Seeing the Signs

Seeing Signs

by

littleOneWon

October

(Month from Hell)

JANET:

Brad and I have been together for 24 years. For all practical purposes, we grew into adulthood together. We met in college. We dated for three years. We married the year we graduated.

We celebrated anniversary #21 on September 21. That must have been a sign. We've been easing our way into the empty nest thing. Our son left for college last year and our daughter started college two months ago.

Both kids are attending a college close to home for their first two years. Since they are just over 100 miles away, they come home most weekends. Technically, we will not have an empty nest until two years from now. Then, both of them will be attending school much farther away. That technicality doesn't make it any less lonely during the week. We miss our kids.

If current plans hold, Randy will be attending a college on the East Coast next year. The following year, Mandy will be continuing her education on the West Coast. That will be a challenge for all of us!

As of now, we still get to enjoy being with our kids most weekends. They usually arrive on Friday evening and leave Sunday afternoon.

Thursday is a "date night" for Brad and me since from Friday night through most of Sunday we will be focused on our kids. We try to work-in three "date nights" each week. We add Sunday evening after the kids have headed back to school and we usually add Tuesday to the schedule too. That's not to say that we're never spontaneous, that happens too. It's just that we have settled into the Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday routine pretty much lately. Not too shabby for the 22nd year of marriage!

We have a great marriage. I would go so far as to say it was a perfect marriage, until this month.

Thursday 1

JANET:

This marks the first day of my October syndrome. I feel tired all day. My outlook is darker than normal.

Since this is a Thursday, it's our first "date night" of the month. I just don't have my usual desire for making love tonight.

For one thing, I feel too tired. I just can't seem to get with it. It appears that Brad doesn't notice any difference. Thank God for that.

Friday 2

JANET:

The kids are home for the weekend. Everything is normal, except that I choose not to participate in the family late-night swim. I tell them that I have a headache. Actually, I'm just too tired. I feel lousy, but I think that I have hidden it pretty well.

Saturday 3

JANET:

I don't feel much better today, but I do participate in the family bike ride. I made it through, but I didn't enjoy it as much as usual. I'm just so tired.

Sunday 4

JANET:

The weekend is over. I always hate to see the kids leave, but I find myself looking forward to getting some rest. I'm still not myself.

It's "date night," but my interest level is just as low as it was last time.

This time, I'm afraid that Brad notices. He doesn't say anything, but I can tell that he's perplexed about my lack of response.

A wife of these many years can tell when her husband is upset or worried. No words are required.

BRAD:

Last month, on September 21, my wife Janet and I celebrated our 21st anniversary. Our years of marriage and the date we were married match! It's a very special anniversary.

We returned to Las Vegas for our celebration. The wedding chapel where we were married isn't there anymore, but Vegas will always be a memory-filled place for us.

Vegas has changed a lot, but we haven't changed all that much. We're still deeply in love, probably more so than we were 21 years ago.

If I say so myself, the sex is still spectacular. We spent more time in bed than in the casinos. Well, that may be a slight exaggeration.

After we got back home, things began to change. Janet didn't seem like herself. She didn't smile as much as usual, and she was not the happy, perky gal that she had always been.

Also, I could sense a slight change in our sex life. It wasn't that she refused sex; she just didn't seem to be as interested as usual. She didn't respond like she always had previously. It was subtle, but I noticed the change.

Monday 5

JANET:

Today marks what I view as the actual beginning of a weirdness that will ultimately threaten my whole way of life. It's the real start of my "Month from Hell."

I feel very down today. I feel like crying. It's a true blue-Monday.

I usually greet the alarm clock each morning filled with enthusiasm and confidence, but not today. I have to overcome a desire to hit the snooze button.

I can't remember ever feeling quite this low. Part of it is because I didn't sleep all that well. I spent quite a bit of time thinking when I should have been sleeping. I was thinking mostly about Autumn Leaves.

We are hosting the Autumn Leaves Conference at work the week of October 12. We've hosted it every year since I've been with the company.

