Suspicion

First a "mea culpa" to those readers who think that I have "weaseled out" by not submitting this chapter immediately after Chapter 1. I am new at this game of writing fictional stories and submitting them for public consumption. I take this as a lesson learned. Thank you dear readers.

It would be in the best interest of the reader to have read Suspicion - Chapter 1 first. Paul and Kathy are husband and wife. Married for 16 years, Paul was secure in his belief of his wife's fidelity until several suspicious incidents brought forth the fact Kathy was not faithful to her wedding vows.

Again, this chapteris not

filled with explicit sex. It is concerned more with the feelings and interaction between the principle parties in the story. The infidelity in the story is like the iceberg was to the Titanic. It was there, it was responsible for the events which took place, yet it played no further part in the disaster which followed.

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"What's wrong, Paul? Are you sick or something?" Her words were full of concern, but they did not convey the dread she was feeling inside.

"Yes, you could say I'm sick. But it's not a physical illness. I am sick in my soul."

At that moment, Kathy's stoic demeanor crumbled before my eyes. There was no doubt in her mind I knew her secret. She slowly sank down on one of the kitchen chairs.

"What's his name? Are you in love with him?" My voice was calm. No anger or accusations in my voice.

Kathy looked up at me as tears welled up in her eyes. "His name is Karl Gerring. And yes, I am in love with him."

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I just sat there looking at my sobbing wife. Her brief confession did not stun me. It did not make me sick to my stomach. The suspicions I had about her infidelity had just been confirmed. Now, the angst I'd been living with since I found her stash of sexy lingerie in the trunk of her car washed out of me, leaving me an empty emotional shell.

"If you are in love with him, I guess that it means the end of our marriage." My voice was still calm.

"Oh god no, Paul!" Kathy cried out as a terrified look spread across her face. "I still love you, Paul! My love for Karl does not diminish the love I have for you." Kathy's voice cracked and her body shook as if she had just gotten a blast of cold air.

"Well, you're sadly mistaken if you think I will ever accept the role of a cuckold. And I do not wish to live with a woman who professes her love for another man. I can see no other recourse for us except divorce." I moved out of the kitchen area and into the den where I slumped down in my favorite recliner. I did not want to look at my unfaithful wife any longer. To me, the decision for a divorce was now a foregone conclusion.

It took several minutes for Kathy to regain her composure enough to speak to me. She sat on the sofa across from me. She sat there quietly for a moment before she spoke.

"I know this must be a terrible shock to you, Paul. Finding out I have been unfaithful to you. But, I really think you should listen to my explanation before you end our marriage." She tried to speak in a soft loving voice but I just turned my face away from hers.

"Tell me one thing, Kathy. Do you still want to have a sexual relationship with this Karl guy?"

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and simply answered, "Yes."

"Then there is nothing left of our marriage. Since you are the adulterous partner, I will file the divorce papers in the morning. I will seek primary custody of the children. I do not wish to expose my young, impressionable children to an adulterous environment. If you want Karl as your lover, then it will have to be without having custody of the children." My voice had taken on an aggressive tone. It was time to exert my position as the head of the family and the aggrieved husband. Kathy's infidelity may have wounded my ego, but I was not about to roll over and let her have the children.

"Please Paul! Don't do this! I told you I still love you. I don't want a divorce and I especially do not want to have my children taken away from me." Kathy was sobbing and trembling again as the reality of my decision was setting into her mind.

"Your 'I love you' statement is a farce when you also profess your love for another man. Your actions speak louder than any of your words. Your actions tell me I am not the man who can completely satisfy you as a woman. I cannot and will not accept a cuckold position." I hung my head and in a softer voice said. "I want you to pack a suitcase and leave this house immediately. I no longer want to be in the same house with you. You have lost your right to be a resident in this house."

"No, Paul! You can't just throw me out like an old shoe! This is my home. My children and I live here." Kathy was nearly in hysterics as I rose to my feet.

