Self Doubts

Not a BTB or a RAAC. This one could have gone to Romance. A guy is rejected by his wife when they learn he is sterile. How will he deal with that rejection?

It really wasn't a shock when Sally said she was divorcing me. The last six months had been like living with a roommate I didn't particularly like. I don't think Sally was cheating, although I had heard rumors, but I'm certain she stopped caring.

I say I'm "pretty sure" she wasn't cheating only because she hated cheaters. Before we met, she had ended two multi-year relationships after catching her boyfriend cheating. We had a long, serious conversation about cheating the night I asked her to move in with me. So, while it's likely she now had feelings for someone else, I don't know if she was fucking him, ... yet.

"Matt, this just isn't working for us and I think you feel the same way. My friend, Mary, has offered to let me move in with her. I will be able to afford my share of the rent there and you can keep this place if you wish. I'm sorry I couldn't be happy with just being a wife, I hope you find someone that makes you happy."

I looked at my wife of four years and slowly nodded. "Of course you're right, I know you really wanted a traditional family and when we found out that was impossible for us, I think that was the beginning of the end for us."

"Matty, I don't blame you. You didn't know, it caught us both by surprise. I thought I could get past the disappointment, but it's what I've dreamed of my whole life. You took it so hard, blamed yourself. You withdrew and shut me out. Matty, please, you need to see someone, get some help. If you do that, I'm sure you'll be able to move on and be happy again."

I hugged her and wished her well. Then I helped her carry her bags out to her car. "There are only two months left on the lease here, so I'll probably find a place closer to work. Mary is a good friend, you guys will get along well in that big house of hers."

She wiped a tear from her cheek, "I left the papers on the dresser. The lawyer said it's the standard 50/50 no-fault divorce contract. There's a prepaid envelope in the packet, so if it looks okay to you, please sign it and send it back to him."

She gave me a very brotherly kiss on the cheek and then got in her car and drove away. Numbly, I stood watching as her car disappeared around a corner. She was right about me needing to see someone. What she didn't know was, I was scheduled for my second session later that same day.

I went through several emotions over the next few months. At first, I was just sad and then I felt sorry for myself, then I was angry for a while. I was angry because she gave up on us, angry because my body failed us, angry because I hadn't tried harder to make things work.

The anger drove me to the gym where I tried to destroy my body. I pounded my fist on the heavy bag and pounded my feet on the treadmill and elliptical machine. As the sweat poured from my body, my muscles hardened and my anger faded. My counseling sessions helped me to begin to accept the fact that I was sterile and would never father a child, but that didn't mean I could never love again.

At age 33 I was in the best physical condition of my life. William, my trainer, watched as I did the last set of lunges he had demanded. "Dude, you have come a long way from that pudgy, weak, lazy guy who came to see me six months ago! You've worked really hard. You look great!"

"Thanks, I feel pretty good about what we've done. I owe you a lot for all your support and direction."

"Just doing my job, besides, you're the one who did all the work. Now you need to get out there and show off all that hard work! Let the ladies get a look at what I've created!"

I laughed, "Yeah, I have been a bit of a hermit lately. I guess it is time for me to go out and test the waters again. Hey, do you know anything about that new club that opened on Fifth Street?"

"Oh yeah, I've been there a couple of times. They have live music on Fridays and Saturdays and a local DJ on the other nights. Plenty of ladies there looking for dance partners and maybe some romance. I think you'd do well there."

I bought some new clothes, with the help of a really cute sales clerk. The things she picked out showed off my trim physic but were very comfortable. I was surprised, but pleased, to find her card in the pocket of the pants I bought. She had written her cell number on the back with a note asking me to call her sometime. That did wonders for my ego!

I started going to "Olivia's on Fifth" and always had a good time. I got to know a few of the bartenders and waitresses by being such a charming guy ... or, more likely, it was because I was a pretty generous tipper. But, whatever the reason, they seemed to like me and treated me well.

I usually found a dance partner, or two, and a few times even found some overnight company. I think the bartenders and waitresses vouched for me as a regular and that made some of the ladies more comfortable with me when it came time to leave for the evening. I didn't always have company when I left. Sometimes I didn't even try, I just enjoyed the music and dancing.

