"Honey, I think that it's time that we have a talk," my wife blurted out of the blue, as we lay in our bed.
Wow ... I thought. Those are the cliché "kiss of death" words, of course. The "Dear John" intro words. In wifespeak, every guy knows that the missus means, "I'll tell you some bad news and then you can react." Never a good opening phrase, of course.
"Okay ... what about, precisely, dear? If I can still call you that, given your opening line," I remarked on her choice of words.
"Yes, I suppose that I could have picked a better beginning to what I have to say, but then I might not have gotten your attention in your fatigue. Now you're wide awake, aren't you, honey?" Lisa explained herself a bit.
"Fine, but you still haven't dropped your bombshell now, have you?" I remarked.
"So be it. Here it is. Honey ... I know all about you and Michelle. I think that you should know that she's pregnant at last, after trying for so long. I also know why you cheated. Yes, I know that you know about my affair. I'm as guilty as you are ... and you found that out. I know that it started out as revenge, but you couldn't bring yourself to stop, either.
"Look, baby ... I don't have any cause to blame you for what you did. It was wrong, at least according to how we were raised, but so was what I did. I'm sorry about my affair with James, too. I really am. I was unfaithful to you and you were loyal as they came up to that point. It must have been a real struggle at times, too, Dan," Lisa confessed, tears streaming down her face suddenly, much to my shock.
"How would you know?" I asked her, rather angry, but also touched by her sudden emotion.
"Baby, I could tell the moment that you became involved in your first affair, the one with Michelle, my own sister, because you don't have a poker face. You never did. Besides, it was my idea," Lisa smiled as she kissed me.
"What was your idea?" I demanded.
"The affair with Michelle, baby. You deserved a little strange on the side, for having had to deal with my unfaithful ass for those weeks, while you figured out your plan. Methodically, I must say. Admirable. You were going to have real fun at my expense. You like your dish freezing cold. You always were thorough. Just not good at hiding secrets. Too honest, too real ... too passionate. Maybe you could hide them from others, but not from me. I love that about you.
"Anyway, I hide secrets a little better because I've had to in the past. Life as a preacher's daughter is like that at times. I just felt horrible, especially once I knew that you knew. I thought that hiding it was merciful, but I realized that was a mistake in your case. You would never have cheated until you knew that I did, and then you were looking for a neat way to exact your revenge. You've always believed in retribution as a form of karmic justice. I knew that and it terrified me.
"You're such a Scorpio, babe. Under that cool surface, full of strong passions and towering rage. You can't help yourself. You gave your word and you kept it, but I broke mine. I didn't even mean to break it, but ... well, I'm sentimental, and James was my ex. I had a soft spot for him and he used it. Then he had me, the bastard. Blackmailed me into doing other things, just so that you wouldn't know.
"When I realized that you already knew, I knew what to do ... I couldn't just confess. I had to make it right and find the right woman as my penance, my atonement. If I picked the wrong woman, she'd steal you away from me and I couldn't bring myself to pay that price. I couldn't stand to lose you to her. I saw you with Deanna and some others in my head. I recalled how much she flirted with you over the years, Dan. I didn't matter that she was your cousin. She wanted you and would get you, if I didn't come up with an alternative and fast.
"I threw Michelle right at you and she was game. Hell, she was eager, but I had to pay her price. It was worth it, of course. It was totally worth it to keep you as my husband, to remain your wife," Lisa surprised me with a shy smile.
