Shy Indian Wife

Hi Everyone. Sorry for no update for the last few years. I was having a writer's block not that I consider myself a writer but I was just so confused about the stories direction. Also life didn't give enough time. So here we are with another chapter. Please note that my stories will be slow burns. No cursing in the comment section.

Joy's POV.

"DING DONG", our doorbell rang, I find myself in a state of Frozen Shock on a Physical level while volcano of nervous energy was bursting in my Head.

"DING DONG", it rings. My Heart is pounding at the speed of bullet! I see two mini me standing on each of my shoulders in argument. I can feel the sweat on my forehead while a moral compass with its pointed needle was poking in my conscience again and again. I was afraid of either result while my jolted mind was guilt tripping. In this chaotic present, I asked myself that how I ended up here & I saw the Past few days flashed through my eyes....!

Few days back at the BBQ party I felt very belittled and humiliated and I escaped that place with my husband like a coward. Fleeing is something that is not associated with our family, culture and country but I feel I am not ready for this culture shock and even the smallest of acknowledgment of the liberal nature and culture brings the memory of my experience at the beach and that inturn fills me with darkness & guilt. I feel like I am a sinner. I committed crime against my family, my husband and my culture. Hence, even being not a person who shows back to any problem, I had to run away as I was so ashamed of my being.

Sid, my dear Husband, who has been my guiding light in all this turmoil, has also suffered because of me. First of all, I can't fulfil his wishes as I am extra shy and conservative. Secondly his wife has crossed limits and broken his trust. Then because of that guilt, I went into a dark and depressed frame of mind where I got emotionally and physically disconnected with him and lastly even till this point, I am becoming reason for his embarrassment in this society.

Sid is continuously encouraging me and pulling me out of depression but I am not able to wrap my head around his thought process and likings. Even though sometimes I get convinced by his logical arguments about life's outlook and how to conduct myself but in few moments I get back to the same mould. Its like something's pulling me back and wants me to be the same. I sometimes cross that conservative threshold but the farther I go away from this threshold, my guilt traps me with even more power and drags me back and shows me my place.

Sid is so supportive and he respects my space and bears my emotional state BUT I fail to understand his desires, likes and wishes about me. From where we belong, a man will literally kill another man if they seem to stare at his wife or even mention in a wrong manner. It doesn't matter if they are in rural area or liberal city or in a foreign land like us but Sid's casual and liberal behaviour is unheard off and even goes against the ingrained paradigm.

He is not only stopping but introducing and encouraging me to these new sinful behaviours like wearing western dresses which shows skin, having no qualms about others seeing you in it. Having no care of what others think of you in these scenarios. He encouraged me to get involved with those girls on the beach wearing bikinis. I was so fascinated by them and their bodies and their attitude that I overlooked their lack of decency and went along and got swept away progressively. I was shocked to see myself on stage with others and was utterly ashamed and felt like a prostitute. The word prostitute even cant do justice to the feeling of sin. I would say rather say in our slang language as Randi. I felt like a Randi who is ready to do anything. I have never used this word in my life and herd it as part of growing up. I have not shared this feeling with anyone yet and this is what is eating me.

Even though the BBQ was my invite and I dragged Sid with me but I would have expected Sid to tell me in advance about how the scene will be. What is the appropriate dress other nuances. Sid's telling me that a Kiss from a stranger man is a norm and is not to be frowned upon is unbelievable. As is told you, this behaviour will attract bloodshed in our culture but Sid has his other views. He is normalising it by saying when in Rome. How can women here wear a bikini in presence of husbands of their friends and neighbours? What is this place and what is this culture.

I see women wearing form fitting thin tops and shorts in the markets; these women don't even care where they are! Who is seeing them and what are they showing. Sometimes there side boobs are totally visible, sometime a big portion of ass cheeks and what not. My dear husband wants me to wear something like this and I feel more and more insecure. I imagine myself like this and get a feeling of being melting away in nothing.

Sid told me to wear his undershirt and asked me to remove everything from inside and wear a heel. I looked myself in the mirror and saw a new person looking back. This was not me, not the Indian girl who has never worn Jeans outside the house. I was again feeling like a Sinner. Now I contemplate and realise, even after having these ill feelings I chose to wear the bikini and other things on beach and why I came out in a wife beater shirt and why I am in this current scenario is because of an innate and basic emotion which all Human possess and that is curiosity. I feel this curiosity is the reason for invention of all these experiences that I had and will be having in future. I wanted to see what's on the other side and I always gave this excuse that diving in the water for a moment doesn't make me a fish. I will be just an observer but when the transition happened I didn't realised.

Sid told me that most of the dolled up and modern women that I saw on the beach, streets, neighbourhood, malls etc. are married or engaged women. All of them have a loving and encouraging husbands or partners; well he also said that some of them are just independent and confident women too. When I dint agreed to his view point then he showed me few blogs on net, few pics of celebrity wives and husbands and some websites. One of them was a story site meant to share experiences as he told me.