"I live here! I live here with my children! You are an adulterous slut and I won't have you living in same house with us!" I shouted at her as my anger rose inside me. "Now get your clothes packed and leave this house. I'm going to get the kids at Evelyn's and when I get back I don't want to find you in this house."

I walked to the door, turned and said. "I'll be back in a hour. Don't be here. Tell Evelyn where you will be staying and I'll see that you get the rest of your belongings." I closed the door behind me as Kathy continued to beg me to reconsider.

As soon as I walked into the Hunters' house, Todd could see there was something terribly wrong. He had never seen me looking so distraught. "What the hell has happened to you?" Todd asked as he walked over to me.

"Bad shit, Todd. Very bad shit." I said as I leaned against the wall. I rolled my head from side to side slowly as I spoke. "Kathy has gotten herself a lover and she doesn't want to end the affair. It's over for the two of us. I told her to pack some clothes and leave the house. I'll be filing for divorce in the morning."

Todd stood there stunned at the words I had just spoken. There was never any sign that our marriage was in trouble. Just the opposite. Kathy and I appeared to be the ideal married couple with two lovely children.

Just then, Evelyn came around the corner and saw us standing there is shocked silence.

"What's going on here?" Her eyes moved rapidly back and forth from her husband's face to my face.

"Paul just found out that Kathy has been cheating on him." Todd said sadly as he looked hard at his wife. "Do you know anything about this? Kathy tells you everything doesn't she?"

Evelyn's face could not hide the fact that she knew about Kathy's secret.

"She didn't tell me everything. Only that she had met her long lost high school sweetheart. She didn't tell me she was sleeping with him." Her voice wasn't that convincing.

"So you knew something was not right with this, didn't you Evelyn?" I barked at her in an accusing voice.

"I tried to tell her not to get involved with Karl. Their relationship in high school was in the past and she should not jeopardize her marriage trying to relive some teenage fantasy." Her eyes were now focused on a spot on the floor. She couldn't look me directly in the eyes.

"How long ago was this, Evelyn?" I snapped at her.

"About eight weeks ago." Evelyn said in a small voice.

"What else do you know?" My anger was still very building.

" Kathy told me Karl owns a small construction company. He didn't know Kathy worked for Cablenex when he applied for subcontracting work. Kathy was shocked when she first saw his name on the application form." Evelyn moved out of the hallway and sat down on the sofa. Her head was bowed as if in embarrassment.

"After she told me she met Karl for lunch, she no longer talked to me about him. I tried to find out if anything was going on between them. She refused to talk to me about Karl." Evelyn let out a deep sigh. "I had a dark suspicion that she was beginning an affair with Karl."

Todd had not said anything as his wife confessed her knowledge of the contact between Kathy and Karl. He had no idea of what to do or say at this time.

"Goddamn women!!!" I shouted at my sister-in-law. "Even though she is your sister you should have told Todd or me that something might be happening with Kathy. Now it's too late. Our marriage is over. I told Kathy to pack her bags and get out of my house." The veins in my neck were very pronounced as my anger was getting out of control.

Terror flashed in her eyes as Evelyn looked up at me. "You're not throwing Kathy out into the street! She's your wife and I know she loves you, Paul!" Evelyn was now beginning to cry out loud.

"She also told me she loves Karl and that she wants to continue her affair with him!" I shouted back at her. "That goddamn tramp deserves to be out on the street!"

I knew I had to get away from Evelyn before my rage exploded out of control.

"Where's Jason and Christi?" I turned to Todd.

"They're in the back yard playing." Todd said as I turned and walked to the back door.

The phone was ringing on the end table as I walked out to get the children. The two youngsters ran over to me as soon as they saw me.

"Come on gang. Let's go and get some burgers at Mickey D's." I said with a forced smile on my face.

"Can the three A's come with us, Dad?" Christi asked with a girlish smile on her face.

"Sure they can. If their mother and father say it's OK." I replied.

"Let's go in and ask them!" Christi called out to the others as she raced inside the house. Evelyn was on the phone talking to Kathy.