On my next visit to Olivia's, there was a new band playing. There were pretty good and the crowd seemed to respond to them very well. I was sitting with a few of my newly acquired Olivia's friends when Dee, one of the waitresses came over to our table.

"Hey Matty, how's it going tonight? Have you selected a new heart to break?"

"Dee! You wound me! You know I'm still waiting for you to take me home with you."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure even my fat-assed husband would notice an extra body in his bed."

"Well, you could always come to my place."

"Don't tempt me! From what I've heard, all the girls like to "come" to your place, big boy!"

I think I actually blushed a little which made Dee laugh loudly and all my friends joined in.

Dee came over and leaned into my ear. "See the Blonde sitting against the far wall?"

'Yeah, I've seen her here a few times. She's usually with a hot redhead, dancing together. I've also seen her turn down nearly every guy who approached her table. So, what about her, what's her deal?"

"She's married to the bass player. She comes to watch him play, but she loves to dance. The redhead is the drummer's wife, but they're fighting, so Amy is here by herself. I told her you could be trusted, so go ask her to dance."

"What? You know I don't mess with married women and her husband is right there!"

"Matty, she's not going home with you! I told her you were a good dancer and she wants to dance and that's ALL she wants, Okay? Now move your ass they're going to start again."

"Sheesh, pushy broad!" I got up and headed to Amy's table. "Hello, I'm Matt, I've been told you're looking for a dance partner. I'd like to audition for the job." I extended my hand and smiled at her.

"Amy, and thanks for taking pity on me, Matt. I love the music, but really love to dance. I assume Dee told you my husband is in the band?"

"She told me, I promise it will be like dancing with your brother."

"Oh god, I hope not! He's a terrible dancer!" She laughed at her own joke as she stood and we stepped toward the dance floor.

Amy looked to be about 5'9' in her 4' heels. She was not skinny, more muscular, I'm guessing maybe 130 pounds with a nice set of tits showing a fair amount of cleavage in her scooped-necked top. It was going to be a challenge to keep my eyes from locking in on that lovely display. Fortunately, she had captivating deep blue eyes and a warm smile to hold my attention away from her cleavage.

Amy moved very well on the dance floor. Some of the fast numbers had a strong pounding bass and she got into a very erotic rhythm during those dances. There were not many slow songs so she worked her body hard. The band slowed things down a bit and she slid into my arms. My time in the gym had dropped my weight from 245 to 205 and added some muscle to my 6'1" frame, so moving Amy around the floor was a breeze. At first, she was a little standoffish, but after a couple of songs, she moved into me for a tighter embrace.

The band took a break and when I came back from the bar the drummer and the bass player were sitting at Amy's table. I sat her drink in front of her but remained standing.

"Oh, thank you, Matt. This is my husband, Ben and this is Terry." Amy said smiling.

"Nice to meet you. You guys are really good. The crowds here seem to be growing each night you play."

"Thanks, man. Please have a seat. We're just taking a quick break and then we'll be back up there." Ben said as he stuck a thumb over his shoulder.

Dee showed up with drinks for the guys and exchanged a smile with Amy. "Told you he's a pretty good dancer."

"You didn't lie! I'm having a blast! Thanks for recruiting him for me."

Terry sucked down half of his cocktail and said, "Yeah, usually my old lady is here to keep Amy company, but she's pissed at me, so she went home to her mother's for a while."

"Oh, the redhead? I've seen her dancing with Amy. They are both really good dancers."

"Jill is much better than me, but then again, she's a dance instructor and I'm an accountant."

Ben said, "Well, they are always the best dancers in the crowd and they always attract a lot of attention." Ben smiled at Amy and leaned over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "We gotta get back. Matt, you're going to stick around, aren't you?"

I looked at Amy who smiled and nodded at me. "Uh, sure! I got nowhere else to be, so why not?"

Amy and I danced for about 20 minutes and then went back to the table for another drink. We chatted about her job and her friend Jill, who had introduced her to Ben. When I asked about Jill, Amy's face clouded over and she said Terry fucked up and Jill was seriously pissed at him. I thought it wise not to pry any further.

We were back on the dance floor enjoying a fast dance that allowed Amy to really work her sexy body. Damn, she looked really hot! Apparently, I wasn't the only guy to notice how hot she was because just as a slow song started, some drunk guy pushed past me and grabbed her arm.

"Hey baby, you are really hot, let's dance!" He slurred and then grabbed her and pulled her into an embrace.