That site had endless stories where he took me to a section of Loving wives. I liked the name very much. He searched something and asked me to read a story shared by husband & wife. Basically that story was the detail description of what both of them felt when they went to a beach after many years and how they fought with insecurities, jealousies and other anxious feelings. Wife was described as super attractive and her bikini was very small as chosen by her husband as a surprise gift. She was very nervous at first. Then story became a lot....... How to say without disrespecting the couple........ It became like a sexual play. Wife at the end of the vacation was roaming without top and had friendship with many males and did even kiss few males at the encouragement of his husband. One thing that struck me that these couple were Americans hence I realised that when an American people can have doubts about the kind of issues I am facing then my being self-critical is justified and it also proves that these doubts and overcoming of these doubts both are normal with all women.

I felt good that I am not alone in this. I thanked Sid inside my head for showing me this. I searched for some stories myself of similar nature and found hundreds of them. But then I found other subjects of stories like incest, cheating wife, exhibitionist etc. and got scared closed the site. I felt that I have seen something too depraved and again got that feeling of being a sinner a prostitute (Randi). I am simply frustrated by emotional pendulum. I thought of letting go and just be in present before I lose my sanity. Also I wished to develop enough courage to speak to my Husband about all of this.

I know that since I am having these feelings of doubts and conflict, Sid also must be having them too in some other form. Hence next day when he insisted me to wear his wife beater shirt (what a stupid name), I accepted it and came out and started doing my chores. Well one thing is for sure, when I wear something like this as per his wish or say anything bold, he gets excited and loves me and showers me with his attention which is mostly physical. I really get excited when he does that. Well today was no different and he hugged me multiple times slipping his hands inside my shirt (I was naked underneath) and pushing all the right buttons while not allowing me to work.

Well my ordeal started when he started asking me that why cant I dress more liberally and if havens have fallen if I wore this. I was just casually listening and ignoring mostly. Then he started insisting that I come out with him in the yard for few minutes. He said he wanted me to get accustomed with this. Well, I was indulging him upto this point but going out was not possible for me. I was scared of next door neighbour seeing me and thinking of me as the worst kind of women. He kept on with his reasons but I drew the line. He was disappointed but not showing and said its his job to push her into the right direction but she can always say no and he will understand. He kissed me and said I love you.

I asked him, why he wants me to wear smaller and tighter clothes and show them to others. He said its complicated and has lots of reasons. I wanted to pursue but I didn't. After his face went a bit sad he said atleast you can wear this inside our house. I said, I will do it for you. He said, if someone see you wearing this, nothing will happen and no one will think of you any different. He said lets do an experiment.

I asked him, what is in your mind and said to him that, I don't want to go out. He said that I need to stay here in the comfort and safety of our house. He told me his plan and just gave me some reason to agree on it. I am from a land where married women don't deny husband anything. Yes, I know that the Husband's don't have out of the box demands back there but still saying no to husband is considered to be a damned thing. Further I said no to him already about going out so I had to agree on this one with heavy heart.

"DING DONG", our door bell rang, I find myself in a state of Frozen Shock on a Physical level while volcano of nervous energy was bursting in my Head.

"DING DONG", It rings. My Heart is pounding at the speed of bullet! I looked towards my Husband and he wasn't be seen. I went close to the door and saw that a man is standing wearing a uniform of a local plumbing company. He seemed to be of around 30 odd years. I was not able to breath, I cursed myself for agreeing to this. My husband had booked plumbing service for the shower tap being broken. We had just used broken tap and tied the whole thing with a tape to stop water but it was continuously leaking.

Now my husband wanted Me, His Wife, Shy and Conservative, Orthodox, absolutely alone in this alien culture, who has not shown more that face and upper neck to anyone back in our country, who is dressed only in his Husband's ribbed wife beater shirt through which some side boobs and cleavage can be seen and it came to the upper thighs, wearing Chuda (bunch bangles of mostly red colours), nose ring, ear ring, anklets and bare feet to open the door, welcome the stranger, to take him to the shower and tell the problem and see him off after the work.

My Husband was somewhere upstairs and cant be seen. I was to give the impression that I am alone and brave and the dress that I am wearing is part of my casual and bold attitude. I had to pretend that I am highly modern and acclimatise myself and note the reaction of the man which will be very normal (as per Sid). I was fighting with my recent dark and degrading experience and here I was again stuck in a compromising situation. I was about to tell the man to go away and we don't need his service but then I again thought that this will again make me an absconder.

I gathered all the courage possible and remembered my god. I opened the knob and took my head out. He introduced himself as Philip from XYZ and I let him in. He came inside and started looking in his mobile to find something. Well I closed the door and was dreading to be seen by him. With heart pumping, I held my breath and remembered to be cool and casual. He looked at me after his mobile and I just stood and smiled. He said, he has come for the repair of the tap and the minimum amount is X dollars and if something comes up he will charge extra. All this time he was looking at my face. He asked me to show him the shower and I pointed him towards the same. He went and I followed.

