Susan's Consequences - One Year Later

Susan's Consequences -- One Year Later

I stared at the three pins that were still standing at the end of the alley as I waited for the machine to return my bowling ball. I'm usually a pretty good bowler, not so much tonight. When I divorced my wife, Susan, a year ago, it had been difficult. But little by little, it was getting better. Now I can go weeks without even thinking about it. But then it pops back into my head, depression settles over me. Tonight was one of those times.

After my ball popped back up and rolled to a stop, I picked it up. Turning it around in my hands, I could feel the lettering. I didn't have to look; it spells out my name, Jon Freemont. My ex-wife bought the ball and had it engraved for me four years ago for my birthday.

The ball is a reminder of happier times before my wife took a lover. But I couldn't think about that now. Even though I'd bowled poorly so far, we could still win if I could pick up this spare and take out at least five pins with my last roll. And tonight's match was semi-important. We were bowling against the first-place team. If we win, we'd be in sole possession of first place.

After my first ball, the four, five, and seven pins were still standing. It shouldn't be a tough spare to pick up. All I had to do was put the ball between the four and the five pins. I inserted my fingers in the holes and set myself opposite the proper mark. Being left-handed, I tried to put just a little spin on the ball to have it curve into where I wanted it to go. However, I must have put a little too much spin because it only took out the five-pin and the seven-pin. The five-pin wobbled for a second but stayed up.

The other team came out of their seats with a cheer. My side only groaned.

"Jesus, Jon, how could you miss that?" Phil gripped later as we sat having a beer.

"Shit happens, Phil," I said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. "Besides, we've got second place locked up already, and we've two more chances to take first. We're going against the last team and the second to last team in our league. The Golden Dragons have to play the third and fifth place teams, and they've lost to both already."

"Yeah, but we could have taken first tonight," Phil wasn't going to let it go.

"Coulda, shoulda, woulda, Phil. Let it go," I was beginning to get annoyed.

There was an awkward silence as all four of us sipped our beers and tried to pretend that there wasn't any tension in the air. I studied my teammates, Phil, Rick, and Mark. Phil was forty-five years old, fifty pounds overweight with gray hair and a scraggly beard. Phil was the assistant manager of the power plant. Mark was forty-one, and he owned his own tool and die company. Mark was only about five feet seven inches tall with short brown hair, and he fancied himself a lady's man. In that respect, Mark was a legend in his own mind. In truth, he dated sporadically, and his few longer-term relationships usually ended with disastrous results. His last girlfriend dumped him because she claimed Mark was too clingy. Rick was a little over six feet tall, with dirty blonde hair that he kept a little on the long side. He owned a bookkeeping service, and his wife Anna was a stay at home mom.

"So, what's new with your old lady?" Mark asked me with a grin that further annoyed me.

"I don't have an old lady; I'm divorced," I said, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice as I motioned for the waitress to bring us four more beers. It was our tradition, that if we lost a match, the player with the lowest score had to buy the first two rounds. The same was true if we won a game. Since it was rare that any of us had more than two drinks, the loser was paying for everyone's drinks that night.

When the beers arrived, Phil and Rick were engaged in a discussion about the NFL. I'm more interested in college football, so I wasn't paying too much attention. Apparently, Phil and Rick were discussing which game they'd watch that Sunday. Their wives don't like it if they spend the whole day watching football. Then Mark jumped in and said he could watch as much football as he wanted.

Mark then looked over at me and said, "Jon, you screwed it all up for yourself. You were free and clear of the bitch, and you could watch as much football or do whatever you wanted to do. Now you've put yourself back under her thumb."

"Yeah," Phil piled on, "I will never understand why you didn't burn the bitch down for what she did. I also don't understand why you didn't beat the shit out of her boyfriend? I mean, Susan actually told you that she was in love with a younger guy, and was fucking him. Basically, she told you that you weren't good enough. How could you let her back into the house?"

"ENOUGH!" I yelled, and I stood up suddenly, causing my chair to fly backward.

"Settle down, Jon," Rick hissed, "or they'll call the cops."