Amy struggled against him and I grabbed the back of his neck with one hand and squeezed. He screeched and let go of Amy to grab at my wrist. I spun him around and half-lifted him off the floor.

"The lady is with ME! Time for you to leave, dickhead!" I shoved him away from the dance floor and he stumbled into a table. It took him a few moments to right himself and when he did, He was looking into the chest of a man mountain. George worked the weekends at Olivia's as a bouncer. The man is 6'9", over 300 pounds, and a former pro wrestler. He grabbed the guy with one hand and dragged him away.

I turned back to Amy, "You okay?"

Amy nodded. The band continued to play, as most folks didn't see what had happened. Amy stepped into me and clutched me hard. She was trembling, so I hugged her to my chest. She brought her lips to my ear, "Thank you, Matt."

I eased my embrace and let her settle into my arms. "I think he was drunk, I'm sorry I didn't see him before he grabbed you. Are you sure you're ok?"

"She pressed her supple body into me, "I am now."

For a good while, we danced with only a little motion as she continued to press herself against me. The song ended and the band immediately started another slow number. Amy never let go of me and we slowly moved around the floor. I was a little worried about Amy, she was very quiet. When she moved to lay her head on my shoulder, I slowly rubbed her back with the palm of my hand.

As we held each other, I suddenly realized her sexy body was starting to affect me, my dick was starting to grow! Oh, fuck! I tried to pull back a little and Amy grumbled and clutched me harder. My renegade cock continued to enjoy the heat from Amy's sexy body. As it grew, I knew she had to feel it. I again tried to ease away just enough to take the pressure off my growing erection. Amy growled, "NO!" And pressed into my dick.

Fuck, now what do I do? I glanced up at the stage and Ben was staring right at us. "Oh shit, this isn't good," I thought, but then I noticed he was smiling at us. I couldn't help wondering if he'd be smiling if he knew his wife was grinding her pussy against my dick.

The song didn't end, the band just sorta merged into another and Amy clung to me. I was getting a little panicky. My dick was almost sideways across my thigh and Amy was pressed hard against it. Amy raised her mouth to my ear, "This is their closing set, they'll do one last song while they say good night. I know you're trying to be a gentleman, but this feels so good."

I didn't know how to respond to her. I told myself it was just her reaction to my rescuing her from the drunk. She was frightened when the asshole grabbed her and I intervened, this was just gratitude, or maybe relief, or something. I just held her and slowly moved to the music.

When the next song started, she eased away from me as we danced. Without the warmth and pressure of her sexy body, my rebellious dick slowly started to calm down. When the lead singer began to talk over the music, Amy stepped back from me. She looked down at my somewhat softened bulge and smiled then she looked up at my worried face.

"I'm sorry, Matty. That was rather naughty of me, please forgive me for getting carried away."

"Sure, It was probably just a reaction to your scare. I'm glad I was here for you. Are you okay now?"

She smiled shyly and I walked her back to the table. After a few minutes, Ben came over and said it would take them about 30-40 minutes to pack up. He asked if I wanted to join them all for a drink at their place. I stole a glance at Amy as she gave him a quizzical smile.

I was feeling guilty for what I'd done with his wife, "Uh, well, it's kinda late ..."

"Oh come on! We aways need a little time to unwind after a gig. Come back to our place and have a drink with us!"

"Okay, if you're sure it's alright, I don't want to intrude."

"Great!, Hey, if you don't mind, how about you take Amy home and she can get everything set up? Does that sound okay to you, Babe?"

She hesitated for a beat and then turned to me, "Do you have a car here? Is that okay with you? Do you mind driving me home?"

"Uh yeah, I mean, no problem, I'm parked out back."

"Great! See you guys at the house." Ben said and bent down to give a bemused Amy a quick peck on the forehead.

Amy locked onto my arm as we crossed the dark parking lot. I opened the door and put her into the passenger seat of my 1964 Corvette convertible. I got in and fired up the 327 V8 and listened to the exhaust rumble for a moment. "Where to?"

"1937 Beacon Hill." Amy looked around the interior of my car "Corvette huh, I had you pegged as a foreign car guy."

"Guilty, My other car is a BMW sedan. I'm a CPA so clients sorta expect it. This is my weekend car."

