Spicing or Icing

Spicing or Icing

Part Two (of Four)

Chapter Four

Still Swirling

"Babe..." Mica stood just inside their condo doorway, looking unsure. Hesitantly she started again, "I don't know where to start, I fear you'll find everything I say detestable." Mica eventually broke the awkward pause that followed, "I spent the night at my sisters. She lent me some clothes."

Rob looked Mica over, she was attired in jeans and a T-shirt.

"Do you want me to get my things and leave?" Mica asked in a small voice.

Rob simply stared at her. Neither of them knew if he was going to cry or yell. Mica cast her eyes downward, "C-Can I stay here until you tell me what you want? I want to stay with you. Just tell me, I promise I'll do what you want." Mica cursed herself for sounding like a third-grade reading primer. Though Rob hadn't uttered a syllable, Mica didn't think he was giving her the silent treatment. "I know you don't believe ... what you saw ... was supposed to be a preamble to fun."

Mica brushed away tears. She faltered before starting again, "Rob, I love you desperately. I felt us tearing apart, I felt you drifting away. I thought I had to do something drastic to get your attention and break us out of the funk we were in. I saw disaster on the path we were on. So, I ... well, I failed ... horribly. Can I sleep in our ..."

"No." Rob answered without thinking, rather impressing himself. Although he was strangely glad to see the woman who made a dumpster fire of his heart, that request was too much.

Mica's shoulders slumped at the defeat. She reminded herself Rob had just given her permission to stay. She uttered quietly as a mouse, "I'll put my things in the guest room, is that okay?" Rob one-upped her quietness by saying nothing at all.

"I ... I ... I love you, Rob." Mica stood shivering before fleeing down the hall.

Rob couldn't help but think that the hallway carpet sure was getting a workout. He shook his head, if those were his thoughts at this juncture, he was pretty messed up. Two things were clear: he didn't want Mica around, and he was dying when she was gone.

* * * * *

Rob and Mica tried the new living arrangement for a few days, making themselves miserable by avoiding the other in the attempt to not make them miserable. Did this even qualify as a relationship? After three frustrating days Mica asked repeatedly to talk to Rob without receiving either a "yes" or a "no". When she tried blurting things out, she wasn't sure he heard them. Whatever they were doing wasn't working.

On Wednesday Mica tried to be upbeat. It was a forced, but valiant effort. Having given up on explaining last Friday's behavior to him, she suggested thing after thing they could do that coming weekend. She just wanted to move forward until she could crack through to make Rob understand the situation wasn't at all what he thought.

Mica offered everything she knew to offer; in every way she knew to offer it. She never received a 'no' to the long list of weekend activities. Several times she fled Rob's presence, running back to her exile bedroom.

Friday night before bed, Mica knelt on the floor in front of Rob, who'd taken up a comatose recline on the couch again. She forced a smile looking into his vacant face. The job was trying to kill him. No longer having refuge in her, the effects had accelerated. Mica was scared to take his blood pressure. He'd aged years this week.

She sat hands folded before him, recalcitrantly offering, "Rob, h-honey, you've been pretty non-committal about tomorrow. If you like any of my ideas tell me which, or if you have one of your own, I'm happy to do anything with you."

Rob just stared at her. He wasn't trying to make any commentary silent or not, he was just exhausted. Nothing had meaning any longer. Mica had come back to him, but he didn't feel she was his anymore: she'd given herself to another man. Rob wasn't sure if she belonged to that guy now or not, but he definitely felt when she gave herself to someone else, she gave Rob away at the same time.

Hearing nothing Mica softly forged on, "Rob, would you mind if I visited my sister tomorrow?"

Rob thought Mica seemed especially quiet, too quiet. He wondered if she was being evasive or if she was as defeated as he was. Heck, he was surprised tomorrow was the weekend.

Mica was shocked to get a response. "Sure, did this come up suddenly?"

"I guess, kind of, she's been wanting me to visit with her kids and I've been holding out to do something with you. But you don't want to do anything Saturday ... do you? Not with me anyway."

The way she left it was so sad, "You don't want to do anything with ME." It was said to the tune of a breaking heart. Mica bounded out of the room in tears. Rob heard her door close. He was sure he could hear her weep, even from his place on the couch in the living room.

* * * * *

Chapter Five

Sister?!

