Author's Note: Any and all persons engaging in any sexual activity are at least eighteen years of age.
**Disclaimers: This story has been edited by myself, utilizing Microsoft Spell-Check. You have been forewarned; expect to find mistakes.
**.**
"Come on, no one? No one's going to offer me anything for this?" the auctioneer called out.
Most of the people had already left the police auction. Looking around, the auctioneer gave a half-hearted shrug. Looking at the rusted shell of the E150 Ford van, he could understand the lack of enthusiasm.
"What the hey, a hundred bucks," Reverend Sidney porter said.
"Going once going twice sold," the auctioneer said. "Thanks, Reverend. "But, push pull or carry, you need to get this off the lot by five o'clock."
Using the tow bar he'd rented in anticipation of buying a serviceable vehicle, Sid attached the van to his wife's Nissan Pathfinder. Then he towed it to the garage attached to the Fellowship Baptist Church in Black Hand Lake, Minnesota.
"A hundred... You wasted a hundred bucks on this?" his wife, Lori Sue smirked.
"Hmm. No, no, I bought the tires. The van came with them," Sid said, causing his wife to roll her eyes.
They had met in their freshman year of college; she had been friends with Adrien Zeno. Adrien had been Rodney Boudreaux's girlfriend and Rodney and Sid had been dorm mates. So, Adrien had set them up for a double date.
At the time, Lori Sue had been a short, chubby blonde with warm brown eyes and devilish sense of humor. At six feet, three inches, Sid had towered over Lori Sue. But when she pulled him down for a good night kiss, Sid forgot about the sixty three extra pounds she packed on her five foot two inch frame.
Three semesters into his undergraduate studies, Sid realized he felt a calling to minister to the flock. He transferred to the Atwell School of Divinity, registering as a lifelong Baptist. Lori Sue Crowder tearfully let him go; she wanted to complete her studies and obtain her teaching certificate from Norman College in Lowridge, Texas.
While she studied in Texas and he studied in Martinelli, Idaho, Sid and Lori Sue communicated via the occasional text message, email, and phone call. During the spring break before her graduation from Norman and his graduation from Atwell, Sid proposed to Lori Sue. They were married that summer and moved to Black Hand Lake.
She taught the third grade class at Black Hand Lake elementary school while Sid became the associate pastor of Fellowship Baptist Church. The Very Reverend Don Warden was seventy six years old, and although he claimed he still had plenty of gas in the tank, the man was showing signs of dementia.
In the years they'd been apart, Lori Sue had turned to Adrien and had enlisted the beautiful and slender girl's help. Adrien was the president of the Norman Cyclones Cyclist club and got Lori Sue into cycling. She also taught Lori Sue what she knew of hair and makeup. Rodney helped Lori Sue start an exercise program and a more sensible diet regiment.
Now, the portly and cute girl he'd met was a stunning blonde that Sid was proud to have sitting on the raised platform in front of the church. She still adhered to what she called the 'Rodney Diet' and also cycled on weekends; organizing a 'Fellowship Cycle Club.'
While Sid sanded the mottled baby blue paint and rust from the Ford cargo van, Sid had time to think. They had been in Black Hand Lake for five years. They had a modest home, a home fully paid for by the Fellowship congregation. Lori Sue's job did not pay very much, but that was to be expected; it was a public school. His own pay would never make them wealthy, but again, that was to be expected. He'd not gone into the ministry anticipating wealth here on this earth.
And, at first, Lori Sue had been fine with the meager pay and the lack of frills. She'd been fine with living in a small community; after all, she'd come from Dan's Hollow, Texas and there was not much to Dan's Hollow.
And, Sid had agreed with Lori Sue; they would have children, at least two, hopefully a boy and a girl. Children could wait, though.
They'd both agreed; children were in their future. After all, as Christians, that was their duty and their obligation. And Lori Sue and Sid both agreed, 'practicing' procreating was lots of fun. But the last time Sid had broached the idea of actually starting their family, Lori Sue had exploded in a fit of rage.
"Yeah, it's not you having sit there day after day dealing with all them snot nosed little bastards," Lori Sue screamed. "Not you having their grubby, filthy hands all over you, coughing their germs all over you."
She indicated her toned body and shrilled, "And it's not your body gets all stretched out of whack, now is it?"
"So, we're not going to..." Sid asked, eyes filling with tears.
"God, what?" Lori Sue snarled, the sight of tears angering her.
"God, please guide me," Sid prayed as he sprayed a coat of gray primer onto the bare metal.
The engine was in good shape; Sid cleaned it up, replaced what needed to be replaced and put it aside while he completed the aesthetics. The interior received double padding on floors, walls, and ceiling. Then Sid laid royal blue short pile carpeting over the double padding. Four captain's chairs were installed and the rear had a bench seat that could be reclined to form a bed.
On the exterior, Sid and two young men spray painted the American flag on the right and left hand side of the van. Over the flag, they sprayed a luminescent cross. On the rear doors of the van, they had the silhouette of the lower forty eight states in light green with a luminescent cross over the United States.
"Cute," was Lori Sue's only comment when Sid unveiled his months of labor.
With another eye roll, Lori Sue agreed to take a ride in the van. When Sid suggested a make-out spot Darren, one of the volunteer laborers had told him about, Lori Sue reminded Sid that they were not in high school.
"I can just see it on the news now," Lori Sue scoffed. "Reverend and third grade teacher caught making out at Black Hand Lake's thumb."
"Uh, the minister and the third grade teacher are married? To each other?" Sid had laughed and Lori Sue shook her head.
"But now that you got this, you going sell that motorcycle, right?" Lori Sue had demanded. "You know I hate you driving that thing."
Sid used the van every Sunday, driving and picking up five members of their congregation that had no other way to get to church. Ellen Barnes was the first one in and always took the bench seat in the rear. Ellen had lost her driver's license due to a third DUI conviction. Emily Thomas was the second one and she sat on the bench seat with Ellen. The two twenty-something women then studiously ignored one another for the duration of the trip.
Three men, all too old to safely drive because of failing eyesight took the two rear captain's chairs and the passenger seat. Two of the three had severe hearing loss and yelled to one another and everyone else. They also had no sense of smell and the overwhelming odor of cheap aftershave filled the van.
