She's Not Herself

The stress in my body had me pulled up tight to the steering wheel. My two year old son, Eli, was strapped in and oblivious to the drama of the moment. I was trying to safely drive but my mind was falling apart. The unknown was eating me alive. The State Police called 20 minutes ago informing me that my wife of 7 years had been injured in an accident on her commute home.

They refused to comment on her condition until I got to the hospital. I was afraid I might lose the woman of my dreams. We were literally soul mates. I met her in high school where we immediately became attached at the hip. We dated from our junior year in high school until I graduated college. Before I left for college I gave Renee a promise ring with a pearl setting since she loved pearls.

When I proposed to Renee, she laughed like it was a joke to even ask. We just had to find the time in our busy lives to put on a wedding. We both knew at that time there would never be anyone else.

We both worked hard in the early years to get ourselves in a good place. My startup business took off which gave us the option to conceive a child. Renee reduced her work hours so she could be a mostly stay at home mom.

-----

The doctor came out while I was contemplating all kinds of terrible scenarios for our life going forwards. "Robert Flagg?" My heart stopped for a beat. He told me she had a head injury. She was in surgery for six hours after which the doctor said she was out of the woods. She would, however, be staying in the hospital for several weeks.

I visited every day. Renee started getting back to normal. All the tests were coming back good. One day shortly before her return home, I got held up late at work so I was very tired. I went straight home and to bed. The next day my visit with Renee got weird. Totally out of character for her, Renee snapped at me.

"Where the fuck were you yesterday?"

I apologized for not visiting and explained why I hadn't come. Her eyes turned cold and hateful. "Who were you with?"

It was an interrogation that blindsided me. I told the truth but she looked skeptical. I had to chalk it up to the drugs she was on. Soon Renee was able to come home. I hired a house cleaning service so she wouldn't have to work around the house. We decided that a large house like ours would take all her time away from Eli. My business was doing very well so we were well off financially.

For the first week I had my mother take Eli during the day so Renee could just relax. I would pick him up on the way home. Things started to change after we started keeping Eli at home. When I got home from work, Eli would be by himself looking like nobody had taken care of him all day. Renee said she might have dozed off or whatever other excuse she used. She also turned my concerns back on me. "Where were you today? I tried to call you but you didn't answer!" I calmly explained I was at work and can't always answer the phone. I had texted her a short while later but that hadn't placated her.

On the weekend she left to shop all day Saturday and Sunday. "I'll be back for dinner. I just need to get out of the house." Yet she would come home with nothing.

Little things had changed about her demeanor, even her personality. Some pretty big things changed as well. Our sex life hadn't returned at all since leaving the hospital but I wouldn't press the issue since she was still recovering from her injury. Before her accident, Renee would do everything in her power to have the family spend time together and for her and I to spend time one on one. Now the opposite seemed to be the case. She did everything she could to get away from us.

Thankfully my mother was happy to watch Eli anytime I needed her, but she was starting to question what was going on. "Doesn't Renee ever spend time with Eli anymore?"

Mom knows me well and I'm sure she saw concern in my eyes. "Since the accident things have been different. I don't know what to say. I think Renee has something going on. I don't know."

I didn't realize it but I had started to cry. The stress of things had caught up to me. Mom used her motherly look to calm me and said, "It's ok baby, we can get through this. You know I'm here for you, don't you? You were there for me when your father passed, now it's my turn to help you."

My father died of pancreatic cancer 5 years ago leaving my mother alone far too soon. I told her to get back into dating but she refused saying the love she had for Dad was enough for a lifetime. Now she has a grandson to keep her busy.

Mom suggested having Renee tested for any blood clots or any issues that could explain this change in her personality. It was the first decent idea I had heard in a while.

I left Eli with my mom so that Renee and I could talk about having some tests run. I hadn't expected her to not come home until long after midnight though. She walked in all nonchalant like it was normal. She was wearing a dress meant for going out for a night of fun, and her "fuck me" heels, without me.

"Renee? Where have you been?" I said with an unmistakable ire that I couldn't hide.