Saturday morning Rob sat in an exhausted stupor. He was emotionally and physically rung out. Work threatened to kill him. While he was fending off its attempts to carry out its mission, his wife had leisurely strolled up behind him and delivered the mortal blow. All he had to do now was finish the actual dying.

Mica had gotten up earlier and mumbled a few things to him. She was so pitiable and wounded she barely had the strength to open the door to leave.

Once Mica was gone Rob's anxiety started to build. The combination of anxiety and exhaustion quickly reduced Rob to a jumbled mess again, making him wonder if Mica had meant she was going to her sister's or his. 'Maybe I should have asked?' he thought, followed by 'What difference would it make?' The answer appeased him, and Rob found himself wearing a now infrequent smile.

His smile was short lived as he considered Mica's story may be a ruse, perhaps she was really going back to her lover. His mind enunciated the last word ruefully. With that thought Rob's world collapsed like a fan-inflated Christmas yard-ornament. He pondered the thought in context of his newfound response, 'What difference would it make? Mica's already been with him, whoever he is.' The answer that came to him cemented his pitiful position, 'It would mean she's still running to him and away from me. She has a viable option to me that she's migrating towards. If true, we're done. How did I lose her? I can't believe she was only interested in herself when I was under such duress.'

Rob surveyed his situation, both Mica and he were depressed as hell, and Mica had left again. He'd slept better last night. Who knows why? He wasn't himself, but he was back amongst the ranks of the living, an upgrade from ghost to zombie.

Rob heard the phone ringing. How long had that been going on? He felt he should do ... something, but what? Nothing he thought of seemed worth doing, included eating, or answering the phone.

The phone still rang. Glancing at the number Rob saw it was his sister-in-law, Julie. No, that could be his wife calling, trying to trick him into answering. Wait, Mica was still living with him. She was still talking to him. Technically he was still talking to her. He wasn't giving her the silent treatment; he just couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say. They danced around her cheating and humiliating him. Rob couldn't get past that she cheated and tried to rub it in his face. Then she said it wasn't what he thought. He was basically saying back to her: prove it. He heard a small voice inside his head state, "You didn't let her." If this was a dance, it was never going to be popular. Nonetheless, he wasn't avoiding Mica's calls and certainly not her sister's.

Rob's eyes shifted towards the source of the continuing noise. The damn phone was still ringing. He had no reason not speak to Julie. He reached for the phone.

"Julie?"

A relieved Julie gushed into the phone, "Rob, so glad I reached you! I really want to come over and talk to you." Before Rob could answer Julie adopted a calmer tone, adding, "Don't worry, Rob, it's not an ambush." Now she sounded protective of him, "It sounds like you get a constant overdose of ambush on the new job." Before he could catch up, her voice shifted again sounding more like an enthusiastic nurse, "I have a couple of ways to cope with heavy stress I can give you, and I just want to see you. My visit might not take long at all."

Trying to keep up with the torrent of different ideas left Rob feeling like he'd run a hundred meters.

There was a slight pause in Julie's barrage. Rob wondered if she was trying to keep him on the line before it occurred to him that he hadn't responded. He was realizing he still hadn't responded when Julie started talking again.

"Rob, I just want to keep my foot in the door with my favorite brother-in-law. I also wanted to put in the good word for my incredible husband. He has a neutral voice and no dog in your fight with Mica, so you can talk to him, or me, or both of us, any time you like or need. I also wanted my brother-in-law to know I think the world of him and that we're there for him."

Rob heard himself say, "Oh my Gosh! This is about my wife, isn't it?"

Sheepishly Julie responded, "It's mostly about you. Look, let me stop over. I think I have some insights and some information that you might really want. Are you still there at your condo?"

Rob caved, he was too tired to fight it and Julie had always been a good egg. Maybe she could help. He really didn't see how that was possible, but he wasn't too proud to grasp at a couple straws. Then something occurred to him. His voice rose an octave. "Yeah, sure. Say, is Mica with ..."

Julie cut him off. "Wait. Let me come over and we can go over everything."

"Sure, when?"

Rob heard the doorbell, then Julie's voice through the phone, "How about you just open the door?"

He gathered himself from the couch and shuffled to the door, he opened it to behold his sister-in-law, Julie. He said, "No ambush, eh?"

Julie built a smile comprised of equal halves embarrassment and encouragement, "I didn't intend this to be an ambush, brother. I feared you might think you didn't have many allies now-a-days."