"Why was Aunt Evelyn crying when I went into the house?" Christi asked from the back seat of the car.

"She's having a bad day. I think she got some bad news that disturbed her." I replied to his daughter.

"Is that why she said she wanted Allan, Alexis and Alyssa to stay home tonight. Dad?" Jason interrupted the conversation.

"I guess so, Jason. There's a lot of things going on right now that will upset a lot of people. We can talk more about this when we get home."

Jason and Christi were finishing up their French fries when I turned away from them and push the speed dial button on my cell phone. The phone rang several times then a female voice answered.

"Hello." It was Evelyn's voice.

In a quiet voice I said to her. "We're going to be leaving here shortly and when we get home Kathy better not be there."

The children were more interested in the things going on around them to pay any attention to my phone conversation.

"Paul, be reasonable. Kathy is having a major emotional crisis over this. She has no place to go and she doesn't want to be without her children." Evelyn was trying to be the mediator for her sister.

"I don't give a damn where she goes. She can go live with her new lover for all I give a damn!" My rage was building again. "She better not be there when we get home or the children will find out the hard way what a cheating slut their mother really is." I pressed the off button and took a deep breath as I tried to suppress my anger.

"What's wrong. Daddy?" Christi asked as she saw the strange look on my face.

I tried my best to smile and acted nonchalant. "Nothing really, Sweetie. We'll talk more when we get home."

The house was empty when the three of us arrived home.

"Where's Mommy?" They both asked as they saw the empty house.

"She had something she needs to do. Mommy will be away for awhile while things get straightened out." I side-stepped the serious answer to the children's question. I knew very soon I would have to have a very hard talk with both of them.

"Now get upstairs to your rooms. I want that homework done in the next hour. I'll be up to tuck you in and say good night."

When I walked into the bedroom, I noticed there were a lot of Kathy's clothes missing on her side of the master closet. Her cosmetics were also missing from the vanity in the bathroom. Even though my anger was still paramount, I felt a strong sense of loss as the reality of Kathy's absence set in. Still, I knew there would be more anguishing moments lying ahead of me.

I lay back in the dark bedroom looking up at the ceiling. There were so many details I would have to address in the immediate future. Most important would be the emotional health and well being of my two children. How do you tell your children that their mother will no longer be living with them? That she will not be there to love and comfort them every night? That she will no be there to be Doctor Mom when they are sick?

In my own mind, I was struggling with my decision to fight for custody of the children. I wanted them to grow up happy and healthy. Would they be better off living with their mother and her new lover?

Maybe it was my wounded ego, maybe it truly was my devotion to my children, but I soon rejected the idea I could give up the children to my adulterous wife. I would fight tooth and nail to have them continue to live here with me.

The next several days were traumatic and heart wrenching for me. I immediately began the divorce process. Through my attorney, I was able to get a restraining order against Kathy from coming in contact with me or the children. Kathy hired a lawyer and was fighting the restraining order, but the results would take a week or more in the courts.

Jason and Christi were now confused and upset with the events which were happening in their once happy and loving home. I had sat down with them and tried to explain that their mommy and daddy were having some serious problems remaining married to each other. The children could not understand what was happening and why their parents could not just kiss and make up. I told them there were issues which were too serious to just forget about. I did not specifically tell them about their mother's new lover.

As gut wrenching as these episodes were with the children, I was determined to stick to my position. When I finally talked to Kathy on the phone, a week after I made her move out of the house, I issued my first threats to her.

I told her there are laws in our state against alienation of affection by a third party. I told Kathy if she insisted on fighting the issue of my custody of the children I would file charges against Karl and sue him for alienation of affection and destruction of our marriage. I also told her I would report her affair to the senior executives at Cablenex as a conflict-of-interest on her part. She would probably be fired from her job and Karl's company would be prohibited from doing business with Cablenex.