"Fuck you guys," I spit out and headed out to the parking lot.

All three of them caught up to me in the parking lot, but Phil spoke first. "Look, Jon, we didn't mean anything."

"Yes, you guys did," I said, wheeling around to face them. "You and too many others, have been busting my chops for over a year now. I'll admit, that when the shit hit the fan, I was more than willing to listen to all the crap heaped on Susan. She deserved it. But now I'm sick of it. You guys don't know shit about what my family and I have been through."

Phil had a burr up his ass that night. He was in a combative mood. "All I know is that Susan came out of this smelling like a rose. She got to fuck some younger dude for months, and now she's got her kids back, her parents back, she's living in the family house, and she almost has you back. Like I said, she came out smelling like a rose."

"Phil, you have shit for brains," I said and turned to leave.

"Well, then tell me where I'm wrong," Phil challenged.

'Okay," I said suddenly, wheeling back around. "I'm going to tell you guys why you're all so fucking full of it. After I do, if any of you ever talk about Susan or the divorce again, we're through. Do you hear where I'm coming from?"

Phil and Mark nodded quickly. Rick looked around uncomfortably. I sensed that he was uncomfortable about the whole conversation. I know for a fact that he and his wife had gone through a rough patch. It had almost ended in divorce.

Rick's wife is a beautiful woman, blonde hair, and a lovely figure. Rick's a good-looking guy also. Apparently, Rick had an affair with a woman in his office, and Anna had a revenge affair with a neighbor. They both filed for divorce, but neither could pull the trigger on it. Having two kids may have had something to do with that, but I suspect that, deep down, they were still in love with each other.

Mark has never been married and has been dumped by his last three girlfriends. Despite this, he thinks he's a player. In truth, he's clueless when it comes to a serious relationship. Phil, one the other hand, has been married for fifteen years. His wife, Linda, is about three hundred pounds and a bit of a shrew. They have five kids together, but if they ever loved one another, they certainly don't show it now.

I always felt that if Phil was on fire and there was a box of chocolates across the street, Linda go get the chocolates before she'd do anything for Phil. But on the other hand, if it was a six-pack of beer across the street and Linda was on fire. No question in my mind, Phil would go for the beer first. Later, he'd tell you he went for the beer to put the fire out. Of course, I'm sure he planned to pass it through his kidneys first.

Finally, Rick nodded, but then added, "Jon, you don't owe us any explanations. You're absolutely right, we shouldn't have said anything about your divorce.

I could see Phil and Mark look daggers at him. They were hoping to hear some dirt on Susan or confirmation that I was a wimp.

"No, let's get this out in the open, and then I don't want to hear about it ever again."

Mark and Phil smiled and nodded. Rick nodded somewhat grudgingly.

"Let's start with the issue that caused my divorce," I began. "I'm sure that you have heard the stories. I've heard them all, and some of them are pretty close to the truth. I'm sure you already know that Susan blindsided me one day and told me she had fallen in love with a younger man. She claimed to still love me, but she also loved this guy. In her mind, Susan saw this guy as some sort of "wounded bird," and her plan was to heal him. Susan admitted having sex with him and said she'd continue having sex with him until he moved on. As you can imagine, I was livid. I wanted to lash out, but instead, I got drunk."

I could see Rick begin to fidget, and his face turned red. This story seemed to be making him extremely uncomfortable. But I decided to continue anyway. If nothing else, it might be a little reinforcement for him to keep his wedding vows. For his sake, I hope so. No one should have to go through what I did.

"I then asked her how she'd feel if I started having sex with another woman. Susan told me that I was an overweight middle-aged man with thinning hair, and no one would want me. And Susan threatened to ruin me if I filed for divorce."

"Jesus, Jon," Phil interrupted, "if my wife said that to me, I'd have killed her."

