Quick notes. I apologize for the delay in chapter two getting out. I'm still struggling with the necessary steps to post stories here. The problems are mine entirely. When I hit "publish" I think I'm done. You must go back and select submit next. I've made the same mistake before with another story. Old dogs can learn new tricks - there's just a learning curve.
I am doing this to write because i love it. And to give back to a site that got me through some uncertain times. I hope i entertain the readers, but I truly want to improve. I have not been able to keep up with the feedback at all, though I have tried to implement some of the suggestions given to my first few stories. Thank you very much for that! We have also been contending with life's dramas concerning a couple of direct family members. That's not an excuse just an explanation as to time management issues. C'est la vie, right?
Okay let's have some fun...
Splashdown Chapter Three
Peggy was still on the kitchen floor. Across the room lay a broken table beneath a broken wall. Had that really just happened? Peggy knew her husband had seen violence, but tonight held many revelations. Peg wondered if they would ever have a chance to compare notes. Because just like her husband, she now knew what it was like to watch a man die. The cool night air felt like the hand of death enclosing around her, "What the hell just happened?" She said aloud knowing she was alone, "What have I done?"
Peggy suddenly had to move forward, she scrambled on the floor like it was coated in ice. She scrambled to where her purse lay on the counter. Still on the floor she reached up and snatched it down. She rifled through the contents until she had her phone, then absent-mindedly threw the purse away from her, clearing her reality for only herself and the phone. She punched in the contact.
Her side of the conversation told the story, "Kathy. Kathy, it's Peg. Listen maybe, I hope, Gary might come see you. I don't know."
"No, I can't slow down. Listen, I just, I just, Oh God, I just did so much! Damn it, Kath, I just went over the protocols with Gary."
"No! Worse than horrible: hard to believe bad! I-I think I just lost him Kath. I think I ended my marriage."
"No Kath, really, it was incredibly bad."
"No, I'm not exaggerating. Want to come over and help me pick what's left of the table out of what's left of the wall?"
"Yeah, no. No exaggeration, I will send you a picture."
"Yeah, at least he didn't make a new picture window by tossing the fridge through the wall. Kath, you didn't see him, I am pretty sure he could have. The adrenaline was shaking off of him in vapor waves!"
"Oh Kathy, no that isn't want matters to him. I mean the sex does matter to him, it's very important to him, but it's more our intimacy he fears losing. He doesn't know if I can ever get it back once I learn to live with him without it. I never thought of that. Or a ton of other stuff! That's not even the point here. There was a lot more to this than I realized. A lot more! I realize now his level of supporting me, and the flight, has been much greater than I thought.
"His reassignment to desk duty recently, it's because of me. I'm sure of it! It's obvious and I never picked up on it. I don't know who he works for or exactly what he does, though I got a much better look at it tonight. He gave me an inkling tonight. Think about this Kathy: I'm going to spend six months in a satellite with three men, specifically Russian men."
"No Kathy, you are doing the same thing I am or was. The Russians are our partners now. No think about it, the Russians are our partners at the space agency. That dynamic is not true in Gary's world. In his world our government shared plans with the Russians to capture Saddam Hussein at the beginning of the Iraq War. Instead of being good partners the Russians sent a car from their Embassy car to wisk Saddam away from capture. See?"
"Damn. Let me make it clear Kath, Gary is still fighting the Russians - that's his world. That's why he was taken off main duty. Because his WIFE is going to live with three of them for six months! Christ. Gary told me they are not allowed to believe in coincidence. I can't begin to think of what people in Gary's world think of him right now. I can think of two or three nasty ones, but just the idea that three Russians would be orbiting while balling a possible CIA analyst's wife for six months would make the agency a laughingstock. Shit! And that's the mildest one: the others all contain espionage.
"I'm sure they have taken him off everything needing a clearance. I don't think his clearance has been revoked; he's just been mothballed. I'm sure he has lost most of the credibility he ever had with them. Damn Kathy, he didn't divorce me. He didn't tell me not to go. H-He backed me! In addition to al the sacrifices he had to make personally he was risking his career backing me. Worse, he was betting on me to do right by him, and I didn't, on every single level he could see. I didn't reciprocate at all!
