I like the loving wives category but it can be difficult to come up with something different and the comments are often ruthless. I try to explore alternate realities or situations with angst.
I do spell and grammar checks and proof read but bound to miss some. If that bothers you too much maybe think about reading something else.
Please check the tags, don't read it if it's not your thing. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy it, they are free and they are just stories.
Best Wishes, Satin
***
I was sitting drowning my sorrows yet again; ruing the fact my girlfriend Rachel had just left me. This was my first serious relationship after my marriage and perhaps it was karma, after all I had cheated on my ex. I was gutted, having struggled to form new relationships since my divorce, leaving me feeling very lonely. Rachel had saved me... for a while at least, until she left proclaiming I wasn't over 'HER': my bloody ex!
To compound my woes, the cause of my demise walked into the bar. All eyes were drawn to her, she was captivating. It wasn't the first time I had seen her, she was a TV celebrity these days, a far cry from the rather mousey production assistant that divorced me three years earlier. Rachel was probably right; I wasn't over her, thoughts of her filled my mind often.
Claire looked absolutely stunning, her transformation still amazed me! She wasn't alone of course; her date was younger and predictably good looking. They both carried the confidence that attractive people do, she was truly beautiful and elegant; that twisted the knife into my guts just a little more. She'd always had a good body, curvy with lovely D cups; now she clearly worked out, a lot by the looks of it. She was certainly slimmer these days with a perfect peach of a bum and long thighs. If she had looked and acted like this back then, there wouldn't have been any affair, actually calling it an 'affair' is maybe over stating it, but I had made a catastrophic mistake.
To my surprise and horror, she was heading toward me. Her smile was warm and pleasant reminding me of happier times.
"Harry, it's so good to see you, how are you doing?"
She seemed genuine about it, maybe it was a trap and she was about to say how wonderful life was without me.
"I am... good, thanks for asking, you look... stunning actually."
"Thank you, it's kind of you to say; different from when we were together I know, but it takes a lot of effort and time at the gym."
"Well it's certainly paying off for you; I see your career took off as well."
"Yeah, I made a lot of changes after... us, and I got lucky with working in front of camera. I need to get back to Richard but I wondered if we could have a catch up sometime... lunch maybe?
"Is it about Beth, I just spoke to her yesterday and she seemed to be doing fine."
"No our daughter is still thriving at University, I just hope she isn't having too good of a time and manages at least some study."
"There's a balance I guess, University isn't just about studies; I am sure she'll settle down."
Her reply left me perplexed, if she didn't need to talk about Beth then what else could it be?
I tried to cover my uncertainty replying casually, "Yeah sure, it would be nice to catch up."
I confirmed being on the same mobile number and watched her perfect arse sashaying away, regretting my decisions all over again."
***
I compared her current looks and demeanour to our time together. She never dressed to maximise her body and predominantly wore jeans or trousers back then. Despite my best efforts, she was both shy and unsure of herself. The odd times she wore skirts or dresses, her friends would remark on her 'killer legs', those compliments made her feel uncomfortable and she wrapped back up again.
I found her attractive and said so... often. She didn't believe me and could never accept a compliment, putting it down to me being her husband. Her attitude to sex followed a similar theme.
At the time I felt a bit misled, she'd been more outgoing when we were engaged. Marriage seemed to turn her dowdy almost overnight. I wondered if it was a conscious decision, having hooked a husband there was less need to try. Talking to her about it left me accused of wanting to 'get my leg over'. I emphasised that intimacy brought us closer together, but got little in response. She never objected to us making love, but she rarely instigated anything. It hurt when I asked if she enjoyed it and she replied saying it was 'fine'; any discussion about improving things was quickly curtailed.
Eventually it all led me to my 'sort of' affair. Susan showed an interest, we got on well and I really liked her. Getting drunk at a work seminar ended up with us in bed. We got together another three times before the guilt overwhelmed me. I confessed it all to Claire in a tearful incoherent babble. It was all downhill from there, move straight to divorce and 'do not collect £200 for passing go'.
***
Claire led the conversation when we met for lunch, "I wanted to see how you were and well... apologise."
Of all the things I expected her to say that wasn't one of them, "Apologise for what, it was me who had the affair!"
"But I contributed to it!"
I shrugged not wanting to deny it, I had suggested as much at the time.
I looked her up and down, "Well you certainly have changed, you weren't like this when we were together."
