Every marriage is a black box. A foreign and unknown country to outsiders. This is why so many people express utter bewilderment when they learn details of others' relationships. "How could she put up with that?" Or, "I'd leave a woman who did such-and-such..." Not to excuse actual abuse or unkindness of course, but no one can truly understand unless they are one of the people involved.
I'm Shay, and my marriage isn't so strange, really. But there are details that would definitely surprise and even perplex people if they knew. It certainly couldn't work in the same way with anyone else. But it's ours and we love it. I've just spent the last forty minutes being the small spoon while my husband fell into a deep sleep, as he often does after we've had our happy exercise.
Eric is a good man. Let me restate that with capitals -- he's truly a Good Man. He loves me, accepts me, treats me with respect and as a full partner. The acceptance is the one for which I should probably be most grateful. We grew up in similar circumstances, but our paths were very different in some respects. He was super focused on school, getting into the right college and moving into a big career. Or rather, he thought he was. It was actually his parents who were focused and Eric didn't know there was any other way.
But with experience comes self-awareness and he had been out of grad school a few years when he realized he wasn't enjoying life very much. Early on he related a conversation with a high school friend. John was as bright as Eric, but had not been pushed in the same way by his family. He worked in a field he chose, changed careers when he didn't like it anymore, did what he wanted and generally had a good time in life. It was a revelation to Eric, and he felt envious. John was surprised because Eric had always been seen as the one who had it all together and would go far. Maybe so, but Eric never felt he had a say in the matter.
We were well into our relationship before Eric told me the coda to that story, which was that he was envious of John's personal life too. Apparently he had cultivated a series of very attractive and adventurous girlfriends. I asked what he meant by adventurous, and it took some time to draw the full answer from him. Eric and I were enjoying a decent sex life, in both senses of the word - which is to say it was acceptable, and it would have offended no one's sensibilities. But John had offhandedly mentioned some details that Eric found shocking and intriguing. Girls who were... unlike any he had ever dated.
Eric was definitely not one of those tiresome men with a Madonna / Whore complex, and wasn't a prude. Far from it, actually. He was as interested in sex as anyone when he was a teenager, he just hadn't been around anyone who would indulge him. He treated his girlfriends respectfully and never pushed them, but also never had the experiences he craved. Again, Eric felt he didn't have much say in the matter. Being a good person, women were not there to be coerced into things they didn't want to do. He could ask, but accepted the answer 'no'. And a few handjobs aside, it was usually no.
Although I learned the details later, it was this attitude that drew me to him and made me say 'yes'.
We met at a bookstore. Finding out a guy is a reader is always a good sign, and if it turns out he's into some of the same authors as me he's on the fast track to getting into my pants. I say the three hours we spent talking in the Barnes & Noble café that day did not constitute a date - mostly because I enjoy saying I put out on our actual first date, when we met up a week later.
It was a town about halfway between where we each lived, a thirty minute drive. I had chosen an outdoor hotel bar because it was a public place. Or so he thought. It was really so I could suggest we get a room if things went as I thought they might. Over lunch the conversation picked up where we had left it at the bookstore, confirming the connection hadn't been a fluke. In ten minutes I decided we would sleep together.
It had started raining, and I love a good rainstorm. Eric suggested going inside, but I preferred huddling together under the umbrella. He took a chance and put his hand on my leg. I rewarded his boldness by moving it to my breast. The jacket draped around my shoulders shielded us from prying eyes, and Eric slid his hand over me for some time, absorbing my shape. We kissed slowly and deliciously. He took another chance. "Suppose I wanted this to go further?"
"Suppose I said no?" I asked, curiously.
"That's totally fine." He meant it. Disappointed for sure, but I could see he would respect my wishes.
He removed his hand from my breast and went to place it on my knee again. I caught it in mid-air and put it back. Looking into his eyes I smiled, kissed him and said, "Book us a room, please. I'll pay half."
Eric later told me he felt as if he'd won the lottery when he found himself watching me undress for him. I remember the moment well. He was a together guy, and I could see how he could handle himself well in other areas of life. But he was not prepared to go from eating lunch fifteen minutes ago to me dropping my clothes and posing for him on a hotel bed. He had readily agreed to getting the room and certainly knew what would happen. I knew I wasn't his first, but he had obviously never been with a girl who was so willing.
Despite the fact that it was now a sure thing, Eric was being careful not to be pushy. Once in the room he attempted small talk. He even sat on the other bed across from me, not wanting to appear too forward or eager. So I took matters into my own hands and simply stood up and began taking my clothes off. I've always been petite, but at that time I could have been described as waif-like. Eric couldn't keep his jaw from dropping slightly as I casually tossed my things on the bed and stood before him patiently, just letting him look.
Soon I was in his lap, enjoying that he was still dressed as we kissed soulfully. Moments later I slinked down to my knees. Eric gasped loudly when I took him into my mouth. Again, not his first time, but I was certainly his most enthusiastic. Enthusiasm tops skill most of the time, I'm told. And while impressed, he seemed to not realize what he was getting into until I deftly slipped a condom on him behind my back. I wanted to be taken on my hands and knees and it was just the thing to do. For Eric it was a clue about who I really was.
It was also memorable when the time came for round two, and I made a point of taking the condom off. He was on top, between my eagerly spread legs. I knew we were going to have something more together than a fling, so it felt right to take him bare. He hesitated only briefly, until I pulled him into me. Soon I was whispering in his ear that it was okay to let it go inside me, and for first of many times I felt him fill me up as he moaned his pleasure next to my ear.
Our relationship quickly blossomed in every way. Nothing worth doing is easy, but we had no major issues. The sex was good from the start and got better. But I was taking my time laying out my kink cards. Eric was thrilled to finally have a girl with as high a sex drive as his, but hadn't realized yet how the deep the possibilities went. I think he worried he might ask for one thing too far and cause me to pull back. This had happened before, as I learned when we began telling each other stories from our past. It was these stories that eventually brought us to the wonderful place we are now.
He had had a girlfriend in high school named Emily. Nice girl, nice family, and they had a nice relationship. She was pretty and occasionally seemed interested in the heavy petting teenagers get up to. But as Eric recalled, the times Emily was most excited also resulted in her shutting down and experiencing guilt. She just wasn't ready to go further and Eric, to his credit, didn't press her.
Later he had some more adventurous girlfriends, including one who introduced him to mild kink. But Eric was still learning what he liked, and I sensed he was leery of asking for some of the things he had in mind.
Enter me, a girl who has always been very sexual and was lucky to have some amazing experiences early on. While I wouldn't be with a guy who looked down on my sexual past, I was aware that rolling it out slowly was sometimes best. As I realized Eric very likely wanted to ask for more, I came to be the one who felt like I was holding a winning lottery ticket. I could be as sexual as I wanted with Eric, and I had only to bring him along at the right pace.
I began to notice Eric seemed very interested in my past experiences, despite his efforts to appear casual about it. The thing is, a girl can tell when what she says makes a cock extra hard an instant later. No hiding that. One night he was telling me about the few handjobs he got when he was younger - how the girls were so timid, especially when he would orgasm and they would frustratingly stop or shy away.
"That's a shame," I said offhandedly. "I always found it got a guy's attention when I would look him in the eye and lick it up off his belly." Eric lurched beside me. His cock was already poking at my hip, but it suddenly stiffened into a piece of iron. I reached down and wrapped my palm around it.
"You really did that for a guy?" he asked breathlessly.
It took me a moment to answer because Eric was suddenly kissing me deep and hard. I nodded and helped him move on top. His cock still in my hand, I rubbed the tip against my opening. "I did that for a few guys." Eric groaned and entered me.
