It is difficult to characterize Katie's headspace. She absolutely got a charge out of dominating Derek. But she did not feel entitled to do so. Nor did she fail to recognize her own selfishness. If she felt that Derek was being victimized, she would have cut him out of her life or at least limited their contact. But hadn't he been the one to keep coming back? Was this because he was just too smitten with her and would end up hurt in the long run, or was he being honest with himself and her when he indicated his willingness to embrace all of this? And what is the difference between willingness and desire? We all make compromises to be with one that we love but is this just too much?
There was no scenario in which Katie would return to monogamy. Perhaps that was selfish but also honest. If she had done so she surely would have cheated again and again. And turning Derek away against his will based on the notion of doing what is best for him would be patronizing and deny her will.
No, Katie and Derek had passed the point of no return. Derek had submitted fully, and it was time for her to project certainty in her own leadership. She would be careful him, but also indulge her own sadistic and dominant desires fully aware of their contradictions.
One of her concerns was that her total dominance of Derek and the explicit intention of pushing his limits might make it difficult to know when she had pushed him too far or hurt him. So, she intended to have periodic "chats" when she would turn down the dominance and invite feedback. This was one such chat.
"Sweetie, you know that I will lead this relationship, and you will be at my beckon call. You will be loyal and completely submissive."
"Yes ma'am."
"Derek, I plan to expand on your fetish experience and indulge my dominant streak. We have only just begun. What I am not sure of is how far I can push you."
"Katie each step of the way I have had a certain amount of trepidation. But I don't regret anything. And I have learned that my sense of trepidation is part of and, inseparable from the rest of this experience. What has happened recently is a perfect example."
"How so?"
"I really wanted to see you fuck another man while I was only permitted to watch. I don't think that we ever talked about it explicitly. But it was the logical next step. I knew that I might have mixed feelings about it, and I did. Knowing that I could never do what Marvis does for you induces certain feelings of insecurity and jealousy. It was humiliating and thrilling and many more emotions I am not sure I can articulate.....and I can't wait to do it again."
"Ok Cucky. I will continue to lead, and we will explore this together. My goal is to lead for both of our benefit. I won't always get it right. It is important that you focus on being obedient and not second-guessing me. However, we will periodically have these little chats in case any course corrections are required."
"Yes Katie."
"I know this all feels very fluid. Tell me what your number one concern is going forward."
"Well, it is sort of a mixture, but basically losing you. I am enjoying the fetish things. But guys aren't supposed to like that. Will you eventually see me as a pussy because of it? I can never be the male version of you, but a guy like Marvis could. Will you dump me for someone like him some day?"
"First of all, Marvis could not be the male version of me. He is quite a sexual specimen. And it is true that he is sexually superior to you, and he may have more sexual opportunities than you or other man, but nothing compared to me and other women. As for the dirty stuff I really enjoy it, and I consider myself lucky to have a man open-minded enough to enjoy it with me. I know lots of women couldn't see it that way, but I do."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Monogamy as the default standard is so deeply ingrained in us that we often find it hard to see past it. But you know from being around me since we separated that I am not chasing monogamy with another man. A monogamous good girl isn't who I am or ever will be. I am a non-monogamous bad girl, and you are the best husband for me."
"Because I am a cuckold?"
"Yes. And because you can embrace that role as unique rather than lesser. Marvis might be better in bed than you, but I doubt he would be suited to being a loyal husband supporting my varied sex life. Nor would he fit naturally into the role of cuckold. With you a get it all as selfish as that sounds."
"Why do you enjoy the kinky stuff?"
"I am not sure I can explain it any better than you can. But I should admit that there is an element of power trip as long as I feel as though you are enjoying yourself. For example, on multiple occasions having you lick another man's cum out of my pussy was more exciting and enjoyable than the actual sex."
"Really?"
"The night those four black guys came here to film our gang bang I enjoyed it, but for the last hour I just wanted them to leave so I could get you over here. At first, I worried that was all about the desire to humiliate or dominate you, but I just wanted you here."
"But you did humiliate and dominate me."
"Yes, I did. And I enjoyed it. But I would not have enjoyed it if I thought that you weren't also enjoying it. Did you enjoy it?"
"Yes. I did."
"I genuinely care for you and seek to ensure that your life is as enriched by this experience as mine. But we are not the same and I will not pretend otherwise. As I command you it is always important to me to know what you enjoy. I won't necessarily give you what you want, but I want to be aware of it. And I will take my own selfish pleasures. But I must know that you enjoy this and would rather I do this than not."
"Yes. I do."
"So, then you would you like me to keep pushing the envelope so that you may be my grateful and obedient cuckold."
"Yes. Ma'am."
Katie's demeanour shifted back to dominant and even a bit haughty. Derek was perfectly in tune with her and did not need to be told that their "chat" was over.
"Okay. To business. When you come to work for me you will be my "manager". You will be empowered to make certain decisions but only within the framework that I have established. I am the boss. Is that clear?"
"Absolutely."
"I am now beyond OnlyFans. I have multiple social media platforms, connections into adult films, trade shows, sponsorships, etc. Even with Maya's assistance I am spending far too much time managing. The truth is that I like performing and I like the money, but I don't care for the administrative stuff. I am the talent and people tune in to see me. I want to focus on that role and have you manage the rest of it. That is why it will be so important that you be "in the know" about everything. Do you understand?"
"I think so. But I am not quite sure what to expect or what you mean by "in the know"."
"Well, notwithstanding the fact that there are explicit pictures of me all over the internet much of my activities are quite discrete or even secretive. Only I know which of my subscribers leave the largest monetary tips or purchase the most expensive gifts or certain types of gifts. And to the extent that I know what they like I tailor my content towards them. Having that knowledge and effective planning is very lucrative, but I can't keep track of it all anymore."
"I see."
"Also, each of my lovers has their own unique characteristics and aspects of them that I enjoy as well as aspects that are not ideal. For instance, George is a guy who is always angling for something. My arrangement with him is very lucrative so I do accommodate him, but only up to a point. Sometimes I need to manage him by making myself unavailable or reminding him that I have other men. That could be as simple as denying him a date request and mentioning that it is because I have another date. You will be managing my calendar so you will need to be adept at knowing my perspective on each man and managing them."