That Wasn’t Meant to Happen

That wasn't meant to happen.

My name is Tom, I'm forty two, pretty much average in all departments that I'm aware of and single, I work for myself qualified as an electrician but can do most things in and around a house, I had done my apprenticeship with a firm and had met Dave there, he is now fifty one, I know that because I went to his big birthday last year, he's married to Dawn, they have a daughter, Lilly, who is just coming up to... shit, is it nineteen or twenty? Never mind, it doesn't matter as I'll get her a big present anyway.

I'm her godfather, not that it means much these days to most people. On first meeting Dave we became friends, best friends for some reason, he was just getting married to Dawn at the time and so I became a close friend of the family, by close I don't mean that Dawn and I did anything together, Dave was my mate, but I will admit that we sometimes went around to their house for breakfast on the way to a job, shouldn't have but we did.

Dave would go upstairs when we got there, I knew what the noise was, as newlyweds they couldn't keep their hands off of each other, Dawn was still in bed when we got there and Dave probably was having his second breakfast in bed, they would come downstairs, Dawn blushing the first couple of times, but I never said anything to either of them.

I've been around their house most weeks for a meal or just to watch something on the TV, he and Dawn helped me through the time I nearly, nearly got married, she, I won't name the cow, dumped me for another so called friend at the alter, it took a long time to get my head back on straight after that weekend I can tell you.

I have my own place, I bought it as a shell, it had had a fire in it and been left to rot when I eventually spotted it, it's where I spent most of my free time, it took a lot of money and hard work to get it where it is today.

I've always been Uncle Tom to Lilly, Dave and Dawn's daughter, I've spoilt her, but we have a good relationship, the age difference between us doesn't seem to matter, I've watched her start dating, how upset she was when boyfriends dumped her or when she dumped them, me and Dave often laughed about how hard it was for the youngsters these days, makes us sound so old saying that.

I'd never heard that between the three of them to have had a serious argument, not a real blow up one, so I was surprised when Lilly was knocking on my door crying her eyes out at eleven thirty that night, I got her inside and for the first hour, all I could get out of her was that in her words.

"I've fucked everything up Uncle Tom, Dad is mad as hell, Mum won't talk to me anymore and I've had to leave home," it's not a lot of words written down, but they came out singly, and at first not in the right order.

It took another hour for her to let me ring Dave, find out just what had happened, I mean he is my best friend, and I can't see him or Dawn not talking to Lilly or throwing her out, not in a million years.

He had and she did. I didn't know that Dave was so straight laced, I had never thought that he would react like this, and Dawn's response, I still find it hard to believe that she stopped talking to her daughter, but she had.

Lilly was pregnant, she was only nearly twenty, okay she had made a mistake, she kept dating a boy who Dave didn't like for some reason I haven't been able to work out, but he had warned Lilly about going out with the boy, I don't know much about kids, but I have learned that just saying don't, is a sure way of them doing it, just to show they are grown up, have a mind of their own so to speak.

Lilly had continued to see the boy and then slept with him because he said he loved her, yeah, he was like lots of boys, saying whatever it took to get into the girl's panties, and this boy was no different.

Lilly eventually, weeks later told me that they would go out most nights they met each other, have sex in the back of his van, have a drink and have sex on the way home, listening to her he was a piece of work, he used her, he taught her, made her more like it, if he came in her mouth, she had to swallow or get a slap, he took her like a sex doll and left her like one, wet sticky and unfulfilled, she thought she had a climax once, but wasn't sure, to cap it off, when Lilly told him she thought she was pregnant he did two things, he threatened her not to say anything, and while she was waiting for him to do the right thing, which he said he would, he made plans to go abroad to work.

So this was the night that Lilly finally realised he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, he had picked her up as he usually did, fucked her silly in the car park of the pub and when she got out he wound the window down and told her he was going abroad, she'd been a fun shag but he had better things going on than to be tied down with her, he didn't even say goodbye.

I'd waited for morning to call Dave a second time, I had put Lilly in my spare bedroom, not that she or I got any sleep, all I could hear was her crying.

