching the early bird specials at the diners the seniors start drifting down the streets in one's, twos, and small groups. Some for bridge or board games. Others for other sorts of fun and enjoyment.
He walked over and gave his wife of 45 years a kiss on the lips and then slid a little tongue in with it.
She pushed him away. "What are you doing, Theo? What do you have up your sleeve?"
"Well, I just thought that after that great dinner at your favorite restaurant and some dancing at the Clubhouse, you might feel like getting lucky tonight."
"Theo. I told you to quit bugging me about that. I don't want to have sex. And you don't ever want to snuggle. Well, you only want to snuggle if it leads to sex. Anyway... Seems like we just did it."
"Just did it! Emma, it was like six or eight months ago! Or longer. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to do it or try to do it more than a couple times a year. Heck, last time we decided to do the act I felt like a pimply faced school kid on his first sexual adventure.
"Instead of acting like we'd had sex thousands of times and produced four kids, we acted like we barely knew how to do it. You know, the 'use it or lose it' thing. I'm not ready to lose it. Think back, Emma.
"It wasn't good for either one of us. It's like any skill. It takes practice. And neither of us are able to move like we used to. If I'm doing something wrong tell me. If you want to try it another way, tell me. If you just want oral. If you just want fingers and toys. Whatever. It's the closeness. Being together without clothes. The intimacy. The passion.
"And, hell, I realize I've lost hair where I always had it. Gained it where I never had it...and never wanted it. And I have enough loose skin to make a new suit..."
"Theo. You're still the same sexy guy I met on my date with that loser so long ago. It's not that."
"I know that shriveled piece of meat that I have isn't the size and stiffness it used to be, but with the pills I think it can still work pretty well. And I stay in shape and exercise like a fiend so I can look OK to you and do the things we like to do.
"I still love seeing you in your birthday suit, Emma. You're still the hottest girl around and the only one I ever really loved. You're still beautiful, Honey. Just as beautiful as the girl I married."
"Oh, quit being so dramatic! None of my friends want to do it, why should I? We had a good run. Isn't that enough?"
"No. I don't think our run has to be over. I don't want to sit in my rocker on the front porch. Sip my iced tea. And bitch about the weather...and the mosquitoes.
"But think about most of the folks that live here. Even though they're our age, they seem so much older. I don't know. It seems all they want to talk about is politics, bowels movements, who's in the hospital, and who just died. Real uplifting conversations.
"They're not curious about things, don't want to learn, don't really want to be around young people...Hell, they all freak out at Halloween. They shut off the lights and act like they're not at home.
"I don't want to be like that. I'm not ready to give up and stare at my IPad and the divorce court on TV all day. Why does the run have to end? Why not an ultra marathon. You know, 'bop till you drop' sort of thing?
"Remember? That's the same problem that friend of ours had after his wife died a few years ago. He would meet a nice woman and all she wanted to do was snuggle and swap lip only kisses. He told me he was going to visit Ladies of the Night, but was so nervous because he was pretty sure he'd be humiliated if he went."
"Well, Theo, I've already lost it. It feels like a desert down there. I swear it squeaks when I walk. I'm on hormones. I use that cream like it's going out of style and I still have a hard time getting off even with my toys. I'm sorry, Theo. I had a great time tonight. Please. Please don't ruin it."
"Sorry I brought it up, but at some point you WILL have to decide whether we are 'companions' who love each other or 'lovers' that love each other. They're different things. Different kinds of relationships.
"Don't worry. I won't ask again. Let me know if and when you're ever in the mood again. I'm going to go read my book."
"Theo, please? Please don't leave like this. It hurts me when you say that sort of thing. I love you, Theo. More than anything."
Damn him! Why does he always bring that up. I guess he's right though. When we were younger, hell, even a decade ago, if we went out like tonight we'd go at it as soon as we got home.
Somewhere along the way I/we just lost the drive. It's like my body says 'Yeah, that's a great idea,' but then my mind says, 'but it's too much like work and it won't be a ton of fun anyway.' When did that happen?
It's like I need to do something to jump start my desires. Something to make me want to have sex again, to look to the future. To get excited about. To anticipate. But what?