"Why didn't I think of this? Kath, he doesn't trust the higher ups in our agency. Why should he? This explains so much! Were they that blind? Did they not care? Were they bought off? They never should have put me on a flight with all Russians. It stinks to high heavens.
"Now Gary really doesn't have his work to occupy him and Kathy, he's like me: his career is a major definition of who he is. My career has cost Gary his for probably at least a year. My guess is until they finish running checks on me and the mission - after I'm back."
"Oh shit, he needed a sign of loyalty from me. He's been tossing and turning in a harsh wind because of me. All he needed was a sign of fidelity. And what did I just do Kath? I just told him about the protocols. I threw him a cement block instead of a life preserver.
"Kath, it's worse than that though. I really fucked up. I can barely speak of it. I-I went ahead and took the first long term injection today - before I told him and ..."
Peggy cringed at the volume from the other end of the line.
"Yes, you're right, it sure was a mistake! A gigantic one. I can see that now. But it's worse. Please Kath, don't hang up: think of Gary! We need to help Gary. Please listen a little longer, then if you never want to talk to me again, I will understand. But Gary is why I'm calling you, not to soothe my own soul. I mean he started just ... he was trying to keep it together; he flicked the kitchen table over into the wall and didn't know he did it! It made a complete pirouette before impact."
"You're right, it was strangely impressive."
"He started talking like I was having an affair: I think it's the Russian connection."
"I mean, it does kinds make sense -- now: in an allegorical way. It's like I'm shutting him off. Oh, and Kathy, damn me, I knew I was in fact shutting him off sexually, sort of.
"I didn't want to admit it. I still don't want to admit that I might not want him or that I won't participate with him in what is supposed to be the most import shared times between husband and wife because of my new medications. He compared future sex with me after the injection as being with a blowup doll. Kathy, I fear that's a pretty apt prediction.
"I just I knew it would be bad, but I did it anyway. You see I knew he supported my going up there, I didn't realize the whole thing, all the pieces, and the way all the pieces fit together. It's got to seem to him like I don't want to have sex with him ... even now so long before the flight. And then I make myself fully "contraceptivated" -- is that a word? -- in order to go "shack up" with "three Russian men" as he put it. Oh fuck, Kath! He doesn't believe in coincidences. This is bad, it's so bad."
"Kathy, it was a coincidence, but at the beginning of the conversation I actually made a joke about screwing cosmonauts on my space flight!"
Peggy had to hold the phone away from her ear. When the volume and profanity slowed, she continued.
"No, Kathy I didn't know my possible infidelity was a worry Gary had. I had no idea I was going to be up there with any Russian. Gary told me, he said he had confirmed it. Now that I see his work connections and my being assigned to three-man Russian, and one American woman, ISS crew I can see where he may believe I have been compromised in one way or another. I can see where in his world as soon as he found out the crew assignment his buzzers started flashing. That's probably when all his worries went into overdrive. He doesn't have the luxury of believing in coincidences."
"No, I wasn't teasing him about my screwing cosmonauts. The context was that anything would be better than that, but the mere reference ripped out his guts! You should have seen his face. I ripped out his heart! Now, that I know what he was thinking ... oh merciful God in heaven."
"That's not the worst of it, he says I picked the flight over him. Kath, I did! Except it's like he thinks I have picked it over him for all time. That's not right. It's just a higher priority right now. He told me to do it!"
"No, you are right. He said I had to go on the flight too. And I had to do something from a pharmacological standpoint. But I did the one he wanted least. He laid out the consequences of all three choices, the one he hated is the one I chose. Who knows, he may have even agreed with a draconian measure but not unilaterally. He expected we would make all the decisions together going forward. I picked the one that protects me so much it will impact my libido. I probably won't want sex, Kathy." She had to hold the phone away from her ear again.
"Gary said he would never let me miss my flight. You know he has always backed my dream; I can't believe I treated him so callously when I knew I had his support."
"But Kathy, I was so scared that his passion for me would lead to pregnancy that I took the injection without a second thought. In a very real way, I did choose to shut Gary down so he couldn't - understand couldn't - keep me from my flight.