"What the fuck is your problem. You don't own me. I was out and it's none of your business." She stormed upstairs to the master and got in the shower.

"Fuck this," I said out loud to myself. I went in the bedroom and got my essentials so I could sleep in the spare bedroom. It's not like we were having sex anymore anyway.

The change in sleeping arrangements didn't even faze her. I resolved to find some answers this weekend. My best friend Carl was nice enough to let me use his car for the weekend.

Once again my son got to spend the day with grandma and Renee left the house around 10 am. I crossed the street and jumped into Carl's nondescript Japanese made sedan. I followed her to a downtown parking garage. She parked and got out. I parked across the lot but close enough to see her enter a stairwell.

I quickly hustled across to the same door and heard the street level door open and close as I took the stairs two at a time. When I exited the same door, I noticed Renee heading into a door next to a barbershop. When I got to the door I looked at the names on the buzzer list. One name stood out, Brad Stephens, her coworker at her now very part time job at Wilkes Associates, an accounting firm. I only knew his name, I had never met him in person.

This was very bad. My stomach was lurching. My first thought was Eli. How can Renee continue to be his mother. Does she even care about her son? What am I going to do about it? Her attitude is totally defensive these days. Would she even deny it? Would she care that I knew about it?

I went back to Carl's silver Civic and sat, my heart pounding, knowing she was getting fucked. I had no proof yet but it had to be true.

In a little over an hour she was back at her car. She was spending all day Saturday and Sunday away from home, yet it was still not even noon. She pulled away and I continued following her.

She drove across town to the street where her gym is located. She pulled to the curb and a man came out and jumped into the passenger seat with a bag over his shoulder. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was one of my foremen at Flagg Construction, Henry Styles. "Motherfucker!!!" I screamed. Luckily the windows were up or they would have heard me.

They went to his house for about two hours and she was on her way again. Then again and again. Four men in one day. 'What a fucking slut!!' I thought. I only knew who the first two were but I assumed if I dug deeper I would know who all of them were. It didn't matter anymore who they were, except that Henry Styles was about to face the music.

-----

"Diana said you wanted to see me boss," he said looking nervous.

"Henry, you know I don't care what people do on their own time but I need to ask you a few questions. Do you mind?" I hadn't looked him in the eye yet. I was afraid I would jump over my desk and strangle him.

"Yeah, I guess it's ok," he said fidgeting with his watch.

"Now I don't mean to pry but are you dating anyone right now?" I asked in an even tone trying not to expose my anger. I was, however, beginning to shake.

I looked up at him for the first time and his face went pale. "Uhm, I-I-I am sort of seeing somebody."

"Is this somebody also married to someone you know?" I stared angrily at him.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he said with big eyes and shaking his head. "Am I fired sir?" I nodded. "I only have one thing to say before I go. She threw herself at me. I couldn't resist cause she's so hot and she acted like a slut in heat. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I'm not usually a piece of shit." I nodded and he left to see Diana who handles all separations.

In hindsight I could understand his point. If my wife came on to a man, they had no chance unless they were gay.

----

I spent a lot of time with my mother for the next two weeks. I didn't bother to try to find out who else was banging my wife. I stayed with my mother most nights and kept Eli living with her until things were settled. Eli couldn't understand why he wasn't with his mother more. It broke my heart seeing him sulk about it.

I had spoken to a divorce attorney but hadn't pulled the trigger yet. He is actually a close friend of mine, Troy Bichette. I could care less about the financial losses. I wanted my wife back, the one I loved so much before her accident. I obviously couldn't live life the way it was going now though.

Mom finally convinced me that life had to go on. "Bobby, if something changes you can always go back to her honey." She was right, I couldn't put my life on hold while she bangs every guy in the state.

Troy advised me that having proof of infidelity wouldn't help me financially in the divorce since we are in a "no fault" state. Custody is where infidelity could help me but I wasn't looking to keep Renee from having Eli. 50/50 custody would be fine with me. So I made the call to have her served. They had to catch her at home or work which was getting to be very infrequently. Once she received the packet she was immediately on the phone to me.

