Shy Indian Wife

Hello to all! I request all of you to please rate and comment on my stories. This gives me immense encouragement to continue. I have been learning that some readers have an issue with my character's slow progress and they want this to move quickly. I understand those requests but I prefer my stories to be long and slow burn which explores character's motivations and captures their emotion while they are in action. Things will definitely move and will go above and beyond expectations but all in good time. I request you all to have trust and patience.

So, we are at the cross roads again and with the goings on, each and every move of mine and her's feel like walking on the land mines with eyes closed. Yes, we are both anxious and uncertain separately in our own minds. I feel like, we need to come together and face these feelings and discuss things openly. At the end of last chapter, Jyoti was extremely angry and in disarray. I was trembling with her reactions and was just about losing my composure.

Its like day on the beach of Florida (chapter 2 & 3) was a Nexus Event of our life and things cant go back to normal before that point and that day comes back again and again in our life in one form or another. Mostly, its coming now as a bad memory where a Sin was created.

When plumber left the house in a hasty manner, Jyoti was sitting on the floor with her wet dress and holding a towel. She was gritting her teeth in frustration and anger and an angry loud moan left from her mouth. I heard it and ran towards the room downstairs. I was unsure what happened until then but when I saw her red face, I was scared for the 1st time because of her.

She looked me and shouted. "What have you made me. What have you been making me for last few months. I can't believe I did this". She was tearing up and was trying to say many things but holding herself. I asked her to relax and have some water, it will calm you down.

Oh! Listening to me, she snapped and it was like a dam was broken. She said in a desperate angry voice, "This is all your fault, that day on the beach was your fault, I was naked that day because of you. I was walking in the smallest of clothes in front of the world because of you. People looked at me in the same way as they will see a cheap woman. Today I was naked because of you, You want me to be like them. I am not like them. I can't be them. I will leave this place and go back. You are asking me to calm down when a strange man has seen me naked in our home and you want me to have water. Look, I had water just few minutes back and I am all the way naked because of this water on my shirt."

She looked down and then shouted, "I look like a Randi (whore, slut in local slang), I felt like a randi. I was roaming in front of him like a Randi and you know what, I was somehow feeling good about it. Are you happy now? Oh God! what have I done. What I have become. I was trying to forget that incident on the beach but I am not able to because of these incidents (BBQ and todays)."

I wanted to hide somewhere, I wanted to take the time back, I wanted a plane to crash nearby to distract her but nothing was helping. My mouth was dry. I just stood with pleading eyes and wasn't able to form any sentence in my head. She was inconsolable and tears were running on her cheeks. She went upstairs and locked herself in the room. That was the worst moment of my life. I thought I have lost all. Now I was shaking my head. I was thinking, how strong is the grip of these fantasies that I have been pursuing them knowingly and un-knowingly even after being so nervous and anxious and still I was hoping against the hope. Am I addicted, am I unwell? No answer.

I was lost. I lost.

Despair and distraught.

I have learnt that every problem has a solution and if nothing is working then give it some time. Everything in hindsight and mostly unpleasant things can look like a milestone in this long journey called life. So, I decided to make coffee for us.

Well, what happened next was unexpected. After an hour, Jyoti came out of her room. She was not looking at me but the floor. She was still red faced with swollen eyes. After some pause, she said, "I am very very sorry, please forgive me". I was not able to digest it. What happened! I was standing with 2 coffee mugs in my hand and my mouth was open. Earlier, Jyoti reacted which made me speechless and now this U-turn has again flabbergasted me totally.

You see guys, In our conservative culture, Husbands command respect and wives are supposed to not disrespect them come what may. For a wife, all other sins are miniscule when you be-little your husband, shout on him, curse him. Its not a dominating and submissive kind but this feeling comes innately atleast at the beginning of the marriage for all wives. But we are also becoming liberal with many customs and meanings of relationship so this is also getting dissolved like other customs. Jyoti being from a small town & from a very conservative family from even Indian standards, these feelings are drummed down from mothers, Grand mothers and Aunts. She has made a big mistake shouting on me. But I am not conservative in this sense and I feel, she has all the right to express her feelings and she has just got blown away by the intensity of the situation. She never meant to disrespect me & I never meant to make her feel cheap.