We drove a little while without speaking, then I asked, "So, this after-gig unwind thing, you guys always do this?"

"Used to, those parties used to get pretty crazy, not so much anymore. I guess the guys are growing up a bit. Well, except Terry, the dumb ass."

"So that's why Jill is mad at him? Partying too much?"

"Uh yeah! The dumb fuck took off to Vegas with some bimbo and blew through 25 Grand! It was the money they'd saved to open her new studio! Dumb shit!"

"Ouch! Do you think they'll get back together?'

"Doubt it, He says he's going to sell a couple of rare guitars he has and give her all the money, but he hasn't done it yet. I think he's trying to get her to take him back before he sells the guitars. Ain't gonna happen."

"Well, I hope it works out so you can get your dance partner back."

"Yeah, I miss having her with me, but I kinda like her replacement." She smiled at me.

"Amy, I had a great time tonight, dancing with you. You are a sexy dancer and a beautiful woman, I'll be your dance partner anytime!"

"Yeah, I could tell you were having a good time, especially there at the end."

I think I blushed again, "I'm sorry, I'm only human. Holding you like that, feeling your luscious body pressed against me, I just couldn't help but be aroused. In fact, just talking about it is starting to affect me." As I pulled up in front of her house, I said, "I think maybe I'd better just drop you off and leave."

"Please don't! Please just come inside for a quick drink and let me try to explain my crazy life."

We went inside and Amy asked me to pour some wine while she changed out of her club clothes. When she came back out she was barefoot and wearing a long baggy teeshirt that came nearly to her knees. As she moved, it was easy to see she was braless. She took the glass I'd poured for her and sat next to me on the couch. Her teeshirt road up, exposing a lot of creamy smooth thigh. Damn, my dick started its rebellion as soon as I noticed her hard nipples tenting the front of her tee.

"Amy, you make that teeshirt look like a designer piece. You are a very beautiful woman, Ben is one lucky dude."

It was her turn to blush a little and she reached out to grab my hand.

"Matt, please let me get this all out before you react to what I'm about to tell you.... I lied to you. In fact, much of what I told you tonight is a lie. I feel bad about lying to you, but I thought you were just like the others. I noticed you a few weeks back at Olivia's. I watched you work the room, pick out a girl and snatch her away. You were always pretty smooth and I just assumed you'd had years of practice and were an accomplished player. It never occurred to me that you did well with the ladies because you are a genuinely nice guy.

"I asked Dee about you and she said you were a regular, a good dancer, and she'd heard nothing bad from any of the gals you'd taken home. That didn't disprove my opinion of you but did make me think you'd be a suitable dance partner, so I asked her to hook us up.

"What she doesn't know, and what I lied to you about is,... Ben is my ex-husband and we are not together. We split about 2 years ago when I caught Ben cheating. Of course that caused a big fight and we split for a week or so. Then he called me and said he needed to explain. We talked about it and he admitted he loved fucking his little groupies because it was such an ego trip for him. One of the reasons he loved traveling with the band was the way girls would throw themselves at the band. He's a good-looking guy, so he usually has his pick of a few hotties.

I told him that was not okay with me. He begged me to just look the other way, but in the end, we agreed to get divorced. It was all very friendly and I still care for him in a brotherly, or best friend, kind of way. We often kiss or hug, but that's it. No sex of any kind... ever!

"I've always loved his music and I love to dance, so I come and pretend to be a Band Wife to keep the wolves at bay while I have a good time.... I'm sorry Matt. I was completely wrong about you, you're not a player, you're a really sweet guy and, if I haven't already blown my chance, I'd really like to get to know you better."

I looked at her beautiful face, "So, you pretended to be Ben's wife so that you'd have a ready-made excuse to ditch me at the end of the evening?"

She hung her head, "Guilty, as you saw tonight, I hate confrontation and if you knew there was no way I would leave with you because my husband was right there watching us, then we could have a fun night and then just go our separate ways. No expectations, no harm, no foul.

"But it didn't work that way this time, you were so charming, and then you defended me when that creepy guy came after me, I started falling for you, but I'd already lied to you! I knew I'd fucked up a chance with a really good guy. Ben could see I really liked you, so he stepped in. He played it off like WE wanted you to come here for an after-party, so I could maybe get a second chance. (She sighed deeply) He was not a great husband, but he is a good friend."