This story is 100% true, only the names have been changed.
Dustin and I have never been lucky enough to live in the same town as adults for more than a year. We have always had to find time to party between life events. Hawaii, Virginia, Florida, and Nashville are all great examples. This is an epic story from Nashville.
I was on military leave from Afghanistan during February 2005. The Army gave me two weeks of civilized American living before I had to return to the war zone. During the lead up to the two weeks away from Afghanistan my dreams focused on all the things I wanted to do. When you are overseas you come up with all kinds of crazy cravings. Most of my cravings were for good food, sweet pussy, and cold beer. Dustin planned a special trip to Nashville to embrace the same great things with me.
As soon as my flight landed, I booked one of the best downtown hotel rooms available then waited for Dustin to arrive. In the meantime, I looked up interesting activities to enjoy. That was the moment when I discovered a magical place where several of my fantasies came true.
Thursday
Dustin pulled into my sister's drive way at 5 p.m. blaring classic rock and screaming insults at anybody who happened to be walking by her house. He got out of the car as I opened the front door.
"Let's go," I said sprinting out of the house with my bag and a case of beer.
Dustin replied; "dude, I just drove six hours."
"Stop bitching, let's go," I argued.
"Okay," he groaned climbing back into his car.
Rush hour traffic hurt Dustin's plans of getting plastered, but not mine. Screw open container laws! I pounded as many beers as possible during the 45 minute drive. When we finally arrived, we quickly checked into the overpriced room. Dustin chugged beers in the room relentlessly trying to catch up.
Dustin finally asked; "so brother, what should we do tonight?"
I laughed replying, "we're going to a swingers' club."
He question curiously; "what the hell is that?"
"A swingers' club is where couples go to swap partners and watch them get plowed by a stranger."
"No freaking way," Dustin said in disbelief.
I laughed, "yup, and we're going."
"Dude, those places don't exist."
"If you don't believe me look it up," I stated confidently.
Dustin dug through his bags until he found his laptop. He was quoting testimonies after a quick internet search.
"Holy shit, they do exist," he admitted still stunned.
"Yup."
"Dude it's for couples. We need to find some girls."
"The one in Nashville let's single guys in too," I happily proclaimed.
"Do you know where it's at?"
"Yes I do," I added.
"Then let's go," Dustin screamed with a hungry look in his eyes.
I replied, "it doesn't open for another few hours."
"Well what the hell are we going to do until then?"
"Strip club?"
"Strip club!" Dustin yelled eagerly.
Cigar smoke and cheap perfume assaulted our senses when we walked into the titty bar 20 minutes later. Strip clubs never fail to bring a smile to my face. The concept is simple yet beautiful. Girls get naked while I point out their flaws and decide how much they're worth. Usually strippers aren't even worth a quarter which means I don't lose much cash when I visit a club. Some guys are stupid enough to waste an entire pay check. Here's some advice, don't be one of those idiots. We left after a few hours of laughing at the slutty skanks.
Dustin waved down a taxi while I found directions on my phone. It took the driver 30 minutes to get us there since he had no idea where it was. Luckily, a huge liquor store was right across the street. I bought us some more beer then we headed in hoping to find a dream come true.
A fat whale of a woman greeted us as we walked inside. She sat at a desk inside the front door with a novel wedged into her fat fingers. She set down the book and gave us an unwelcoming look.
"Hello," she said. "Can I see some I.D.'s?"
"Here ya go," Dustin said presenting his license.
"That'll be 50 dollars each," she said handing back his license then taking mine.
"Son of a bitch!" Dustin exclaimed.
"Don't worry, I got it," I said.
"You've got to fill out membership forms too," she added.
"Why?" I asked.
"You can't legally touch someone or get naked at a business, that's why this is a member's only club. You have to be a member to get in," she answered with a bored expression.
Dustin and I looked at each other and started laughing, "that's awesome!"
"What time does it get busy?" Dustin said filling out the form.
"About 11 p.m.," she sighed.
Dustin looked at the time on his phone, "we have a few hours bro."
"Good, let's get hammered," I responded holding up the beer.
"Take your drinks to the bar and they'll give you a bucket of ice," the whale woman added.
We walked past the fat bitch after we turned in the forms. The club was surprisingly clean for being a dirty business. It was split up into several distinct rooms. We wandered to the back room first. It had two bathroom doors occupying one wall while a mounted television decorated another. Two pool tables sat in the middle with pool balls racked and ready to be hit. The main room next to it had a bar and a few high tables. A man old enough to be our grandfather posed as the bartender.
"Here you guys go," said the frail man handing us a bucket of ice.
We left the bar area without tipping the grandpa and headed to the biggest room in the club. It had a large dance floor with two raised stages. Booths lined the walls so people had plenty of private places to sit. A side door next to the dance floor had a row of lockers against the wall.
"Wonder what those are for," Dustin said looking at the lockers.
I shrugged, "hell if I know."
An hour passed quickly as we got hammered. We couldn't see a D.J. but that didn't stop us from yelling requests loudly to stay entertained. Eventually, couples started trickling in slowly. Every woman who entered the club was too old or disgusting to be considered sexy. Dustin and I decided the best way to solve that problem was to consume more alcohol and hope beer goggles would grow thick across our eyes before the end of the night.
Another hour passed as we waited. Finally, a woman came to our table. Either she was really cute or my beer goggles were kicking in. Her short blonde hair fit her petite frame perfectly, and a blood red shirt was pulled tight across her cleavage stretching the V neck cut. The slight lines on her face made her look 35 yet her body screamed 25.
"Mind if I sit with you two?" She asked casually.
Dustin moved over and motioned her to sit. Neither of us spoke as surprise set in.
"I noticed you two are alone, is this your first time here?"
"Yeah, we're checking it out," answered Dustin.
"My name is Angela, what's your names?" She asked.
"Adam and Mike," I lied giving her fake names.
"How do you like it so far?" She said leaning forward so cleavage clearly showed over the top of her shirt.