I was very happy, mostly because, Jyoti was clearly not saying sorry for the heck of it. She meant it and it meant I was somewhat out of the darker region of forest but still lost. She showed maturity which is definitely required for the fantasies I was aspiring to fulfill. Oh! Again I cant get away from these fantasies and my thinking is tuned to see these incidents happening through the prism of these fantasies. Surprisingly, I am yet to define them in my head of what I want to fulfill. I am so twisted myself.

I kept the coffee mugs down and ran to hold her. Kissed her on her forehead, her eyes and cheeks and asked her to stop crying and she has nothing to be sorry about. I said that she was right and I was sorry for being so insensitive towards her. She looked me in the eyes now and said, "No, you need to forgive me 1st, how can I shout like this! I should have voiced my concerns in a better way but I was taken back by what happened. Please forgive me". I hugged her tightly and gave her the coffee.

She was also surprised by the coffee. She was confused. I could see that in her. We sat in the living room. I thought, I must let her talk and encourage her to open up. I said, Jyoti, I love you with all my heart and soul. You are my 1st priority. Please forgive me, (I stopped her from interrupting). I want to listen to all your concerns and feelings. I want you to treat me as your close friend and not a husband. I want to share my feeling with you without any second thought of guilt or embarrassment and I request you to show trust in me and open up. For any relationship to be successful communication is must and especially our relationship. We need to share our expectations and our fears. We need to be comfortable with the thought that we share each others secret, even if they are a bit for the lack of better work, weird. Come on!

Jyoti, sipping through the coffee and looking at the mug by lifting it multiple times. She was amazed by something. She said, "I agree with you that we must talk about our feelings and expectations but opening up is difficult especially for conservative and shy girl like myself. But I promise you that I will try to share my feelings with you instead of bursting like this. I am sorry". She took pause, drank few sips of coffee. She said, "You know, growing up I have never seen my father making tea or coffee for my mother after they had a fight. Here, I shouted on you and you could have shouted back and made me stop but you listened, gave me space and prepared this cup. I am really amazed. Well, to add to it, your wife, an hour back was almost naked in front of a stranger. Still, you not even talked about it and have no remorse for my action. You are not even making me feel bad that I was using such a cheap language (Randi/ Whore/ Slut) for myself, this is the first time, I have uttered this word and that too in front of my husband. After all this you are showering kisses and saying that you love me. What kind of husband are you? I am sure you aren't bad because you cared for me even though I crossed millions of limits but I am not sure how you are good either because I haven't seen, known or heard this phenomenon." She sighed and said, "Please tell me, I want to know, I want you to open up too".

Ahh! The ball is safely in my court but I took this as an opportunity. Now it was my time to sip coffee. I wished; it was something stronger. I looked at the roof and prayed, hope this goes well.

My dear, I am thankful for your understanding and trust and respect. See, we Indians have a rich history, we were modern in our times and had a lot of contribution to the world and society. We were so liberal that we wrote, published and preached how to do sex. You know the book name. Somewhere down the line, we lost our way a small bit and started treating women unequally. We made talking of sex as taboo. Furthermore, we made, Women talking about sex as the biggest taboo. We all have been made to believe that a women's sexuality depends upon their husbands and a women taking lead in this is mark of cheap and lowest category of females.

My dear, I am not saying, I am a very enlightened man but when I see you taking charge of yourself in all aspects of your life and act confident, I get even more infatuated by you and I fall head over heels. You know what is sexier than a naked woman or a liberally dressed women, It's a confident naked or liberally dressed women. That women can melt mountain. I fantasize to see you with that confidence. That's all is my way of thinking and intention.

