It was some relatives' twenty-fifth wedding celebration. A sit down meal, followed by a disco and dancing till late.
Mary was gossiping to all her relatives, so I was a bit out of things -- until Rachael hove into my realm.
Rachael was a middle aged good looker, distant relative of some sort. She was a little bit drunk, and feeling chatty. So I chatted her up. To my pleasant surprise, she responded to my blandishments, so before long I was taking her up stairs in the hotel, and she was busy kissing me. Then I was busy helping her out of her bra. Then her skirt. And knickers, by which time she had a firm hold on my cock, and we took it from there.
It was marvellous. Laid out on a plate for me, as it were. And laid was what we both got. From start to finish I don't suppose it took more than half an hour. When we returned to the festivities, Mary hadn't missed me, so that was all right. Just a secret between Rachael and me.
But the stupid bitch told her best mate Jessica -- 'but don't say a word, will you?' Jessica swore secrecy, and promptly told Marion. Who told Ruth. And Ruth told Phillipa, Helen and Marjory. Along the line someone told Aunt Betty. Aunt Betty had the reputation of being the family professional virgin. Her poor husband was totally hag ridden, not a boo to a goose came from him.
But dear Aunt Betty felt it her duty to tell Mary. And then the shit hit the fan.
Mary didn't take it kindly. She took extreme unkindness to it.
"What on earth did you think you were doing, Ed?"
Fucking my cousin, was the obvious answer. But all I said, was, "We had both had a drop too much and it suddenly happened. She was keen to do it."
"And had you no control? Really, Ed, I don't know what came over you. You men are just sex mad!"
"No, not at all. It was just a brief fling, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been a little tiddly."
"Well, done it you have, and now I have to think what I must do about it."
Hell's bells! What had I got myself into?
"I shall think about this."
"And what will you do?" I had my fingers crossed firmly.
"I'll tell you tomorrow. You can sleep in the spare room tonight."
Oh, my god! What a fuss over just a very brief mutual bit of fun.
Next day I discovered my fate. It wasn't at all what I thought it would be.
"As you have been unfaithful to me, I shall pay you back in kind."
"In kind? How do you mean?"
"I shall have a lover. Eye for an eye."
Well, at least she was showing some spirit. I thought well of her, offering to take a lover. I could cope with that."
"But as you have been the cause of this upset, I shall have to punish you thoroughly. I shall pay you back ten to one."
I looked puzzled. "How do you mean?"
"I shall have ten lovers, to clear the slate."
"But, here, I say, oh. No..."
"Ten to one. A good ratio, don't you think?"
"Too much. One for one, that's fair. But ten to one, that's too much, Mary."
"And I shall get each lover to sign a paper, to say he has made love to me, and I'll put them up on the wall, so you can follow your retribution."
How did I ever marry this bitch?
"But if I don't agree to this wanton behaviour of yours...?"
"Then I shall divorce you. And you won't be able to afford it. I shall be the aggrieved wife, the court will give me practically everything. So you have a choice."
Some choice! I could see I was lumbered. One might say, well and truly fucked.
Next day Mary went off to work in a pretty blouse, not her usual mundane work gear. "As you can see, I am now out man hunting. If I come home late, don't worry about me. This is now me doing my own thing."
She usually came back about half past five. That night she returned at half past nine, with a satisfied smile and a signed bit of paper.
"Want to hear all about it? Yes, of course you do."
And want or not, she proceeded to tell me. I listened with a mixture of horror and fascination. Seems one of the men at her work was always chatting her up, so today she had led him on. Her new blouse made him think he might have a chance. So he complimented her on it, and she said she had some other pretty things on. So they found a quiet corner, and she showed him her bra. She said she had more to show him, but they must find somewhere less public. So he said, come home with me tonight, and we can take our time. So she went back to his place, and she showed him her bra, and her lacy knickers, and then what was inside them. By this time she had his cock in her hand, and it didn't stop there. "It felt rather lovely, a strange man coming into me. I quite enjoyed it," she said. Pah! The strumpet! Couldn't she just say they had a nice fuck?
Apparently they did it twice, before he drove her home.
"That's my first lover, Ed. Only another nine to go."
Oh, my god! What had I done to deserve this?
Then it was Pete. "He drives a lorry. Said the sleeping bunk in his cab was a comfortable place, come and try it. So I did. He was number two." And she had the paperwork to prove it. I hadn't realised what a fast worker my wife was. "Pity, we ran out of time, or I could have got him up for a second go."
She had a day off, and then on the Friday, went round to the pub with some other girls from work. She told several of her work mates what she was up to, and they volunteered various men to her. "You can share John," her friend Kate said. "I won't mind. You'll like him. Nice cock, he has." Women can be so crude!
That evening she had not only John, on the back seat of his car, but also Bob. Apparently the other women watched her going out to the car park with the men, knowing exactly what she was doing, and welcomed her back with grins and kisses. She had joined the sisterhood.
That made four. Saturday she had a hot date, and didn't come home till very late, brandishing another bit of paper with triumph. "Unfortunately, twice with the same man only counts as one to my tally," she sighed. "But I think I could get used to doing this for a hobby!"
My god! Where was the sweet wife I used to have?
Sunday she made love to me all morning, and evening. I found her much improved, more relaxed, and more adventurous. Seemed as if all her fucking around was having a good effect on her. It's an ill wind, as the saying goes.
Monday she had her boss in the store cupboard. "He was too nervous to do it properly," she told me. "But I got it in, so he counts as number six. Over half way!"