I won't go into details of that call, let's say Lilly was correct in every aspect, Dave and Dawn washed the hands of Lilly, I really couldn't believe their attitude, their daughter needed them, but they weren't going to lift a finger to help her, the only thing I got from them was permission to go over and pick up all Lilly's things, they had already boxed and bagged everything and it was in the garage.

I couldn't believe them, it was their daughter, she made a mistake, we all made mistakes at her age, okay, maybe not many get pregnant making our mistakes, but heck, Lilly was their daughter, I bet they couldn't put their hands on their hearts and say they never made a mistake at her age, and after all was said, Lilly being their daughter, didn't she deserve support?

On the way home I had to think things through, I kept asking myself what to do? Wash my hands of her, take her somewhere, that question asked where? I mean, I had known her for, well her whole life, I couldn't understand what and how her parents could be so cold, what the hell were my options, I pulled into a car park, just to think without getting into an accident,

1, I could do nothing, not really an option was it.

2, take her somewhere, but where, home wasn't an option as it should have been, I'd just witnessed that for a fact.

3, take her somewhere she would be kept safe, where? I couldn't think of anywhere that was safe, or would take her.

4, do nothing, let her sort herself out, in my wildest dreams that wasn't going to happen, Lilly wasn't in any state to look after herself at the moment, in a while things would calm down, maybe she just needed a little time to get her head back on straight.

I could just do nothing but see what happened, but that wasn't fair on her as her mind was in turmoil, so it had to be,

5, take her in and give her a bed and as much support as necessary, be there for her, be strong for her.

So Lilly moved in, I will be quick to point out it was to the spare bedroom, NOT mine, give me a break, I've known her all her life, her parents were, note the past tense, my best friends.

I had changed her nappy.

I took a couple of days off to keep her company and make sure that she was safe, had her mind in a safer place, after her so called boyfriend and then her parents dumping her like she was a bag of trash, she was in a very fragile place, I was there for her, I wasn't trying to change her mind, make her do anything, it had all happened so suddenly her mind needed time to work things through, all I could do was give her a safe space to think things through at her own pace.

I mean my head had gone on a spinning loop as well, I never thought that Dave and Dawn would do anything like this, I could understand her so called boyfriend, he was young and probably just as worried that his life was going to go to hell, it's no excuse, but when you're young you don't make the best of the choices that get thrown at you do you, but I will admit that if I got a hold of him then he would have had changed his mind in how he acted.

The first day was tough on both of us, Lilly was fragile to say the least, she had been let down by everyone it must have felt like, all I could do was be there for her.

I think she got through at least a box of tissues that day, and who could blame her for that, her life had gone from one of relative peace and comfort to being thrown out by all the people who were supposed to look after her.

It was on the second day that I got much sense out of her, I did get her to eat a bowl of soup and drink plenty of the only thing I could think she might drink, fruit juice, the third day I went back to work, but I did make it a short day, I stopped on the way home and did a big shop, I didn't have much of an idea what she liked or disliked, just made a guess and hoped for the best, I did stock up on tissues.

She looked terrible, she didn't look as if she had had any sleep, with bags under her red rimed eyes and a red nose from the constant rubbing of the tissues, I made something simple for her to eat, strange choice, but who doesn't eat beans on toast? It was hot, filling and she couldn't tell me what she wanted, she said she wasn't hungry, but it disappeared when I put it in front of her with more fruit juice, while I did the dishes I put her on the sofa and put the handset for the TV in her hand, I heard something in the background and let a breath out I didn't know I was holding, we sat watching whatever she wanted when I finished the dishes, Lilly knew she could just sit there or we could talk, or not, it must have been an hour that went by before she said anything.

"Why are you doing this for me?" I was a little taken aback by that question, but I gave it serious thought before responding.