AFTER CHURCH THE NEXT DAY
"Hi, Emma. You're looking particularly good today. I think that we could make each other very happy if you know what I mean."
"Oh, Hugh, knock it off. You've been harassing my ass for a year now. When're you going to give up?"
"Never, Emma. I just know that old husband of yours is not taking care of your needs and a woman like you deserves better than that."
"Theo takes care of my needs just fine." At least he would if I let him.
"I'll bet. Look he's what, 72, 73? I'm 60. I've still got it. You've still got it. So let's get together and boogie. No one needs to know and we don't have to worry about babies and such. We play around a little one day and see how it goes. If it's no good, we don't ever have to do it again and I won't ever ask again. But if it's great..."
"Oh, quit, Hugh. I need to find my husband and head on home."
But I wonder...Maybe something...someone like Hugh IS what I need to get things jump started. What's the harm? If it gets my engine running again, Theo will be the big winner. If he's as good as he says, it will be a win for me, for Theo, and for Hugh. What can be wrong with that? It's not like he'd wear it out or anything. No permanent changes.
Other than betraying my marriage vows? Cheating on my husband for the first time ever? And saying 'yes' to Hugh when I always say 'no' to Theo?
Surely if he found out he wouldn't divorce me. Not after 45 years. Would he? No. No way. And even though the neighborhood is mostly retired and senior in age, and everyone is home all the time, there's no reason anyone should ever find out. Right? We'll be discrete.
I'm going to go home, send Theo out on an errand, then get my toys out and think about it.
LATER
"Theo, I'm all out of creamer for my coffee. Would you mind dashing to the store and getting some so I can have my afternoon cup. And there're a number of other things on the list if you don't mind."
"No problem. Why don't you come with me and we'll swing by and get an ice cream cone on the way back?"
"I'm sorry, Theo. I have a headache and just need to close my eyes for a little bit, OK?"
"Sure. See you later."
She went to her bottom drawer, pulled out her toys, took off her slacks and underwear and lay on the bed.
Oh, God. It's gross down there. All loose and saggy. Hell, sometimes I can't even find my own clit. I don't know how Theo can even stand it.
She took some lube and applied it. Then started rubbing her clit and lips with her right hand. She gingerly started working a finger into her opening and moving in and out.
"Oh, Hugh!" She imagined him playing with her breasts, her nipples. She took her egg vibrator and put it on her clit and imagined her finger was Hugh. She could feel her own juices starting to flow. At least there's some life down there.
She eased in another finger and pushed them in as far as she could and let things ease apart. The started stroking in and out. "Ohhhhh, Hugh! That feels so good."
She reached over and grabbed her smallest dildo, wiped it around the opening then eased it in. Then started moving it in and out imagining Hugh without his shirt on. She'd seen him at the pool before and appreciated how good he looked. Then imagined him without his pants, laying on top thrusting, thrusting.
"Ohhhhhh, God! That feels so good!" She reached for a larger dildo and slid it in. I'll need to stretch this old thing before I see Hugh or he'll hurt the hell out of me. Shit! I've already decided I'm going to do it with him!
She started working the dildo in and out faster, deeper. For the first time in months she could feel an orgasm building. So close, yet just out of reach.
Harder, faster! "Ohhhhh. Here it comes." This is going to be great! "Yes! Arrrrgh!" She arched her pelvis towards her hand and started thrusting her pelvis up and down, just like she were with Hugh. Then she tightened, spasmed, twitched, and released a small moan.
Oh, God. That was a good one! I've missed those. Think I'm going to be sore though. OK. Maybe I'll just lie here for a few minutes and relax.
She fell asleep and didn't hear Theo come home.
Well, what have we here? She still lay on the bed. Half undressed surrounded by toys. I guess that took care of her headache. I'll let her sleep. And he closed the door behind him.
Oh, shit. I fell asleep. I still laying here with my pants off and toys all over. Crap. Theo's home! And the door's closed. He saw me!
She got dressed and walked timidly to the living room. "Thanks for going to the grocery for me, Theo."