That Awful Burning Sensation
Joseph Deans was having a pretty typical Wednesday morning at work. It seems ironic now, but Joe is a marriage counselor and he works with couples who are struggling to save their relationship. He knows that infidelity is a common problem and it plagues more marriages than he likes to admit. Doctor Joe helps them to heal. He helps them find the love that first brought them together and then he helps them rebuild the communication they need to nurture that love and rebuild trust.
It was midmorning and Joe had just finished with his second couple of the day when the need to visit the men's room became unbearable. He had a few minutes before his next appointment, so he quickly left his office and headed down the hall. It was all so automatic. He walked into the men's room and without a thought he stepped to the urinal and opened his pants while staring at the wall and wondering, "Why did they pick such an ugly tile?" He was in mid-stream when suddenly he felt the most intense burning sensation. He looked down and saw that he was passing blood.
Doctor Joe wasn't a medical doctor. He was a psychologist, a therapist, but he knew enough to realize this was not good! The pain was remarkable, like the inside of his penis was on fire. He breathed a sigh of relief and exhaled when he was finally finished. His breathing was hard. That was rough! He knew what he had to do and when he got back to his office he called his doctor to request an emergency appointment. Jim Stanley, the doctor with two first names, was his doctor and his friend. He'd see him that evening as soon as Joe was finished with his daily appointments.
Driving over to Jim's office, Joe ran through the list of possible ailments. Kidney stones were at the top of the list. He'd heard that passing a kidney stone could be excruciating and he fixated on the possibility. When he got to Jim's office it was only a matter of minutes before he was ushered into an examination room and not long after Jim came through the door. Joe told him the story, short as it was, and Jim told him to be calm and not to worry. They would get to the bottom of it. It was probably nothing too bad. There were ways to break up or dissolve kidney stones. "Soon the pain will pass." He was smiling just a little too much at his own joke. Jim's sense of humor left something to be desired.
Jim took a swab from the tip of Joe's penis. Sometimes Joe wished his doctor was not also his drinking buddy. He took blood and urine samples; the blood sample was less painful, and he told Joe that if these proved negative they would do an ultrasound or CT scan to look for kidney stones. It was likely the problem would go away in a few days regardless.
Joe went home and poured himself a beer. When his wife, Janet, asked him how his day had been, he decided to spare her the worry and just said that it had been long and he was tired. Janet was a good and attentive wife. He couldn't tell her too many personal stories about his clients, but every now and then he would tell her a sanitized version that left out names and changed a few details. She liked the idea that people could get a second chance to fix their mistakes. It gave her optimism.
Friday morning, Joe got a call from Jim's office and the receptionist told him that he needed to come in as soon as he could that day. She wouldn't, or couldn't, tell him anything and that made him think the worst. Were the test results all negative, or were they so bad that she wouldn't tell him over the phone? Joe had a long day and found it difficult to think about his clients.
When the last client left, Joe packed up and raced over to his doctor's office. Since visiting there two days ago, Joe had urinated six times and every time it had been the same: there was that intense burning sensation and blood in the urine. He was getting more worried by the minute. The only ray of hope he held was that he felt no pain between urinations. He'd always heard that kidney stones are painful all the time with back and stomach pain until they pass, so he thought, "Maybe it's nothing, or just some minor infection. Maybe all I'll need is an antibiotic. I'll be fine." He kept telling himself that.
Once again, he was ushered into an examination room quickly and he soon found himself sitting with his friend, his drinking buddy with the poor sense of humor. "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"
Joe thought, "Are you kidding me? Is this what you tell all your patients?" He took a breath and said, "Ok, give me the good news first."
"You don't have kidney stones." Jim wasn't smiling anymore. Joe was getting worried.
"Ok. What is it?"
"Joe, you have gonorrhea." He waited and let the news sink in. Jim knew his friend well enough to know that he wasn't the sort to fool around; he didn't cheat on his wife. The next few minutes would be hard on them both.
"Joe, I am bound by the law on this. I have to report it. I also have to ask you for a list of all your recent sexual partners. There is no way that Janet won't find out." Jim was watching his friend and wondering if he would still be married the next time he saw him.
Joe just sat there in a daze; he was in shock. "It's a short list, Jim. I've never told you this. Most men don't admit it even to their closest friends, but I was a virgin when I met Janet. She's the only woman I've ever been with, the only woman I ever imagined I would be with. We were going to live our lives together, grow old together, and love each other until we die." He sat their looking at the floor. He knew the implications of all this. "She's been cheating on me. Damn it, my wife has been fucking another man behind my back!" His voice was rising now and he was getting mad. He looked like someone who wanted to kill a cheating wife.
Jim knew he had to get his friend to calm down. He couldn't send Joe home to his wife with homicide on his mind. "I'm almost done for the day. How about you give me 30 minutes and then I'll buy you dinner?"