"I might be an old foggy, but we all make mistakes, I'm not innocent in all I've done in my life, you on the other hand have been dealt a shitty hand in this, you, and your parents have looked at it as only your own fault, but you were under that magical power, love, it might have been true, it could have ended up being the best thing since sliced bread, you and knobhead, but,... but he turned out to be like someone else who I knew once, untrustworthy, all you need right now is a friend, somewhere to be safe, I can give you the safe place and would like to be that friend, but it's up to you, stay or go, I won't force you to do anything you don't want to, I will put options in front of you, sometimes we can't see the wood from the trees, I'm good at that, so I will say things to you that you don't want to hear, but I won't force you to do anything, but I will put the options I see you have out there, it will be up to you to make your own decisions," I took a deep breath and ploughed on.

"You have to make choices, but not right now, I'll help you as much or as little as you want, you have a safe place here with me if you want, I won't ask many questions, but there will have to be some, you can tell me to mind my own business if you want, but I will only help you as much or little as you will let me, I have two questions for you right now, are you still hungry?" Lilly shook her head no.

"And is there anything else you want to tell me or that I should know?" Again she shook her head no. "Have you seen a doctor, you know, make sure you're... " For the first time I saw a bit of a smile.

"That's three questions," but she said it in a good way.

"No, I know, I've done the pee tests, lots of them hoping that there was a mistake,"

We sat in silence for a while, I told her we should go see a doctor, make sure everything was going on as it should, it was only then that I thought to ask her if she was sure that she wanted to keep the baby, I had to tell her quite forceful that it was her decision but I needed to know what she wanted, I couldn't and would do my best not to second guess her, she had to tell me in plain English, I made a joke by saying I was only a man, a single one at that so all this was probably newer to me than it was to her, which for the first time made her give me a titter, it wasn't a full laugh, but it was a start.

We went to bed shortly after that, I had work in the morning.

I'm not sure if I was surprised that Lilly was in the kitchen when I got down for breakfast, she looked brighter, as I left for work I asked if she would think about seeing her doctor, just to get things right, if she was going to keep the baby she had to start to think about looking after it.

Getting home that evening Lilly had made shepherd's pie for us, it seemed she was coming around in herself, getting her head in some sort of shape to go on, when I was clearing up she asked if we could talk.

We sat in the lounge with mugs of tea, I might have had a beer on my own, but I didn't want Lilly to want one with me, I knew she drank, but alcohol wouldn't help now, and if she was going to keep the baby, it was not on her menu from now on.

"Tom, would you... would you help me?" I nodded.

"Will you come with me,... I've made an appointment to see the doctor, you were right, I need to grow up if I'm going to be a mum, and it had better be soon,... but I'm scared,... I've messed everything up so far," she burst into tears, I wasn't sure if hugging her was the right thing to do just then, but what other choice did I have? It didn't seem right to just sit there watching her cry her eyes out feeling all alone.

I moved to her and hugged her, held her till the tears stopped, then I moved away.

We sat in the waiting room for the doctors, Lilly had been nervous all morning, I'd taken the day off to go with her, couldn't expect her to do this on her own, it should have been her mum.

I thought I would wait in the waiting room when she was called in, but she made me go with her, which I wasn't comfortable with I can tell you.

The doctor, a woman, looked at me like she had stepped in some dog poo or something unpleasant like that when we walked in.

Lilly saw the look and told the doctor that I was a friend who she was living with at the moment, I could see on the doctor's face she was thinking that I was some sort of sick person, the age gap, the fact that the appointment was to see if she was pregnant, and an older man, it all spelt sleaze didn't it.

I put my foot down, I didn't want to be called a pervert or anything.

"Look doctor, Lilly is my goddaughter, she's living in my home, NOT MY BED, her parents have washed their hands of her so she's living under my roof, IN HER own bedroom," the doctor blushed and muttered an apology. I didn't want to stay in the room for the examination, but Lilly insisted, I sat blushing looking at the door, not at the couch where Lilly was lying, wishing that the floor would swallow me up.