Well, my words were very disarming and I felt Jyoti was letting her guard down. I went a bit philosophical on her. Since we were yet to develop any vocabulary to talk hot topics and I wasn't sure what could offend her. She couldn't believe what I just said. She couldn't respond.

I took this as a positive sign and carried on. I said that, you are letting external factors control you. I said whatever happened at the beach is a past and I as a husband have absolved you( since you needed that) from any guilt and given a chance, I paused and looked in her eyes, my heart was beating fast. Given a chance, I will again encourage you to repeat what you did and if possible, go and win the damn bikini contest. Jyoti was shocked!

I said, look at you now. You are in such a shock. Please tell me why? She blurted, "I cant believe you want me to explain myself on this, How can my husband ask me to be naked Infront of others. You were not in that room, If you will see what happened then you will surely kill me right now". I said, I was told everything by Angela. The name gets her every time it comes up. She again said that, I hope she told you that......

She stopped, looked unsure and brimming with emotions. I asked her, She told me what? Jyoti closed her eyes and collected herself and sighed. She said, I hope she told you that I was in the company of women who were as liberal as a porn movie heroines. They asked me if I have ever had sex with other men, If I had sex with you in the open and they said that doing these things will eventually make a darling for my husband. The asked me to be happy and smile when other men during competition will complement my body parts or pass even bad comments. They asked me that I should take them positively and be more provocative when this happens.

She added in the same breath that, "you know what, after few minutes of my reluctance I agreed with them and started believing that what they said was correct. I started doing the most provocative walks and taboo poses". My eyes were getting big, my head was spinning, my heart was beating fast but most importantly my penis was full mast poking through my pants. She took a glance at me rigid part but without flinching or reacting added, "I was so full of self belief that I started doing the same and while I was naked & bent down, 2 men entered and I didn't even corrected my position, dint even ran for clothes or try to hide. I stood my ground and shook hands with them. Your own Indian wife, who is supposed to even hide her face from our family men, who is supposed to run in another room of the house if outsiders come in the house, I, Jyoti, your symbol of respect was naked all along for half an hour with those men working on my body. They even touched your wife's body every where to put some cream".

She started huffing, tears in her eyes, She said, " I disgust myself, not because of all the above but while leaving I hugged and kissed them being naked in front of so many others and in that moment, I was feeling proud of myself. I hope you are told all these things. I am sure Angela didn't gave you these details else I would have been in my hometown with a Divorce paper in my hand because no Husband can take this". She stood up and got hyper, "Now you know I am a real randi, Now you know why I never spoke of that vacation, Now you know why I feel what I feel, I will pack my things and go away because nobody can accept such a low life of a wife. I have cheated you and I am the worst of my family. I am sure my family will burn me alive and if they love me, they will leave me in some other town far away and forget about me".

Roller coaster cant give me that feeling which is being given to me by all these incidents and Jyoti's reaction. Forget about erection, I caught her while she was wrestling me to leave her alone and she melted and started crying loudly, I couldn't hold the tears back too. I put her to bed after she exhausted herself with crying. I sat and thought that I must be the most cruel person who is letting my life partner to go through these situation knowingly. I can be sure the Indian readers will understand her pain and mine too. I took a solemn oath to let this fantasy go and even thought of finding an opportunity back in India. But as they say never say never!

I was sitting when I got a call and at that point. I have to leave for Brazil for 6 months on deputation (due to client pressure on a big project). It was on cards but I wasn't part of the team going there. I was surprised and given our current condition I was not able to process it. By night things settled down and I informed Jyoti that we have to leave for few months to Brazil. Brazil or Bombay, She didn't cared, She was a bit relieved that she is leaving the house where a plumber saw her naked. We were to depart in a week's time and things got so busy that there was no time to ponder upon.

Lets see what life is to offer us more.