Julie deftly pushed past Rob entering the condo. Once inside she turned and noted that Rob looked like he'd just seen a ghost. "You have something to say?" Julie asked a bit bemused. She had no idea what his expression was about.

Rob's voice gave off the unmistakably tragic sound of an otherwise proud man in pain. "I ... I just thought that Mica was with you!"

Julie could practically hear Rob's thoughts. If Julie was here, and Mica was supposed to be with Julie, then where was Mica now? She remembered that Rob thought Mica was cheating on him. Julie noted that Rob suddenly looked scared and beaten.

Julie stepped closer to hug Rob. He looked terrible. "It's okay," she said in a mother's soothing voice.

Rob was not a child, and in this case his realism made him immune to a mother's prowess. "No, it isn't okay. It really isn't, Julie." He looked terribly sad adding, "I don't want to tell you just how bad it is."

Julie's mouth dropped open and her eyes became deep lakes of emotion seeing exactly what Rob was doing.

"Wow! You're still trying to protect Mica! You're protecting my image of her." Julie paused, appraising him, "You're a great guy, Rob! Don't let the world make you think any differently. On this point have no worries: Mica was with me." Julie shook her head marveling at her sister's pick for husband.

Julie began to explain, "I asked her to come over to my place today. We've been having rather extensive phone conversations each night. I know pretty much everything she knows now. But Rob, I don't know what you know, or what you think. Sooo, when Mica arrived at my place today, I ambushed her. I asked her to watch my kids while I went out. She's still at my place right now, while I came here. Rob, I didn't tell her I was going to see you."

Julie felt Rob relax. She saw his tense shoulders drop. He relaxed almost too much, wavering on his feet. Was he that close to collapsing? "Nothing to worry about, Robbo. Mica is happy at my house with my brood, who will treat her like the queen they think she is."

After a slight a hesitation Julie looked at Rob pointedly asking, "Rob, do you still feel that way about Mica?" Julie felt him stiffen up again.

Rob's mouth made weird designs with his lips as he thought it over, "I guess I do. The idea that she'd played me for a fool again, saying she was going to your place while instead slipping out seeing one of her boyfriends had my heart racing and my stomach in knots."

Rob heard a faint whistle as Julie sucked in air through her teeth. "Yeah, I was worried about that," Julie answered, taking another appraising look at Rob. She stopped hugging him, taking him by the arm leading him back to the couch.

"Let's sit down brother-in-law. Do you need a drink?"

"Not yet. What are you going to tell me?" Rob tried to force a smile.

"Something you need to believe, not only to save your marriage and your happiness, but that of my silly dumbass sister too. But mostly ..." Julie snapped her fingers to gain his attention "... mostly because it's true."

Rob cocked his head at her.

"What I'm about to tell you is one hundred percent true. I have timelines, and other evidence to prove it."

Julie looked at him through an evaluating squint, "You still love her, don't you Rob?"

His face went dark but not with anger. Julie needed divert him before he started crying. His sentiment was sweet, perhaps even wonderful, but Julie knew the male ego could be fragile. Rob had been put through so much already, Julie didn't need to complicate her dealings with Rob by letting him embarrass himself in front of her or letting her see how devastated he truly was. Julie had no desire to deprive Rob of whatever dignity her sister hadn't already stripped away.

"It's okay to love her, Rob. I wouldn't tell you that if I didn't believe it with my whole heart. Mica is positively nuts about you! In fact, she's so nuts she's positively stupid in love sometimes. Which gets us to the point."

"Listen," Julie snapped her fingers again, "I can give you all the proof you want; here's the deal. Mica's not cheating on you and get this: she never has. Unless her foolishness twists you enough to throw her away, she'll never consider being with another man."

Rob spoke up befuddled, "How did you know she was cheating?"

Julie gave him a look of commiseration, "I know she isn't cheating, Rob. I know what she did to you because she told me. I told you she was stupid in love. Well, she took the cake this time." Julie froze like a person who had accidentally told a bad pun. Julie shook it off and continued, "You know she was a virgin until she met you, right?"

Rob was uncomfortable with the intimacy of the conversation; however, Julie had made him feel a little better. Perhaps he did have an ally. He believed her.