I mean it was a foregone conclusion that Lilly was pregnant, but the doctor had all the tests run, made appointments for Lilly, it all seemed so normal, I suppose it is normal, for couples, but it was embarrassing for me. Lilly seemed a different person on the way home, she had cheered up, it was as if a large load had been lifted off of her.

Life went on, I tried to talk with Dave and Dawn, they wouldn't have anything to do with Lilly and by association with me, their loss I thought, but it did affect Lilly, I saw the hurt in her eyes.

She had continued to go to college, I wasn't sure of what she was doing, it had never been brought up, she did ask if she could bring some friends over one night, it was fine by me, it would make her feel more at home than camping somewhere.

It was arranged for a Saturday, I had gone shopping and for a drink at lunchtime, I got home to find eight girls having a good time, Lilly came into the kitchen as I was putting the shopping away.

"Is it alright if we order pizza, and can we have some of your beers? I'll pay you back somehow, please," I laughed and said why not.

I'm a soft touch, it wasn't the first time I had been told that, they ordered, I paid.

From what I saw of them, them as a group, they were like any other group of girls their age, fun, loud and full of life, the music they were playing wasn't my thing at all, I had to go to the shed in the garden to get away from the house, I'm a man, they were young woman, I didn't want to be thought of as a dirty old man, they had bodies that were just coming into their prime, I could go into how pert they were, and you would know the parts that I'm referring to, they had legs that seemed to go up to their necks, and it seemed to me that they were going out of their way to flirt with me, or was that wistful thinking.

I thanked god they weren't dressed to go clubbing, I'd seen some of those get ups, I wasn't sure if I could take them dressed up to go out on the pull, things haven't changed that much, it wasn't much different in my days.

I spent most of the afternoon in the shed, sharpening my saws, cleaning out some rubbish that I had been meaning to for the last two years, anything to not to see them flaunting themselves in front of me, yer, in my dreams you say, but three of them came down to see what I was doing, one, Victoria, hopped up on the bench waving her legs around asking silly questions, making it clear that she was keen, keen to see what a man my age was like, she was on offer, if I wanted her, she even wrote her phone number on the wall of the shed.

They surprised me, they made a salad from the stuff I had in the fridge, it was all set out nicely, dressed and looking great when I came back in, I couldn't stand being in the shed any longer, this was all new to me, as a parent you grow with them, know what is acceptable and what they should and shouldn't get up to, me? I'm learning late in life, and they are grown women, who just need guidance in some ways, not that I wanted to guide them, well maybe in my dreams, but I was aware that things could get ugly very quickly if I made a silly mistake.

I wasn't aware of anything being said, but they had changed after my visit to the shed, it was as if they saw me in a different light, I wasn't the joke I had been earlier, I couldn't put my finger on any one thing, but they had sobered up, the joking had quietened down, the conversation had turned serious, I started to enjoy them, as adults, not girls, they still made me laugh, but things, as I said had changed. After they left later that evening, they had cleaned up everything, made coffee for me before leaving, each of them kissed my cheek on the way out, except of course Vicky, as I now called her, she made a show of kissing my lips.

"He deserved a proper kiss, he's had to put up with us all today," she told the laughing group as she pulled away from me.

Lilly asked if everything was alright, were they too noisy or did they make a mess of anything, I thought that was a nice gesture.

Things moved on as they always do, it was a month, a bit more when I found Lilly looking like she had been crying, I did what I do, I asked her outright, what's wrong?

It took a bit of patience and pushing to get her to tell me that she had run out of money.

FUCK FUCK FUCK, I hadn't given that a thought, now I sat there wondering how had I been so stupid, here was a girl, going to college, how was she expected to pay for anything, it just hadn't crossed my mind, money was the root of all evil.

I sat her down and we worked out what she was short of, in the way of clothes and essentials, and I insisted that she told me her outgoings, I had to explain that as a single man, I wasn't rich, but I was more than will to help her, she insisted that it would be a loan, not a gift, I accepted, but it was in the back of my mind that that would be later, much later, we would argue about it then, not now, if she was younger it would have been classified as pocket money, but now it was called an allowance.