"And you'd be sitting in jail for the rest of your life with no one to take care of your kids," I snapped back at him and continued. "To be truthful, though, that thought did cross my mind. But only in passing. I didn't know what to do, but I couldn't live with her infidelity. I decided to file for divorce. Fortunately, I found a great attorney, and he stacked the deck in my favor as much as he could. Fortunately for me, Susan was totally disconnected from reality. He worked it, so I got to stay in the house, got custody of the kids, and Susan even had to pay child support. I got my half of our assets and even got a temporary restraining order so Susan couldn't come within five hundred feet of us."

"It sounds like you had it all locked up, Jon," Mark said, shaking his head. "Why did you let her off the hook?"

"Susan didn't get off the hook," I said calmly, "and she didn't come out of this smelling like a rose."

"How can you say that," Mark protested. "She had her affair and still got her old life back. You got nothing."

"God, you are clueless, Mark," I said, shaking my head. "To begin with, Susan had mental issues. Maybe I should have picked up on it, but I didn't. She was severely depressed at the time. That definitely led to the affair, but it didn't excuse the things she said to me. To add to Susan's problems, she recently found out that she is bipolar and has to take medication. No way she came out of this mess smelling like a rose. To begin with, Susan destroyed her relationship with her parents or at least her father. Her mother has more or less forgiven her, but her father only talks to her grudgingly. You have to understand that Susan was a daddy's girl all her life. It's killing her that her father no longer feels that special relationship."

I stopped for a moment to see whether they were getting it. Rick clearly understood. He had experienced some of the same pain both Susan and I had and were still suffering. Mark and Phil were, at least, somewhat subdued. I decided to continue.

"It's true, I made a lot of concessions during the divorce that people want to criticize me for now. But they can't see it through my eyes. Susan finally realized that she had made a horrible decision and had destroyed our family. That torments her every day. Regardless of how I felt, I had to think about our kids. They were being torn apart by this divorce. Jon-Jon was on track to outright hating his mother. As it is, I don't think Susan will ever have a normal relationship with him. He was, and I'm afraid still is bitter about what his mother did. As the divorce dragged on, Sally, who had been an honor student, was on the verge of failing everything. At least now, she has made up with her mother, but I don't think that Sally will ever completely trust Susan ever again. And Kyle, he breaks my heart. Kyle was such a happy little kid before all this. Now he's a quiet and timid little soul. I pray, he gets his spirit back someday soon. I know that Susan still cries about what she's done to her children. Imagine having to live with that for the rest of your life."

"But all you got out of this was heartache and humiliation," Phil objected.

"If I could go back to the way it was before Susan went crazy, I would do it in a heartbeat. But you're wrong that I didn't get anything out of this."

"Yeah, what did you get, Jon?" Mark pushed.

"To begin with, I now have my own business, and I'm making more money than when I worked at the dealership. I never would have split off and opened my own auto repair shop if Susan hadn't created this whole mess. And let's not forget that I still entertain my lady friends with benefits, and Susan can't say a word because we're divorced. And yes, I stay over some nights at the house, and yes, we sleep together sometimes. None of you have benefits like that. As I said, if I could put it back the way it was, I would do it without a second's hesitation."

There was dead silence when I finished, and I could see that all three men had a completely different perspective of my divorce now.

"Okay, now you've heard the story, and I don't want to hear any more about it, ever," I said as I headed to my car.

As I was driving, I started out for my apartment, but halfway there, I changed my mind and headed for the house. I wanted to see my kids in the morning and give them a hug before they went to school.

I was going to sleep in the guest room, but Susan heard me and call out, "Jon, please sleep with me tonight. It's been an awful day, and I really need someone to hold me."

Well, even though I hadn't intended to, we wound up having sex. I don't refer to it as making love because I don't think I still love Susan. But I know without any question that she still loves me deeply.

The next morning, my kids were surprised and happy to see me at the breakfast table. Jon-Jon's eyes lit up, and he even gave me a little hug. Sally gave a kiss on the cheek and a big hug also. Kyle immediately climbed into my lap and began telling me about this new video game that a friend of his had just gotten.

Off by the sink, I could see Susan. She had tears on her cheeks but also a bright smile. I think for that moment, Susan was as happy as she had been since everything went out of kilter. And for that moment, I have to admit, I was pretty happy also.