Julie covered his hands with her own. She tried to defuse the tense topic with levity, "I know you think differently, but I swear, besides you, the only things that have, um, been in ... there, have been from gyn exams, or tampons, or whatever else you might have put in there." Julie tried to smile but was blushing too much to look Rob in the eye. She finally shrugged, "Hey, I don't know how to be more blunt; Mica hasn't cheated."

Rob sat back looking relieved, until the weight of the world seemed to fall back upon him. "But Julie, you probably don't know, Mica, uh, she told me she's, ah, been stepping out on me."

Julie's arms shot above her head, scaring the blazes out of Rob. "I know! I know she did. I mean I know she told you that. I know everything! Mica told me all of it. I almost slapped her. I think my husband wanted too as well. That damn little stunt she pulled on you set him off, but he couldn't chastise her because he was too busy restraining me."

"She told you?!" Rob was aghast, "Then you know ..."

"Yes, Mica told us after she pulled her stunt. She just didn't pull the stunt you think. For some ungodly reason she wanted you to think she had "stepped out". While her reasoning was unique to say the least, it was well intentioned. And Rob, thank you for still caring about my little sis enough to not treat her with vulgarity, even when you believe she deserves it."

Julie noticed Rob was still awash in pain.

"No Rob, she didn't do what you're thinking. She faked it."

"What?" Rob felt another strong wave of confusion wash in around his feet undermining his foundation.

Julie's forehead furrowed into parallel creases that threatened to circumnavigate her entire skull. "Now I'm confused. Mica said she told you the truth, but that you just didn't believe her."

Rob tried to respond and stopped. Then he tried to formulate his response in another way. He decided that response was no good either. Then, trying once again, he smiled, "Actually, it's just what you said." His face seemed to blink like a giant eyelid. "She said it wasn't what I thought."

Now a floodgate opened. He was forced to remember her exposition, her claims that she'd been with another man. The evidence he saw with his own eyes. That she tried to force that evidence onto his face. He loved Mica, she was his last hope in a world that had come apart on him, and he'd lost her. She was gone.

Rob deflated as he realized how deeply this had cut him. "She-She, uh well ..." Rob stopped dead, trying to keep his thoughts from going off road. Julie had a hard time keeping her jaw from dropping watching her poor brother-in-law. Rob found a way to proceed, "Let me reverse it because ... I really do need your help. I'm only now realizing how much I've kept everything bottled up! I can feel it simmer inside my brain. My emotions are dancing all over. I didn't expect that."

"You still love her, right?" Julie softly repeated her earlier question.

Rob started to tear up, "Yes. I can't tell you how much but ..."

Julie hugged him hard. She smiled and cringed simultaneously, "She faked it, Rob." Julie said insistently right into his face.

"What?"

"Weren't you about to tell me about the "evidence" she showed you?"

"You know that part too?" Rob sat back pie-eyed. He couldn't get the picture of Mica's infidelity out of his mind's eye.

Julie stopped, stood up, and twirled in anger. "When Mica told us what she did to you, was when we really wanted to slug her! Let me say it! Your emotions don't need to dance to this tune, not ever again!" Julie's lips moved like she was chewing on something rotten. It was clear to her what he was thinking of. "Mica showed you evidence of her infidelity, didn't she?"

"Yes ..." Julie could see Rob's mind racing off after that terrible image.

"No! Don't go there, Rob. It was a fake. Listen to me! Mica showed you that evidence by pulling aside her panties, didn't she? I'm sorry to bring it back up Rob, but she let the evidence run down her leg. Didn't she, Rob?"

Rob nodded in an incredulous affirmative. How proud was Mica of her messing around? She'd actually boasted about it to her sister!

Julie almost yelled at Rob to keep him with her, so he wasn't washed away in the memory.

"I'm sorry to make you remember it, but it was a fake, damn it, a fake!"

Julie waited until Rob looked up to continue, "Mica actually approached you about, dear God in heaven how could she be this stupid, about wanting you to, uh, clean up her evidence. Is that right, Rob?"

Rob couldn't stop the tears forming in his eyes.

"No wait, Rob baby! Just a little more and I can take away that hurt. Just remember, it's a fake. So, the implications you're coming up with are wrong. Think about that, Rob, what's causing you the pain isn't true."

Rob didn't look convinced.

Julie practically spat her next question, "Mica suggested, uh, actually rubbing it in your face. Right, Rob?"