I'd just stepped out of the house to collect my mail when I heard the woman next door start screaming. That, I immediately assumed, would be Annie. Cute as can be, the size of a button and a personality altogether too big for her petite frame.
She was a redhead, and her temper was probably the reason all redheads are said to have hot tempers. Whatever Joey, her husband, had done, Annie didn't appreciate it. She sounded furious.
At that stage Joey came out the front door, moving fast. He apparently didn't want to waste time stopping to get into his car as he just hurtled the fence and took off. Annie came charging out close behind him, explaining exactly what she was going to do to the two-timing bastard.
It seemed Joey had made two little errors. He'd cheated and he'd got caught. It was obvious to me that he was making a clean get-away, and apparently it was obvious to Annie as well.
Instead of haring down the street, hot on his heels and yelling abuse, Annie stopped and grabbed a handful of stones from the front garden.
I'm sure you've all seen the sort of stones I mean. Small whitish pebbles with diameters ranging from half an inch to two inches. They're ideal for decorative borders around trees or covering weedy strips of garden.
Now Annie took after Joey again, but chucking these stones at him as she ran. It immediately became obvious to me that the safest place to be was between Annie and Joey, because while she could throw those stupid little rocks hard, her aim was atrocious.
Unfortunately, I wasn't between Annie and Joey. I was off to one side feeling mildly amused when what felt like half a brick bounced off my head. I yelped and clasped my hand to my head expecting to find a nice little limp.
Annie paused as she stormed past, taking time to call me an idiot for getting in the way, and then went back to chasing her errant husband with her enthusiastic but erratic stone throwing.
She stopped a couple of houses down, having run out of stones, and came storming back. She sort of faltered when she caught me standing there, hand still pressed to my head.
"Um, you're bleeding," she told me.
No kidding? I hadn't found a lump. I'd found a small gash on my scalp and blood was pouring forth. I'm sure you've seen how scalp wounds can really turn on the gore.
"Oh, you noticed, did you?" I asked. It was possible there was a little sarcasm in my reply. My white t-shirt was now red and white. I'd have to chuck it. No way would I be able to get those blood stains out.
"Ah, do you need help attending to that?" asked Annie.
"No thanks," I replied. "I don't want to take the chance of it becoming worse."
I walked back to my house and closed the door, leaving Annie staring after me.
I applied a little first aid. It was just a minor cut, even if I did bleed like a stuck pig, and once I got the bleeding stopped I just used a butterfly clip to hold it closed.
I had a shower and changed clothes and then went and googled blood stains. I was right. The simplest solution would be to ditch the shirt, which I proceeded to do.
I had some lunch, and while I was eating I saw Joey come sneaking back, hop in his car and make himself scarce.
After lunch I was sitting on the couch watching the footy. The front door was open and when the bell rang I stuck my head over the couch, saw Annie standing there, groaned and yelled "come in". I'd rather have said go away, but one must be polite. I'm not sure why, at times, but that's the way it is.
Annie came in and faced up to me. Naturally she stood between me and the TV which is what I was really interested in.
"I've come to apologise for hitting you with that stone," she muttered. "It was a loose throw and I'm sorry."
"Christ, Annie," I said. "Every one of your throws was loose, as you call it. You nearly hit Mrs. Mills cat, and that was on the other side of the road. You couldn't hit a wall if you were standing in a room. What made you think you could score on Joey?"