We produce electronic components for the military. The conference allows us to introduce our new products and cover any new features that have been added to the existing product line. There will be attendees from all branches of the armed forces and every corner of the globe.

We are expecting this conference to break the previous attendance record, which was set last year.

Since I'm now in charge of the Component Security Department, I have an important role to play in the conference.

I'll admit that the conference presents quite a hassle, but I'm proud to be in my current position and to be able to take part in the conference. I began working for the company as an auditor in the finance department. I worked my way up through the ranks. It has been a tough, but enjoyable ride.

I have very little time left to prepare for my part in the conference. I'll be conducting a tour of the factory on the first afternoon. On the next day, I'll be giving a presentation about our latest techniques for improving security in our components.

The schedule shows that Monday morning is reserved for distributing credentials and schedules. The initial presentations and workshops will be attended by everyone, but after that, there will be six different tracks to choose from.

All of the rooms on the first floor of the Hilton have been reserved for the conference attendees. The Hilton is just around the corner from our office.

Monday afternoon, the attendees will walk to our office building where they will be divided into four groups. Each group will attend a welcoming presentation from our company's department managers, a similar presentation from the military brass, and yet one more from the city Chamber of Commerce. Each group will also take my tour of the factory.

The schedule calls for each segment to be 45 minutes long, followed by a 15-minute break. No one really expects us to stay on schedule. I'll be lucky if I can leave work by 5 pm, a far cry from my usual 4 pm departure.

The factory is located adjacent to our office building. I'm allowing 10 minutes for traveling back and forth and 35 minutes for the tour. That leaves the required 15-minute break for the attendees to use the facilities if required, and get to their next segment.

On the second day, the conference is scheduled to move to the Hilton Convention Center for an "all hands" kickoff. This will be the first time that we have ever had any part of the conference off-site. In the past, we were able to host the entire event in our office building. This year, there are too many attendees for that.

The key presentations will be given on the second day. Mine is the first one following the "all hands" meeting. No pressure there, right? I'm more than a little bit nervous. I'm not used to speaking before such a large audience.

Wednesday and Thursday will feature events at both our office and at the Hilton. There will be presentations, work-groups, and think-tank activities.

Friday, there will be some final activities until noon. Then comes getaway-time when everyone checks out and heads for home. That's also when I hope to be able to unwind and relax.

Since time is getting short to prepare for this big event, I know that I need to apply myself diligently to get it done.

What a terrible time to be feeling so low. I just feel so tired and have lost my usual enthusiasm. As my granny used to say: "I don't seem to care if school keeps or not."

The gossip around the water cooler this morning is about a mystery man named Steve Snow. He must have moved in over the weekend.

He occupies a cubicle right across the aisle from my office. He has an unobstructed view of my desk and, of course, I have a similar view of his.

No one knows where he came from or even what department hired him. He came out of nowhere, so to speak. Really, all we know about him is his name, since it appears on his cubicle tag.

As the day progresses, he becomes more and more of a mystery man. He doesn't attend our Monday morning staff meeting and he hasn't been introduced to any of us.

For some reason, maybe because of the mystery, I find myself glancing his way more than is seemly. A few times our eyes have met, but both of us glanced away rather quickly.

Steve is obviously at least 10 years younger than me, but still, something about him arouses something in me that shouldn't be happening to a happily married woman.

I find myself watching him walk down the aisle, lean over the water fountain, take off his jacket, laugh at something being said on the phone, or just sitting in his chair looking handsome.

It reminds me of when I first saw Brad. I had a tingling, flashing, and dizzying feeling then that I'm sure played a big part in my ultimately becoming his wife.

For some reason, something about Steve arouses similar feelings in me. Feelings that are not, in any way, appropriate.

Red flags are waving and it's my duty to my husband and my family to get over this weird, stupid infatuation; or whatever it is. Besides being inappropriate, it is taking up time that I should be using to prepare for the conference.