"Hello Renee."

"What the hell is this about you asshole?" she screamed through the phone.

I held my tongue at first, "Well, it's nice to talk to you for a change. It's been a long time."

"Fuck you! What's this all about?" she yelled.

I spat my words with venom. "You aren't the same woman I used to love. I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience but I won't stay married to a cheating whore. How many is it anyway? My best estimate is at least 15."

She was quiet for a moment and then sounded like she was sobbing. "I'm sorry Robby, I don't know what's wrong with me. Ever since the accident I can't stop myself." She abruptly hung up. It was unsatisfying but at least the process was started.

I don't like things to be in turmoil but this would be my life for the short term. I just hated what it must be doing to Eli. As much as I tried to shield him from pain it would be there anyway.

My attorney advised me NOT to move out of my house for legal reasons but I wasn't strong enough to stay there. I compromised instead by keeping most of my stuff at the house and by staying there when I knew Renee wouldn't be there. I only slept at the house two days a week and locked the door to the guest bedroom.

I was shocked that during the process thus far Renee had not asked once to have Eli. In fact she hadn't even asked how he was.

On a Friday afternoon I got a call from Renee. I asked her to always talk to my attorney so this came out of left field.

"Robby, It's me, Renee."

"Yes, I know, what do you want? You're supposed to call my attorney only."

"Rob, you don't understand what I'm saying. It's me, Renee, the same Renee you married, the same Renee I was before my accident. Do you understand? I'm back!"

I was speechless. I was having trouble processing what she said. Could it be true?

"Robby?"

"Uhhh, yeah, I'm here." I was still reeling. I had mixed emotions. If she was better now, could I forgive her for all of the treachery?

She sighed deeply. "Can I see you? I know what happened and I understand if you want to wait, but I need to see you face to face."

"Renee, I need some time to think. I want to talk to my mother and Troy first. You understand this was a bomb dropped on me. I can't just reverse course like that."

"Ok babe, I understand. Call me when you have an answer."

"I will, bye."

"Bye, I love you."

The last part was a kick in the nuts but if true it could change my whole outlook. That night after Eli went to bed, I talked with my mother at length.

"Robby, the bottom line is that I can't tell you what to do. You have to look in your own heart and make that decision. If you still love her and can forgive her actions then you should go for it."

My attorney, Troy, told me to be careful meeting her in person. He suggested the first meeting be in his office with a witness. In person meetings are where things can get very messy.

I listened to the two people I trusted the most. I gave Renee a chance to talk to me at Troy's office. The meeting was emotional. Renee cried the entire time. We rehashed her transgressions for which she claimed no responsibility. I asked to go through her phone which she thought was to look for evidence of wrongdoing. I knew she would have scrubbed it clean but while looking through I also activated her "find my phone" app to share her location with me.

"I think every woman and man has a dark, nasty, even slutty personality buried deep inside. Unfortunately the accident caused me to revert to that horrible personality. That's not who I really am though, and you know it. I want you to stop the divorce and let me show you."

I was still skeptical. "Are you curious at all about Eli, your son? You haven't asked about him, that's not the old Renee."

"Babe, I know, I felt like shit about how I've acted. I didn't want to start in on how I abandoned my son as well. Please tell me he's handling all this well."

"So far he seems ok but he keeps asking about you and it's hard to explain this to a two year old. I don't think we'll know the full extent of the issues until he's older." My heart sank thinking about running into psychological problems with Eli.

Renee looked into my eyes pleadingly and asked, "What do you think? Can you come home for good now?"

"I need 24 hours to make that decision. If you really are back it will happen, but I have to be cautious for Eli's sake."

I spent all the next day talking to my mother and Troy. Then I just sat with Eli thinking long and hard. In the end I had to give her a chance to redeem herself. I took out my phone and called Renee.

"Robbie!! Thank God!! I've been waiting for your call all day."

