She Cheated with Her Ex

Earlier, my friend Ken told me his wife Ella had sex with her ex-boyfriend Alan. Ella phoned me and arranged to drop around this evening for a conversation.

"Hi Ell. Things not too good, eh?"

"That's got to be the understatement of the century."

"Start with a drop of medicine?"

"You've got your usual Laphroaig? Yea, just a smallish one thanks."

"OK. How much did Ken tell you about what we talked about this morning?"

"Not much. I went home this afternoon and he was there and said he wasn't ready to talk to me yet. He said he didn't want me in the house so I went back to Fran's place. He said he'd talked with you this morning and he hadn't decided what to do yet. He said I should talk to you too, so how much did he tell you about what happened?"

"Not a lot. But how was he when you saw him today?"

"Weird. He was calm on the outside, like he was holding it all in. I wanted to hug him and tell him how much I loved him and how sorry I was, but he didn't want to have anything to do with me. He pushed me away. He said he'd tell me in the next day or so what he decides. How could I have been such a bloody idiot?"

"What, for doing it or for telling him that you had?"

"I had to tell him. What I did was the most stupid fucking thing I've ever done in my life and I had to tell him how sorry I was. And even if I hadn't, Alan would have told people anyhow because I dumped him for Ken. With Alan! Doing it with him makes it even worse."

"OK. So, a couple of the things that Ken told me this morning: Yes, it really hurt him that it was Alan. We all know what Al's like and he's a mate but he's an irresponsible bastard. And Ken said that you were really affectionate last night before you told him. He thinks that was guilt coming out."

"I don't know what it was, guilt or what. I needed to show him how much I love him, so maybe it was. I really needed him to know that. Still do. I don't know what I was thinking. I was sort of trying to wipe out Alan. I'm not making much sense, am I?"

"Actually, yes you are. I can imagine the turmoil you must have been feeling when you were there waiting for Ken to come home from the cricket, thinking about what you had done and panicking about what was going to happen when he found out."

"It was horrible. After Alan dropped me at home I had a long shower to try and wash him away, and then after dinner Ken and I had a shower together and went to bed. All the time I was so tense, thinking what I had done and how could I tell him so he would forgive me.

"And then in bed he seemed extra loving. It was lovely. He's always so good, but this time was even better. And afterwards I had to tell him. I couldn't not tell him. I started crying and he asked me why and I told him what I had done."

"It's interesting. He said that you were unusually loving in bed and you are saying he was."

"Maybe it was me that started it. But he was into it just as much as me. It was his idea that we shower together and go to bed. It was just so different from what I did that afternoon. I'm a fucking idiot."

"You are not an idiot. You are one of the brightest women I know. You are also one of the sexiest and it's not the first time that's got you into trouble. It's just that this time it's different because a couple of years ago you decided to commit to one of the several blokes who were chasing you back then."

"The best one, and now I'm going to lose him."

"Maybe, but I doubt it. He worked hard to win you from Alan because he loved you and I'm absolutely certain that he still does, despite what happened. But now it's your turn to do the hard work and convince him that it was just a silly mistake and not a total betrayal."

"And how am I going to do that? Right now, he doesn't even want to know me."

"He'll hear you when he's ready and you'll need to be ready for him when that time comes. He can't understand why you did it and he wants to know. I said to him you probably don't know either, but you will have to work it out for yourself so that you can explain it to him."

"There's no excuse for what I did."

"I'm sure Ken would agree with you on that. But I didn't say 'excuse'. He wants to know why you let yourself do something that that you must have known would hurt him."

"I wasn't thinking."

"OK, let's start from there. Why weren't you thinking?"

"I don't know. There were six of us mucking about in the pool at Fran and Tony's place and it was a bit like back when we were all single. Fran and I were being a bit flirty and silly with the four boys. Tony was encouraging her and she was getting me to join in. There was a lot of touching and grabbing going on underwater and . . . . I don't know. I just forgot about Ken and joined in with everybody else."

"Yeah, I guess Tony and Fran aren't the best couple to take as role models. They've never really gone into the 'forsaking all others' part of the marriage thing."

"It wasn't their fault. I joined in and was part of it. I had the four boys trying, and I was playing one off against the other."

"You are rather skilled in that area. I've watched you do it many times."

"I wasn't married to Ken then. It was stupid. But it was even more stupid on the way home when Alan said he wanted to go to his place first and I just went with him and let it happen. I was feeling horny after all the playing in the pool and I let him do it. How do I explain that to Ken?"

"You say to Ken the same things and you say it the same way you have been saying those things to me. If I was Ken, the thing you said that would hurt most is when you said that you forgot about him and joined in as though you were single again. He's going to ask whether he's become so unimportant to you that you can just forget him."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just won't say it, then."

"I think you have to say it, because it's what you did. And it's what he'll be thinking anyhow. He needs to hear you say it so that he can understand why. What you really have to do is to convince him that it was a mistake that you will never make again."

"I won't. I just won't go anywhere like that again without Ken."

"Why? Don't you trust yourself?"

"I know I'll never do it again, but he doesn't. If he'll only forgive me, I've learnt my lesson. But why should he believe me after what I did? I'll just make sure that Ken is always with me."

"People who trust each other don't need to keep a close watch on what their partner is doing. It takes time to earn it back, but that's what I think you should be talking about with Ken. Ken and I talked about the two of you seeing a professional and Ken is giving it consideration. Trust is the sort of thing you can work through with a counsellor."

"I've been thinking about that too. I hope Ken will come to see somebody, but I didn't know how to suggest it to him. Right now, he doesn't want to talk to me at all."

"Like I said, give it time. I'm pretty sure he'll come good. I'm sure he'll be talking with me again in the next day or so, and I'll let him know about how you are feeling. Best of luck."

"Thanks. I'm going to need it."