He saw the problem and smiled and said bad quality. He looked at me and said, I will change this bad boy in a jiffy. I just nodded and he went on to open the tool box. While standing there I realised my husband was correct, I felt nothing odd from his behaviour and if anything wrong here is fear inside my mind. What if all Sid said was true and wearing less clothes and for that matter clothes are not the criterion to judge a person at least over here. I thought that if I were in my land, I would have been tagged as a whore by this time or rapped but here it is business as usual. I started having doubts about my decision to quit the completion on stage. I heard a voice from far away, Hey! Miss! Hey! I came back to the present and the man asked my for the access of the main valve and a step stool. I very calmly told him that the valve is beyond the trap door on ceiling and I turned to bring the stool.

I was very happy suddenly, I was clenching and ensure my hands have covered most of my boobs and the shirt was as low as possible to cover my thighs but while walking I forgot that I was hanging lose inside my shirt. I picked up the stool and went to the shower and laid it on the floor. I realised my boobs were hanging and Philip can see them very clearly, all the roundedness was on display, In fact the valley between my breasts and my belly was visible. I saw him seeing my breast but his expression and demeanour did not change. I being in the moment without pretending felt very confident. I Stood up and without trying hard to conceal much, I said that here you go.

I looked up and smiled and thought, Yes heavens are still to fall. I was really surprised by myself. Philip stood on the stool and poked his head inside the and tried reaching the valve. His foot and stool wobbled and I said sharply, Be Careful. He said thanks. He started taking about his hardship with this job while his head was inside that trap door. I was having a conversation with a stranger in my shower while wearing only a thin shirt and nothing was seem weird apart from my mental stress and tension. He asked, what is the accessory called which I am wearing in my forearms. I looked at my Chuda, the bloody red ones with Golden kangans at the end, They covered around 6 inches of my arm. I said to the stranger that these are called Chuda and these worn by married women as symbol of their happy and prosperous married life. He said, they look very beautiful and asked about my husband.

I told him he is gone out to do some chores. He said, your husband is a lucky man. I blushed and felt uncomfortable and taking complements from men is not what happens normally back where I come from. But I dint lose my pretence of being confident. He came down and without looking at me moved towards the leaky tap. He told me to step away. My mind was bouncing with many ideas, I thought either I am not beautiful enough, or men here have grown tired of looking at women with small clothes or this is very very normal here that this man has not even cared to look at me. I started getting relaxed. Even though I was wearing a wife beater shirt but my modesty was covered mostly. I thought the shirt was big enough for me to cover most important parts of my body for decency. I laughed inside my head with this thought. Few moments back, my husband was telling the same thing and I was not listening to him. I found myself shaking my head.

I was struck with a sudden jolt of water on my collar bone, I dint stepped away as told by the plumber, I was busy with my thoughts. Philip said, oh no, I shut the wrong valve and looked at me. He removed the leaky tap and the main line was not closed, while in the middle of tap being removed the water came out with pressure and hit me on the shoulders. He said, Go go go... Till the time I realised what happened, I was drenched mostly and I started going out but got slipped on the floor.

Oh no, oh no........ I thought.......my shirt was transparent and my skin was visible. Because of the fall, my left boob was out on my shirt and the shirt was bunched up at the level of my hips, my legs were fully open and my vagina was in front of the stranger. He stood and saw me in this way. Even though it was for merely 2 to 3 seconds, his looks on my body seemed to last for a century. I tried getting up but feeling a little bruise on my ankle. He jumped on stool and closed the correct valve and the water receded. Everywhere was water and I was fully wet. He miraculously had just his lower part of pants wet. He took my left elbow while I tried to get up. My wet shirt was still bunched up till my lower hips and my left boob was still out. I registered this and quickly lowered my shirt over my ass and vagina and put back the boobs inside my dress. He stood and saw what I did and then he said sorry. I started running towards the bedroom.

This was like my bubble was burst and I was attacked by my dark feelings, I started tearing up. I started having realisation that what has happened. I felt again like a bloody Whore. What is happening to me, what is happening with me? I just entered the bedroom from shower and was starting to look for a towel but with my fuzzy head it was difficult. I realised that the towels are kept in the shower area and was about to turn when Philip came with 2 towels and put them on me profusely telling sorry and repeating that he told me to step away. He saw tear in my eyes and got really scared.

I was fully covered with these 2 big fluffy towels and he ran inside the toilet and changed the tap with a supersonic speed. I was still cursing me and crying when he came out and said Job is done and this one is on me. He skipped towards the front door and while turning to leave said, Sorry. Well he left and I just sat on the floor all wet and crying. I was angry and fuming!

To be continued...