Nothing like this has happened to me since I married Brad. I'm not saying that I haven't been attracted to a man or two over the years, but I've never actually thought about any of them like this or felt these inappropriate reactions in my body.

This is weird. This has to stop!

Tuesday 6

JANET:

I don't feel any better today, even though I did sleep a little better. I remember waking up a few times. Some of those times, I caught myself thinking about Steve Snow. Luckily, I was able to turn off those thoughts and get back to sleep.

Still, this morning my enthusiasm is MIA again.

I usually dress very conservatively for work, but today, I find myself selecting one of my more daring outfits.

After a look in the full-length mirror, however, I think of those red flags and choose to wear my normal, conservative skirt and blouse.

I make it through the day with fewer glances into the cubicle across from mine and make some significant progress on my presentation script for the conference.

I still feel tired all day. My pep is definitely missing. I tell myself that I must be coming down with something and vow to take some extra vitamin C when I get home.

This is the day that those of us that will be presenting at the conference are expected to submit our presentation transcript to our division manager. Even though I'm feeling way below par, I'm able to turn in my transcript before the close of business. That's one worry off of my mind.

Thankfully, it's not my turn to fix dinner. I have that duty on Monday and Wednesday, while Brad covers Tuesday and Thursday.

On Friday and the weekend; we plan cook-outs, picnics, and trips to our favorite restaurants with our kids.

Tonight, Brad is fixing pork chops with all of the trimmings. I usually help him a little bit, but this evening I just rest in my chair. Somehow, I just can't get with the program. I feel bad in more ways than one.

The meal is great and I feel a little better after filling my stomach with some good food.

We don't talk as much as usual during the meal. We make some tentative plans for the weekend and tell each other a little bit about our day.

I mention the work that I'm doing to prepare for the conference, but not a single word about Steve Snow crosses my lips. What could I say that would make any sense?

Brad is my best friend and I usually talk to him about everything, especially anything that is bothering me. He's my rock and he always has some helpful insight to offer about my problems. I can't see any way to mention Steve to Brad. That problem is mine and mine alone. I don't understand it myself, so how could I possibly explain it to Brad. How did I allow myself to get into a position where I'm keeping a secret from my husband?

Brad talks a little about some new engineering projects that he's working on. He's been with his company long enough now that he's able to assign junior engineers to do the traveling, so he doesn't foresee any travel for himself in the near future. That's good news. The way I feel now, him going on the road would not be good at all.

Normally, I wear my Victoria's Secret outfits at bedtime on "date nights," but somehow tonight I'm just not into the whole thing once again. I wear my everyday pajamas to bed.

Brad doesn't say anything about it, but he seems hesitant about starting foreplay.

I know that I'm not as receptive as normal when he begins his moves, but he's patient and tender as usual. I finally begin to realize that this just isn't going to happen for me tonight.

I've heard that some people solve this kind of problem by imagining that they are with someone else. They think about a movie star or maybe even a sexy acquaintance. I decide, reluctantly, to close my eyes and think of Steve Snow.

I picture him walking past my office, bending over the water fountain, taking his jacket off, and smiling while talking on the phone. This leads to some fantasy thinking on my part that makes me ask, "Where did that come from?" I have no answer that makes any sense. This is new territory for me.

It works! My body begins responding and the sex turns out to be pretty damn good. Brad seems satisfied. That's the one thing in this whole day that makes me happy.

I love him so much and I try every day to be a good wife to him in every way. His happiness is of supreme importance to me.

So why do I have to think of someone else at a time like this? What's happening to me? What's happening to my marriage?

When our lovemaking is over, I become a mess. The magnitude of what I've done hits me like a ton of bricks. I've never before thought of anyone else while making love to Brad. I feel so guilty. It's all I can do to keep from crying right there in bed next to my unsuspecting husband.

As soon as I notice Brad's breathing has become steady and I'm sure that he's sleeping, I go quietly downstairs and cry my eyes out. I may not have actually cheated on Brad, but it feels like I have.

