Why did I think my so called marriage would work out? I had no right to feel that way. It was a business deal from the start, had I forgotten? I hadn't believed I would find what love was, much less let it invade my life like a conquering horde. God damn it, I had fallen so totally in love with Holly and then Marie, could I survive without them? I shook with fear, was Holly going to push me away? What about Ron? His wife had died of cancer a year ago. It sure sounds like they plan to be together now. Maybe, this was the plan all along. She might have been seeing him the whole time. I feel like such a fool. Why did this have to happen now? It would have been so much easier on everyone 5 years ago. Marie had grown up with me as her daddy. How could they try to explain it to a seven year old that she has a new daddy now, her real father? There is no way to explain in words my sense of loss and total frustration. It was my own fault all of it. I shouldn't have come up with this brainless plot. I shouldn't have agreed to be the fall guy. I was so sure I could walk at any time with a good feeling having helped my friends.
I left the office in a daze, where would I go? What would I do? Other than some words at a quick Vegas wedding, Holly had made no promises to me that our wedding was anything more than a convenience. Did she ever care for me? She seemed to be happy with our life. All I had was questions, questions, and more questions, I didn't have answers. The worst was the truth scared me the most. I've heard stories of other men that had their wives leave them or had affairs with other men. Anger, a need for revenge, denial, and the loss of a beautiful loving relationship, was always the result. Strangely, I felt no anger or need for revenge, no true promises were broken. I surely felt the loss, but had there even been a relationship of love? All that was left was denial and it ate at me. After driving aimlessly for who know how long? I found myself parked in front of our house, would it be my home after today?
No more questions, it's time for some answers. As an operative every thing depends on Intel and preparedness, it's time to find out the skinny.
How do you start gathering the dirt on the person you love more than anything in this world? I wanted to talk to Holly's parents about this, but there was no way to do that without telling them the truth. OK, that was out. So was talking to any of her friends, anyone of them would tell her what I was asking. This was going to require some thought and right now that was close to impossible.
I now had to face the family. This should be fun! I walked into the house and was met by the normal sounds and smells of our house, Holly was cooking dinner and Marie was doing her homework at the kitchen counter. Both greeted me with smiles and hellos. I answered both of them with a very short hello. Holly asked if everything was alright, I told her I just had a very bad day. I am the king of understatements.
Dinner was a strained affair, very little talking on anyone's part. Thank god it was soon over and I could start to figure out what I was going to do about this fucked up situation.
The next day at work was just wrong. Nothing seemed real. I was confused and not totally in control. The best thing I could do was start gathering as much info as I could as quickly as I could.
I decided to probe some of the staff, assistants always know more than anyone else does. The only thing of any use I found out was that Ron had been looking for a new house in another state. I prayed Holly wasn't planning to leave. If she left me and moved I might never see Marie again, or Holly for that matter. She may have gotten tired of having me around. Holly showed no signs of it, though. We had argued some, like the time I forgot the toilet seat. She'd been so mad at me for that she only put one piece of cheese on my favorite sandwich. I was so pissed that I hardly said a word to her for the whole last 5 minutes of the Super bowl game, that had been about the worst fight we had ever had!
My state of mind was not improving so I left work early. An idea came to me as I drove by the bank we used. If something were going to happen soon there would be action in our accounts. Two hours of careful examination led nowhere. If this continued much longer I would need psychiatric help.
I arrived home close to the usual time. Holly and Marie weren't there, I panicked, and then I remembered being told that morning of a meeting they had to attend at Maries' school. This would give me a little time to search the house for any clues. After an hour or so, all that I had discovered was a new cocktail dress in Holly's closet.
Man, I have really got to get a grip. The spying and indecision was driving my life, I hated it. Why not just ask her or Ron? Wouldn't that make more sense? But still I was afraid of the answer and my reaction to it. I was sure to say a lot of things in the heat of the moment that couldn't be taken back, things that would drive her away for sure.
That night in bed, Holly held me close with my back to her. I don't ever remember sleeping with my back turned away. Was this a sign to her or me? Had we gotten to the point I was pushing her away unintentionally?
No, this wasn't going to happen this way, I won't do it. I love her too much to hurt her in any way. I rolled and held her to me, the way I'd held her so many nights before. With her head on my chest and legs intertwined, I felt the only comfort I'd had in a couple of days, we slept peacefully. She had my heart, and it was hers to do with as she pleased. The days went by and turned to weeks. Nothing unusual happened. I hadn't lost the feeling of impending doom, but it wasn't on top all the time now. No matter how many times I tried, I still could bring myself to tell Holly my true feelings for her. If I didn't expose myself too much maybe I wouldn't be hurt. As if!
One night at home, I was reading to Marie before bed. Marie ended up telling me a story. Shit, why hadn't I thought of that? Information can come from the most unlikely sources. She told me all about Mommy's secret with Uncle Ron. I was speechless. This will be most interesting, how will it play out?
Part of Marie's story had to do with Ron's birthday party and going away. I made a note to pick him up something nice tomorrow, that should surprise him.
At lunch time the next day, I went to a jewelry store near the office. Then a quick visit to our lawyer's office, I had everything I needed. Ron's 62nd birthday was Friday, and the party that night was a formal affair. Holly wore that beautiful new dress I had found in her closet a few weeks back. She looked like TWO million bucks, god, she was amazing.
The party was held at a downtown hotel. We had arrived a little late, due to the heavy traffic. The shindig was in full swing as we were seated. Drinks were ordered and I danced with Holly. She held me close like she was afraid to let me go, we both knew something big was on the horizon.
Dinner was served followed by more drinks and dancing. I watched Holly's face closely. Man, I had to give her credit, she didn't show what was going to happen. I felt pretty good considering the last three weeks in hell that I'd spent. It would all be over soon. And we could move on with our lives.
At about 11 o'clock Ron took the microphone.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am honored by you presence tonight and I thank you all for coming. This birthday I am celebrating with you here tonight, will be the last time some of you will see me."
The crowd murmured then quieted.
"The last 20 years have been very memorable. There have been good times and bad times, and they have all been memorable. I have met a lot of people along the way, some have become good friends. I feel now is the time for change in my life. I know that the company will thrive. Yeah, for all of you now wandering, you still have jobs. As you all know, my dear wife was lost to me last year. It has been very lonely for me. A few months ago a new woman entered my life. We feel that we should spend the rest of my time on this earth enjoying life. I would like you to meet her now." With that, he held out his arm toward my wife.
"Holly, if you please"
I looked at her in confusion, and she then rose and walked toward the stage, but she kept walking to a doorway behind Ron. In an instant Holly returned with another woman on her arm. She was very elegant and close to Ron's age. Holly walked her to Ron and stepped back a few steps.
"I would like you all to meet the new love of my life, Tosha."
Well, this was a part of Marie's story I hadn't heard.
"Tosha and I will be moving to Portland to be near her family." The guests applauded.
"And lastly, I would like you all to meet your new boss, Rob could you come up here please?"
Holly ran to me and hugged me, and then Ron took my hand and said.