"Here's the deal Renee. I really want this to work. I will stay at the house full time with you. Eli will only be there when I'm there for now. If you want to see him more you can go to my mothers to visit him. If things progress well, everything can go back to normal and we can be a family again." My heart was conflicted.

"Oh thank God!! Robbie, you won't regret this. Thank you. Come home tonight so we can celebrate, please."

"I'll come back tomorrow night. I have some things to take care of first."

Troy made some suggestions that I thought would be foolish not to heed. Most importantly, he wanted me to install security cameras at our house. They could be overt or covert but his concern was mostly that she couldn't accuse me of doing something at home such as hitting her because I'd have video evidence. He also suggested not being alone with Renee unless we were home under surveillance.

The moment I left Troy's office I made a trip to the store and picked up a home security system. I went with covert since it could perform two functions. First she might attempt to railroad me not knowing I would have proof to contradict her. Second, I could catch her shenanigans on video while I'm at work. I had opted for audio as well as video. I thought long and hard about bugging her purse and car but figured I had enough for now.

I stopped by work to check in and make sure they saw me at least once today. I spoke to Diana and my right hand man, Lucas Foster. I told them I was taking an unscheduled vacation and that they were in charge. I would be available if they needed to call and I would stop in periodically. They were happy to help out but looked concerned for me. They must know by now what's going on.

"I suppose you two must have an idea what's happening. I appreciate you guys having my back and don't worry about me too much. I think things will work out in the end." They nodded and Diana gave me a big hug. "Now get to work slackers!" I said with a tear in my eye.

Lucas pulled me aside to talk. He was my best friend since we were in middle school. I was lucky to have him working with me. In fact he was instrumental in our success.

"I want to be up front with you about something that happened," Lucas said grimly. "Renee was here while you were out at a worksite the last week. Dude, she was all over me. She wanted me to go out for a drink but I knew what she really wanted. She was super pissed at me when I sent her packing. She called me your stooge!! I know things are messed up for you right now but you should know Diana and I are here for you." Renee's actions didn't surprise me but knowing my best friend was loyal certainly helped my outlook.

I was about to head back to my mother's house but when I checked the app it showed Renee out of the house. I decided rather than tail her I would go home and install the cameras. I could still see where she was going on the app. I'd be keeping an eye on her whereabouts anyway so I didn't get caught installing the cameras.

Luckily the cameras were quite simple so I had the entire house done in less than 2 hours. I splurged so that I could cover virtually every square inch of our home with video and voice activated audio. I was surprised I got it done that fast with my fingers shaking. I didn't think I would have enough time but Renee stayed at one location for 2 hours.

I removed any trace of my visit and headed to my mother's. I checked out the location where Renee had been. Goldsmith and Klein, a lawyer, hmm, 2 hours for what? I suspended the divorce process so it would seem quite wasteful to go in to the office for a 2 hour face to face. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up.

I called Troy to see what he thought. "It's fishy as hell Bob. I'd have your guard up at all times around her. Maybe you should just abandon this plan to reconcile."

I thought for a second, "She was served divorce papers, couldn't she still have business with a lawyer?"

"Two hours is a long visit with a lawyer when they are charging you. It had to be more important than going over divorce papers when she thinks she might get you to drop it. Goldsmith and Klein is not the most upstanding practice in town. I just smell a rat, that's all. If you still want to give it a go, that's your decision. As your lawyer I'm telling you to watch yourself."

"I understand Troy, I know you're looking out for my best interests. For my own reasons, I have to go forward with my plan to move back in. But trust me Troy, I will be very careful."

-----

I moved back in with Renee but told her that physical interactions were off the table until I was more comfortable with her. I also informed her that sex was completely off the table until she had a full STI panel completed. She seemed more than slightly pissed about the implication but quickly changed her attitude saying she would call the doctor tomorrow.

Renee went out of her way to show Eli lots of love and attention the next few days. We slept in separate rooms at my insistence. On Saturday she said she needed to go grocery shopping. I didn't stop her or give her any warnings and I wasn't sure if she knew I could track her location. I just let her go.