I know that sleep will not be in the cards for me the way that I'm feeling. I pour myself a strong drink. It's an hour later when I quietly return to bed. The whiskey helps me fall asleep, but I still wake up a few times feeling lower than a snake, in more ways than one.

I vow to myself that I will not let this weirdness and my stupidity about Steve Snow affect my family. I owe that to Brad. I owe it to Randy and Mandy. Hell, I owe it to myself. Can I activate my brakes before I crash?

BRAD:

On our first Tuesday "date night" in October, things took a significant turn. Janet wasn't responding at all. I was about to give up when she just closed her eyes. She was quite obviously thinking about someone else.

She began to respond and the sex was suddenly pretty good. I'm certain that she was visualizing someone else. Now I'm officially worried.

After pondering the situation for quite a few minutes, I manage to fall asleep. A little later, I wake up and Janet is not in bed. I don't see a light in the bathroom.

I sneak to the top of the stairs and I hear her weeping downstairs. Now I know something is very wrong. At least she still cares enough about me to cry about what she's done. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel much better.

I'm not able to sleep after that. Later, she quietly returns to bed. She smells like she's been drinking. I feel even worse than before. I don't get much sleep.

I remember that my buddy, Jim, had mentioned the type of behavior that I witnessed from Janet tonight as one of the signs of cheating. I can't bring myself to believe that she could be cheating. How could she do that to us?

Jim had shown me a list of the signs of cheating that he had compiled. This was two months ago when he divorced Lois. She had been cheating. Jim talked about his list every day back then. I wasn't all that interested. I didn't believe that I would ever need that information.

Tomorrow, I'll catch him at work and have him cover that list with me again. Now, I'm very interested.

Wednesday 7

JANET:

Today my enthusiasm continues on a downward spiral. Steve is already in his cubicle when I enter my office.

I've noticed over the last couple of days that he's not in his cubicle very much. He's there when I arrive in the morning. He spends an hour or less in his cube and then disappears until about an hour before my quitting time. He's usually still working when I leave for home.

He has quite a bit of camera equipment in his cube and he carries at least one camera with him every time that he leaves his cube. He has one big camera that looks like a video camera. It sits on his desk and seems to be pointed right at me! A couple of times, I've noticed that the camera's red light is on!

Is he taking videos of me? What's that all about? Is he a spy? Is he doing some kind of a time and motion study? If so, he's sure not making much of an effort to hide his activities. The mystery just gets deeper and deeper.

I ran into Jane from Personnel in our break room when we were both having our morning coffee break. I casually mentioned the mystery man in the cubicle across from my office. She couldn't recall any personnel action that could account for his presence in that cube. She promised to look into it and give me a call. She called me within the hour and told me that Steve Snow was assigned a cubicle in our department by Harry Miller.

Harry is the head of our division. While I know Harry pretty well and usually receive an assignment or two at his staff meetings, I'm not comfortable talking to him about our mystery man. Harry is a bit of a kidder and I can just imagine the ribbing I would take from him about a married lady like me being interested in this young, hunk of a mystery man. I didn't want to risk that kidding from Harry.

Since I had finished my conference transcript, I decided to spend the morning at the factory. I wanted to do some on-site reconnaissance regarding the tour that I'll be conducting. I wanted to be sure that all of the audio/visual aids that I have requested are in place and ready to go. I need to ensure that I will not face any surprises.

I found everything to be in place and ready, thanks to Mike, our Factory Chief. I walked over to Mike's office to thank him for his efforts on my behalf.

It was then that I solved the "mystery man" puzzle. Sitting in the office next to Mike's, is Steve Snow! He's spending his unaccounted-for-time at the factory!

After thanking Mike for deploying the required equipment for the tour, I asked him about his new employee, Steve Snow.

Mike turned out to be a virtual fount of information!

First, Steve is not a company employee. He's with the advance party from the military. They're here to do advance work to prepare for the conference.