Taken or Given
Marcus had cum and rolled over; I was exasperated.
Yet again he never touched my boobs, his couple of kisses seemed forced, not intimate, not passionate; more a requirement that he should do to pacify me. It's a wonder I'm aroused, usually I'm not.
I did get aroused; near the time he came; I'm lying here legs spread, horny as fuck, and he's about to fall asleep.
I laid there listening to his breathing as he drifting off into slumberland, so I started playing with myself.
I pulled my tits to my mouth; my tongue tip has been able to flick my hard nipples since I developed in high school. I continued flicking my left nipple and my right hand went to my vulva; Marcus's jism has my pussy well lubricated. I brought some of his sticky, salty, semen to my lips, I always did enjoy that taste, especially when mixed with my flavor.
It only took a few delicate strokes along my labia to have me ready, my breathing changed, eyes closed, fantasy focused on the tingling in my twat.
I wiggled my bean and completed the deed Marcus didn't, a deep sigh as my fingers grazed my clit and edged my labia.
I guess I was too focused on getting myself off, I hadn't noticed Marcus move. He was on his side, one elbow bent so his head was resting on his hand, staring wide eyed at me, I couldn't readily identify his expression, he showed no joy. Somewhere between fear and concern, quizzical and pain.
We didn't speak, he made a huffing sound, mumbled something under his breath, and rolled over, giving me the cold shoulder.
I laid there wondering what happened between us and when. He wasn't as attentive anymore, it was like something besides me, was holding his attention even when we were alone together.
The first couple years of marriage to Marcus were really good, our dates were entertaining, enjoyable, and generally ended in fun, satisfying sex.
We were on target to our shared dreams, our future plans, it seemingly destined to grow old together, friends and very much in love.
Now something had shifted.
We'd gradually gravitated toward complacency, and were drifting along day to day with comfort, a false security had silently replaced spontaneity and intimacy. As the previous year passed our sex life dwindled, routine replaced surprises, silence filled the spaces where laughter used to blossom.
I was also to blame, as we both accepted it, without realizing it.
I couldn't help but wonder if his indifference or lack of interest meant he was cheating; I need to pay closer attention to his actions.
Our 4th Anniversary was coming up in a couple weeks, and I was shopping for Marcus's gift and not having found anything yet, I stopped into a bistro for a quick lunch.
"Xavier," I heard someone call. I spun around, it was Trudy, a former work colleague I hadn't seen in over a year.
She brought her coffee and bagel and sat across from me at the small round table intended for 2.
"Xavier, you're still as ravishing as ever, look at you, love the long hairstyle, but with that carrot top and those sultry green eyes, how could you not be sexy."
I beamed at the compliment.
"Thank you, Trudy you look gorgeous too. How's George and your girls?"
"Well, the girls are great, growing like weeds, as for George, I'm not sure, he moved away with Erin... you remember the girls nanny?"
Trudy said it with bravery, and a smile, but I could sense she was hurting, I could see it in her expression.
I reached across touching her hand.
"I'm sorry Trudy," I waited, giving her a moment to compose.
"I understand, Marcus and I are struggling right now."
Trudy took my hand, giving it a firm squeeze between both of hers.
"I can see it, you've changed, you've lost that happy go lucky aura, that exciting, bubbly spark you always exuded; what's wrong Xavier, why is your marriage failing?"
{Is it me? Am I the one that changed so much? Ok I knew something was off, maybe it is me and not Marcus that's changed.}
"We seem to have gravitated toward complacency; you know that way couples slip into mundane routine unnoticed; and I think maybe Marcus is looking elsewhere for satisfaction."
"Well Xavier don't let it happen; you do whatever it takes to keep him interested. Dammit girl look in a mirror, you got more to offer than most, there's no one out there that has anything better to offer."
After Trudy left, I really scrutinized my marriage relationship.
I could be responsible for the stall in our relationship. Nothing profound seems responsible, but many moments where the air was thick; conversations strained, not fluid as before, and I did nothing. Our sex is not as intimate, have I been lax? Marcus always moved with confidence, now he seems apprehensive in all our interactions.
Did I do something to destroy his confidence?
I might be to blame; suspicions were still that he met someone else and was trying to navigate both to see which person he wanted.
I thought I better nip it in the bud, we just need a minor tweaking to get back on track; if we discuss it, I'm sure it will dissolve.
Trudy's right, I'm going to take action.
I stopped at an adult store, bought a blindfold, furry cuffs, and an extremely sexy lingerie ensemble. I intend to reignite my marriage; Marcus and I are still in love, I know it.
I placed the cuffs and eye covering on the bed, hoping he'll see it and I won't have to bring it into play.
I donned the lacy lingerie and covered everything with a light summer dress that has a large zipper the full length of the front. When the timing is right, I'll pull down the zipper step out and offer my sexy self to Marcus, he can cuff me and have his way with me.
During supper, I couldn't spark a conversation, he was distant, not hearing me, when I repeated myself, he responded with expressionless limited words.
I slammed my fork to the table, getting his attention.
"Marcus I've noticed somethings been bothering you recently, are you holding back a dark secret?"
Hoping to lighten the mood.
"If you're a phantom rapist or serial killer, I want to know now." I chuckled, but he didn't seem to grasp the humor.
He sluffed it off, assured me everything was fine.
{Really are we already that far gone.}
"Marcus, we need to address what's happening to 'us,' if you don't talk to me, let me in on what's going on with you, our relationship will deteriorate even more. I want to save it."
No response, other than a simple nod.
I sat at the table crying, feeling we really were too far gone to save.
Marcus got a beer and went to the sofa; I felt abandoned, again he didn't seem to care about me.
I heard the TV channel change to some game.
I eventually gathered myself, cleaned up the kitchen, took Marcus a cold beer, "Please Marcus, talk to me." Still fighting back tears.
He put his arm around my waist, "I'm trying to find the words, please know that I'm trying, but I hurt a lot. I don't know how to say it."
"Ok, but please, let's get past this, my love for you hasn't changed; we've just let it slide."
When we went to bed, he moved the cuffs and eye cover aside, his eyes were glazed, the air was tense, I thought he was about to cry.
I gave him space, I went to the bathroom, removed my lingerie, stuffed the flimsy items under some other clothes in the hamper.
Marcus was on his back, under the covers staring blankly at the ceiling fan. I crawled in, wiggled my bum close, so our hips were touching, but didn't attempt anything more, then I also stared at the hypnotic spinning blades.
Many minutes later,
"Xavier," he started in a barely audible whisper,
"I uh, I'm sorry I'm not adequately satisfying you; you deserve so much better."
I rolled over, touched his cheek,
"What? Don't be silly you're very good to me; Marcus, I love you, where did you get that idea?"
"I know I don't satisfy you anymore, our sex life has dwindled, hell everything between us has changed, and now you need to masturbate, needing toys, or other paraphernalia. I know I'm not good enough."
"Whoa, no, no, no, that's not true, we've become complacent, let's not be hasty, we'll get through this; I bought those things to add a spark, to enhance what we have."
Marcus had visible tears on his cheeks and avoided looking at me.
"I feel I'm not enough for you, that you need more," He sighed, "Uh, I know the past few times, you, uh, haven't climaxed."
"Marcus, don't put yourself down like this, please, let's work through it together, we just need to communicate better, I need to explain to you how to arouse me better, it's my fault not yours."
{Do I be honest and tell him it is he who changed, that I need foreplay, and not just fondling and kissing once he's aroused, I need him to say nice things, do nice things, not just in bed ... all day ...}
{NO, I need to be gentle, I'll wait, and see how this plays out?}