Kathy's continued to plea with me to cancel the divorce actions and let her return home. These pleas were met with my sarcastic remarks about her having made her choice. I made it quite clear I would not be a cuckold or live in an open marriage arrangement. The phone call ended with Kathy still pleading with me to reconsider.

Next, I had a long talk with my sister-in-law about Jason and Christi visiting with their cousins. I told her in no uncertain terms would not I permit Kathy to be at Evelyn's house if the children were there. I set down the rules of conduct that would govern my relationship with the Hunter family. Evelyn finally capitulated to my demands for the sake of the five children. She knew if I would restrict or cancel the visiting between the cousins, both families would suffer.

The divorce papers were drawn up with me as the primary care giver and having custody of the children. Kathy took my threats seriously and withdrew her objections to that part of the arrangement. She would have visitation rights on every other weekend provided her lover was not present during those visitations. She would pick up and drop off the children at her sister's house so I would not have to be present when she came to their house. This mutual agreement permitted the divorce process to continue.

A month after Kathy moved out of the house I looked into the bathroom mirror and saw a man who had aged 10 years in the space of four weeks. Every evening the children pressed me about making up with their mother so she could move back in with us. These confrontations were having their toll on the three of us. In addition to losing my wife, I now felt I was on the verge of losing the love of my children.

I took an early vacation from work to spend more time bonding with the children. Slowly the tension between the children and me improved. But, I could still see they missed their mother and their once happy family life. Being a single parent was becoming very stressful for me. I finally hired a housekeeper to maintain the household and be a live-in maid. I also did this to ensure that an adult would be at home when the children returned home from school.

Margarita was an elderly Latino grandmother who accepted the position. She moved into one of the guest bedrooms and immediately took over all of the household chores. It didn't take long for Jason and Christi to adopt her as their foster grandmother. In addition to her household chores she also began teaching the children the Spanish language.

A quiet stability slowly returned to the Matthews' house. The children stopped pressuring me to allow their mother to return to the house. The weekends the children spent with their mother soon became part of their routine. They seemed better able to adjust to not having their mother live in the same house with them. The return home after their visitations with her became less stressful for them. Margarita always had their favorite meal ready for them when they returned home from their visit with Kathy.

Still, it wasn't the same loving family any more. My life was particularly stressful because of trauma I suffered after the discovery of Kathy's infidelity and then the loss of her presence in the house. Down deep I truly missed her love and companionship. I went about my daily routines at home and at work as best I could. At times my actions were more robotic than that of a thinking individual. There was a huge hole inside my mind and soul. Something very valuable had been ripped from my perfect life. Something that might never be able to be replaced.

The once close relationship between the Hunters and me now had a very large chasm between us. The cousins remain very close friends and still shared much of their time together. But the closeness I once had with Evelyn and Todd had diminished to almost nothing. Because of the rules I had set down weeks ago, Evelyn had never tried to persuade me to give Kathy another chance. Evelyn was caught between loyalty to her sister and her feeling that Kathy was solely responsible for the misery which now existed in the two families.

One evening when I went over to pick up the children at Evelyn's, she took me aside and handed me a large manila envelope.

"I know the rules you set down about my getting involved with this marital crisis you and Kathy are having. But, I absolutely believe you need to read the letter Kathy has written to you. It's in this envelope and it may contain some of the answers to questions you have been afraid to ask. Please don't destroy this letter before you read it, Paul." She handed the envelope to me. I took it reluctantly.

"I will not bother you further about this situation. It's between you and Kathy. I only want to plead with you to read the letter before the divorce is finalized. You owe it to yourself."

I hesitated in speaking to Evelyn. We both knew she broke my standing rule about her getting involved. Instead I just grimaced and walked past her to retrieve the children. I left the Hunter's house with the children chattering away, and with the envelope in my hand.

It was several days of looking at the unopened envelope I had taken to work.. Supposedly inside the envelope was a explanation and possible confession written by my soon to be ex-wife. Do I dare read it? Would the contents of the letter be like salt in the wound and increase my anger toward her?