"You know I had... issues, unpleasant things from school and childhood, I never really got over them. Oh you helped, don't get me wrong, you were always so supportive and built my confidence, but that stuff never really leaves you. I got called names and bullied for being fat; glasses did not make school life any easier. I had numerous hang ups about my body and looks and your... fling, confirmed all my worst fears."
I cringed at the memories, "That was all my fault, I can't apologise enough for it! I said it at the time and I'll repeat it now... I am really very sorry."
"I don't think that's completely true! I was never able to respond to you because of all of that baggage, my head was a mess. I really struggled to deal with your affair and was devastated, going through our divorce in a daze. What hurt the most was some of the things you said."
"Oh... like what?"
"The one that stuck in my mind was that I was frigid!"
"Shit, I am sorry that was far too harsh, and I was trying to make excuses for myself! I did desire you, but I got very little back. You never instigated and weren't that responsive, you didn't seem to get that much out of our sex life, that's where the comment came from."
"It's ok and in some ways you were right, since we split I've tried to change. That's why I wanted to meet, to say I am sorry for my part in in, I thought we were perfect and the affair shocked me, but I regret that I got too comfortable and stopped putting effort in, I could and should have done that for you... for us!"
"I tried talking to you about it, numerous times. Then I started having doubts about myself and about satisfying you. I think that's why I started pulling away or at least some of the reason. I didn't want you having sex with me out of a sense of duty!"
"I never meant to make you feel that way, but didn't think you really found me attractive. I felt awkward about sex and my body and was so uncertain; my self-confidence was completely eroded. You were always kind and respectful and never pushed it too much, when you did... I shut you down. I realise my lack of effort left you open to affection from another; you weren't the type to have an opportunist affair."
That statement felt accurate, I'd developed feelings for Susan well before we got anywhere near having sex. She was engaging and for some reason interested in me, it made me aware of the things that were missing at home.
"I am not saying what you did was right, but I understand it more now and I am less angry about it."
"So what changed?"
"After we split, I was determined to succeed... I wanted to prove you were wrong and say 'fuck you'! The gym helped a lot, then I dated a younger guy and couldn't believe it... he was absolutely besotted by me. I felt I had to try a new look with him being younger, so bought new outfits which accentuated my assets. He even thought I was confident and in control... little did he know! I was petrified; what is that saying, 'fake it until you make it'. He didn't cover his attraction and seemed to have a hard on for most on our dates, which was kind of thrilling. He complimented me and blatantly said he was curious about what delights might be hidden beneath. I let him find out and well... he wasn't disappointed!
The next guy said he loved my confidence, and that I was comfortable with who I was. I guess people see what they want to see, but I started appreciating and accepting the compliments. I looked in a mirror and for the first time saw some of the things you always mentioned. I mean... like my bum was pert and my legs were quite long and shapely. I stopped looking through the eyes of that fat school girl."
"I am sorry I never managed to make you feel that way. It looks like it's worked out for you; you seem happier and have a renewed energy, a bit like when we first got together."
"You really tried, it wasn't your fault. You said all the right things; I just wasn't in the right place to hear them. I wanted to say sorry and make sure you weren't blaming yourself totally. We both made mistakes and hopefully we can learn from them and move on."
I shrugged, thinking I hadn't moved on very much at all, Rachel's recent exit from my life had just proved that.
She went to move off, "Well thanks for listening to me; I am pleased to have had the chance to talk and explain."
"Claire could I see you again sometime... just as friends. I've missed... you and missed talking to you like this."
She hesitated before smiling, "Yeah, I've missed you too, I'd like that. It will cost you dinner though."
After she left, I felt different, what was it... happy perhaps? It was like I'd reconnected with a friend, maybe my best friend! It might prove to be a mistake, but if it was platonic where was the harm.
***
When she arrived at the restaurant, my mouth must have hung open. Her white satin dress hugged every inch of her. She was a beautiful confident woman, not the timid conservative wife of our marriage.
She smiled at my reaction, "I just wanted to show you how I should have dressed when we were together."
"Well thanks for that, you look totally awesome!"
Our conversation was easy and comfortable, memories flooded back; we had a lifetime of shared experiences and Beth to talk about. The personality and attributes of the girl I fell for were still there, all the small things I loved about her.
Claire confounded that view, "I am not the same person as when we were married, it put me off serious relationships. I do date more but I avoid commitments. What happened with you and Susan?"
"Nothing, it was a mistake and doomed from the start. It wasn't ever a relationship; I was trying hard to keep us together and not coping well with our split."
